Alice pulled into a parking lot at LAX despite Helena's protestations.

"Darling, just drop me off at the curb," Helena said, touching Alice's arm. "There's no need to--"

Alice turned to briefly look and grin at Helena. "Like I'd ever toss a girlfriend of mine at the curb at four in the morning," she said in light-hearted tones. "Besides, don't you want to maximize your time with me before you go away for three days?" Alice asked. Her mouth settled into a mock pout. "Are you anxious to get back to your other girlfriend or something?" she teased.

Helena laughed. "Yes," she said very seriously. "I desperately want to see my pretend other girlfriend--I wager she would just drop me off at the curb if I asked her to do so."

Alice chuckled as she found a parking space and pulled into it. "You're lucky you're so in love with me or else I would take these jokes about your fake other girlfriend more seriously," she said lightly, putting the car into 'park' and turning off the ignition before turning to grin at Helena who was grinning back at her.

"Need I remind you that you started it, darling?" Helena asked with a laugh. "That you are the one who conjured up this wonderful other woman who would leave me at the curb?"

Alice scowled playfully. "Yeah, but you're supposed to deny it. You know, something along the lines of, 'of course I don't have another girlfriend, Alice, you are the light and love of my life, the delight of my soul, you're the only one for me, you make my days lovely and shiny,'" Alice said in a breathy, British-accented voice as she gestured demonstratively with her arms and hands. "You're the one who made her 'wonderful' and all curb-dropping. Not me. I make up the fact that you have this other girlfriend and then you're supposed to deny that you have one, not go along with it." She gently slapped Helena's thigh. "Silly."

Helena chuckled. "I'll remember next time the subject of my fake girlfriend is brought up," she teased with a chuckle, brushing her lips against Alice's cheek.

"Yeah, you do that," Alice said, lightly tickling Helena's ribs. "By the way, she's a rocket scientist this week, so have fun at the fake conference at MIT that you're not really going to."

Helena blinked and then laughed. "And you tell me you think my children are weird."

"Your kids are weird, their favorite toy is a sock, Helena."

"It's a good sock," Helena said defensively. "It's wool."

Alice laughed, shaking her head. "I know it's a good sock. I'm just saying it's still a sock."

"Mr. Lamb is a very good listener," Helena said, her tone slightly petulant even if Alice did concede Mr. Lamb was a good sock. .

Alice grinned. "Of course he is," she said placatingly. "Although technically, since you can't wear him anymore, it defeats the purpose of a sock. So he's not really a good sock. Anymore. But I bet before you filled him with stuffing and sewed on buttons and stuff, he was a really good sock. You made him more than he could ever be, Helena."

Helena stared at Alice for a moment and then shook her head and laughed. There was nothing really she could say as a rejoinder to that.

Alice chuckled and grabbed the thermos of coffee she'd brewed for Helena's flight and opened it, pouring a cup. "Here, have some," Alice said passing the cupful to Helena. "It's good."

Helena took it grateful and sipped the liquid. "It is quite good," Helena agreed, passing it back to Alice for the blonde to drink from it as well. "Thank-you darling."

Alice smiled at her, "I don't want you to be a zombie at your grand ribbon cutting."

Helena grinned. "It's not my ribbon cutting."

Helena's pet charity, an organization that was a Peabody Foundation grant recipient the year before, was finally opening its battered women's shelter. It was converted from an old residence motel in Boston and would be able to house battered women and their children and through the Peabody grant was also able to offer daycare for the children while the women searched for employment. It was finally unveiling and the organization offered Helena, who'd contributed privately to the organization on top of the Peabody Foundation's grant, to cut the unveiling ribbon. Helena jumped at the chance, but the timing was somewhat undesirable as the ribbon cutting was early on a Friday afternoon and Helena always worked late on Thursday nights.

They sat in the car a little while longer making idle conversation and sipping on the coffee until Alice glanced at her watched and sighed they better get moving.

Helena got out of the car first, with Alice following close behind.

Helena took her luggage out of the backseat and began to heft it when Alice gently took the bags out of Helena's hands.

"Let me do it," she said, smiling brightly.

Helena relinquished her hold on her bags, giving Alice a sunny smile. "My gallant hero," she whispered, moving close to kiss Alice on the corner of her mouth. "Thank-you."

The two women walked to the terminal together, wanting to prolong their time together as long as they could and stood close together at the terminal, near the check-in line, talking quietly.

"You really don't have to stay at the house," Helena said softly. "Lulu will be there--she'll take care of the children. I know you may want--"

"I want to stay at the house," Alice said firmly.

Helena still looked unsure. She didn't ask Alice to stay--Alice offered, but she thought there were things Alice might want to do, perhaps go out and spend time with her other friends. After all, it's not like Alice was the one with two young children, surely the blonde would want to go to a club or spend some time doing some activity that wasn't child-friendly. She knew Alice loved her, and Helena wanted to keep it that way. She didn't want Alice to eventually regret not doing things because the blonde felt obliged or compelled to adapt to her life--Helena knew having children meant she had to give up certain things, or at least not do them as often as other people her age might, but that didn't mean Alice necessarily had to, too.

"You are not obliged," Helena said quietly. "Perhaps you want to spend time with your friends? Go to a club or--"

"I don't feel obliged," Alice assured softly, gently interrupting her girlfriend. "I want to." She smiled at Helena. "Really. I don't want to go to a club or whatever. I want to stay with the kids."

"All right," Helena murmured, though she remained feeling uncertain. She glanced behind her and saw the line for checking the boarding passes was getting longer, despite the fact that it was four in the morning and she had to board in thirty minutes. She looked at Alice regretfully. "I should…" Helena trailed off and gestured to the line.

"Okay," Alice said softly. She pushed her forehead against Helena's. "Call me tonight?"

"Of course," Helena said, pressing her lips to Alice's in a too brief goodbye kiss. "Alice?"

"Yeah?" Alice asked breathily.

"You're all I need," Helena said with a grin as she captured Alice's lips again before grabbing her bags and turning around to stand in the line.

Alice stood back and watched as Helena showed her boarding pass and identification to an airport employee before finally disappearing up the escalator. Alice turned around and sighed, walking back to her car. Helena was barely gone--she wasn't even gone, yet, actually--Helena was probably just waiting at the gate until it was time to board the plane, but Alice found herself missing Helena already and wishing the brunette would come back.

It was only for a few days, of course, and it was for a cause Helena cared deeply about, so Alice was glad Helena had the opportunity. And the British woman also had other Peabody Foundation-related business to attend to while she was in Boston, but Alice knew that she would miss Helena anyway. She wished she could have gone with Helena but she had her radio show and some other commitments and just couldn't arrange for the time off. It was just bothering her a little that Helena was going to be away.

It wasn't the first time one of them had taken a business trip and Helena had gone further than Boston, so it wasn't a matter of distance. Alice just found herself wishing Helena would have stayed home or she could have gone with her.

It bothered her a little that she felt that way, however, because it made her feel too needy and dependent. It was normal to miss your girlfriend if she went away for a while and even to wish she'd never left in the first place. But it made Alice feel too clingy and she knew clinginess had driven other people away before. She wasn't worried that she would drive Helena away because Helena always just seemed to understand her, just seemed to know and understand why she did and said the certain things. They were so alike that Helena truly did just understand her.

It was just that the clinginess was something she didn't like in herself and it wasn't anything she really thought about with Helena because it just seemed so natural they spent all their free time together. It was only when they were apart and Alice found herself missing Helena desperately that she wondered if she was too clingy and if she would eventually start doing and saying things she ordinarily wouldn't and if it was possible to change so much into someone she didn't want to be that that person would drive Helena away.

Still, she tried to push all that out of her mind because she was happy when Helena was happy and at the moment, Helena was thrilled the shelter was finally able to open its doors, full of counselors, doctors, teachers, social workers and daycare workers to fulfill the organization's mission statement. Helena believed in the work they did and it made the brunette happy that the work was being done which meant Alice was happy, too.

And she truly did believe that her relationship with Helena would be the one to stick, but she couldn't quite rid herself of a feeling of disquietude as she drove home to prepare the children's breakfast. Something gnawed at her and she couldn't quite figure out why, especially since they were in such a good place in their relationship. Things felt natural and right and Alice had no idea why she was suddenly so unhappy when just a few minutes before she was so happy just to be near Helena. She hoped she wasn't turning into one of those people whose happiness is dependent on another person, even if that person was Helena.

------------------

When she came to Boston, she didn't think she'd end up having lunch with her mother and ex, but Peggy Peabody and Winnie Mann had a way of continually surprising her.

Her mother caught her off guard at the ribbon cutting. She'd cut the ribbon, mingled with some people and was generally having a good time. She was mostly talking to people who would work at the facility as well as a few contributors and some politicians, but she wasn't trying to fundraise or schmooze and she found herself at ease because of it. She was good at her job, and good at talking to people to get them to give money to causes they didn't entirely believe in, but she didn't feel comfortable doing it, even if it didn't show outwardly. She was simply celebrating a cause she believed in, and because everyone she was talking to felt the same way, she enjoyed herself more than she ordinarily did at Peabody Foundation-related activities.

Then she turned around and found herself face-to-face with her mother who merely shrugged and said she was still interested in the activities of the Peabody Foundation even if she was no longer running it when Helena politely inquired about her mother's presence.

Then Peggy asked about her schedule for the next couple of days and then arranged to meet for lunch two days later since Helena's time was already occupied with meetings the day after the ribbon-cutting event.

Winnie's presence was unexpected and Helena was immediately wary. She wanted to leave--had moved to leave, actually, but was stopped from doing so by her mother. All her mother had to do was look at her or speak to her harshly and she felt ten years old again. She felt ridiculous, but it was true and she'd never been able to change it.

For the first few minutes when Helena arrived at the table, her mother and Winnie generally ignored her as they finished the conversation they were having before Helena came. But once that was finished, Peggy turned her attention toward Helena, eyeing Helena appraisingly.

"You're looking well, Helena," Peggy said, raising her hand to Helena's face to cup Helena's chin to analyze Helena's features more carefully.

Helena flinched slightly, unaccustomed to and uncomfortable with her mother's intensely close physical proximity, but did not move while her mother scrutinized her appearance. "Thank-you, mother. You're also looking well," Helena said.

"You've gained weight," Winnie noted. She rested her arms on the table and looked at Helena closely. "You're not pregnant are you?" she asked, her voice mocking. "You have a glow."

Helena flinched again, her eyes lowering to the table. "No," she said softly, inwardly cursing Winnie for even asking when Winnie knew the answer. Her throat felt rough and she found it hard to even force out that one word.

She was relieved when a waiter came by at the moment to mercifully take their orders.

"You are looking well," Peggy said, repeating herself. "Are there any new developments in your life I should be aware of, Helena?"

Helena shook her head. "No," she said quietly.

"If I didn't know you better, I would say you were in love," Peggy said. "But you're more fond of artless fucking than love, aren't you, Helena?"

Despite the barb, Helena thought of Alice and how it was most definitely love between them. She hated that her mother said what she did, but Helena found herself not being as hurt by what her mother said as she might have been before she met Alice. Helena grinned toothily at Peggy, a natural smile rather than the artificial smile she usually reserved for her mother.

Peggy's features softened slightly upon seeing the grin on Helena's face which made the British woman suddenly appear much younger. "Have you met someone?" Peggy asked, her tone simultaneously slightly mocking and filled with maternal interest and teasing.

Helena ducked her head shyly and grinned again, and then met her mother's gaze levelly, happy her mother actually seemed interested, as though Peggy really cared. It was the most civil and warm interaction they'd had in a very long time, and despite Winnie's presence and the fact Peggy undoubtedly had something to do with that, Helena hoped things would go well with her mother this time. "Yes, I have," she said softly, dropping her head again, trying to stop herself from grinning idiotically and covering her mouth with her hand. Through her peripheral vision, she could see the way Winnie scowled at that. "But we are not here to discuss that. Why are we here?" she asked, looking at her mother and then her ex.

"I want to start up sharing custody of our children again," Winnie said, "while our case goes to court."

Helena froze, staring at Winnie in shock. "Pardon me?"

"I want to see my children again," Winnie said. "I miss them."

Helena stared at the table, unsure of what to say. She didn't think it was unreasonable for Winnie to want to see her children--it was just that she was instinctively horrified at the thought of it. She knew the children must miss Winnie and though Helena still deeply resented Winnie for taking the children when she should have brought them back, Helena didn't want to be the reason for Wilson and Jun Ying not having a relationship with Winnie. But it just came about so suddenly. Winnie announced she was temporarily relinquishing her joint custody rights while she became better acquainted with her new girlfriend and now, suddenly, she wanted them back.

"And Katherine would like to get to know them as well, she likes children."

Helena's eyes narrowed. Katherine Aberdeen was Winnie's new girlfriend. Helena and Katherine had been previously acquainted when they worked on the same philanthropic projects. Katherine seemed horrified by Winnie's actions when Helena appeared at the Aberdeen mansion in the middle of the night in the dead of winter because Winnie had spirited the children away without telling anything to Helena. Helena knew Katherine Aberdeen was active in children's charities and she was suspicious for Winnie's suddenly renewed interest in the children.

"So it's not so much that you missed our children, but that you want to make a good impression on your new girlfriend," Helena said stiffly.

"Helena," Peggy said warningly.

Helena turned to look at her mother, her eyes cold. "Yes, mother?"

"Do try to be civil," Peggy said. "I'm here to mediate so things don't become…ugly between you two again."

Helena's lips curled into an unintentional sneer, she was furious for being broadsided this way and for still being so shocked about it even when she knew it was coming. "You don't care if it gets ugly between us mother," Helena said. "You only care if it becomes public because you seem to believe everything I do reflects on you." She was enraged at the thought of Winnie merely using their children and Helena turned her attention back to Winnie. "How do you expect them to see you while you live in New York?" Helena demanded. "Are you willing to come out to Los Angeles? Because I assure you, I will not have them fly back and forth around the country every other weekend--it's too hard. And they have school."

"So move back to New York," Winnie said, dismissively, smiling smugly. "You don't have anything keeping you in LA, do you? And you ran the Foundation perfectly well in New York. You don't need to stay in LA. Why don't you stop thinking only of yourself for a change and move back to New York?"

"Why don't you move back to LA?"

"Katherine can't leave New York, Helena, she has too many commitments there," Winnie smiled scornfully. "You have nothing keeping you in LA."

Helena thought of Alice and felt her temper flare. She had enough to make her want to stay in LA, and she would never ask Alice to move for her. "I have enough," Helena said steadily.

"Oh, this new person you're involved with?" Winnie asked, scoffing.

"That's none of your--"

Helena's retort was cut off by Peggy.

"That's enough, Helena," Peggy said. "Everything you do does reflect on me," she said sternly. "And you and Winnie will work this out." She paused as the waiter set down their orders and then spoke again once he left. "Now that's enough of that unpleasantness for now. We'll wait until after to lunch to finish discussing it. Now tell me of this new person you've been dating."

Despite the circumstance and her anger, the thought of Alice made Helena unintentionally grin.

Peggy's hands folded together and then rested on top of the table. She leaned back in her seat, eyeing Helena with piqued interest at her daughter's reaction. "Well, do tell about this standard bearer. I hope this one isn't yet another person who was in love with Bette Porter first."

Helena suppressed the urge to flinch and launch a vehement denial, resenting the way her mother was referencing the Tina debacle. But then she remembered Alice had, in fact, dated Bette at one point. But from the way Alice talked about it, dating Bette was an entirely regrettable and ultimately cringe-worthy experience. Alice once said that if she'd been older, she never would have been so taken in by Bette because she could have smelled the bullshit. So Helena had no worries that Alice would ever leave her for Bette or that Alice was somehow still in love with Bette. The notion was too ridiculous and laughable. Helena did not think it was egotistical denial--Alice did tell her more than once that if it came down to a choice between her and Bette, Bette would be the loser. And Helena was relieved she wasn't dating Tina anymore. But she just hated and resented the way her mother said that, as if she was on some mission to date all of Bette Porter's exes and as if Alice were just some Bette Porter cast-off.

So Helena chose to ignore it, instead she just wanted to speak of Alice. "Her name is Alice," Helena said, a soft, happy smile gracing her lips at the mere thought of the blonde. "Pieszecki. She's a journalist and also hosts a radio program on KCRW," she said proudly.

"Since when are you so attracted to creative types? Other than Leigh, of course. For what publication does this journalistic genius work?"

"LA Magazine," Helena said proudly.

Peggy and Winnie chortled and then looked at one another.

"Yes, the best journalistic minds of your generation work for LA Magazine," Peggy said derisively.

"Mother, I have you know that Alice is very talented," Helena defended hotly. She wasn't going to let her mother do this. She wasn't going to allow her mother to tear Alice down. If she didn't let Peggy do it to Winnie, who'd never really loved her, not once in ten years, there was no way she would let Peggy do it to Alice who treated her with such inherent tenderness and sweetness that even her admittedly fragile heart couldn't help but feel loved. Helena smiled at Peggy. "She would have come with me," Helena said softly, knowing that Alice and Peggy would have to meet officially eventually. "But she had to work," Helena said, looking down at the table. "But she's looking forward to meeting you officially, Mother."

Peggy raised an eyebrow. "Officially?" she repeated.

Helena grinned. "You've met Alice before, Mother. You and I were having lunch at Pomodoro in Westwood and Alice happened to be with her mother--"

"Lenore Cullen's daughter?" Peggy interrupted.

Helena frowned slightly, put off by the idea that Alice could be reduced to 'Lenore Cullen's daughter,' but she knew that was just the way Peggy thought of people. "Yes."

Peggy nodded and shrugged. "Do invite her mother to the next Peabody fundraiser, Helena. You really must capitalize on your connections and assets." Peggy paused. "Even if you are no longer involved with Alice at that time."

Helena flinched but forced herself to smile. "Alice and I…" Helena trailed off as she unconsciously began to smile at the thought of the blonde. Alice had the ability to always make her laugh or smile, but apparently, the mere thought of Alice elicited a similar response. "I do think this will be the one to stick." Helena paused. "We're in love," she said softly, her eyes dreamy, her voice soft.

Peggy and Winnie looked at one another and laughed in derision and Helena wondered why they could never get along so well when she and Winnie were actually together. It certainly would have made things easier.

"Oh come now, Helena. I was with you since you were 19 years old and I never found any reason to love you, what makes you think this woman will after just a few short months? If she's as wonderful and talented as you say she is, what would she want with you? Maybe you should listen to your mother for once and be open to the possibility that you will never be anything more than this woman's meal ticket." Winnie smiled spitefully. "Though there's nothing new about that for you, is there, angel?"

Helena flinched at the endearment Winnie used when they were still together. With a little bit of detachment, Helena noted how the endearment never felt quite right for her, but she never said anything about not particularly caring for it because she'd loved Winnie so deeply and was just happy to have anyone using any kind of endearment for her. It made sense now though, that it never fit. "I see," Helena said softly, swallowing hard, her eyes downcast, and welling with tears, her shoulders slumped. She stared down at the table, unable to look at either her mother or Winnie, knowing they would each be smirking triumphantly. She couldn't bear to see that right now. "I understand," she said quietly, pushing her chair back and standing slowly, her entire body just feeling so very heavy. "Goodbye, Mother. Winnie," Helena said softly, not looking at either of them before she turned and walked away slowly, her shoulders slumped and defeated.

"Helena," Peggy said, her voice commanding Helena to stop.

Out of instinct, Helena stopped abruptly and paused briefly. But then she walked away without turning around.

"Helena," her mother called out again.

But Helena ignored it, Winnie's smug laughter ringing in her ears.

Somehow, they managed to do it, they managed to tear Alice down. Only it wasn't so much that Alice was torn down as she herself was torn apart. She'd expected it from Winnie, that was no surprise, but everything Winnie said made sense to her and she hated Winnie for that. Everything Winnie said always made sense to her and even though she despised Winnie, she still took everything Winnie said to heart. And she felt so fucking stupid for thinking her mother actually cared about her, rather than how what she did was a reflection of the Peabody name. On top of everything else, all her fears she would lose her children and they would grow to hate her and not love her anymore were renewed. She felt so stupid for thinking it would always just be her, the children and Alice. Of course Winnie would want the children again. It was just with Winnie being briefly absent from their lives, Helena allowed herself to pretend she wouldn't have to worry about her place in her children's lives.

She let herself become too complacent and content and she really should have known better but she allowed herself to become too wrapped up in her own happiness.

She was a fucking fool.

She maintained her composure as her taxi took her back to her hotel. She walked into her empty, spacious suite and trudged to the bed, collapsing onto it and grabbing the pillow and hugging it tightly as she buried her face into it, tears falling unabated. The more she tried to reign in control of her emotions, the harder she cried. She only had a few more hours until she would have to get on the plane to go back home.
-------------------------

Alice paced around the baggage claim as she waited for Helena to arrive. Helena was supposed to call her that afternoon to confirm the return flight, but no call came and Helena did not answer her cell phone when Alice called to check in with her. That worried Alice because it wasn't like Helena not to call or to return phone calls, but Alice knew Helena was busy with work and worked extremely hard so she didn't think it was necessarily cause for alarm. Helena sometimes got caught up in something at work, and there were multiple times when Alice woke up at 3am to an empty bed and found Helena in her home office still immersed in some document.

But Helena was taking forever to get to the baggage claim and Alice was beginning to wonder if maybe Helena was coming home on a different flight. That would be strange considering Helena would definitely call her if plans changed, but it was a possibility. Just when Alice was ready to give Helena a call, Alice called sight of the familiar figure and grinned broadly, rushing up to meet with her girlfriend. "Helena!" she exclaimed, grabbing Helena into a hug.

"Hello," Helena said breathlessly, hugging Alice tightly, still feeling so very disheartened from the lunch with her mother and Winnie. She spent hours crying in her hotel suite and barely caught her return flight home. She spent most of the flight in the bathroom, repairing her make-up and trying to mask any sign of distress.

"Hey," Alice whispered, stroking Helena's hair, holding onto her girlfriend.

They broke the hug and Helena stared down at the ground, trying to find something to say.

"What's wrong?" Alice whispered, trying to catch a glimpse of Helena's eyes, but found the British woman was studiously avoiding her gaze. She reached for Helena's arm. "Did something happen?" she asked, her brow crinkling in confusion.

"No," Helena said quietly, pulling her arm away from Alice's comforting touch to fold her arms across her chest. "Let's go," she said, the expression in eyes distant.

"Okay," Alice said slowly. She reached down for Helena's luggage, but Helena reached for it.

"I can do it myself," Helena said, hefting it and walking toward the exit.

Alice blinked. "Okay," she said softly, under her breath as she followed Helena out.

Helena silently followed Alice to the car and got into the passenger seat after putting her luggage in the backseat.

"What's going on?" Alice asked once the doors were closed.

"Nothing's going on," Helena said. "It's very late and I'm very tired, darling, can we just go home, please?"

"Okay," Alice said quietly, wishing she could press for more details but Helena did seem exhausted and she didn't want to push too hard.

Helena sat slumped in the passenger seat, her head resting against the glass. "Thank-you for picking me up," Helena said, sounding sad and distant.

"Of course," Alice said gently. She looked at Helena worriedly. "Do you want to talk about something?" she asked tentatively.

"No," Helena said.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, wincing at the stupidity of the question because despite the fact Helena said nothing was wrong, it was obvious that something was and that Helena was definitely not okay.

"Yes."

Those were the last words Helena spoke until they were home.

Once they were back at Helena's house, Helena checked in on the children who were sleeping and then went to Lulu's room to make sure everything went well in her absence. She was sure Alice would have told her if something happened, but she wanted to make sure nothing had happened that Lulu felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed by.

Helena knocked softly on Lulu's door. The light was on though it was a little past midnight. Helena knew Lulu stayed up late to study but sometimes fell asleep at her desk when she found the reading material particularly dry. She waited for the soft "come in" before entering.

"Hey, boss," Lulu said with a grin. "How was Boston?"

"Fine," Helena said quietly. "Was everything all right here?" she asked, looking at Lulu intently.

"Sure," Lulu said. "You okay, Helena?" she asked, tilting her head to look at Helena closely.

"Yes," Helena answered. She walked over to Lulu's desk and passed her a bag. "This is a hooded sweatshirt from your future alma mater," she said, with a smile.

Lulu smiled at her. "Helena, you didn't have to do that," she said, opening the non-descript bag and knowing Helena did it deliberately to mask the identity of Lulu's alleged future alma mater. She pulled the sweatshirt out of the bag and laughed. "Harvard?"

Helena shrugged. "I imagine you'll know soon enough where you'll go for grad school, Professor."

Lulu laughed and pulled the sweatshirt on. "Thanks, Helena. You're the best." She stood up to hug Helena. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes."

Helena exited Lulu's room, closing the door softly behind her and sighed. Her eyes shut and she wrapped her arms around herself and stood there for a moment before walking up to the bedroom where Alice was waiting for her.

"I've missed you so much," Alice said quietly as soon as Helena entered the room.

Helena smiled weakly. "I missed you, too," she said quietly, as she opened her suitcase to unpack, wanting to preoccupy herself with something, anything.

Alice stepped toward her, concerned. "Helena," she said, stilling her girlfriend's motions. "I know something's wrong. Please, talk to me," she said, quietly pleading.

"I've already told you, nothing is wrong," Helena said, her voice low and flat.

Alice winced. "Helena…this…this isn't you," she said quietly. She looked like Helena, but she wasn't acting like her girlfriend and it scared Alice a little. She remembered when Helena pulled away from her once before, but it wasn't like this. This felt different.

Helena smiled sadly. "This is who I am, Alice. I'm sorry if that disappoints you, or if you thought I was someone else." She pulled away from Alice and resumed unpacking.

"Helena," Alice said quietly. "Talk to me," she pleaded.

"I am talking to you, Alice."

Alice sat on the bed and pulled on Helena's arms so the British woman would sit down next to her. "What happened?" Alice asked softly.

"I don't want to talk about it," Helena said wearily. "Please just leave me alone, darling. Go home," she whispered.

Alice's lower lip trembled and she clamped down on it to keep from crying. "Helena," she said shakily, once she regained control. "I know something's wrong." Alice knew something was wrong from the moment she laid eyes on Helena, but even if she hadn't, Helena's weary, whispered, 'please leave me alone' and request that she go home were everything she needed to tell her something was wrong. And she was so very frightened by Helena's behavior.

"So what if it is?" Helena demanded, pulling away from Alice. "Does that mean we are compelled to talk about every trifling thing that troubles one of us? I just want to be alone right now, Alice. I'll call you tomorrow."

Alice winced at the harsh tone but forged on anyway. "You don't let me get away with doing that," she said softly. "And I won't let you either." She resented being blown off like this, but more than that, it scared her. She felt Helena pulling away from her so suddenly--they were perfectly fine when Helena left and now Helena was back after three days away, acting differently and asking Alice to go home and being a little cold and it made Alice wonder about what was going on and what was going to happen.

Helena's eyes squeezed shut and she rubbed the bridge of her nose trying to ward off the headache that had been building all day. "Everything's fine," Helena said with a smile, though it was pained. "There's nothing to talk about. I am not trying to 'get away' with anything."

"Helena, I know something's wrong," Alice said gently.

"Leave me alone," Helena pleaded, "go home, and leave me alone," she begged. She had to be alone. She couldn't bear being around anyone at the moment, least of all Alice, who was pleading with her to talk to her, but Helena just didn't know how. She wanted to tell Alice everything, but she didn't have the words. And she knew once she started to speak, to tell Alice everything, she wouldn't be able to stop, she would lose control and Helena remembered the last time she'd lost control around Alice, how she'd ruined their first time being truly intimate with one another, how she'd frightened Alice, made the blonde cry. It couldn't happen again. Alice was the most understanding person she knew, but she couldn't expect Alice to tolerate all her weaknesses.

Alice swallowed hard. "So when it's you with the problem, none of the rules apply? Everything we have just goes out the window?"

Helena hung her head, not saying anything for a long moment. "Maybe it does," she said, finally, her voice flat. She hated herself the moment she saw Alice's wounded expression.

Alice swallowed hard, trying not to be too hurt by what Helena said because it was obvious to her Helena was hurt over something. "We're more than that," Alice said softly.

"Maybe we're not," Helena said sadly, standing up and walking away from the bed, away from Alice and out the room without another word, leaving Alice behind, stunned.

Alice stared after her for a moment and then ran after her. "You don't just get to walk away from a conversation, Helena," Alice said, reaching for Helena's arm.

Helena turned to her, eyes blazing angrily. "And why not?" Helena demanded, her voice rising. "Why can't I do that? Why can't I do what I want to do? Why do I always have to submit to everyone else's expectations and what they want of me, Alice? Why?" She knew she was lashing out at Alice, taking out all her anger and frustration on the blonde, but it was like she'd lost control of her body and she found herself unable to stop from doing it.

Alice stared at her, eyes widened in shock. "Helena--"

"I told you I didn't want to talk about it!" Helena yelled.

"Helena," Alice said quietly, her hands reaching toward Helena, trying to quiet her girlfriend who was becoming hysterical. "Helena, just come back into the room and we can talk--" She swallowed hard, afraid of where this was going. Helena so rarely raised her voice and she never yelled this way.

"I don't want to talk about it, Alice!" Helena shouted. "That's the point of it all!" Helena felt tears well in her eyes and she took in a few deep breaths trying to control herself. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice coming out thick and choked. "I just…" Helena fumbled for something to say and found she had no words. "Just leave me alone."

Alice bowed her head. "I can't do that," she said softly. "Helena, I know something's wrong. Just tell me what happened and we can--"

"Nothing's wrong!" Helena snapped. "Nothing! Everything's just bleeding perfect!"

She hated herself for doing this, but she couldn't seem to stop. Everything her mother and Winnie said to her just came rushing back to her and it all made so much sense. She felt so foolish for being so sure things would work with Alice simply because she never felt that way about another person before. She'd been so sure things would work out with Winnie and she'd never felt for anyone what she felt for Winnie and look what happened. Winnie never loved her and they couldn't even be civil to one another through an entire lunch.

Deep down, she knew she loved Alice and Alice loved her in return, but at the moment she just needed to be alone and think. She didn't want to talk about it and she certainly didn't want to talk about it with Alice. She just wanted to be alone and get away from everything for a while and Alice kept pushing at her, and usually Alice knew exactly when to push and when not to, but at the moment Alice didn't seem to realize not to and that disconnect made Helena despair even more over the situation.

Alice felt her patience give out. "Why do you always do this?" she demanded harshly. Because Helena did do this all the time. Maybe not quite on this level, but it just occurred to Alice that she thought this was un-Helena like behavior when really it was her modus operandi. It was never as bad as this, but Helena's first instinct was always to withdraw. If she was upset or stressed by something at work, Helena always withdrew. Eventually, Helena came around, but always, Helena's first instinct was to withdraw and to put out a steely, cold façade.

"Do what, exactly?" Helena practically spat out coldly.

"This!" Alice shouted. She couldn't remember the last time she shouted at anyone. Raised her voice, sure, but shouting? It wasn't who she was, and she cringed when she saw the effect it had on Helena. "I'm sorry," Alice apologized immediately, stepping forward toward Helena who stepped back. "Helena--"

"No, do tell me," Helena said, her tone chilly, "what exactly is it that I do all the time? It's obvious that you have a problem with something I 'always' do and I'm glad you've finally told me what about me it is you find so fucking repellent."

Alice stared at her, open-mouthed. "When the hell did I say that?" she demanded, wondering where Helena came up with 'repellent.' It was so extreme, so far from anything Alice thought.

"What is it that I do all the time?" Helena asked stubbornly.

"This!" Alice said, gesturing angrily. "You never tell me what's wrong, you always say that you're okay even when you're not!"

"Nothing is wrong!"

"That's such a fucking lie," Alice snapped, utterly furious.

Helena snorted derisively. "You think you know me so well," Helena said, her tone cold and biting. And a part of her hated Alice at the moment because she really did think Alice knew her well and the fact Alice did seem to love her as much as the blonde did puzzled her when her own mother and Winnie knew her so well, too, and obviously didn't care about her and certainly didn't love her. No, Alice must not know her as well as they both thought she did and if that was true, Alice's love for her was in some way false, because how could you love someone you didn't really know? "You think you know me so well," Helena repeated. "But you don't, and you don't know what it's like to be me," Helena said, her voice shaking with her fury.

Alice released a low breath, clearly stung by what Helena said. "That's funny," Alice said, her voice coming out strangled, her face trembling. "I always thought we were so alike," she said, clearly indicating how much Helena's words stung her.

Helena's face fell. "I…I…I…" she stammered wishing she could take it back. "I didn't mean it," she whispered, before she turned around and fled down the stairs. Her expression crumpled when she reached the end of the staircase and saw her children in the hallway to their bedrooms downstairs, sobbing and Lulu crouched down on the ground trying to comfort them. She wanted to go to them, to comfort them and apologize for making them cry because it was obvious now they'd heard, if not seen, most of the argument. She and Winnie always tried to conceal their arguments and the fact she'd lost so much control over herself to allow her children to become privy to the first major argument she had with Alice made her feel like the most lax of parents.

She wanted to apologize and comfort Alice, she wanted to apologize and comfort her children, but most of all, she wanted to get away and so she grabbed her keys from the coffee table and fled to her car, driving away, leaving her family behind.

---------------------

For most of her life, Kit Porter could remember being addicted to one thing or another. Now that she was older, she had most of her vices under control. She was still tempted, of course, but it was under control. But one of her healthier addictions was to music and performance. Not the thrill that came with it or all the other bullshit, but just to the music itself and being able to play her music for other people.

When she showed a promise for music and for voice when she was five, her father had been proud, enrolling her immediately in all manner of music and voice lessons. He encouraged the hobby because of the research done on the benefit of playing musical interests had on the developing child brain. He never intended it to be anything more than a hobby, but from her first piano lesson, she was hooked. Her sister, Bette, loved art and her father allowed that love to flourish because it could be guided toward a well-paying job.

Melvin discouraged her--explicitly forbade her from pursuing music professionally because it was unstable with no guarantees. But she had to follow her own way.

Now she parlayed that love of music into her club which was a coffeehouse by day. She loved The Planet, loved to run it, loved to oversee it's mundane day-to-day tasks, which was unexpected given the fact she'd always found that sort of thing boring before. But she loved it.

Still, every once in a while, she missed performing. Oh, she could perform at The Planet, of course, but it wasn't the same. She'd tried it a few times and she ended up becoming distracted by the club's operation which was detrimental to her performance.

So every once in a while, she needed to get away from The Planet which is why she was so happy when her friend, Ben Oak, invited her to be a special guest at his performance at OB's bar at the Santa Monica Pier.

It was a great night with a great crowd and now she found herself with Ben and his rowdy group of friends taking a walk on a remote part of the beach. Ben was running ahead, arms in the air shouting happily and laughing at the top of his lungs, clearly still riding high and Kit watched him with a mixture of amusement and affection.

She laughed and called out after him and then stopped when she saw someone sitting on the sand a few yards away, shoulders hunched, head bowed. Even from the distance, Kit could see the person was female and she shook her head, thinking how stupid it was for a woman--and a scrawny looking one at that, to be alone on a mostly deserted part of the beach.

She was going to walk away, join her group, but the other person seemed vaguely familiar to her somehow, even if the woman had her head bowed and buried into her knees. Something about the hair and posture was familiar to her and Kit found herself unable to just walk away. After all, it was a fool thing to do, to be alone and on this part of the beach far away from the lights and people. Judging by the way the woman's hunched shoulders shook, Kit guessed that was precisely why she was here. But it was still a fool thing to do and so Kit approached her, because it didn't matter if Kit knew her or not, it was a fool thing for a woman to do to be alone here, where anything could happen and no one could help you.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

Kit's voice startled Helena into raising her head abruptly.

"Helena?" Kit asked, surprise coloring her voice.

Helena's eyes widened and she wiped at her eyes and cheeks quickly before rising to her feet. "Kit," Helena said, her voice hoarse from crying. "Hello, I--" Helena's voice trembled and she bit down on her lip as a sob died in her throat.

Kit looked sympathetic. Helena looked embarrassed and horrified and strangely guilty and like she'd rather be any place but where she was and Kit empathized with that.

Kit didn't know Helena very well, and definitely not well enough to know what could upset her so much, so Kit assumed it was Alice-related. "Did you have an argument with Alice?" she asked gently, not bothering to ask Helena if she was okay or if something was wrong because it was obvious Helena was not okay and there definitely was something wrong.

Helena's eyes filled with tears and she blinked them away, and wiped at her eyes angrily. "I--"

Helena was interrupted when one of Kit's friends called out to her.

"Kit! You coming or what?"

"You guys go on ahead! I'll call you later, Benjamin!"

"All right," he yelled back. "And don't call me Benjamin!"

Kit turned back to Helena. "Sorry about that," she apologized.

Helena forced a smile, seeming to have composed herself in the brief moment Kit turned away. "Thank-you for your concern," Helena said, her voice wavering slightly. "But I really must get going," she said, trying to smile again, but faltered.

Kit touched Helena's arm. "I think you were upset enough about something to be out here alone after 2am," Kit said delicately. "And I don't think I have to tell you how stupid it is for you to be sitting here alone on this part of the beach, baby girl."

Helena's eyes widened slightly. "Pardon me?"

Kit looked at Helena with sororal disapproval. "Anything could happen to you so far from everyone else."

Helena grinned crookedly. "You sound like Alice," Helena said feeling crushing guilt bearing down on her. Alice was the only person she knew, other than her children, who worried about her, who fussed over her and how had she repaid that kindness, that gentleness? She practically spat in Alice's face, had been so terribly unkind and cruel to the blonde.

Kit laughed. "At least you didn't say I sound like your mother."

Helena's expression darkened, just for a moment. "No," she said quietly. "You definitely don't sound like my mother." She smiled faintly. "Thank-you for your concern, but I'm really quite all right here."

Kit grinned at her. "I thought you had to get going," she teased gently.

Helena's mouth parted to speak, but no words came out. Caught, and embarrassed for being so, Helena ducked her head and stared at the sand, kicking slightly at it with her shoe.

Kit smiled at her. "Let me walk you to your car," Kit offered, her tone friendly. "Alice would have my head if she found out you were out here alone and I didn't get you to your car so you could get home in one piece." Kit's voice was gentle.

Helena grimaced. "I don't think it would be very wise for me to go home right now," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

Kit looked sympathetic. "Why don't you come back to the Planet with me?"

It was fairly late, and the club would have closed by now, which meant they could have the Planet to themselves.

Helena smiled crookedly. "Thank-you," she said, "but--"

"You can hang out with me," Kit said with a grin. "And you can tell me about your fight with our girl, Alice. Where else would you go that's safe?" There really wasn't anywhere else Helena could go at that hour, at least not a place that was safe and relatively free of people.

Helena gave Kit a tight smile. "Thank-you, but--"

Kit smiled. "Come on, baby girl, Alice is important to me, which means you're important to me, too," Kit said, taking Helena's hand and leading along. Kit couldn't remember a time when she and Alice spent a lot of time together or even hung out one-on-one, but she considered the blonde a good friend and Alice was good to her which meant Kit wanted to return the favor.

Helena started to protest but found herself being led along. She wasn't sure how it happened, but she found herself following behind Kit to the Planet and then walking in with the older woman through the kitchen's entrance to Kit's office. She didn't want to be there--she wanted to be alone, anywhere else, but somehow, she was just taken in by Kit's stronger personality.

"Want some coffee?" Kit asked as they walked through the kitchen. Kit paused. "Do you want tea instead?" Kit asked, thinking of all the British stereotypes of British people and tea.

Helena suppressed a smile. "Coffee's perfect," she said softly.

Kit grinned at her and put some coffee grains into a filter and turned on the coffee maker. "How about some pie?"

Helena shook her head. "No, really. I--"

"Peach or apple?" Kit asked, as she opened the fridge and peered inside to exam its content and seeing the only leftover pie from the day business was either peach or apple.

"Peach." Helena said, resigned to the fact that even if she refused Kit would give her a slice anyway. The whole thing felt odd, and she had a natural wariness and suspicion of anyone over the age of seven or not named Alice Pieszecki, but Kit had been one of the first, if not the first person to show support for her relationship with Alice and so Helena was grateful for her for that. "Thank you," Helena added.

Kit grinned at her and then a few minutes later, coffee and pie in hand, Kit and Helena sat at a table in the dark, sipping on coffee and eating pie.

"So what happened?" Kit asked gently after ten minutes of silence.

Helena's lower lip trembled. "We had an argument," she whispered.

"How did it start?" Kit asked quietly. She knew there was an argument, or at least, she suspected as much, and obviously it had been a bad one.

Helena's eyes prickled with tears. "I don't know," she managed to choke out. She honestly didn't know how she allowed the argument to run away with itself. It just became so heated and illogical. She wasn't even angry at Alice--she'd been grateful for Alice's attentiveness and sweetness, but at that given moment, it was just too much for her and she took her anger and unhappiness out on Alice and she was so ashamed of herself for that. Helena's head bowed and she felt tears leak out of her eyes. "I'm sorry," Helena said. "I…this wasn't a very good idea," she said. "Thank you…for your time, for all this. But I…" Helena's voice faltered. "I should go." She felt raw and exposed and she couldn't stand feeling the way in front of another person, and certainly not in front of a near stranger. She was on the verge of breaking into tears and the thought of doing that in front of someone else horrified her. She had to get away.

Kit reached for Helena's hand. "Maybe you need someone to talk to," Kit said very gravely. She didn't like Helena at first, based purely on principle and loyalty to her younger sister, but Helena was good to Alice and made Alice happy which made Helena just fine in Kit's book. And she recognized a person who needed someone to talk to when she saw one, and Helena Peabody definitely needed someone to talk to.

Helena pulled her hand away from Kit and shook her head, feeling a lump rise in her throat. She was still suspicious of Kit, being Bette's sister and she was suspicious of anyone who showed her such kindness for no reason. But Alice adored Kit which made Helena regard the older woman very highly and Kit's sincere kindness touched Helena, but she just couldn't handle it at the moment. She couldn't bear it when people were kind to her when she was distressed because it meant they were being that way to her because she was showing some kind of weakness and she hated that thought, deplored it. And it also reminded her that she was in pain in the first place. "I appreciate it," Helena's said, her voice rough with emotion. "Really, I do. Thank you. But--"

"Okay," Kit said, relenting slightly. "But it doesn't seem like you want to go home, you can just stay here. We don't have to talk, baby girl."

Helena looked at Kit in surprise. "Really?" she asked.

Kit smiled at Helena. "Really."

Helena swallowed hard, relieved, grateful. "Thank-you," she whispered.

--------------------

Dana groaned in frustration. There she was, 12 miles from her condo after driving over three hundred miles from a tournament in northern California and she had a flat tire and she had no idea how to change a tire. Howie teased her as he nagged her to learn how to change one, saying she was butchy and a dyke at that, so she really should know how to change a flat tire. But she didn't know how and now she couldn't find her Triple A card.

She rummaged through her wallet and her car and simply could not find it. She sighed and pulled out her cell phone and dialed.

"Hello?"

Before Alice could say anything else, Dana began speaking.

"Al, I'm sorry. I know it's super late, but I'm on the 101, near the 170 split and I have a flat tire and I can't find my Triple A card, can you call them and give them your number, Al? Please. I--" Dana trailed off as the tone of Alice's greeting suddenly registered in her mind. "Al? Are you okay? Were you crying?" Dana asked anxiously. "What's wrong?"

There was a long pause before Alice finally spoke again. "Stay in your car and lock your doors, Dane. I'll come and wait with you while the tow truck comes. Of course you can use my card."

Dana frowned at the muted quality of Alice's voice. "Al? What's wrong?"

There was another long pause before Alice answered. "I don't want to talk about it. I'll come to you, Dane. I don't like you being there alone. I'll see you soon."

"Al, you don't have to--"

"See you soon, Dane."

Then there was a click and Dana sat in her car, alone.

Fifteen minutes later, there were headlights behind her. Dana turned and saw Alice and waved.

Alice got out of her car and Dana unlocked her Subaru. Alice slipped into the passenger seat. "Hey," Alice greeted. "I called Triple A on my way over here, I think they'll be here in like, 20 minutes."

"Thanks, Al," Dana said softly, putting her arm around the blonde and pulling Alice close. Alice's head rested against Dana's shoulder and Dana felt a momentary pang at the familiar position and resisted the urge to bury her face into Alice's hair like she'd done so many times before. "What's wrong?" Dana asked again

Alice was quiet and Dana felt Alice begin to tremble. "Al?" Dana asked.

Alice cleared her throat. "Helena and I had an argument," Alice admitted softly. "And she ran." Alice laughed sadly. "From her own house," she added, thinking of the time she teased Dana from running out of her own apartment after having an embarrassing situation with Lara.
"I'm sorry," Dana said helplessly.

"I hurt her," Alice confessed with a sigh. "I just…I don't get how I did it, you know? I mean, I think I started it, but I don't know how I started it, and it was just so out of control, Dane. And now I have no idea where she is. I've been waiting for her to come back, but she hasn't yet. And it's getting late, I'm really worried" Alice said, her voice cracking.

Dana held Alice in a tight hug. "I'm sorry, Al," Dana whispered, unsure of what else she could say to her best friend and ex-girlfriend whom she was still in love with.

Alice clung to Dana, crying softly for a few minutes before regaining her composure and pulling away from Dana. "Sorry," Alice apologized, wiping at her eyes.

"Don't be sorry," Dana said quietly.

Alice sniffed. "She does this a lot," Alice whispered, rubbing at her face wearily. "I mean, I know she loves me. But she does this a lot." Alice's throat clenched. "I know she loves me but I don't think she trusts me."

"Al…"

Alice slumped in her seat and stared glumly out the window. "I mean, she doesn't really tell me when something's bothering her, but it's not like she's fucking mysterious or anything. She's super easy to read, you know? But she's so hard to figure out. Like I know when she's upset, she just…she doesn't tell me she is or why and I can't figure out why. She shuts me out of parts of her life. I tell her everything, but she doesn't do that." Alice swallowed hard. "It's pretty obvious to me now she doesn't trust me," she repeated, her voice cracking and her eyes filling with tears

"But she trusts you with her kids," Dana pointed out softly. "And even Bette wouldn't deny how important those kids are to Helena. If she trusts you with the most important things in her life, don't you think that means she trusts you?"

Alice's lower lip quivered and she couldn't speak for a moment, knowing if she did, she would undoubtedly start crying. "Maybe," she rasped finally. "But…" Alice clamped down on her lip to suppress a sob and then struggled to reign in her emotions. "It's just that I thought we were so close," Alice whispered. "I thought we were really alike and even when she shut me out, I sort of understood why, you know? But then tonight…" Alice trailed off as she remembered Helena telling her that maybe they weren't all that alike, that maybe they weren't what Alice thought they were after all. "She told me I didn't know what it was like to be her," Alice said hoarsely. "And after she left, I realized she was right."

"Al, I--"

"She's right," Alice repeated, her vision blurring as tears spilled out of her eyes. "I thought we were alike because she would tell me things, you know, Dane? And I thought...I thought that meant we were close because she would tell me things from when she was a kid or about her grandparents or whatever and I thought I knew her, but she doesn't tell me when she's upset or that something or someone upset her. And every time we've had a real problem, she ran away, I just never noticed."

In retrospect, Alice felt incredibly stupid for missing all the signs, it was just that since they became a couple, they didn't have any significant problems, no major disagreements, not even a semi-major argument. They bickered a little bit, but it wasn't anything serious. This was their first argument, and it had been explosive. And Alice was beginning to see things she hadn't before. Alice sighed and closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly. The only other major problem in their relationship had been while they were still friends, back when she'd temporarily gotten back together with Dana and Helena began to mysteriously pull away. Helena ran away back then, too, without telling her what was wrong, without even talking to her about any of it, Helena just ran. If that was Helena's reaction to problems, then how could their relationship possibly last? In the past, in other relationships, Alice became preoccupied by thoughts of breaking up with the person, but with Helena, she didn't concern herself with it. She knew it was a possibility, but it wasn't a preoccupation. She wondered now if that was a miscalculation, that maybe she should have readied herself for the possibility, like she'd had with everyone else.

"It's not just big problems, either," Alice went on to explain. "If she comes home pissed off or upset at work and I ask her what's wrong, she tells me it's nothing I should worry about and then we eat dinner. This is the way she deals with things, and it's not all her fault, I let it get this way, too. I guess I just never noticed it was like this because things were so good with us for so long. I want things to work with her," Alice said quietly. "But I don't know if she's really into me, or us. I mean, I don't know if she wants us to be a family. I thought we were, but if she does this so much, then maybe she doesn't think we are."

Dana remained quiet as Alice spoke, choosing instead to hug the blonde and hold the reporter in her arms. She wasn't especially good with words, at least, not the way Alice was witty or the way Bette and Helena were usually pretty classy with them. But she felt the need to speak. "Al?" Dana asked gently. "Do you remember when you had to cover that science geek convention?"

"Yeah," Alice said, sounding confused at the seeming non-sequitur.

"Did Helena ever tell you what happened between us that weekend?"

"Between you and Helena?" Alice asked, genuinely confused. "No, what happened?"

Dana laughed sadly at the memory, which hurt still even now. "I forgot you were in San Diego that weekend. I was at the Hank 'N' Frank and--"

"I remember there," Alice interrupted softly, smiling at the memory of taking Dana there a few times to get out of the West Hollywood scene which could get old sometimes, if not quite a lot.

"That's why I went," Dana said with a tiny grin. "Anyway. I had too much to drink and I called you to ask you to pick me up. You weren't there obviously, but Helena was because--"

"I asked her to check my stove," Alice recalled quietly.

"Yeah. So she came and picked me up."

Alice grinned affectionately. "She did?"

Dana smiled, though her chest tightened at the memory. She still wasn't over Alice yet. "Yeah," Dana said. "I…I said some things to her, Al."

"Like what?" Alice demanded, more sharply than she intended.

Dana flinched at the tone but forced herself to go on. "Like that she stole you from me."

"Oh, Dana," Alice breathed.

Dana's eyes brimmed with tears. "We were so out of touch then," Dana said quietly. "And I couldn't stand the idea of losing you, losing you to her." Dana swallowed hard. "But I think I knew even then that you would choose her," Dana said, her voice shaking slightly. "And I hated her so much for that, Al. Because I love you so much, Al. And I want us to be together. And she…she was taking you away from me and I hated that and I didn't know how to make it stop." Dana chuckled humorlessly. "Obviously I couldn't make it stop, could I?"

"Dana," Alice whispered.

"I was so mean to her," Dana said. "She cried and that was when I realized that she really loved you, Al," Dana said with a sigh. It was difficult for her to say it, to know it was true that Helena Peabody really did love Alice and that Helena wanted to make it work with Alice as much as Alice wanted to make things work with Helena. It hurt to know all that when Dana still wanted to be with Alice. "She really loves you, Al," Dana said, her voice breaking. "She wants it to work as much as you do."

"Dane," Alice murmured, hugging Dana tightly, kissing the tennis player's cheek. She felt like such an asshole. "I'm so sorry. God, I can't believe I laid this on you after-"

Dana shook her head. "No. No, I'm glad. I'm glad you're telling me this," Dana said. "I still love you, Al. I think you know that. I need you and I'll take you any way I can get you. And if that means we can only be friends, then I want us to go back to being best friends again. I want us to tell each other stuff like this."

"I don't want to hurt you, Dana."

Dana sighed heavily. "I hurt you first," she acknowledged wearily. "If I could do it differently…" Dana's voice cracked. "I would," Dana said, the words coming out as a tiny sob. "But you love her, and she loves you and Al, for you to think she doesn't want things to work out…." Dana blinked away her tears. "It's not true, because I think she really does love you. So you should just…you know, not drive yourself crazy with this and just talk to her."

"I've tried," Alice whispered.

Dana smiled affectionately. "If there's one thing you can do, Al, it's get someone to talk to you."

Alice chuckled. "This is true," she agreed.

Dana saw the headlights in her rearview mirror. "The Triple A guy is here."

Alice laughed and wiped at her eyes. "We must look so shitty," she commented, looking into the mirror and wiping at her eyes.

"Are you okay, Al?

Alice smiled tearfully. "Yeah," she said. "Thanks." She squeezed Dana's hand gently. "You?"

"Yeah," Dana said, squeezing back and then rolling down her window so she could talk to the tow truck guy.

---------------------

She was intent on keeping it to herself, but somehow, Helena found herself telling Kit everything. About the terrible lunch with Winnie and Peggy and how she took out her anger and despair over it on Alice, how she lashed out at the blonde. And Helena confided her fears about what would happen now with the children since Winnie wanted to reclaim her visitation rights before the custody hearings began. "I was very harsh with Alice," Helena confided, her voice laden with heavy emotion. Tears stung her eyes. "She has…quite a number of her possessions at our--my home," Helena said, biting her lip. She glanced at her watch. "I imagine she's moved them out by now," Helena said quietly.

She was sure that when she went home, she would find Alice gone and the blonde's additions to her home gone with her. She didn't want to go home and have to face Alice leaving, Helena didn't think she could take seeing that.

Kit, who remained silent as Helena spoke, frowned slightly at that. "Why would you think she's gone?" Kit asked, wondering how Helena could seem to know Alice so well and still not know Alice at all. Kit couldn't imagine Alice doing something like that.

Helena laid her head on the table. "What I said…it hurt her deeply," Helena said. "I don't think she can forgive me for that," she said, her voice cracking slightly. Helena knew if she and Alice were only friends, not lovers and someone Alice was dating hurt her as deeply as she had hurt Alice, Helena wouldn't want Alice to forgive them. "And…she said I always did this," Helena whispered. "It's obvious she's not…that this part of me is something she doesn't want to deal with," Helena mumbled. "And she shouldn't have to." Helena smiled grimly and Kit, "I may not have a lot of experience in these matters," she said wryly with a sad smile, "but I think this is one of those arguments that normally signal the end."

Kit looked at Helena silently for a moment before speaking. "I don't know your mother or your ex, but they sound like bitches," Kit said bluntly. "But I know Alice and Alice would never do that. That girl loves you and she would never leave like some thief in the night. She deserves to have a little more of your faith."

Helena flinched. "But what I said--"

Kit took Helena's hand in hers. "You both said things," Kit said. "She hurt you, too."

"But--"

"It was an argument, Helena," Kit said gently. "Not a break-up."

Helena stared glumly at the table. "I don't think I can face her," she admitted quietly.

Kit laid her head on the table so she could look Helena directly in the eyes.

The action caused Helena to unconsciously smile. She could remember doing the same thing to her children and she once again felt touched by Kit's gesture of kindness.

"You can face her," Kit said confidently with a grin, patting Helena's hand. "But you need to tell her about the lunch with your mother and your ex, who, were completely out of line."

Helena sighed. "It doesn't matter, I'm accustomed to it by now. I don't know why I reacted so badly to it and took it all out on Alice." Now that she'd had some time away to think about it, she realized how out of proportion her reaction was and she wished she could take it all back.

Kit frowned. "You shouldn't be used to being treated like crap by your own mother and your ex."

Helena shrugged slightly and continued to stare at the table.

"You shouldn't be," Kit insisted.

Helena sighed. "They're my family."

"You consider your ex to be part of your family?" Kit asked, a little more sharply than she intended, but she felt protective of Alice and she didn't want the blonde to be with someone who was hung up on her bitchy ex-wife.

Helena looked stricken. She hadn't thought of Winnie as her "family" in a long time, but she'd considered Winnie her family for years and sometimes it felt strange to know Winnie wasn't anymore. "Winnie was a part of my family for years," Helena admitted. "And she's still my children's mother…she'll always be a part of my life. I guess I'm still getting used to the fact that Winnie is not my family."

"Are you still in love with her?" Kit asked.

Helena laughed finding that idea ludicrous. "No," she said, laughing heartily despite herself. "I wish Winnie and I could have an amicable relationship but Alice is…the only one for me."

Kit smiled, believing in Helena's sincerity. "I've known that girl a long time, and that girl loves you, too"

Helena gave Kit a small smile. "Thank-you," she said, feeling better after talking to Kit.

She gave Helena's hand a gentle squeeze. "She's stronger than you think," Kit said, smiling. "It's going to take a lot more than you unloading on her a little to chase her away." Kit paused. "Maybe you need to do more of that anyway," Kit said, realizing that Helena was a lot like Bette in that respect, with that tendency to hold everything in or repress it. But Bette didn't have a bitchy mother, a witchy ex and children to juggle and Kit recognized Helena as someone who needed someone to talk to--someone who wasn't her girlfriend. Kit strongly believed everyone needed someone to talk to who they weren't romantically involved with. "Listen, baby girl, Alice has plenty of friends and people who she can talk to, so…I'll make you a deal. Any time you need to talk and you can't talk to Alice about it, you can come to me and I'll always take your side just as long as you talk to Alice about it in your own time, all right?"

Helena stared at Kit, taken aback by the kind offer. Other than Alice, no one had offered a more gentle invitation to friendship. Helena lowered her head, her eyes brimming with tears. It felt strange to have confided in Kit Porter whose music Helena loved and who was one of Alice's friends and Bette Porter's sister, to boot. But she couldn't deny feeling better and she was grateful. But she found it difficult to speak and so she stared down at the table top, silent.

Kit smiled and patted Helena's hand. "You think about it," Kit said with a smile.

"Kit?"

"Yeah, baby girl?"

"I know I've put you out quite a bit," Helena said. "But…could I stay here a little longer?" she asked hesitantly. She wasn't ready yet to go home.

Kit smiled kindly at her. "You can stay here as long as you'd like." She stood up and touched Helena's cheek in a motherly way. "I'll get you some more coffee and another slice of pie."

Kit returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and Helena found herself talking to Kit, haltingly at first, and then more freely, finding herself comfortable with the other woman.

Helena had always been suspicious of people who were kind to her, generally because they always had ulterior motives. But Kit seemed to be free of them, and save Alice, no one had ever offered her friendship so freely. She wanted to accept.

An hour later, Helena and Kit walked out of the Planet together.

"Thank-you," Helena said gratefully, shifting awkwardly, and staring at the ground. "I don't know how I can repay your kindness, but--"

"There's nothing to repay," Kit said with a smile. "We're friends aren't we?" Kit hugged Helena tentatively and then gently pushed her forward. "I think someone's been waiting for you."

Helena turned and saw Alice getting out of her car and flash her a tentative smile.

Helena turned to glance at Kit.

"I knew she would be worried about you," Kit explained.

Alice walked over, feeling nervous which she felt stupid for because it was only Helena, after all. Kit called her an hour ago saying Helena was over at the Planet and that she was okay, but that the brunette definitely needed some space for a while. And so Alice waited in her car for an hour until Helena walked out. She wasn't expecting to hash things out, she just wanted to make sure Helena was okay.

"Hey Pretty," Alice greeted softly.

"Hello," Helena whispered, her eyes becoming teary and she stepped forward and hugged Alice fiercely. "I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly into Alice's ear. "I'm so sorry."

Alice felt a lump rise in her throat. "We'll work it out," she murmured softly. "Come on, let's go home."

-----------------------

Alice arrived back at the house a few minutes before Helena, but found herself parking on the street until Helena pulled up the driveway and into the garage. Once Helena was parked, Alice followed suit and pulled into the driveway and parked.

Helena came toward her. "Darling?" she asked confused. "You could have parked in the garage…"

Alice parked in her garage all the time. It was currently occupied by two other cars which were rarely used and a dollhouse Wilson was putting the finishing touches on for Jun Ying. Usually, whomever arrived first parked in the garage and Helena didn't quite understand why that would be different. It was a small thing, and stupid to be distressed about, but a change in her relationship with Alice, even a tiny one, made her anxious at this juncture.

Alice shrugged vaguely. The real reason for parking in the driveway was that she could effectively block Helena in by parking in the middle of it, so that if Helena tried to leave again, she really couldn't. She felt stupid and creepy possessive for it, but she did it anyway.

"Come on," Alice said softly, taking Helena by the hand. "Let's go inside. You must be really tired," she said quietly, gently touching Helena's cheek.

The two walked into the house. Helena paused when she came upon the hallway to the children's bedrooms and felt tears spring to her eyes for the countless time that night. She felt so unbearably guilty for rushing out of the house while her children were in tears, leaving them to be comforted by other women. It was one of her worst fears realized, that other people would raise her children and she told herself for years, she wasn't like that. But maybe she was.

"They're okay," Alice whispered, trying to be quiet so that she wouldn't wake the children.

Helena's lip trembled for a brief moment before she answered. "Really?" she asked.

"Yeah," Alice said quietly. "They are."

She and Lulu had talked to the children for nearly an hour, explaining it was just an argument and that it wasn't a big deal at all and that sometimes people who loved each other had bad arguments, but it wasn't anything to be afraid of because Alice would never purposely hurt their mother and of course the children knew their mother would never purposely hurt anyone either. Then Lulu said their mother was planning a big breakfast the next morning, and they should get back to sleep because their mother didn't like it when people fell asleep at the breakfast table. The children giggled at this because though they'd never fallen asleep at the breakfast table, Lulu did last week which earned her a lecture about her insane sleeping schedule. Alice knew Helena would undoubtedly want to talk to the children as well, but at the moment, the situation was as good as it was going to get given the circumstances.

Once they were in the bedroom, Helena looked around awkwardly as if expecting some major change or perhaps to see Alice's packed bags. But it was a relief to see that everything looked the same, that Alice's coat was draped over a chair and that Alice had some scattered paperwork on the bed, which is the way it was when Helena left the house earlier that evening.

Alice sensed Helena's hesitancy and wrapped her arms around Helena's waist. "Let's just get ready for bed," Alice said softly. "We don't have to talk about it right now. I know you're tired."

Helena followed Alice mutely into the bathroom as they slipped into their evening ritual. After an unusually chaste shower, Helena and Alice sank down into the bed.

"God, you usually get up in a couple hours," Alice noted with a groan, turning to look at the alarm clock's LCD display.

"I'm sorry," Helena whispered. "I didn't…" Helena trailed off. "I know you must be tired," Helena said quietly. "I didn't mean to make you--"

"Hey," Alice interrupted. "It's okay. I think, maybe, this was my fault. And you're more tired than I am."

"Your fault?" Helena repeated, horrified. "Darling--"

Alice gently pressed her index finger to Helena's lips. "I think I started that fight," Alice said quietly. "I don't know even know how we started arguing. I don't remember," Alice confessed. "I just wanted you to talk to me."

Helena swallowed hard and nodded. "I know," she said softly. "I'm so sorry for reacting so badly," Helena said quietly. "It was just that," Helena's voice shook and she took a deep breath. "It was a difficult day for me," Helena admitted finally.

"What happened?" Alice whispered.

Helena shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she said quietly.

Alice sighed wearily. "Yes, it does," she said simply, because she was physically tired--she'd been up since early that morning, and because she just felt drained by everything. Alice sighed. "It does matter," Alice said, though she didn't particularly feel like talking anymore. She knew Helena could be close-lipped about things that bothered her--she shared that tendency as well, so Alice had always felt she understood Helena, at least a little bit. But she was beginning to see that maybe she let too much go, because now she just felt shut out of Helena's life. "I know you're tired," Alice muttered. "We don't have to talk about this right now if you don't want to."

Helena lifted her head at Alice's somber tone, feeling a sense of disquietude. She moved close to Alice, resting her head on Alice's shoulder. "It really doesn't matter," Helena said quietly. All her life, she'd always wished she had a better relationship with her mother, and she spent the better part of the last few years trying to salvage things with Winnie because she knew that although Winnie never loved her, a part of her would always love Winnie and care about her. After all, she'd been in love with the woman since she was 19 and it was only recently that Helena was able to even admit she would have to let Winnie go because Winnie just didn't want her anymore. Helena knew a part of her tried to hold onto Winnie because she couldn't stand the thought of the alternative. But now she knew she and her mother would never have the relationship she really wanted and that she and Winnie would probably always have a contentious relationship. She was tired of rejection and trying to gain love, respect or acceptance from people she always knew, deep down, would never give it to her. She was ready to let it go, so it really didn't matter. At least, not in her opinion. Helena covered her eyes with her hand. "It was…a personal matter, darling," Helena said. "Nothing you should be concerned with," Helena added lightly.

Alice stiffened and pulled away, sitting up and turning on the light. "So you're saying I don't have to be concerned about things that happen in your life? They don't affect me?" she asked, her distant tone belying the hurt she felt at the statement.

Helena's eyes widened. "Darling! No! It's not like that at all," Helena insisted. "I only meant…well, it was rather unpleasant and it only affects me, not you and--"

"So you don't think what affects you, affects me," Alice said.

"That's not what I meant," Helena protested quietly.

Alice looked at Helena intently, cocking her head to one side. All this time, she assumed she and Helena were in the same place regarding their relationship, that they wanted the same things. Maybe she'd been too blind to see otherwise. "Helena, do you even want to be with me?"

Helena looked alarmed. "Alice, you know I do," she said urgently, her voice rising with panic as she leaned toward Alice, her hands reaching out to the blonde. "I--" Helena's mouth snapped shut and she sat back down, moving backward a few inches before bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her forearms on her kneecaps. Her gaze rested a few inches to the left of Alice. "Do you want to be with me?"

Alice's lips tightened at Helena's actions. "Yes," she said flatly, crossing her arms and gazing off to the side to avoid looking at Helena. "I'm just not sure you actually want to be with me."

A sob tore out of Helena's throat, causing Alice's eyes to snap toward Helena.

"I want to be with you," Helena managed to get out, before taking in a deep, gulping breath.

Alice sighed and inched forward on her knees, pulling Helena toward her in a hug. "I love you," Alice said, kissing Helena on the cheek. "But sometimes I just feel like you and I aren't on the same page. I want--" Alice's voice grew heavy with emotion and she tried to swallow back the lump that had risen in her throat but found that it was stuck. "I want us to be together for the long haul," she said, sounding strangled. "But sometimes I feel like you want to be here," Alice said, holding up her right hand. "And you want to keep me over here," Alice said, illustrating the point by holding up her left hand which she held out a foot and half away from her right. "It's like you only want me in your life to a certain point and after that, you don't want me around."

Helena's eyes widened. "That's not true," Helena denied, horrified. "Of course I want you in my life," Helena said, wondering how Alice could think such a thing. "I…I…I don't…" Helena stuttered, uncertain of how she could convince Alice that she very much wanted the blonde to be a part of her life, in all aspects of her life. "I'm uncertain of what to say," Helena admitted glumly, staring down at her hands, thinking that this would be yet another relationship that would end badly, and this time, it wasn't because the other person didn't love her. No, this would be because of her own inexperience and ineptitude. She wished she knew how to prove to Alice that she was just as committed to the relationship as Alice was, but she just didn't know how.

Alice lay back onto the bed and held out her arms toward Helena. "C'mere," she said softly.

Helena sighed, relieved and laid down, her eyes closing as Alice's arms wrapped around her.

"Why were you so upset today?" Alice asked, kissing the top of Helena's head, absent-mindedly stroking her hair. "Let's just start there, and don't tell me it doesn't matter because obviously, it upset you, which means it matters to me."

Helena hesitated for a moment and then pressed tighter into Alice as she thought of the lunch with her mother and Winnie. "I was in Boston, at the ribbon-cutting," Helena said, her voice eerily lack of emotion. "My mother was there."

Alice winced, knowing that it could not have gone well.

"And she invited me to lunch the next day," Helena continued. "When I went to meet her, Winnie was there." Helena held onto Alice a little more tightly. "It did not go well," Helena said sadly, burying her face into Alice's shoulder.

Alice's clenched and she felt her hands ball into fists. "What did they say to you?" She knew, of course, that Helena would never recount what they said to her word-for-word, it would be far too painful for Helena and Alice didn't expect her to do it. But she wanted a basic gist of what was said to upset her girlfriend so much.

"I told my mother about us," Helena said quietly. "My mother and Winnie were not….very supportive," she said, trying to be euphemistic. Helena swallowed hard as she thought back to all the things Winnie said to her, the way Winnie was still able to prey on all her insecurities. Why hadn't Winnie loved her back, even once, during all those years together? She'd tried, tried to be things she wasn't because she wanted to be who Winnie wanted her to be. She did things she wasn't comfortable with because Winnie wanted to do them, she tried to prove her love for Winnie time and time again, and for what? Winnie didn't love her, had never loved her. For a long time, she really had no one else in the world other than her children, who were still young and practically obliged to her love her, and her mother and Winnie. Neither of these women particularly cared for her, and Helena found herself wondering why Alice should. Alice had always been good to her, but what made her relationship with Alice immune from breaking up? Nothing, really. She'd been so caught up in the romance that she ignored the fact they could break up--that they probably would break up until her mother and Winnie made it glaringly obvious.

Alice swallowed hard. She had no doubts that Winnie was dismissive and derogatory, but Peggy probably told Helena that she was just with the British woman for the money or something and said it in a way that was classy, not all shrill like Winnie. And Alice knew Peggy's opinion was important to Helena, no matter how much Helena tried to deny it. Peggy's lack of support could be a nail in the coffin because Helena was desperate for Peggy's approval and Alice was well aware of that. "I'm sorry," Alice said quietly, trying to mask her fear.

"I didn't expect them to be supportive, of course," Helena said, sounding just a bit amused. "But…" Helena's voice broke. "I wasn't prepared for just how unsupportive they were," Helena said, sniffling. "They talked as though at any moment, you would…we would break up."

Alice eyes filled with tears. "We're not going to do that," Alice said softly. She paused and then looked at Helena for reassurance. "Are we?" she asked hesitantly, her voice very quiet, her body tensing for an answer she didn't want to hear.

Helena shook her head emphatically. "I don't want us to break up," Helena said, scrambling to maintain physical contact with Alice. "I don't want us to break up," she repeated softly. "I…I love that we're together," Helena said.

Alice sighed softly, relieved to hear what Helena was saying, but something still nagged at her and she wanted to get it off her chest, finally. "But sometimes it really doesn't seem that way, like you only want me to be in your life to a certain point," Alice said, echoing her earlier statements. "And I love being with you. You're my…you're my family now," Alice said quietly, with some difficulty as she tried to fight off the wave of emotion. "At least, I feel like you are," she said softly. "But sometimes I feel like you don't feel the same way, you know? You keep me out of all these parts of your life, Helena."

"Darling, I don't," Helena protested. It wounded her to hear Alice say that when she felt closer to Alice than she did to anyone else, ever. Alice was privy to everything good in her life, she merely tried not to get Alice involved in the less pleasant aspects. After all, they were really her burdens, and Alice who was young and really had no commitments shouldn't have to be burdened with her problems.

"It just feels like you do," Alice insisted gently. "I mean, like, you totally keep me in the dark about what's going on with the custody case--"

Helena's gaze was downcast. "Maybe I don't tell you everything," Helena conceded. "But I tell you about everything good," she said quietly. "I don't feel that you should have to be burdened with my problems," Helena said, gently quieting Alice who opened her mouth to protest. "You're young," Helena said softly, "you don't have children, you're not really beholden to anyone or anything. If you wanted to quit your jobs tomorrow and move to Spain, you could do that." Helena looked down at her hands. "I couldn't do that," Helena muttered. "I would want to, of course," Helena said. "But I wouldn't be able to. I don't feel the need to burden you more than you have to be. You should be enjoying your youth, not preoccupying yourself with my problems."

Alice rubbed her eyes. "You do realize you're, like, two years younger than I am, right?" she asked, grinning at Helena despite the fact the discussion was exhausting her and she'd had no idea that Helena felt that way, that Helena felt the need to shield her that way.

"Fifteen months!" Helena exclaimed. "That's hardly two years. It's highly unfair of you to round up that way and mathematically incorrect at that."

"Yeah, yeah," Alice said dismissively.

They shared a laugh for a moment, before Alice's expression became serious again. "I don't think you understand that I want to be included in all that," Alice said. "I told you, I feel like you're family to me and I…I hope you feel the same way."

"I do," Helena said softly.

"Then include me," Alice pleaded. "I love you, I love the kids. I mean, this may not exactly be the way I thought my life would be like, but this is what I want. Maybe I never wanted it before, or thought about wanting it. But this is what I have, and I love it, Helena. I love that we're a family, me, you, and the kids."

Helena was silent as she absorbed this. "You do?" she asked quietly, finally.

"Of course I do," Alice reassured. "You don't have to feel like you should only tell me the good things. I don't want to be shut out of the important things in your life. You can tell me the 'unpleasant' things, too, Helena. I can handle it." Alice squeezed Helena's hand. "I want to hear it. And I don't want to quit my jobs and move to Spain," Alice said, grinning slightly at Helena. "I want to stay here, with you and the kids. Look, maybe you think I'd rather be hanging out at the clubs or something rather than spending time with you and the kids," Alice said, thinking back to the conversation she had with Helena before the British woman left for Boston. "But I'd much rather be with you and the kids, okay? It's my choice, it's what I want."

Helena remained uncertain. "But you enjoyed your life before you met me--"

"I enjoy my life now, too," Alice reminded her.

"You enjoyed your life before you met me," Helena repeated. "You enjoyed going out, and you didn't have responsibilities like going to a children's soccer game or--"

"I like going to their soccer games," Alice said softly. She grinned teasingly at Helena. "You get so involved. It's really the only time I get to see you yell."

Helena laughed. "The referee was clearly wrong."

"Yes, he was, baby," Alice said placatingly. "I just don't want you to feel like you can't tell me something because you think I shouldn't have to worry about it, okay? I love our life."

"I love our life, too," Helena said quietly. "I'm happy that you're my family." Helena said sincerely, looking into Alice's eyes. "I very much want to keep it that way for as long as you will allow it."

"It's going to be for a long time," Alice said softly.

"I'm glad," Helena whispered.

"Good," Alice said, "I'm glad we finally got that cleared up."

Helena smiled. "I am as well." She swallowed hard and stared down at her hands. "Winnie wants me and the children to move back to New York," she said quietly.

Alice's head snapped to attention. "What?"

Helena swallowed hard. "She wants to resume seeing the children again until the hearing," she said, the words coming out in a croak. "And she refuses to move back to Los Angeles."

"Oh, fuck," Alice said, unable to stop herself. She wrapped her arms around Helena in a tight embrace.

"I'm afraid if I don't, she'll be able to take the children away," Helena confessed quietly. It was not exactly a reasonable fear, at least at this point, because she and Winnie were legally obliged at this juncture in time to share custody, although the children did mainly stay with her. If Winnie really wanted to exert her parental rights, however…Helena wasn't sure what would happen. It was highly possible Winnie could take the children away to New York and a big part of Helena feared that she would lose her children after the custody hearings and she wanted to spend as much time with her children as possible while she still could. "But I'm not leaving," Helena said, her tone steely. "I'm just…rather uncertain of what I can do."

She would, of course, call her lawyer as soon as it was an appropriate hour to call, but until then, Helena's insides boiled with insecurity and fear.

Alice kissed Helena on the forehead and wiped at the tears that were beginning to spill out of Helena's eyes. "We'll figure something out," Alice whispered. "I won't let her take them away from us," Alice said, kissing Helena's lips for a too brief moment. "I can put up a pretty big fight, you know."

Helena chuckled through her tears. "I know," she said, her voice cracking slightly, her shoulders heaving with sobs. She buried her face into Alice's chest and clung to the blonde as she cried, allowing the blonde to hold her in a comforting hug and gently stroke her back reassuringly.

--------------------------------

Dana always thought of herself as a good person. She tried her best to be kind to others, she gave to charity, she drank fair trade coffee, she recycled. But at the moment, she felt like an asshole, because yesterday, her best friend cried her eyes out and was clearly upset over a fight with her girlfriend, and a part of Dana was glad and hoped that Alice and Helena would break up so that she could have a chance at getting back together with Alice.

What kind of person could be glad when her best friend was in so much pain?

Oh, she wasn't glad, exactly, because when Alice hurt, she hurt. But once she got home, after driving home on a spare tire, Dana thought about the situation a little more and she hoped for a chance with Alice. She wasn't holding her breath for it, of course, but she wanted it.

And she felt terrible about it, because she knew how much Alice loved Helena and that Alice wanted it to work out with the British woman. And though Dana was not about to throw a parade in Helena's honor, she found herself almost liking Helena because Helena really was likable once you got to know her, and anyone who was so good to Alice was likable in Dana's opinion. Almost everyone liked Alice, but Alice was so nice and easy-going and willing to help people, that not many people were actually good to Alice.

This had been a pattern in Alice's life, and Dana has resented Alice's boyfriends, girlfriends and other friends for this very reason. She's resented some of their mutual friends for this reason as well. So the fact that Helena was so good to Alice really did make Dana like Helena on some level.

But a part of Dana still felt as though Helena stole Alice away from her, although deeper still, Dana felt she only had herself to blame for that. She still boiled with regret over her actions with Alice because she knew if she'd never broken up with Alice, she would still be together with the blonde. Granted, she would still likely be plagued with doubt, but at least she would still have the blonde. If she could have access to a time machine, she would change that moment, she would take it back, because she was still in love with Alice and felt like she would always be in love with Alice.

She was glad they were going back to being best friends. For a while after Alice chose Helena, things were too tense, too painful. But Dana loved Alice long before they became romantically involved, loved Alice as a best friend and the tennis player knew she couldn't lose Alice over a broken heart. And so, she wanted to remain in Alice's life, and though it wasn't in the capacity Dana would have wanted, at least she still had Alice who was so good to her.

Which is why she felt so awful that while her best friend cried, a part of Dana hoped it would mean Alice could come back to her.

"You seem a little off today," Lucia, her trainer, said, interrupting Dana's thoughts.

Dana looked up. "Huh? Oh…no, it's nothing."

Lucia looked at Dana closely. "Are you sure? You seem off."

"No, no. I'm fine," Dana insisted.

"You've seemed a little…depressed for a few months now," Lucia said hesitantly. It wasn't her policy to get involved in the personal lives of her clients, at least, if their workouts and games weren't affected, which Dana's wasn't. But at the moment, Dana seemed distracted and down and Lucia felt compelled to ask about it.

Dana sighed. "It was just a really long night."

"In a good way or a bad way."

Dana chuckled, thinking of how that was something Alice would say. The thought of Alice only reminded Dana of the fact she felt like such a colossal ass and Dana stared down at the ground. "I saw Alice last night," Dana said finally. "I mean, we've seen each other a lot since we broke up, so it was no big deal. But she was really upset about something that happened with her girlfriend." Dana flushed guiltily. She wasn't sure why she was telling this to Lucia, but Lucia just seemed like a good person to tell things to, since the trainer was sort of an impartial outsider who really didn't care. Dana couldn't go to Bette or Tina about this because they would probably take that as a sign that Helena really was the devil and Dana genuinely didn't think that. Then they would immediately take her side and get her hopes up about getting back together with Alice, and Dana didn't want to get her hopes up because she felt it would be false. So mostly, she just wanted to talk to someone who didn't care about the situation, who wouldn't talk about what a bitch Helena Peabody was, or make her think she could get back together with Alice.

And so Dana found herself telling Lucia everything in the middle of the country club's lawn, by the tennis courts. Everything just poured out of her, and Lucia listened silently and sympathetically, waiting until Dana was finished before speaking.

"Let's skip the workout for today," Lucia suggested. "Your head's not in it anyway, and sometimes you need a break from a workout, and this time, you can't forget about your problems by focusing on training, so let's do something that can make you forget about both."

Dana looked at her curiously. "What do you have in mind?" she asked, wiping at her eyes.

Lucia shrugged. "We'll figure it out."

Dana nodded a little. "Yeah," she said softly, following Lucia toward the locker rooms to shower and get changed into street clothes. "Okay."

Next--->