Dana and Alice stared silently at each other for a long moment, each woman taking in the others' physical appearance, perhaps looking for changes. After such a big change in both their lives, they expected some kind of physical change, but there weren't any.

"Can I come in?" Alice asked softly.

Dana nodded eagerly. "Of course you can," she said. "You don't have to ask!"

Alice shrugged and stepped into the apartment.

Dana noticed the shopping bag Alice was holding for the first time. "What's that?"

Alice didn't respond to the question. "I wanted to talk to you."

Dana nodded earnestly. "Okay, Al," she said, eagerly. She reached for Alice and then realized Alice wouldn't want to be touched--at least not by her. That much was obvious by the way the blonde kept pulling away from her. Dana's arm dropped to the side. "Let's go sit down."

Alice shook her head. "No. I'll be quick."

Dana's face fell. "Al--"

Alice took a deep breath. "Dana, I love you. And I appreciate that you would call, email and come over to check up on me, but the truth is, I don't really want to be around you right now."

Dana flinched. "Alice," she whispered.

Alice looked away. "Sorry," she said softly. "But that's just…well, that's just how it goes," she said. "Maybe we can hang out again later, but right now, I just really need some space, okay? So just…stop, Dana. Stop calling me. Stop emailing me and stop coming over."

"But Al--"

"I'm okay," Alice said simply. She smiled wryly. "Well, I'll be okay," she corrected herself. "So you don't need to check up on me. And I understand where you're coming from, Dane. I thought about it a lot. And I understand. But I can't be around you right now. So could we…maybe impose a moratorium or something?" Alice asked. "Can you just…can you not call me or anything for a month?"

Dana winced, but she nodded. 'God, a month?' Dana thought to herself. It had been hard enough not being able to see Alice for just a week. She wasn't sure if she would handle a month. But if that was what Alice wanted, the least Dana could do was give it to her, no matter how difficult or unbearable the prospect sounded. "Okay," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Al. I didn't want it to be like this. I--"

Alice shook her head. "Don't say anything more, please. I think a part of me always knew it would be like this."

Dana winced again. "Al--"

Alice shrugged. "Anyway. I need to go, but I wanted to give these to you," she said handing the shopping bag to Dana.

Dana took it and peered into it. "Al! No! These were…these were gifts."

Alice looked steadily at her. "I don't want them anymore."

Dana flinched. "Should I…should I give back what you've given me?" she whispered.

Alice shook her head. "No," she said. "Unless you don't want them anymore, and in which case, you should just toss them." Alice sighed.

"Al--"

Alice looked apologetic. "Sorry," she said. She was bitter and she couldn't help it. "Could you just keep those temporarily for me? Please?" She thought about giving it to Bette and Tina or Shane to keep, but she didn't want to get any of them involved. They knew about the break-up, of course, and each of them had called her a few times to check on her, but she didn't want to talk to them about it. And she didn't want them to keep the gifts Dana had given her. Some of them were intensely personal and private, and she didn't want anyone to be privy to them except her and Dana--the way the gifts had been intended to be. But she couldn't bear looking at them. Late at night, when she couldn't sleep--which had been every day for the past week after that initial Saturday when she'd slept for nine hours, she stayed up looking at those reminders of Dana. She hadn't slept more than a few hours each day for the past week because she stayed up all night looking at the gifts Dana had given her--they were the only tangible memories of Dana she had left in the apartment and they just served as a depressing reminder Dana didn't really want her. She wasn't sure if she was just giving them to Dana to keep temporarily or if she was giving them back permanently. All she knew was that she couldn't stand having them in her apartment. "Look, I…I'm just going to go now. But just…just give me a month, okay?"

"Alice," Dana whispered. "I swear, I'll leave you alone for a month. But after it passes…will you…will you talk to me again?" she asked tentatively, fearing what the answer would be.

Alice sighed. "I don't know," she said honestly. "I really do love you, Dane. And whatever happens after all this, we're still friends. We've known each other for too long to let something this stupid get in the way. But I really need some space. I don't know what's going to happen between us. But I just need some space, all right? So could you just leave me alone for a while?"

Dana nodded reluctantly. "Yes," Dana sighed. "Alice, you have to know…I love you. I love you so much. I just--"

Alice looked at her impassively. "Yeah, sure. I got it" she said. "I'm going to go," Alice said wearily. She gazed into Dana's eyes. "So you'll--"

"I'll leave you alone," Dana answered quietly, knowing what Alice was going to ask before the blonde even finished her request. She couldn't bear to hear Alice say it again.

She couldn't bear to hear Alice asking her to leave her alone.

Alice looked at her gratefully. "Thank-you."

"Al?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so sorry," Dana said tearfully.

Alice swallowed hard and nodded. "I know you are," she said softly, biting back the urge to scream at Dana. She was still so angry at the tennis player, even though she understood where Dana was coming from. Just standing here, looking and talking to Dana, Alice stewed with anger and bitterness. And of course, the love was still there. She wanted to scream at Dana. She wanted to take Dana in her arms and kiss her and tell her she understood, because she did, and that it was okay. But it wasn't. It wasn't okay. She hated that Dana looked so upset, that Dana was just a few seconds away from crying. She didn't think Dana had the right to be upset. And she didn't want to hear about how sorry Dana was. She just wanted Dana to leave her alone, because she couldn't stand feeling like this, hating and loving her so much. Alice forced herself to smile. "Look, Dane. Whatever happens between us, I hope you figure it out and it works out well for you."

The tears in Dana's eyes began to spill over. "Alice, I'm so sorry."

Alice shrugged. "Maybe I'll see you around, Dana," she said, opening the door. She shut it behind her. "But I'm kind of hoping I won't," she said under her breath once she was safely outside of Dana's condo. She ran down to the awaiting car. "Hey," she said to Helena. "Sorry it took so long."

Helena smiled sympathetically. "Are you all right?" she asked as Alice got in next to her and buckled her seat belt.

Alice took a shaky breath and wiped at her eyes with the Kleenex that Helena passed. "Yeah," she said. "It went better than I thought."

"I still feel you should have kept her gifts," Helena said softly. "You'll want them one day." Helena sensed Alice had no intention of ever reclaiming them. She'd been with Alice when the blonde decided she would return Dana's gifts, and though Helena had no love lost for Dana, she felt it was a little cruel to return gifts, though she could certainly understand the sentiment. She'd offered to store the bag in her house, but Alice declined, and Helena realized Alice's feelings on the subject went beyond just getting the bag out of her home. Alice insisted she would one day ask for them back, but Helena was dubious about that.

"I know," Alice said quietly. "But right now, I can't stand to see them." She forced herself to smile. "Let's go pick up the kids." Wilson and Jun Ying were returning home from camp that day and Alice offered to go with Helena to the airport to pick them up.

"All right," Helena agreed, grinning at the thought of seeing her children again. She smiled at Alice. "They will be so happy to see you," she said softly. "They adore you."

Alice looked amused. "You're no slouch in their eyes," she said.

Helena blushed. "Well--"

Alice chuckled. This was something Alice was simply tickled by. Helena was one of the most--if not the most unselfconscious person she knew, and yet, when the topic came to something she really cared about--like her children's obvious adoration for her, Helena tended to embarrass easily. 'What's up with that?' Alice wondered. Alice grinned at her. "Why are you embarrassed?" Alice asked bluntly in a teasing way. She grinned, watching Helena's profile. A week of spending nearly every free hour of every day with Helena Peabody and their relationship moved from an initial cordiality to friendly frankness, which they each appreciated.

Helena shrugged slightly, though she inwardly winced. Long ago, Winnie had once asked the same question, in the same teasing way. But that had been a ploy, something to lower her defenses, because Winnie had known her well enough to know it would work. Helena was confident it was different with Alice, but she couldn't help but wince a little at the memory. "I'm not embarrassed," she denied. And she wasn't. "It's simply that--" Helena trailed off. She didn't know what it was. She wasn't embarrassed, really. But she was so accustomed to being perceived in a certain way, and though she often hated this perception, she was resigned to it. It was comfortable. She could pretend to be who everyone already thought her to be, and she would never have to be vulnerable to them. Of course she hated no one truly knew her, save her children, and even they were too young to really know her. And anyway she didn't think it was proper for children to fully know their parents--she had far too many insecurities and neuroses she didn't want them to become privy to. Though she cursed the idea of her that everyone had in their minds, she was comfortable with it. She was untouchable, though she desperately wanted to be touched. Touched beyond the physical. And as long as she was untouchable, she was safe. And she knew, she came off remote; and she used to not care, because she used to have everything that she wanted--a wife, children, a family because she never truly had one growing up, but that was gone now. They were still a family, of course, but something felt missing.

Still, history has proven to her that allowing someone to see who she really was, see parts of her that were more than the Peabody Persona, would ultimately result in rejection and disappointment. But then there were moments when someone moved beyond the façade on their own rather than her allowing it to happen, and touched some part of her life, some part of her that she truly cared about, and well, she couldn't help herself. She got a little self-conscious that someone got so close to who she really was. She just wasn't used to it. She'd allowed Winnie to be privy to all of her most intimate secrets and thoughts, her dreams and her fears and she'd believed in their relationship, in the love she thought they had for each other. She never thought Winnie could spend so much of her life with her and never really love her at all. So she wasn't sure what she was at the moment. Uncomfortable, maybe. But not embarrassed.

Alice chuckled softly, though not unkindly. "Simply what?" Alice asked, trying to get the other woman to open up a bit, hoping she was putting Helena at ease.

"Nothing," Helena muttered, clenching her hands around the steering wheel, and leaning forward so she could concentrate on the road. She didn't want to think about Winnie or any of that, not when she was with Alice. But Winnie was the last person who had been able to penetrate her defenses so easily, and though she didn't want to think of Winnie at all, and certainly not when she was having fun with Alice, Helena could not help herself.

Alice frowned. "Helena?"

"Yes?"

"Did I…did I offend you?" Alice asked uncertainly, a little uncomfortable by the shift in Helena's body posture.

"No," Helena said quietly.

"Then what's wrong?"

Helena forced a smile. "There's nothing wrong," Helena assured. "I was just thinking, I suppose."

"About what?" Alice asked softly, with a friendly smile.

"Nothing important," Helena said, turning to smile at Alice and then faced the road again.

Alice frowned. "Helena? Seriously. Did I say something to hurt you? Or make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I was just kidding around."

Helena looked at her quickly and then looked back at the road. "You didn't," Helena insisted. "I just…" Helena paused to collect her thoughts. "Something you said reminded me of my ex."

Alice groaned. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," Helena assured.

"Fuck," Alice said. "No, it's not. I'm sorry, Helena. You've been nothing but nice to me, and all I do is make you think of your ex all the time."

Helena laughed, genuinely amused. "It's all right," she said gently.

Alice shook her head. "It's not," she said. "God, Helena, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be," Helena said honestly.

"But--"

Helena turned to look at her as they slowed down and hit traffic once they passed the 405/10 split. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about," she said softly.

They lapsed into silence then, each woman wanting to say something more, but being unable to say it. As they neared their exit, Helena spoke again.

"It was my first year in university," Helena said finally. "I was nineteen. Winnie was a graduate student--a PhD candidate, although she never finished." Helena wondered if that was partly why Winnie resented her. She didn't think so. Winnie never seemed to have a love for the subject--she seemed to love the role of the rich housewife more. "She was my TA," Helena said ruefully. "For an art history class I heard was an easy way to fulfill the elective requirement. Masterpieces of Western Civilization." Helena recalled "She was studying theatre, actually, but I believe the two departments had some sort of agreement…anyway," Helena said, shaking her head as she tried not to get boggled down in the details. "It was supposedly an easy class, but it was...difficult for me," Helena said. It wasn't that she hated art, she understood its merit intellectually. She just had no emotional connection to it, and she preferred subjects to which she could have an emotional connection. "The professor who'd always taught the class retired and a new professor took over the class. Just my luck," she laughed ruefully. "I was lax in my studies for the class," Helena admitted. "Partly because I hated the subject and partly because I had other commitments I was more attached to." She'd been involved in a number of student social justice groups in university, much to her mother's chagrin, and it had taken up much of her time. "So I went to Winnie and she helped me. We began dating when the term was nearly over."

Alice winced. She'd listened to Helena speak without commenting or interrupting, not wanting to disturb the flow, but she couldn't help but wince at that. At 30, she felt anger at the thought of a TA taking advantage of a nineteen year old college freshman. She'd seen pictures of Winnie, and Alice could tell there was enough of an age difference between Helena and Winnie to have mattered when they first met. But then, she, too, had pursued and dated some of her TAs. It just never lasted very long. She wanted to say something, tell Helena how inappropriate it was for Winnie to date a student, but she did not want to interrupt the flow. This was the most Helena had shared with her since that day when Alice went over to return the children's book and found Helena already in tears, emotionally shattered. This was the most Helena had ever shared on her own accord, and Alice didn't want to do anything that could potentially interrupted that. 'Nineteen,' Alice thought wonderingly, 'she was with Winnie when she was nineteen.' When she was nineteen, she dated Greg. Then Tayo. Then Greg again. And then James, Daniel and Chloe. When she was nineteen, she couldn't have imagined long-term commitment.

"I pursued her," Helena said. "I thought perhaps she fancied me," Helena said softly. She knew now what Winnie had fancied so much was the money and the lifestyle Winnie thought Helena led. "I pursued her, and soon we became very close." Helena clenched her jaw. Winnie had pursued, her, too, of course, but Helena had always gone for what she wanted, and at the time, what she wanted was Winnie. "I shared everything with her," she said quietly, flinching at the memory of herself at nineteen and madly infatuated and then deeply in love with this older, intelligent woman who told her she was beautiful, smart, that she admired her social conscience. 'All lies,' Helena thought. "My mother wanted me to go to one of her functions." Helena paused. "I didn't want to go." In retrospect, it all seemed so clear. The way Winnie's eyes shone so brightly when Helena explained how she had to go to one of her mother's fancy social functions and her deep reluctance to do so. Winnie had definitely wanted to go, though Helena missed that fact at the time. How foolish of her to think Winnie had actually been concerned for her.

'It's all so embarrassing, ' Helena had told her.

Winnie had laughed and kissed Helena's cheeks. 'Why are you embarrassed?' Winnie asked, with a charming, teasing smile. 'You're beautiful,' Winnie whispered and then kissed Helena on the mouth. 'You're intelligent.' Another peck on the mouth. 'And you're better at small talk then you think. You'll be fine. So why are you so embarrassed? Especially since you'll have me to talk to."

At the time Helena felt it was the most romantic gesture she'd ever received. She had a few short, failed romances before then, with women who didn't love her. But Winnie…she thought Winnie was different. She'd loved the way Winnie had boosted her confidence about her abilities to make small-talk. Unlike the rest of her family, she'd never excelled at it, and she'd always felt hopelessly out-of-place, awkward and bored at her mother's functions, though she knew it never showed. And she loved the way Winnie had flattered her beauty and intelligence--she was a bit of an egotist, and she could admit it. But more than that, she'd loved that Winnie had offered to come with her without being begged, she thought Winnie was offering to go for her. But really, Winnie had offered to go for herself. Helena could not help but laugh ruefully as she thought back to the extravagant shopping spree they went on for a proper dress, jewelry and evening bag for Winnie. Or the spa, hair and make-up treatments Helena paid for. Yes, Helena knew it was true. Winnie had just been in it for the money and the lifestyle.

For a long time after they broke up, Helena was sure Winnie had only told her she had never loved her because Helena had done something to hurt her and Winnie was lashing out. Thinking back to that long ago night, she knew Winnie was telling the truth. She never loved her. At all.

"I didn't want to go," Helena said, picking up her story, after getting momentarily lost in her reminiscence. "And Winnie asked me why. I told her it was somewhat embarrassing and she asked me, 'why are you embarrassed?'" Helena laughed. "She teased me," Helena explained. "And not many people did that, at least not in a way that wasn't mean," she said, leaving out the more painful and personal parts of that night. Helena bit her lip. "I think I fell in love with her that night." And she had. But Helena felt she should have known better. Of course Winnie had never truly been in love with her--her intent had been to use Helena's social ties and connections to further her own career in the theatre--that was the intent from the very beginning and she'd just been to naïve to see it. And now Winnie was pretending the children meant something to her just to make Helena's life more difficult. And Helena hated that, hated that more than she hated the fact that Winnie never really loved her.

"I'm sorry," Alice whispered. "I didn't mean to make you think of that."

Helena smiled. "It's fine," she assured. "You couldn't have known."

"I tease people a lot," Alice said. "But I don't mean to be--"

"I know," Helena said quietly. "It's not mean. I know, Alice. Don't you think I know by now?"

Alice smiled. "Good," she said softly. "Because I never mean to be mean," Alice said. "It's just, you know, people expect that of me, and I get involved in giving people what they expect."

"I don't expect anything of you," Helena said softly. "And there's more to you than all that. You must know that, don't you?"

Alice was silent.

"Alice?" Helena prompted.

Alice sighed. "Yeah, I guess," she said. "I don't know," Alice said, "I mean, I know there's more, but no one else seems to."

Helena chuckled sympathetically. "I know the feeling," she remarked, smiling. "But I know there's more to you," she said softly.

Alice gazed at her as she drove. "I know there's more to you, too," she said simply. And she did. There was definitely more to Helena Peabody than Alice first thought. When she thought of her first impression of Helena, that day at Tina's, she wanted to laugh at how wrong she was. She looked at Helena fondly. Though she'd known Helena through Tina for a while now, it was only recently that they got to know one another at all. Alice found that somewhat odd. After all, Helena had dated Tina for quite a while--they should have all gotten to know Helena better, but they didn't. 'It's fucking weird,' Alice thought, wondering why it never happened. Obviously, there was the Bette factor, but you would think that if one of your friends were dating someone for a while, you would get to know that person, at least, a little. But Alice realized none of them did. 'Probably not even Tina,' Alice thought. It made her a little sad for Helena, though Alice would never say that out loud. Alice had come to realize Helena was a lot like herself--and she would never want anyone's pity, so Alice was fairly sure the same was true of Helena.

Despite the circumstances of their newfound friendship, Alice was glad for the opportunity to get to know Helena. It was always fun to get to know a new friend a little better--especially when that friend was Helena Peabody, and Alice found her curiosity about the dark-haired woman and the newness of the friendship helped her think of Dana less than she ordinarily might have.

And things were made easier by the fact she hadn't talked to Bette, Tina or Shane much. Bette and Tina had their own concerns, of course, about Angelica, about their respective careers and their attempts to comfort and commiserate were clearly only cursory. Alice understood because in between work, or trying to find work and raising a baby and trying to repair a relationship after infidelity, who really had the time for her problems? She appreciated the gestures they made, the phone calls, the offers to hang out, but ultimately she knew they only did it because they had to, and she'd rather not see them anyway. They were a painful reminder of what she'd lost. They got back together. She and Dana broke up. And Shane…well, Shane was Shane. She dropped in to take Alice out for drinks with Carmen, but Helena had been over at the time and Alice didn't feel the need to get drunk, so she'd declined. And after that, Shane didn't drop in again, and Alice didn't mind that either. Shane was in a relationship for the first time in her life, and Alice was happy for her. Shane should concentrate on that.

And then there was Jenny, who had been completely oblivious to everything. It wasn't such a long time--it had only been a week since Alice and Dana had broken up, so it wasn't as though everyone would know, despite how fast news traveled in West Hollywood. But Jenny lived with Shane and next-door to Tina and Bette, so really, Jenny should have known. But Alice was charmed that Jenny didn't. The writer dropped by to return a CD and book Alice had lent her and she sprawled out on Alice's couch, chatting with the blonde and Helena about a class project she was working on, never commenting on why Helena was there, just seeming to accept it as an ordinary occurrence. Then she excused herself, stating that she had to get to class. After Alice walked Jenny to the door, she returned to the couch and sat down next to Helena who turned to her and said, "well, she's quite interesting," and had not meant it sarcastically, but rather, as a statement of fact.

Alice laughed and then recounted the story of how Jenny came into their lives.

The last week felt surreal to Alice. Of course, her life was bound by a certain routine, such as brushing her teeth or going to work at the magazine or doing her spot on KCRW, but then so much felt different in her life as well. Dana broke up with her, she wasn't as close to her best friends and Helena…well, Alice didn't want to overstate it, it had only been a week, after all, but Helena had quickly become her closest confidant. It felt odd to be with Helena, of course, but odd in a good way. It felt good and Alice needed that.

-----

Alice surreptitiously watched Helena as the dark-haired woman moved her head up and down to the beat of the song and smiled affectionately. After just a week with Helena, she felt like she'd known Helena for years, but Helena could still surprise her. It surprised her to know how playful Helena truly was. Although it made sense, given she had two small children. After bringing the children home from camp, Helena had roughhoused with the children until Wilson and Jun Ying exhausted themselves and went to their rooms to take naps. Now Alice and Helena were in Helena's living room, listening to CDs they'd purchased from Amoeba Records the day before and reading books they'd recommended to one another. Alice observed Helena as Helena sat slouched on the sofa, with her feet resting on the coffee table. Helena's designer clothes were slightly wrinkled and there was a large smudge mark on the knee from where Wilson accidentally shoved his mother's knee against the fire place. One of Helena's perfectly manicured fingernails was broken, which must have happened when Helena played with her children. It was the most imperfect she'd ever seen Helena --her hair was slightly messy from playing with her children, her clothes were wrinkled and a little dirty and she had a very obviously broken fingernail, but Alice liked that Helena didn't seem to care. Even when Helena had been in tears that day when Alice dropped in to return the book, there was still something perfect about Helena, but right now… well, the imperfections and the fact that Helena didn't seem to give a shit only served to endear the woman to Alice more. Alice smiled when Helena began laughing. "Which part are you at?" Alice asked.

Helena laughed, "'I'm going to have you fired!'" Helena read, "'and I wanted to lean over and say, 'I'm going to have you killed.'" Helena put the book face-down on her lap and broke into uproarious laughter.

Alice laughed with her, amused by how tickled Helena was by the passage. "You really are kind of a dork," she said affectionately.

Helena looked confused. "I'm kind of a whale's penis?"

Alice blinked and then laughed. "No, not that definition of the word. It means--"

Helena laughed. "I know what it means," she said, grinning. "I was teasing."

Alice rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Brat," she said, chuckling.

Helena looked innocently at her. "Am I?" she asked.

"Yes, you are," Alice said, laughing warmly. Alice's eyes lit up when the next song came on. "Dude! Get up!" she said, standing to her feet.

Helena looked at her in confusion. "Pardon?" she asked, though she was already rising.

Alice took her by the arm and lifted Helena to her feet. "Dance with me! You have to dance when you hear this song. It's 'Bizarre Love Triangle'!"

Helena looked at her amused. "I did not realize New Order had the power to compel people to dance. Is it a subliminal message in the song only you can hear? I can't say I've shared the compulsion to dance to this song."

Alice narrowed her eyes playfully. She lightly poked Helena in the shoulder. "See, that, that right there is why people think you're a bitch," she teased.

Helena laughed. "Are you sure it's not because I am, in fact, a bitch?" Helena asked lightly.

"No," Alice said seriously. "You aren't." Alice smiled at her and took Helena's hand. "Now come on, dance with me!" she said, leading Helena away from the couch and the coffee table to dance around in a more open space. "You can't not dance to 'Bizarre Love Triangle,'" she exclaimed as she and Helena began to jump around to the beat.

"I'm not sure what this could mean, I don't think you're what you seem. I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else, they'll never see just what we're meant to be," Alice sang, leaping playfully around Helena. Alice grabbed both of Helena hands and the two women began jumping around, swinging their arms together. "Every time I see you falling, I get down on my knees and pray. I'm waiting for a final moment, when you say the words I can't say," Alice sang, grinning at Helena and laughing. She dropped Helena's hands and then moved behind the dark-haired woman and placed her hands on Helena's hips. The two women swayed their hips to the beat, singing along and laughing. Once the song ended, they collapsed onto the ground, in a fit of giggles as the next song came on.

Helena gasped with laughter. "I must confess, despite the lamentable name of this CD you forced me to purchase, this is a worthy mix," she said, laughing as she moved her head and shoulders to 'What's on Your Mind?' by Information Society.

Alice giggled. "Dude, how could you not buy a CD compilation called 'Throb'?" she asked. "I mean, seriously. How could you resist?"

"I couldn't," Helena admitted.

Alice laughed. "See! It was worth buying for the name alone, right?"

"It was," Helena agreed, laughing and falling onto her back. "It certainly was."

The day before at Amoeba Records, Alice spotted the compilation of New Wave songs and immediately declared one of them would have to buy it simply because it was called 'Throb'. She danced around Helena saying it would have to be Helena, and she would even give Helena the money to buy it, just as long as it was Helena who handed the clerk the CD with the orange cover with only the word 'Throb' written across it. It was a hilarious mental image, the idea of refined-looking Helena Peabody buying a used CD called 'Throb'. Helena gamely agreed to buy it, and both Helena and Alice were a little disappointed when the clerk didn't react at all.

Alice laughed and fell onto her back, so that the top of her head touched the top of Helena's and stared up at the ceiling. She was quiet for a moment and then spoke. "I'm so happy we hung out."

Helena pushed her head back so she could look at Alice. "I am, too," she said with a smile.

Alice rolled around so that she was on her stomach. She sat up on her elbows. "Helena?"

"Hm?" Helena asked in lazy tones, still lying flat on her back.

"Let's go to dinner tonight," Alice said. "You, me and the kids. At Pomodoro," Alice suggested, mentioning the restaurant in Westwood where they once ran into each other. "My treat." She paused. "Do they like Italian?" she asked. "I know kids can be weird about food at that age."

"They love Italian," Helena said, smiling. "They aren't finicky about food at all."

Alice laughed. "Yeah? When I was that age, I wouldn't eat anything that wasn't orange for about a month. All I ate were Cheetos, oranges, carrots and Big Stick ice creams."

Helena chuckled. "It was yellow for me," she said. "I had a special fondness for lemons."

Alice looked at her in disbelief. "Lemons?" she asked, with an incredulous laugh.

Helena shrugged. "I liked them."

Alice shook her head and looked at Helena fondly. "So, are we on? You, me and the kids?"

"That sounds wonderful," Helena said.

"Good. My treat," Alice said.

"Alice, no," Helena protested. "Jung Ying and Wilson are my children, there's no need--"

Alice pushed at Helena's shoulder. "Hey, just because you're a heiress and I'm a reporter doesn't mean I can't afford to pay for dinner for you and your kids," Alice teased.

"I didn't mean--"

"I know," Alice said, laughing, "I know. But I need to thank you somehow for everything you've done for me." Alice patted her stomach. "Did I mention what a kick ass cook you are? I took that corn soup you made for me to work yesterday and it was kick ass."

Helena grinned. "Thank-you."

"Anyway. So, you've been so good to me," Alice said. "The least I can do is buy you dinner."

"You really don't have to, Alice."

"I want to," Alice insisted. She peered down into Helena's eyes. "You've really helped me this week," Alice said softly. "I mean, I love my friends and I know they care about me. But I know they're all too busy for me. You…you're different," Alice said quietly. "I know you're busy, but you still made all this time for me and I appreciate it. And I want…I want you to know that I'm not trying to take you for granted, you know?"

Helena gazed at her. "I don't believe you would do that," she said softly.

Alice smiled. "Well, still," she said. "So will you let me buy you and the kids dinner tonight? We don't have to go to Pomodoro, we can go anywhere you want."

"No, no. Pomodoro is perfect. I love Pomodoro."

Alice grinned. "So, how did you find Pomodoro?" Alice asked curiously. "I know you chose the restaurant that day, because your mother--"

Helena rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yes, mother is…" she searched for the right word.

"She's fancy," Alice laughed.

"Yes, she is," Helena agreed.

"So how'd you find it?"

Helena's brow furrowed. "I'm not certain," she said. "There's that theatre across the street. I believe I went there to watch a movie several years ago when I was in LA from New York for a meeting and found the restaurant by happenstance." She tried to remember exactly how she found the restaurant, but it had been so long ago. She was fairly sure that was it. "How did you find it?"

Alice looked thoughtful and then grinned. "You know, I think I found it the same way as you."

Helena chuckled. "Really?"

Alice nodded. "Yeah. I did my undergrad in New York, did I tell you?"

Helena shook her head. "No. You didn't. Where?"

"NYU," Alice said. "I found the restaurant a couple weeks after I got back to LA after graduation. I saw a movie with some friends and they had to go home early because they had jobs already and my job didn't start for another week. I hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I got take-out."

"Oh," Helena said.

Helena and Alice shared a smile as they thought of the similarity of their experience.

"When were you New York?" Helena asked.

"Uhm, '93 to '97," Alice said.

Helena chuckled. "I was at Columbia around that time."

Alice's eyes widened. "You were? Get out!"

"I was," Helena confirmed. "From 1994 to 1998."

"I thought you did your undergrad, like, at Oxford or Cambridge or something," Alice mused.

"My father's side of the family traditionally went to Oxford, but I…" Helena shrugged. "I didn't want to go. They had a place for me, of course, being a Peabody. But I wanted to come here, to the States, and ultimately decided on Columbia because it was so close to Mother. I thought perhaps we could…" Helena searched for the right words to say. She'd hoped going to university in New York would give her a chance to become closer to her mother, but that hadn't been the case. Her mother was never around. Helena could remember feeling that as a child, she loved her father best, but mothers were somehow…closer. Perhaps it was biology and the fact that mothers carried their children for nine months. People tended to ask that question of children--'whom do you love more? Your mother or your father?' in the some way people asked parents 'which child is your favorite?' Helena has always been blunt, perhaps to a fault--she does not lie, especially to herself. She could remember as a child feeling that yes, she did love her father more--but mothers were closer. And when it came time to choose colleges, she turned down the myriad of other options she had--Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and others, to choose Columbia because it was so closer to Peggy's penthouse. She'd thought that perhaps it would give her the opportunity to form the closeness she thought was so natural between mothers and her children. But she never had that opportunity. If her mother were simply some evil woman--a scourge of the universe, as Bette Porter liked to say, and Helena simply hated her, Helena would find it easier. Instead, she was just confused by the distance between them. She didn't quite understand it. She was a little different from the rest of her family--her mother's side of the family were fascinated by the arts, and her father's side of the family were invested in their sports--hunting, rugby and cricket (which Helena thought was the most boring game on the face of the planet, and the only time anything even remotely interesting happened, she was usually in the restroom after holding it for several hours). Yet, that didn't stop her from being close to her father's side of the family, although they were all deceased now. So she didn't understand this…distance with her mother, and why it never became bridged, despite her all attempts her entire life. Helena shrugged off the end of her sentence, realizing she was floundering for something to say to no avail. "In any case, yes. I was at Columbia during those years." She didn't know how she let such a simple question get so complicated in her mind, but she tended to over-think things anyway.

Alice laughed softly, realizing she was treading on sensitive territory and wanted to proceed carefully. "We must have seen each other at some point," Alice mused. "I mean, we probably didn't run in the same circles, but dykes are dykes," she said, hoping to lighten the mood.

Helena chuckled. "Yes, we are," she said. She rolled onto her stomach, mirroring Alice's position and faced the blonde, gazing at her as she rested on her elbows.

Alice looked at her pensively. "You went to college from 1994 to 1998?"

"Yes."

"Did you take a year off or something before you went?" Alice asked, calculating Helena's age in her head.

"Ah, no. Why?"

Alice laughed. "So how old are you?"

Helena grinned at her. "A lady--"

"Oh, come on now," Alice interrupted, slapping Helena gently on the shoulder. "We're past those pretenses now. We both know you aren't really a lady, Fancypants," Alice teased. "So, come on, how old are you?"

"Twenty-nine," Helena said, rolling her eyes. "Since you are not a lady either, how old are you?"

"Thirty," Alice said with a grin. "I'm older than you," she commented. "I didn't think I was."

Helena laughed easily. "Should I be offended by that? Do I appear aged? Should I sue the makers of my very expensive cosmetics for their trickery?" She touched her face, pretending to appear self-conscious. "And the package said it was anti-wrinkle!" she jested.

Alice laughed. "No, no! You look great," Alice insisted. "Hot. Seriously. You look young. It's just…it's the way you carry yourself, I guess. You make yourself seem older than you are, but you don't look older. You always seemed so serious to me, so I guess I just thought you were older, plus, you know, Jun Ying and Wilson."

Helena nodded. "Hm."

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"You may."

Alice hesitated before she asked. "How long were you with Winnie before you…I dunno, made it permanent?" Alice asked. She'd been dying to ask that since Helena told her she met Winnie when she was nineteen.

"Three years. We had a ceremony after I graduated and well, soon after, we had Wilson and Jun Ying."

"Geez," Alice muttered.

"What?" Helena asked curiously.

Alice shrugged. "I don't know," she said honestly. "I just, I can't imagine that for myself. I mean, now, yeah. But I wasn't ready for all that until really recently. It's only in the last couple of years I even been really ready for something super long-term in the forever sense. I can't imagine being with someone for so long. " She looked at Helena tenderly. "You were so young." The more she learned of Helena's ex, Winnie, the more Alice wanted to punch the woman in the face. Though Helena never said it explicitly, Alice was fairly sure Helena had been taken advantage of.

"I knew what I wanted," Helena said simply. "I wanted a family, children, all that." She smiled sadly. "It didn't quite work out the way I hoped," Helena said softly. "But I'm not sorry. I have Wilson and Jun Ying, and for quite a long time, I was happy." Helena glanced up at the ceiling, appearing contemplative. She'd been happy, but it had been under false pretenses. Helena knew that now. But it still didn't change the fact she had been happy, even if she now knew Winnie had never loved her in the first place. She felt the slight depression she always felt when she thought about Winnie creeping in on her and decided to change the subject. "What about you, Alice?"

Alice but her lip. "Well, I knew I wanted something long-term, before Dana and I got together," she said softly. "But I think Dana was the first person where I really thought to myself that, this could be it." Alice chuckled humorlessly. "But obviously, I was wrong about that."

"I'm sorry," Helena apologized. "I didn't mean to make you think of her, I know how much you want to forget."

Alice pressed her forehead against Helena's. "Stop apologizing to me," she growled with mock sternness. She pulled away and laughed. "It helps to talk about it with you," she said with a smile. "Okay, I gotta pee," Alice said. Impetuously, she pressed a friendly kiss on Helena's cheek. "I'll be right back," she said, scrambling to her feet and running off to the bathroom.

Helena watched her leave, one hand unconsciously trailing to touch her cheek where Alice's lips had pressed against it.

-----

Several days later, Helena shuffled through paperwork, groaning at the sheer volume of it all. It was another grant period, and as was her custom, she was reading each one individually. She organized the hundreds of grant applications that had been received that day into type-of-organization and stared at the large piles on her desk. Though she enjoyed reading grant applications, it did get tedious. Grant-making and grant-writing were both tedious processes--having written grants in the past on behalf of other organizations to other Foundations, Helena knew how tedious and time-consuming writing a grant was. She had a soft spot for the small, private non-profit social justice organizations because their funds and their time were more limited--most of their attention was devoted to service delivery, and though many of the larger non-profit organizations had a special team of grant-writers, or hired outside help, the very small ones relied on their line-workers to write the grants. Helena admired these small non-profit organizations whose employees wrote the grants on top of giving therapy to battered women, tutoring children and other professional duties Helena found admirable. She definitely had a soft spot for these organizations and they took precedence in her mind. She loved this part of her job, but it was undeniably tedious at times.

Her direct line rang and she was a little grateful for the distraction, though she knew it was likely to be another boring telephone call from some stuffy person from the Foundation.

"Good afternoon," Helena said pleasantly. "This is Helena Peabody."

"'Allo, Helena, this is--"

Helena smiled and shook her head at the very bad English accent.

"Hello, Alice."

"Damn it!"

Helena laughed heartily, truly grateful now for the distraction. "You can't fool me."

"No, I guess I can't" Alice said a little grudgingly. A few days before, she'd called Helena and said, 'hey, Helena, it's Alice,' to which the British woman replied, 'I recognize your voice, Alice. You don't have to keep identifying yourself to me.' Ever since then, Alice had been on a mission to prove Helena couldn't recognize her voice all the time, but she'd been thwarted and Alice was a little cranky about that. Then she laughed good-naturedly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just sorting through some grants," Helena responded. She smiled and grabbed a pen and tapped it lightly against the desk. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Finishing up an article," Alice said. "Are you busy tonight?"

"Not particularly," Helena said. "Why do you ask?"

"Then you totally have to come out with me tonight."

"All right," Helena agreed, "but what are we doing?"

"Going on a double blind date."

Helena groaned. "Alice--"

"Hey," Alice said. "I think it's time we both got back on that metaphorical horse. My co-worker wanted to set me up with her older brother. I didn't really want to go, but then she emailed me his picture, and he's kind of cute, so I thought, hey, what the hell, why not?" Alice paused. "Do you think she thinks I'm shallow now? Because I said yes after I saw her brother's picture?"

Helena laughed. "I don't know."

"Well, it doesn't matter. Anyway. He called and said he wanted to go out tonight, but his best friend came into town and she's staying for a few days, so he wanted to know if we could go out next week. But I found out his best friend is a lesbian, and supposedly hot, and well…"

"Oh, Alice," Helena groaned. "You didn't."

"Please?" Alice asked. "Please? Come on, you already said yes. And you haven't dated anyone since Tina, and that's been over way longer than Dana and I have been…well you know…"

Though she didn't want to go on a double date, and certainly not a double blind date at that, she could hear the undercurrent of sadness in Alice's voice and agreed readily. If this is what Alice needed, then Helena would do it. "Let's do it," Helena said.

"Really?" Alice asked, pleased. "Great!" she exclaimed. "Thank-you so much, Helena. I promise, I'll have you home in time for reading time with the kids. It's at 7:30, right?"

"8:30," Helena said, "It's summer, so I pushed it back an hour."

"It was meant to be, then," Alice said with a laugh. "We're meeting at 6:00 for an early dinner. Is that okay?"

"It's fine," Helena said.

"Okay," Alice said. "I'll pick you up," she said. "I'll come by your office, okay?"

"All right," Helena agreed. "Where are we going?"

"I'm not sure yet," Alice. "Jeffrey's calling back. I'll let you know when I pick you up."

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"This woman that you are hoping I will fall madly in love with--what's her name?"

"Una."

"Una?" Helena repeated, with a low chuckle.

"It's Irish," Alice said, defending the name she'd initially found a little odd as well. She hoped that wouldn't turn Helena off.

"Oh, I know," Helena said. "It means 'lamb.'"

Alice was quiet for a moment and then laughed. "Is this a United Kingdom thing?" she teased.

Helena laughed. "No, it's not a United Kingdom thing," she said. "I tried to learn Gaelic once. The women in the book were all called Una for some reason," Helena explained. "Una tan she said with a soft chuckle.

"What does that mean?" Alice asked, grinning, unconsciously pressing the phone closer.

"It means 'my name is Una,'" Helena said, laughing self-deprecatingly. "It's all I can remember now."

Alice laughed. "Gaelic, huh? I'm sure that would have been really…useful," she teased.

Helena grinned. "It was a whim," she admitted.

"You learned Gaelic on a whim?" Alice asked. "You know what I did on a whim once? I drove across the country."

"Well, I'm boring," Helena said, her voice low and warm.

"I don't believe that," Alice said softly. "You are full of surprises," Alice said, a little in wonderment. "So anyway. I know you're busy, so I'm going to let you go now. But I'll pick you up at the office around 5-ish, okay? Maybe we can have a drink or two before dinner. Did you want to get changed before, or--"

Helena looked down at her outfit and shrugged. She didn't have her heart set on this date, and so she didn't particularly care what she looked like. What she was wearing would be perfectly acceptable. "No, I'm fine. Did you want to get changed? We can drop by your apartment."

"Nah, I'm good, too," Alice said. "Okay, then, see you in a few hours."

-----

'This is an unmitigated disaster,' Alice thought. This was a disaster worthy of being a Greek myth. Her date, Jeffrey, was decent. He was cute and interesting and pretty much exactly what you would want from a blind date, and though Alice wasn't that interested, she wouldn't mind seeing him again, if only to stop thinking of Dana. But Helena's date…well, she was the more common kind of blind date. Alice thought Una was attractive enough for her friend, but she definitely wasn't good enough, and Alice spent the dinner looking at Helena for the pre-arranged signal they'd come up with over the drinks they had before meeting Jeffrey and Una. She was sure it would come--Una was too horrifyingly shrill and a little obnoxious not to be 'let's bolt' signal-worthy. But the signal never came. Helena smiled graciously through the entire meal, laughed and made small talk, seemingly oblivious to the stick up Una's ass. Helena charmed Alice, and she charmed Jeffrey and she was even gracious when Una made some comment about HUD funding going to affordable and lower-income housing to help the homeless and those of the lower socio-economic class. Alice knew this made Helena bristle, because she had a conversation with Helena on the subject when she accompanied Helena to a town hall meeting in Inglewood. The town hall meeting had been called for the purpose of gaining community input into the allocation of the HUD funds. Helena wanted to do research, to know the kind of communities and people her Foundation grants went to, and she wanted to get an idea of their needs, to see what types of projects the Foundation should be paying special attention to her work. After the meeting, Helena drove Alice home, her eyes shiny, and her voice excited about all the ideas she had now, how happy she was to have gone. Helena was devoted to her work, and Alice knew Una offended her. But still, the signal never came. And Alice was completely baffled. The thought that Helena would actually find Una appealing was too horrifying and ludicrous to even comprehend seriously. If Helena found Una appealing, Alice would have serious doubts about Helena's tastes which she found to be impeccable--usually.

Finally, after refusing dessert, Helena and Alice stood up, and exchanged cheek kisses with their respective dates. Alice and Jeffrey agreed to call one another later. Una was already drunk and partially passed out in her chair. Alice and Helena left the restaurant first, arm in arm, stating Helena had to get home to her children.

Alice passed her ticket to the valet who ran to fetch her car.

Alice and Helena got into the car and Alice observed the time. 7:45 PM. If she drove fast, she could get Helena back to the office to pick up her car and Helena could get home in time for reading time with the children. Alice drove to the restaurant's driveway, glanced in both directions because she had to make a left and saw she would have to wait a bit.

She glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Jeffrey and Una were behind her. Finally, it was clear enough to turn. She turned left. Jeffrey and Una turned right, and Alice was glad because she didn't want to take any chances that she might be somehow overheard. Once they turned onto the street, they were immediately stopped at a light. Alice seized the opportunity.

Alice slapped Helena's knee. "I can't believe you didn't give me the signal!" Alice exclaimed. "I was waiting for you to do it all night." She turned to look at Helena and waited for a response. When none came, Alice's eyes widened. "Oh my God! Don't tell me you actually liked her? Did you actually like her?" Alice demanded, putting her hand to her temple, as though she had a headache, or she just received news she could not believe. "Because if you did, oh my God, I will personally choose every woman you date, because--"

"Alice!" Helena exclaimed, finally interrupting Alice with a laugh. "Of course I did not like her. In fact, that was quite possibly the most disastrous date of my entire life." Not that she'd had many of them--after all, Winnie was the only woman she was with from the time she was nineteen years old until relatively recently. And though she's had numerous sexual encounters since Winnie left her, she believes she has gone on far fewer dates than other people her age

"Then why didn't you give me the signal?" Alice asked, exasperated. She flicked at Helena's shoulder. "What was the point of coming up with a signal if you aren't going to use it?!"

Helena shrugged. "You seemed to enjoy his company," Helena said quietly. "I didn't want to disrupt that. You're right, we both need to move on, and he appears to be decent enough."

Alice looked at her adoringly. "You did that for me?" she asked softly. "Helena, you didn't have to do that. It was just a date."

"But it was the first one," Helena said. "It's the most important one."

"Helena, you don't have to--"

"Light's changed," Helena said softly.

Alice turned quickly to re-face the road, and pressed on the accelerator. "You didn't have to do that for me," Alice said quietly. "It's so sweet of you, but God, that woman was awful. Ugh." She appreciated that Helena would do that for her, but she hated the thought of Helena having to endure anything so unpleasant for her.

"At least she was too drunk by the end of dinner to share a real kiss," Helena mused. Helena thought that would have been especially unpleasant, though Una was, in fact, extremely attractive. 'What a waste,' Helena thought.

Alice glanced at her, amused. "Yeah, there is that," she agreed. She shook her head. "I'm sorry about this," she apologized, "Jeff sounded so cool on the phone, and I thought since she was his best friend, she'd be cool, too, but…ugh" Alice shuddered. "Ugh!"

Helena laughed. "It wasn't so bad," she said. "I enjoy spending time with you, even in the presence of others."

Alice looked at her. "I enjoy spending time with you, too."

"Jeffrey seems nice. Were you interested in him?" Helena asked softly.

Alice smiled. "He was nice, wasn't he?" Alice asked. "Yeah, I think if he asks me out again, I'll go. Might as well," Alice said with a shrug. It was better than just thinking of Dana anyway.

"Good," Helena said softly, though she wasn't sure she truly meant it. She was happy for Alice, of course, happy the blonde was trying to move on. She knew the reporter was still despondent over the break-up with Dana, that she was trying to aim for normalcy and seem happy. And she was doing a fine job of it. But Helena knew Alice was unhappy and that she needed to date to get over Dana. And Helena was glad that Jeffrey was handsome and nice. Objectively, Helena approved. She was glad Alice's rebound was someone like Jeffrey. But mixed in with the genuine happiness she felt for Alice was an emotion she rarely felt, and it was aimed at Jeffrey: jealousy. Helena was jealous, and she knew it. She knew now she was romantically interested in Alice, and as much as she enjoyed having a friend, which she'd never had, she could not deny her interest in and attraction to the blonde.

She knew of course, that it was too soon. That Alice was still too wounded and hurt to truly enter into a productive, long-lasting romantic relationship. And Helena could wait until that time came, because she knew she didn't want just a fling with Alice. She didn't want to be Alice's Rebound Girl, the way she'd been Tina's rebound. She wanted something long-term and substantial with Alice, and she knew how to wait for a good thing.

But that didn't mean she would not be jealous of the people who will date Alice until Alice is ready for something more meaningful. She knew, of course, that Alice wasn't ready and none of these people would be the one Alice ultimately settled down with, but Helena was jealous nonetheless. Still, it felt good to finally have a friend, and when it came down to it, in whatever capacity, Alice was enough.