Dana sat at The Planet, fiddling with a packet of sugar. It had been over a month since she'd last talked to Alice--six weeks, in fact. The day after the month-long Alice-requested moratorium passed, Dana called the blonde, e-mailed her and began dropping in again, but still, Alice ignored her. She thought after a month, Alice would see her again, or at least speak to her or send an email back, but Alice didn't. And that hurt. She knew, of course, that breaking the heart of the woman she loved meant she was breaking the heart of her best friend, but she never really thought she would lose her best friend in the process. And it hurt to realize she had.

Lara waved to her as she stopped at the counter to get something. Dana waved back, and she watched the chef walk back into the kitchen. She'd enjoyed the past month with Lara, of course, because Lara was enjoyable to be around. Dana found she couldn't date anyone the first two weeks after her break-up with Alice-- and Dana could accept now that it was a break-up, and not a break, like she'd hoped. She's dated Lara fairly casually for a month now, and Lara was…well, Lara. She was easy on the eyes and easy to date. The time they spent together was fun, and the sex was good. There was nothing Dana could complain about, and she was glad she had the opportunity to explore where it could lead. After all, the only reason it never became something more with Lara the first time around was because of Lara's demonstrative public displays of affection stirring Dana's fears of being outted. But that was no longer a consideration, and so the past month had been a fun and easy time for her. But she couldn't help herself-- she thought of Alice all the time. It was like Alice haunted her now that the blonde was absent from her life.

Of course, Alice was absent from all their lives now. Tina told Dana the night before that the last time Tina tried to call Alice, two weeks ago, the blonde never picked up and never called back. No one had really seen or talked to Alice in the past seven weeks since the break-up, and that worried Dana. No one had talked to Alice for more than a few minutes and they'd only seen the blonde in passing. Dana hated the thought of Alice isolating herself, and she felt a little guilty that Lara was now well-integrated into the group and Alice…well, Alice was gone. It didn't seem right, she should be the one not hanging out with the group, but it was Alice who was pulling away, and worse yet, everyone was letting her.

Dana wished Alice would call her back, drop in, or even shoot her a terse email to drop dead. Anything. She was looking for any kind of contact, but there was nothing.

Until the moment Dana saw Alice walk into The Planet, talking and laughing on her phone, and looking so beautiful, Dana felt her chest clench. All the memories flooded back to her, of how much she truly loved the woman entering into The Planet, talking animatedly. But then, Alice was always animated. It was just one of the many things Dana loved about her. Judging by the way Alice was dressed, Dana surmised she was just stopping in to get a cup of coffee on her way back to the office. She knew her time with Alice would be brief, but at least there would be time.

"No, that was Jeffrey," Alice told the person she was talking to with a low chuckle. "He was the one we went on that double date with a month ago, remember? With Una? I'm not going out with Jeffrey tonight." Alice paused, listening to the person on the other end. "I'm not going out with her either. Christina is old news, Helena. I'm going out with--" Alice laughed. "Will you stop interrupting me? I'm not going out with her either, geez, you're making me sound like a slut." Alice paused and Dana watched as Alice grin, slow and wide. "What do you mean, I am a slut? I am not a slut!" Alice exclaimed with a laugh. Alice paused. "Okay, maybe a little. But still. God, you're such a brat. I was trying to be all smooth and tell you I was going out with you tonight, if you had time, but you had to be all Girl, Interrupter. Geez. What happened to your charming manners?" Alice teased with a laugh. Her eyes glanced around The Planet and then locked on Dana who was staring at Alice with a mixture of hesitation, shock and love.

Dana smiled hesitantly at her, though her mind noted with no small measure of jealousy that Alice was dating--quite a lot from the sound of it, and that Alice was talking to Helena. 'Peabody?' Dana wondered. She didn't know how that could possibly be, but they didn't know any other Helenas either. Dana hoped it was some other Helena. Dana waved awkwardly. All she knew was that she was happy to see Alice, and happy to see that Alice looked so good.

Alice stared at Dana for a moment and then seemed to find her voice. "I'll call you back," she said quietly to the person on the other end of the phone. She snapped her phone shut, put it back into her bag and turned around, speed-walking toward the exit.

Dana stood up and followed after her. "Al! Wait!"

She didn't think it would be like this. She knew it would be awkward, but she thought Alice would come over and talk to her. Dana called several times a day, every day, for the past two weeks since the moratorium passed, begging Alice to talk to her, to forgive her.

Dana needed Alice in some capacity in her life and she desperately needed to make things okay. She needed Alice to give her a chance to make it all okay. But Alice wouldn't give her that chance, and Dana had no idea what to do.

Alice was known for being laid-back and easy-going. She forgave people easily, which was a quality that infuriated Dana when Alice kept taking Gabby Deveaux back over and over again. But it was a quality that made Dana think that even though she broke up with Alice in a way that made her kind of an asshole, Alice would forgive her eventually, because that's just Alice's way, and Dana would still have her best friend. Dana hated Gabby Deveaux for treating Al like shit. She kind of hated herself for doing the same. But Dana thought the same courtesy Alice extended to everyone else, the one that made Alice forgive people with a smile and a laugh, would be extended to her as well. Dana thought that when Alice walked into The Planet, it would be her opportunity to smooth things over. To make Alice be her friend again. She never thought Alice would take one look at her and walk right back out.

But she did.

Dana followed after Alice as the blonde walked out of The Planet. When Dana called her name, Alice started running. But of course, Alice was wearing heels and Dana was wearing trainers and Dana ran faster than Alice anyway, so Dana caught up to her fairly easily. Dana grabbed Alice's arm. Alice turned and wrenched her arm away.

"What do you want?" Alice asked, her voice brusque, no longer the sunny, happy tone she'd used with the person with whom she'd been talking to on the phone, just moments before.

Dana felt tears prick her eyes. Alice had never spoken to her this way--not in all the time they'd known each other. She never knew Alice's eyes could look so cold, but how could she have known? Alice has never looked at her that way. Dana doesn't think she's ever seen Alice look that way at anyone before. Alice has been irritated with Dana, and exasperated and mad, but never cold. Ever. Alice's brusque tone and cold eyes momentarily intimidated Dana so that she could not immediately respond to Alice's question. But Alice stared at her, expectantly, impatiently, and Dana swallowed hard and spoke. "I…I… wanted to talk. I left you, like, five million messages. Why haven't you called me back? I just...I want us to be okay, Al. I--"

"We are okay," Alice snapped. "I've just been busy, and you know, I kind of need to go. I'll talk to you later, Dana," she said. She turned to leave.

"Alice…" Dana whispered, the tears evident in her voice. One word begging Alice not to leave. Not like this. To please not leave it this way.

Alice turned around, her eyes softening. "I'm sorry, Dane," Alice said, relenting. She stepped forward, as if to give Dana a hug and then thought better of it and stepped back. "Look, this is just…it's really hard for me, Dana. Okay? I'm sorry I haven't called you back, but I…" Alice wrapped her arms around herself. "It's just really fucking hard for me." Alice shook her head. "I'm sorry I was mean," Alice said quietly. "I don't want to treat you that way. That's why I haven't called you back, Dana. I need…I need more time. I don't want to be mean to you, Dana. I love you. But when I look at you…"

"I'm sorry," Dana said quietly. "I didn't…I didn't mean to pressure you, Al. It's just that I missed you so much."

"I've missed you, too," Alice said softly. "But it's too hard right now, Dana. I need more time."

Dana swallowed hard. "Okay," she said dully. She'd missed Alice terribly, and she wasn't sure if she could stand more time, but if Alice needed that, then that was just the way it would have to be. "You look really good," Dana said quietly. "I'm glad…I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, Al." Dana sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "I was worried."

"Don't worry about me," Alice said quietly. She forced herself to smile, though she was ready to cry herself. "You look really good, too," Alice said. And Dana did. The more spiteful part of her thought that with all the multiple orgasm sex with Lara, why wouldn't Dana look good? But Alice was trying not to be petty about the whole thing, though it was hard. She understood where Dana was coming from, and she knew it was hard for Dana. It was just that Alice felt it was harder on her than it was on Dana. She forced herself to smile again. "Are you doing good?"

Dana clenched her jaw to prevent herself from crying. She hated that Alice was being so nice about this. "I'm good," she said. "Are you good?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Alice said. She looked at Dana curiously. "What were you doing at The Planet right now anyway? Don't you have practice?" Alice had gone to The Planet specifically because she thought no one she knew would be there. Tina, Shane and Carmen would be at work, Dana would be at practice and who knew what Bette was doing now that she had joined the ranks of the unemployed. Of course, it had been almost a month since she last spoke to either Bette or Tina, so it was possible Bette found a job by now, but Alice just didn't know. Kit was Kit, and Alice never minded seeing Kit who could mind her own business and not ask about things Alice didn't want to talk about. Alice had to admit she was asking essentially to mine for information about changes in Dana's schedule so she could avoid the tennis player as much as possible. And of course, she was still curious about changes in Dana's life, no matter how mundane.

"Yeah, but Lara and I--" Dana's eyes widened and one hand drifted to her mouth, horrified by her slip. "Oh my God, Al. I--"

Alice looked at her impassively. "It's fine. You're dating her now. It's natural she'd come up. But I really do have to go, Dana." Alice stepped backwards, retreating from Dana.

"Al, wait," Dana said desperately. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to--"

"I need to go, Dane. I'll call you sometime."

"Al--"

"Have fun on your thing with Lara today," Alice said, spinning around to go to her car. She badly needed to get out of there, to get into her car and just drive away as fast as she could. God, what a mistake it had been coming to The Planet. But after seven weeks of avoiding the place as though she could get asbestos poisoning, she found she missed the coffee. But of course, running into Dana had ruined all that, and now she wasn't in the mood for anything anymore. All she wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed, which is exactly what she was planning to do as soon as she placed a call into the office. Just because her romantic life was utterly fucked up didn't mean she wanted her entire life to get fucked up.

"Fuck," Dana whispered, watching Alice walk away.

She ruined it.

She ruined everything. Dana watched Alice get into her car, and felt a dull pain in her chest.

She hoped it was worth it.

----

"I'm sorry about earlier," Alice said softly. "I wanted to call you back, but I just…I needed to be alone for a while."

"It's quite all right," Helena said softly. She'd been worried when Alice abruptly cut off their conversation earlier in the day and never called back or answered when Helena placed several calls to her cell phone, but Helena knew there would be a good reason for it.

Alice reached down to grab Helena's hand. Alice was lying on Helena's sofa; Helena was lying on the floor next to the sofa, her head resting on a throw pillow. Helena moved her hand up to meet Alice's and the two women lay in silence, holding hands for a moment before Alice spoke again. "I wanted to take you out tonight," Alice confessed. "I don't know, it seems like we're always just hanging out here or at my apartment, and I don't know, it feels like I'm holding you back just because I don't really feel like going out, you know?"

"You aren't holding me back," Helena said sincerely.

Alice chuckled and traced a pattern on Helena's hand. "Right," she murmured. "Because I'm sure you just enjoy hanging out with me like this. We aren't even doing anything."

"We watched a movie," Helena defended. "It was a good movie."

"Yeah, I love 'The Little Mermaid' as much as the next girl," Alice said wryly, "but I wanted to take you out tonight. It's just that…" Alice sighed softly. "I saw Dana today. I went in to The Planet because I missed the coffee. I didn't think she'd be there because she's usually at practice at that hour, but she was." Alice laughed sadly. "She was going to do something with Lara. Anyway. We talked for a while, and it just…I don't know. I needed to be alone after that."

Helena sat up. "That must have been awful," she said softly, tenderly touching Alice's cheek.

Alice's lower lip trembled. "I didn't think it would be so hard seeing her. I mean, it's been... seven weeks since we broke up. You'd think it'd be easier."

"Not necessarily," Helena said quietly, placing her free hand on an empty length of sofa and resting her chin on top of it. Helena's eyes were soft and sympathetic as she gazed at Alice.

Alice smiled at her, and stroked the top of Helena's hair. Alice gazed into Helena's blue eyes, dark and serious. "You're so good to me," she remarked. She sighed. "Why is it still so hard?"

Helena looked at her sympathetically. She shifted slightly so that her elbow rested on the sofa. She cupped her cheek with her palm as she fixed her eyes on Alice. "It's normal for it to be hard," Helena murmured. "It'll get better," Helena said softly, gently pulling her hand away from Alice to stroke Alice's cheek. "You'll see."

"I can't sleep," Alice confessed softly. "I don't think I've slept more than a couple hours a night after that first night Dana broke up with me."

Helena blinked. She didn't know that. "Alice," Helena said softly. "Why haven't you told me this before?" she asked. She talked to Alice every day, and she saw the blonde at least three or four times a week. They even took several weekend jaunts with the children to San Diego, Santa Barbara and San Francisco, but still, Helena did not know Alice was unable to sleep--though they'd slept in separate rooms then. Everyday, she asked Alice how she was, and everyday, Alice always responded she was fine. Of course, Helena knew that was partly an act, but Helena thought Alice was feeling better, that every time Alice said she was doing fine, it was at least partly true. Alice was the first friend she'd ever had, and Helena felt she failed the blonde.

Alice shrugged. "I thought it would pass," she said quietly. "But it hasn't. I keep thinking about her, even when I'm on dates with other people or when I'm alone or…"Alice winced. "I think I'm going crazy." She smiled at Helena. "But enough about that," Alice said, shaking her head as if the action could shake Dana from her thoughts. "I'm so happy I have you," she said softly. "You make it all better." She brushed the back of her hand across Helena's cheek. "I'm so lucky to have you, Helena," Alice said sincerely. "You've really helped me through all this."

Helena's throat clenched. She didn't think she was making things better for Alice at all, or else why would the blonde feel as though she were going crazy? Why hadn't Helena noticed Alice was feeling this way? 'You are an idiot,' Helena told herself, feeling nothing but self-reproach. But the dark-haired woman told herself it wasn't about her, this was about Alice and she focused her eyes intently into Alice's eyes. "Alice," she said quietly. "Have you considered possibly talking to a professional?" she asked, deliberately keeping her voice low and comforting, hoping the suggestion would not offend Alice.

Alice laughed softly. "Am I that hopeless?" she asked, only half-joking.

Helena shook her head quickly. "No, of course not," she said, taking both of Alice's hands in her own. "But it can help," she said sincerely. Not that she's had particularly good experiences with mental health professionals, but she's heard from other people that it was helpful, and maybe Alice would have better luck with therapy than she did.

"I don't want to," Alice said softly.

"All right," Helena accepted. "But Alice, it's all right to seek help, you don't have to do everything on your own." Helena cursed herself for not seeing it, for not realizing it. Of course Alice wasn't okay. Dana shattered her heart. Helena berated herself for thinking Alice was okay simply because Helena thought they had fun together. Had she been so caught up in how good it felt to finally have a close friend that she completely ignored the obvious?

"I know," Alice said quietly. She sat up, and the two women gazed at one another, with Helena looking up and Alice looking down. Alice brushed a stray lock of Helena's hair away from her eyes. "If it gets bad, I'll see someone," Alice said. "But so far…it just hurts."

Helena looked at her sadly and moved up to the sofa to envelope Alice in a hug. "You can come to me," she whispered into Alice's ear. "When it hurts. You don't have to pretend to be happy around me. I'm your friend," Helena said quietly. "You never have to pretend with me."

Alice buried her face into Helena's neck and sighed softly, remaining in that position for a long moment. Finally, she pulled her head away and looked into Helena's eyes. "I don't pretend with you," she said softly. "You just make it better." She touched Helena's face. "You know the same goes for you, don't you? That you never have to pretend around me?"

Helena paused, a little startled by Alice's sudden intensity. She'd never felt so comfortable around another person in such a short span of time, and yes, she felt extremely close to Alice, but the last person who asked something like that had been Winnie, and Helena still occasionally reeled from how wrong she'd been about Winnie's feelings for her. Of course, she believed Alice was different, but it still took some getting used to, the thought that someone would want her to be herself and not who they wanted her to be.

"Helena?" Alice asked quietly, touching Helena's face. "Hey. Where'd you go?"

"I'm sorry," Helena apologized. "Yes," Helena murmured, smiling at the feel of Alice's touch. "I know I never have to pretend with you."

"Good," Alice smiled, relieved. "Because I'm your friend, y'know?"

"I know," Helena affirmed quietly.

Alice was silent for a moment, contemplating if she should ask her question and then decided, what the hell, it was Helena, and they could pretty much talk about anything. "Helena?"

"Yes?"

"Did you…ever see someone?" Alice asked, a little shyly. "I mean, like a…"

"Therapist?"

Alice nodded.

Helena winced slightly. "Yes, several, but they…" Helena chuckled ruefully, "Well, it didn't quite work out well for me but it may be entirely different for you."

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, slightly perplexed. Helena looked uneasy and well…Helena rarely looked uneasy.

Helena shrugged, shifting uncomfortably. "My experience with therapists has been…" Helena faltered and then shrugged. "Well, I suppose my experience with my psychiatrist who is still taking my calls has been helpful," Helena said a little bitterly, thinking back to the lunch with her mother and Winnie.

Alice frowned. "You lost me," she said softly, asking for clarification.

"It's nothing," Helena said, forcing a smile.

Alice looked serious. "Hey. Come on, what's going on?"

Helena hesitated, and bit her lip. She wondered if she should tell any of it to Alice when she was trying to get Alice to consider the possibility of seeking some professional help. But Alice was smiling encouragingly at her, brown eyes silently asking for clarification and Helena sighed, and found herself telling Alice all of it. The psychiatrist whom she slept with and was only taking her calls out of fear of being reported to the American Psychiatric Association for ethical misconduct-- which Helena would never do, because she'd genuinely valued the relationship, even if Isabel called it a 'lamentable liaison' that had been 'profoundly wrong.' And Helena found herself telling Alice about the other psychiatrist who was suing her, and the way her mother and Winnie had mocked her for it in front of the children. Helena found herself telling Alice about her secret fears her children would one day remember that conversation, because they'd been present at the time, and they were smart and observant even if they appeared to have been preoccupied with coloring at the time. Helena quietly told Alice of her fear that her children would one day realize she wasn't nearly as good as they thought.

Alice was quiet as she absorbed everything Helena told her.

"Fuck." Alice said, disgusted.

Helena drew back, "what?" she asked, feeling apprehensive and fearful about the look of disgust on Alice's face. 'I said too much,' Helena bemoaned, castigating herself for ruining something so good, so quickly. 'I should have known better.'

"Don't ever leave me alone with your mother, your ex or either of your psychiatrists," Alice growled, her eyes darkening and flashing with anger.

"Why is that?" Helena asked, resigned that Alice would find her so disgusting now.

"Because I'll fucking punch them, that's why," Alice practically spat. She leapt to her feet and began pacing around the coffee table. "I can't believe your mother," Alice said, practically snarling. "And your ex! God, what a fucking bitch. I can't believe they would say something like that to you--and in front of Jun Ying and Wilson!" Alice ranted angrily. "I mean, it was so fucking inappropriate." Alice shook her head fiercely. "And your fucking psychiatrists--we should fucking fly to New York right now and fucking…fucking--" Alice trailed off angrily. She had no words. "God, they're all so fucking disgusting." Alice punched the air fiercely and then flopped back down onto the couch and took Helena in her arms. "I'm so glad you're here, and you're away from them." Alice made a face. "Well, your ex is in Gramercy, but still. It's not like she really cares about the kids. You're so much better with them than she is." Alice has seen Winnie when Helena dropped off the children to spend a weekend with her, and Alice knew Winnie didn't really give a shit. "God, I just want to beat them all up."

Helena felt like laughing and crying when she realized she miscalculated, that her fear was unwarranted. Alice was angry on her behalf--no one had ever been angry on her behalf. "It's all right, Alice," Helena murmured. "It's not a big deal. I've…come to expect it."

"It is not fucking all right, Helena," Alice whispered fiercely. "It's not fucking all right for them to treat you like that, and it's not fucking all right for you to just fucking expect it and take it and not do anything about it. God."

"It's all right," Helena whispered again.

Alice looked at her with a mixture of exasperation and affection. She shook her head. "Okay, everyone you date has to get the Alice Stamp of Approval now, because, I'm sorry, Helena, but you have shitty taste and if you aren't going to watch out for yourself, I'm going to have to do it."

Helena chuckled. "What is the Alice Stamp of Approval?"

Alice laughed. "It's when I tell you someone is good enough for you."

Helena grinned. "Is it very difficult to get the Alice Stamp of Approval?"

"Very," Alice affirmed. "And this way, we'll know that the next person you get into a relationship with will be good enough for you."

Helena laughed, and touched Alice's cheek affectionately. She was hoping Alice would be the next person with whom she entered into a relationship--when Alice was ready, of course. But she would keep that to herself for now. "Yes, I believe she will be," Helena said with a smile. No one had ever defended her the way Alice defended her, and well, Helena couldn't help it--she was falling a little in love with her best friend.

"Good," Alice said quietly, smiling. She stretched and glanced around. "So, the kids go back to school next week?" she asked, changing the subject.

Helena grinned. "Yes, they do."

Alice laughed. "This has been a really good summer," Alice said with a dreamy smile, though it was October and technically Fall, but she was going by the children's school schedule. "I mean, I thought it was really going to suck. But it's been really good."

"Yes," Helena agreed amiably. She'd enjoyed the summer as well.

Alice touched Helena's knee. "Halloween's almost coming up."

"It is," Helena agreed.

"Have you ever gone into West Hollywood for Halloween?" Alice asked.

"No," Helena said softly.

"It's a sight to behold," Alice said. "Are you free that night?"

"I was planning to take the children trick-o-treating."

"Oh," Alice said, looking disappointed.

Helena suppressed the urge to sigh. She loved her children, and they came first--always. But that was one of the difficulties of having children--her time really wasn't her own. She supposed she could always do what her mother had done to her and pass them off to nannies, babysitters and strangers, but Helena did not want to repeat the parts of her childhood she hated most with her own children. She wanted to raise her children. She thought it was bad enough that the children's babysitter often saw more of them than she did.

"But you should go out," Helena said, a little disappointed herself. It wasn't the fact she couldn't go out--that was never her thing anyway, although she did find herself going a little wild after Winnie left her. She never truly had a wild period. When she was younger, she desperately wanted her mother's approval and did everything she could to bring pride and honor to the Peabody name, so she never went out and acted up in the pubs or clubs. Even in college, she never really went out, unless it was with Winnie, and after Wilson was born and Jun Ying was adopted, her free time was devoted to them, not to going out. So going out wasn't her thing. But spending time with Alice was, and she was disappointed at the thought of losing time with Alice. "What do you and your other friends do on Halloween?"

Alice shrugged dismissively. "It's always the same thing every year. And no one's called me or told me about what the plans are this year." Alice shrugged. "But Halloween is, like, three weeks away, so we'll see."

Privately, Helena thought it was awful Alice's friends weren't calling more or being more supportive. She knew, of course, that if they did call or come around more often, it had the potential to limit her time with Alice, but Helena resented their silence on Alice's behalf. The blonde, however, did not seem to notice or perhaps she didn't care. Maybe she was used to it. Or perhaps Alice was too understanding, Helena wasn't sure. Helena supposed it was easier, with Alice not calling them or making demands on their time, they wouldn't have to devote time to cheering her up and they wouldn't have to choose between Alice and Dana, but Helena thought the behavior was awful nonetheless.

"Anyway," Alice said. "I only brought it up because I kind of wanted to take you out that night. I think it's something everyone who lives in LA should go to at least once, and I figured you might not have done it yet."

Helena looked thoughtful. "Is it something we could take the children?"

Alice burst into laugher. "No," she said. "Definitely not. It's more of an adult thing. And it goes until late anyway."

"We could go after the children are asleep," Helena suggested. When she did go out, she often went out after reading time with the children. Her baby-sitter lived with them which made the arrangement feasible.

"Yeah?" Alice asked, eagerly.

"Yes."

"That would be really cool," Alice said. "I really wanted to do it with you." Alice grinned. "This works out great, then. We can take the kids trick-o-treating, bring them back here and hang out until they crash from their sugar high and we can head out."

"You don't have to take them trick-o-treating with me," Helena protested. When they lived in New York, Winnie never wanted to go along with them. She couldn't imagine why Alice would want to go. Helena herself enjoyed the holiday because she enjoyed dressing her children up in costumes and taking them out to show off their costumes. The first Halloween Wilson and Jun Ying had been old enough to go trick-o-treating, Jun Ying went as a bee and Wilson went as a pumpkin. Wilson and Jun Ying were so happy when they went trick-o-treating, of course Helena enjoyed it. But she could not imagine a non-parent deriving the same enjoyment when even a parent--Winnie, for example couldn't muster excitement.

Alice looked at her as though she were crazy. "Hello! Free candy!" Alice exclaimed. "I'm not going to pass up that opportunity."

Helena laughed. "Ah, I see. You are motivated by the prospect of free sweets, not any true desire to spend time with me."

Alice chuckled. "I always want to spend time with you. The free candy is just a perk." She gave Helena a toothy grin. "So we're on for Halloween? You won't have any business trips or anything that week?"

Helena shook her head. "No, but even if something came up, it could wait."

"Cool. So, it's a date," Alice crowed.

"Yes," Helena murmured affectionately, "it's a date."

Alice grabbed Helena's wrist to look at the time. "Oh, shit. It's really late," Alice said. "Damn, and you have that 8am meeting tomorrow."

Helena cocked her head to the side. "How did you know about that?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Because I was with you yesterday when you got the phone call and I saw you write it down on the Post-It that you stole from me," Alice growled playfully, poking Helena's ribs.

Helena squealed and rolled away from Alice, gasping with laughter. She was extremely ticklish there and every time they ate in a crowded restaurant, Alice never failed to poke her in the ribs to elicit the un-Peabody-like response. "I did not realize taking the Post-It wounded you so grievously," Helena teased, once she caught her breath. She couldn't help but grin, especially since Alice was laughing as well. "I could buy you a Post-It factory to make it up to you."

"It's going to take more than a Post-It factory to make it up to me, lady," Alice said with mock-sternness. "I was going name that Post-It 'Lil Willy' and put him in my pocket and take him out and pet him when I'm sad. But then you stole him from me."

Helena was amused. "That very Post-It?" she asked, biting back a smile, trying to match Alice's pretend-serious tone.

"Yes, that very Post-It," Alice said.

Helena leaned forward and grabbed her organizer from the coffee table, opened it and pulled out the purple Post-It. "Here is Lil Willy," Helena said, passing it to Alice, "and he wants to tell you…he's gay," Helena said conspiratorially. "But he was afraid you'd reject him if you knew."

Alice pushed her face closer to Helena's. "I have news for you," she whispered. "Lil Willy is actually a girl. I was just testing you calling her a boy." She plucked the Post-It from Helena's fingers. "You've ruined her," she said mournfully, stroking the Post-It. "You and your overly neat penmanship."

Helena laughed, no longer able to stay in the role. "Darling, you truly are wonderfully insane."

Alice chuckled. "You're the one who told me my Post-It was gay," she remarked, folding the Post-It and slipping it into her back pocket. "You're just as insane as I am."

"This is true," Helena nodded agreeably.

Alice looked at the leather-bound organizer in amusement. "I can't believe you don't have a PDA or something. Join the 21st century, Helena. Pen and paper is so 20th century."

Helena laughed. "I can't stand those things," Helena said. "I tried to use one for a week, but I grew weary of pushing all those buttons just so I could schedule an appointment." Helena held up the worn leather organizer. "This is much more efficient for me."

Alice grinned, remembering what happened when Bette's Blackberry malfunctioned and all her appointments were lost. Bette had been unapproachable for two weeks. Alice could only imagine what it had been like to be James during that time. "I thought you would be on the cutting edge of technology," Alice teased.

Helena shook her head, though her eyes twinkled with good humor. "I stay with what works for me. I don't need anything fancy."

Alice looked at her fondly. "I get that," she said softly. She rose to her feet. "Okay, it's late. And your meeting is, like, in seven hours. I'm sorry for sticking around so long."

Helena stood as well. "Don't be silly," Helena said softly. "I enjoy your company."

"Hey, young'un, you need your sleep," Alice teased, as she headed for the front door.

Helena rolled her eyes. "Must you do that? You are only a year older than I," Helena said, following after Alice so she could walk the blonde to the door.

"Fifteen months, baby," Alice said, gently poking Helena in the stomach. "You young'uns need lots of sleep."

Helena pulled Alice to a stop. "What about you?" Helena asked quietly. "Will you be all right tonight?" She was tired, so she wouldn't have any problems in sleeping, but she was worried about Alice.

Alice grinned crookedly. "Don't worry about me," she said quietly. She kissed Helena on the cheek. "Good night," she said, walking toward the door. "We'll talk tomorrow? Our usual time?"

"Yes," Helena said quietly. "Of course."

Alice grinned. "Good." She opened the door and waved. "See you soon."

"Bye Alice," Helena said quietly.

Alice told her not to worry, but Helena could not help herself. She was a little worried. She knew Alice was dating quite a bit, which Helena thought was perfectly normal--she'd done it herself after Winnie left her. But the serial dating and the combined with the bouts of depression Alice told her about and the lack of sleep--well, it was worrying, and no matter how much Alice told her not to worry, Helena could not help herself.

------

The sex was empty and blank.

Alice has tried to make it meaningful, even if the people are not, but the sex is still empty and blank. She has tried to make herself feel something, anything, but she felt very little beyond the feel of someone's hot breath on her neck, on her shoulder, or in between her legs. She felt them, of course. Their hands on her. Their skin beneath her fingernails. The feel of them in her. The feel of her in them. She felt all that, but it's all just physical. She felt nothing she wanted to feel, and the more people she fucked to try to feel, the less she actually felt. She felt a piece of her being taken away every time, and that hasn't happened since college when she was willing to fuck anything with an opposable thumb that walked upright to get over Tayo.

She didn't understand it. These weren't one night-stands. These were people she dated, maybe for a week, or two, or three, which wasn't exactly a long time, but they weren't one-nighters. She genuinely liked most of them, found them interesting to talk to. They were all kind to her. They were gentle, except when she didn't want them to be. If they'd met in a different context, if they weren't all just the fucking rebound, a way to forget Dana, Alice thought they might even become friends. But they weren't her friends; they were just a way to try to forget Dana.

But she couldn't forget Dana or fuck Dana out of her system. No matter how hard she tried, Dana was there. And she hated it. She hated it that every time she drove home after fucking someone else, she was thinking of Dana. She hated that every time she rolled away from the body in her bed, it didn't feel right that it wasn't Dana. She wanted someone to come along and fuck the girl right out of her, but the girl was always there. And most of the time, that was all she felt. She was blocked, and she hated it, and most of all, she hated Dana for doing it to her.

The mechanics of sex tend to be the same. The positions change, the people change, but the logistics and the mechanics of it don't really have much variation. Ultimately, it's about certain body parts interlocking, or not interlocking as the case may be.

Fingers slide in and out. Cocks pump into her. Someone's mouth on her pussy. Her ass brushing against someone's cunt as their fingers slide inside her. It was all the same, really.

Always a reminder of Dana.

Alice rolled away from Jack and sat up to get dressed. She grabbed her bra off the floor and put it on, and then reached for her pants. There was just something a little skanky about putting your underwear back on after you fucked someone, or at least she thought so. She stuffed her thong into her purse. She started to pull on her jeans, when she felt Jack's hand on her back.

"Don't go," he said quietly.

Alice froze. "I really should go," she said. "I have an early meeting."

He was quiet for a moment and then he sat up as well. "I really like you, Alice," he said softly.

Alice suppressed a sigh. Jack had that way about him. He was blunt and honest. He did not bullshit with you. She'd known him for a month but has only recently--in the past two weeks, began to see him casually, but she appreciated his honesty, his frankness. It was refreshing, really. But she was honest about her intentions from the beginning-- that she did not want a relationship, she just wanted some fun, and she resented that he was trying to make it more. She desperately wished she wanted more, but she didn't. He was handsome and he was good in bed. He made her laugh. But she felt nothing and she was looking for someone who could make her feel something, but she couldn't give anyone anything more than fun. "I need to go, Jack."

"Okay," he said, soft and disappointed. "Can we meet for lunch tomorrow?"

Alice turned around and smiled. "I'm having lunch with a friend tomorrow," she said. "But we should definitely get together soon." She hoped with a little time, she would come to feel something for this man, who was kind, who would be good to her. But she didn't think so.

He smiled at her. "Okay," he said.

She finished getting dressed, and he walked her to her car, like a gentleman.

She drove home, rolling up her windows and turning off her stereo. She just needed it to be quiet. She needed the world to go away for a while. She showered, dressed into pajamas and then settled into her bed. She rolled around for an hour, for two, and then realized it was useless. She couldn't sleep and she didn't really want to be alone.

Alice sighed and rolled out of bed. She got into her car, intending to drive around and clear her thoughts but found herself pulling up to Helena's driveway. Alice stared at her steering wheel, debating with herself. 'It's fucking four in the morning,' she thought, 'just fucking go home,' she told herself. But her hand traveled down, independently of her brain, and she found herself calling Helena's cell phone, which Alice knew the British woman kept by her bed.

"Hello?" Helena's voice was grumpy and blurry, and Alice couldn't help but smile a little.

"Hi," Alice said softly.

"Alice?" Helena asked, her voice suddenly alert and coherent. "Are you all right? Has something happened?" Helena questioned anxiously. "Where are you? I'll come to you."

Alice laughed, choking back a sob. "I'm fine," she said. "I just…I'm in front of your house."

"I'll be right out," Helena said and then the line went dead.

Moments later, Helena stepped out of her house and walked toward Alice's car, looking confused and concerned. Alice got out of the car and walked to Helena.

"Hi," Alice said softly

"Are you all right?" Helena asked, concerned. She reached for Alice's hand. "Come inside."

"No…I…fuck, Helena. I'm sorry…I should go…fuck…"

"Come inside," Helena repeated, putting her arm around Alice and ushering Alice to the door.

Alice followed her numbly, into Helena's house and up to her bedroom. Alice followed Helena quietly, not wanting to wake the children or their live-in babysitter.

Helena closed the door once they were safely inside. "What happened?" she asked, worriedly. She knew Alice had a date tonight, and Alice's sudden appearance at her home at this late hour terrified her. She felt dread building up in her stomach. "Did something happen with Jack--"

Alice shook her head. "No, no, of course not, God, not Jack," Alice said, ascertaining the meaning of Helena's question immediately.
Helena was visibly relieved. "What's going on, Alice?"

Alice shifted her feet self-consciously. "Last week you told me…I should come to you when…when…"

"When it hurts," Helena supplied softly.

Alice nodded, averting Helena's gentle, caring gaze.

"I'm glad you came then," Helena said, taking Alice by the hand and leading her to the bed. She gently pushed Alice onto the bed, and pulled off Alice's slippers. "Lie down," Helena said softly. Alice looked so exhausted. Alice complied and Helena crawled in next to the blonde, giving the blonde her space, but gently rubbing Alice's arm soothingly. "Tell me everything."

Alice moved into her, wrapping her arms around Helena and clung to her. "Can we just…lie here? I don't feel like talking."

"All right," Helena agreed. She put her arm around Alice and stroked her hair. The two women lay in silence and Alice soon fell asleep. Helena gently rolled away from Alice, taking pains not to wake her and turned off the light. Helena lay on her side of the bed, contemplating the situation when she felt Alice move into her. The blonde wrapped her leg over Helena's hips and put her arms around Helena and buried her face into Helena's neck. Helena glanced down at Alice and saw the blonde was still asleep. Helena stroked Alice's face tenderly, and gazed at the reporter sympathetically.

She wished she could take it all away, but she couldn't.

The next morning, Alice awoke in a vaguely familiar bedroom. Momentarily startled, she was felt relief flood her body when she realized she was only in Helena's bedroom and she suddenly remembered the events of the previous night that brought her to Helena's home. Alice groaned with embarrassment. Helena had been kind and gentle to her, but she couldn't have appreciated someone coming over to her house at four in the morning, especially since Alice knew Helena woke up at six every morning to get the kids off the school. Alice glanced at the alarm clock and noted the time--7am. Noticing Helena was nowhere in the bedroom or in the adjacent bathroom, Alice got out of bed and padded down to the kitchen, where she could hear Wilson, Jun Ying, their baby-sitter, Lulu, and Helena laughing.

"Hey," Alice said, a little embarrassed, walking into the kitchen and smiling at everyone.

Wilson and Jun Ying turned around. "Alice!" they shrieked happily, running over to the reporter and jumping around her. "Alice!"

"Hello Alice!" Helena called from her place by the stove. "Breakfast is almost ready. Sit down."

"Hey kids," Alice said, smiling at them and bending down the hug each of them. She walked over to the table, holding their hands. "Hey Lulu," she greeted.

Lulu smiled. "Hi. How are you?"

"I'm good," Alice said quietly.

The children sat down in their seats and Lulu scooted her chair to make room for Alice.

"Helena, it smells really good," Alice called out.

"Mommy's a great cook," Wilson said.

"Yeah," Jun Ying said, with a laugh.

Lulu patted her stomach. "She sure is," she agreed. "I've been working here a year and I think I've gained about 30 pounds."

Helena laughed and glanced over at the table from her place by the stove. "Lulu!" she exclaimed "Don't be ridiculous!" she said.

"I have," Lulu insisted. "You keep feeding me! And now I've become fat and grotesque."

Helena chuckled and she brought over plates of food to the table. She touched Lulu's shoulder in a friendly gesture. "I think you look wonderful." Helena said. She grinned down at Lulu. "And you must be fit to run after these two," she said, gesturing to Wilson and Jun Ying and pausing to pinch their cheeks on her way back to the counter to fetch the rest of the food.

Alice eyed the plates of food. "Is breakfast always like this?" she whispered to Lulu. She knew Helena was a great cook and that the dark-haired woman loved to do it, but this…this was so much. Alice had no idea how Helena had time for it all.

Lulu nodded. "Usually like this, except when she's out of town. Why do you think I got so fat?" she whispered back.

"I can hear both of you," Helena trilled. She brought over a tray of cups of fruit and set it down. She grinned at Lulu. "And you are not fat."

Lulu looked at Helena. "Tell that to my mirror."

"All right," Helena said pleasantly. She began to walk out of the kitchen.

Lulu and Alice looked at one another in confusion.

"Helena! Where are you going?" Lulu asked.

"To tell your mirror you're not fat," Helena called out.

Lulu and Alice chuckled. Lulu ran after Helena and brought the British woman back to the table. "Sit down," Lulu said, shaking her head. "I'll serve the food," Lulu said, passing around the fruit first before reaching for the enormous plates of pancakes, potatoes and omelets and spooning portions onto the children's plates first before serving Helena, Alice and then herself.

Alice ate a forkful of omelet and grinned. She turned to Helena. "Helena?"

Helena turned to her, perplexed by Alice's serious tone. "Yes?"

"You're going to make me fat."

Alice and Lulu broke into fits of laughter and exchanged high-fives. Wilson and Jun Ying laughed with them, as they tended to do when people around them laughed

Helena shook her head and laughed good-naturedly.

Once the children finished eating, Lulu stood up. "Okay, time for school," she said cheerfully, clapping her hands. "Go get your things."

"Oh, I think I'm blocking her," Alice said, standing up as well. "Damn, where are my keys?"

"On my dresser," Helena said absently, standing up to collect the dishes to set into the sink.

Alice looked at her fondly. "You're the best, you know that?" she asked. She squeezed Helena's shoulder as she passed the British woman to get her keys. "I'll be right back."

A few minutes later, Alice returned to the kitchen, laughing. "Your kids are crazy," Alice said affectionately, shaking her head. Wilson and Jun Ying had stuck their heads out the window, waving frantically at Alice as Lulu pulled away from the driveway. 'Bye Alice!' they called. 'Bon voyage!' Alice thought the entire thing was adorable, but they really were crazy kids.

"Are they?" Helena asked, amused.

"Yeah, but then again, why wouldn't they be? They do take after you," Alice teased as she helped Helena clean up.

Helena chuckled. "Is that good or bad?" she asked.

"It's very good," Alice grinned. She rested her face against her palm. "I think your babysitter has a big, fat crush on you, Helena."

"Lulu?" Helena asked, appalled. "She's just a child!"

"She's twenty-two," Alice said dryly, "that's only seven years younger than you, kiddo."
Helena pouted. "Must you do that? One year! We're one year apart!"

"Fifteen months, kid," Alice corrected. She grinned. "She's cute, Helena."

"She works for me, it would be wholly inappropriate." Helena couldn't imagine taking advantage of someone who worked for her that way. Lulu worked for her simply to pay for college. The mere thought Lulu could have a crush on her made Helena laugh. "And she has a boyfriend."

Alice looked amused. "I still think she likes you."

Helena shrugged.

Alice laughed. "Seriously. She has a big, fat crush on you. And who wouldn't really?"

Helena laughed dismissively. "Alice! My baby-sitter does not have some sort of crush on me. Don't be ridiculous."

"Hey," Alice said, laughing easily. She poked Helena's shoulder. "You're very crushable."

"I'm sure," Helena said dryly.

Alice smiled affectionately at her. "Anyway," she said. "I should get going. I need to get home and changed and get to work." She looked at Helena. "Are we still on for lunch today?"

Helena nodded. "Of course."

"Great," Alice said. "Thanks for breakfast."

"Any time."

Alice stood and stretched. "You really are going to make me fat though."

Helena laughed. "I'll walk you to the door."

The two women headed for the door, shoving each other playfully and giggling.

"Drive safely," Helena said softly.

Alice smiled at her. "Thanks," she whispered. "For last night. Sorry for--"

"I'm glad you came," Helena said, cutting off Alice's apology.

"I'm glad, too," Alice said softly. And she was. Somehow Helena always managed to make it better, without even trying and she was so very grateful for that. "See you soon," Alice said, reaching for Helena's hand and giving it a brief, gentle squeeze before turning to walk away.

"See you soon," Helena echoed, watching her leave.