Simple steps. 050508
I'm happy, cautious, hopeful, worried, simply content, and doubtful all at the same time. Something about him makes me happy. Yet I'm cautious to get committed too fast. I'm hopeful that we can overcome anything. Yet I'm worried about what my parents will think. Being with him makes me feel like I'm in a comfortable and protected bubble. Yet I'm doubtful that this could last forever. In the end, I still refuse to be committed in name, but everything we do says that we're together.
All sorts of wrong. 042208
Hey. Life is just weird. I'm really enjoying my freedom though. I like being able to go out whenever I want. Not have to save timeslots for a bf or check the bf's schedule first before deciding whether or not to hang with someone. It's nice. And even if it feels weird to be alone, like eating alone or being at home alone or going places alone, it's still okie. Better than getting stuck in that rut, where you refrain from doing stuff because there is no one to do it with you. It's like laziness plus timidness combined. So I'm alrite.
Yanno...I think it's interesting.. Apparently I just seem like the type of person that needs to be taken care of and protected. Cuz a couple of people..two in particular..sorta have or wanted to take it upon themselves to teach me for my own good. And it's ironical that..these two ppl are totally against each other, yet what they say to me is very, very similar. So it's interesting.
I still haven't figured out anything earth-shattering yet. Very much lost still in terms of what I'm looking for in a relationship or what I can commit to or what I want to commit to. Actually, right now..I'm just averse to any form of commitment. I don't want ppl to rely on me in case I let them down and hurt them. Yup..so stay away or you might get hurted.
I hurt another person. 032608
Hey. I feel like scum. I swear I'm not gonna get into another serious relationship anytime soon. You feel like scum when you break up with someone that you care about. On the one hand, you don't think your relationship will stand up to the future so what's the point in staying on? On the other hand, nothing's really wrong with the relationship and to break up outta nowhere just feels like shit. Yea, it's supposedly "better" to cut it cleanly in the beginning rather than drawing it out, but it's hard to stand by that line of thought when you see him hurting in front of you.
It especially sucks when you still want to be friends with him. From my POV, I've already prepared myself mentally for the breakup and I want to be friends with him. From his POV...? I've never actually been the breakee. So..I dunno how long it takes to go from confusion to sadness to anger to sadness to...to acceptance to closure and back to friendship? I've never been friends with my ex's either. But..I definitely want to remain friends with him...if he'll have me as a friend.
Lately (and by lately, I mean...the past year-ish) I think... I've just lost faith in the idea of being able to spend the rest of your life with someone. I dunno if it's because I'm too picky or too childish or too idealistic or too what? But there's so many ppl in this world that you can get along with...you can even genuinely like/love(?) many ppl at the same time.
Ppl say, life is a compromise. But why does it have to be? Especially in relationships? Ultimately, you're with a person by CHOICE right? (I'm talking about couples with no kids.) That's the one thing that you can choose, so why would you want to be unhappy or unsure or compromise or tolerate or feel stuck?
Mallo. What's up? Life is feeling sort of blah. Even though it's not that bad, like stuff's going on and I'm out n about and whatever, but it's like...I lost that excitement for life? It's not that bad, but it's just...mah. Like nothing to look forward to. Even though I do la, but somehow it's not hitting me.
Anyway just a lot of pictures to post.
Took the whole CNY week off and went to Bangkok and Ipoh with chicken. It was chicken's first time on an airplane and in Thailand. Went to the Wat Phra Kaew temple and took pictures with the statues.
If you didn't know by now, I love these lion statue thangs:
This statue is so small and cute:
Kuan Kong Thai style?
Our impressions of the mean green guy:
I miss Bangkok. The food is so good. We were eating at all the roadside places. YUM.
After that, took Nok Air to Hatyai, then took a car to the border where chicken's dad picked us up. Spent the next couple days chilling in Ipoh. It's pretty boring. But it was nice though cuz it was straight just chillin' n doing nothing.
There was this roadside luk luk stall in Ipoh that was hella good. And it's so stylo to eat like that. :P
Played archery in Genting with tngio hweeee last time.
That baseball game that we were straight up ninja-ing that I mentioned last time. It's hella fun.
Made gingerbread houses, courtesy of Yurika's care package full of building materials. It was me n chicken (1st pic) against my dad n phuong (2nd pic). Who won? You decide. lol.
Random. This is really my favorite face to make nowadays.
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