060301 » time to initiate the newcomers

listening to | helmet / not from there
feeling | sick. don't mention the word beer or i fear i may spew

2.15pm

i think i have a mild dose of food poisoning. my boss shouted us out to dinner last night at this new pub bistro near work. i dont think my stummy liked the salmon and avocado fetticini i had. last night i felt like ripping out my stomach to make the pain go away. but it has subsided to a degree today, so i am feeling a little less grumpy and a little more personable. i think the reason i got sick was karma. i skipped a lecture to go to dinner because i knew there would be free alcohol involved. now the very thought of beer makes my tummy toss and turn. my god what is wrong with me!?!? i must be dying!!!! me not able to drink beer!!! i hope this doesn't last long.

i had a test yesterday. yes that is correct. a test. last monday, 1st lecture of the new semester, we were told we were having a test the next week. this is why i do not like uni. uni should be all uni gigs and hanging out in the bar. so, after being back for a week i already have to study. i'm not used to this sort of thing. i don't like to be kept on my toes. i'm a crammer all the way. give me 2 or 3 days before the final exam and im cool. so yeah, the test didn't go too well. i studied on the train on the way into uni. there was no way i was going to miss the no longer solo artist known as danny yau's 2nd and last ever solo gig the night before just to study for a test.

speaking of danny's gig, it was super. i was able to catch up with a bunch of friends i had not seen in over a year. the first band was painful. who told that chick that singing in a monotone, yet high pitched voice was what good singing is about? if it weren’t for her voice being so goddamn high i would have fallen asleep. i couldn't even drink to keep myself entertained. i bought one beer. i asked for a schooner and they gave me a schmiddy. if i wanted my beer in a bloody coke glass i would have asked for it to be in a bloody coke glass!! then they had the hide to charge me $4 for it! after drinking that one beer i decided to protest by not buying any more. that's the kind of punishment a pub that serves its beer in a coke glass gets from me.

things to revolt against # 1: beer in coke glasses

so, while smoking way too many cigarettes to make up for the lack of beer, my friend jeanette and i vowed to band together and stalk chris martin from coldplay and timmy wheeler from ash when their respective bands tour in australia later this year. i have to somehow make up for the fact that i failed my mission to rape brian molko while he was out here for the bdo.

things to revolt against # 2: goths who think placebo area goth band merely because their lead singer wears a lot of black and looks pretty in a frock.

oh, something really gross happened after my boring 3 hour financial math’s lecture today. we walked out of our room and i saw what looked like bird poo on the floor in the corridor. i thought a bird must have gotten trapped in the building and made an icky mess. then i realised there was a foul stench. it dawned on me. someone had had ralphed all over the floor! eeewwww! how gross! someone obviously had a big night last night and should have stayed in bed, rather than attend lectures. i hope i never get to the stage where i spew at uni. i don't think i have ever done that before.

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4.00pm

i am waiting by the car for my mum, who is to give me a lift home from uni. at present i have about 30 mosquitos drinking my blood. i have already killed close to 100 of the bloodsucking mongrels in the last 15 minutes. i swear im going to get ross river fever and sue the government in a few years time. *scratch* who the hell builds a uni on a swamp?!!?!

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listening to | faith no more
feeling | itchy

5.05pm

*scratch* well, mum finally got to the car and saved me from having all my blood sucked dry. now im really, really itchy!! *scratch* but at least i am home now and out of reach of any insects.

i got in trouble from the head of the chemical engineering department today. actually, i haven't gotten into trouble yet, but apparently he is looking for me. i have been hiding.

you see, myself and a few of the guys i go to uni with were given the job of designing posters for the 1st newcastle university chemical engineering society (NUChES) barbeque for the year. we came up with the theme of initiation.... which then naturally leads to s&m. basically, we designed two posters with the caption 'time to initiate the newcomers.' one had a picture of a woman lying over an old man's lap being spanked. the other had 3 guys lined up against a wall, with their jocks pulled down, waiting to cop a paddling. the poster also stated that the bbq would be byo paddles.

i put the posters up this morning, and the head of the chemical engineering department, geoff, saw them and took offence. he then ordered my friend and fellow NUChES rep, bec, into his office. he demanded the posters be taken down by the end of the day and told her he wanted to speak to little dave and i. eeekers! *hides again*

me: so what happened when bec went to see geoff? is everything cool with him now?
corey: hehe yeah.it's cool. *imitates bec grabbing geoff evans' head and rubbing it between her breasts* there is nothing a brumski** can't fix.
timi: ohmigawd! that's a quote***!
me: im on top of it already timi. *opens the stupid quotes 2000-2001 page on the public drive in the chem eng labs*

so, i was given the job of designing the new posters. to take the piss out of geoff and his prudish ways i chose a picture of a happy 1950's family sitting around their dinner table. the caption reads 'join the NUChES family' and people are informed that there are 'sausages, vegie patties, beer, soft drinks and good clean fun to be had by all.' mwahahah. i bet he doesn't even get it.

things to revolt against #3: prudish h.o.d's with no sense of humour.

** a brumski is the act of a man rubbing his face in a woman's cleavage and saying the word bruuuuuumski at the same time. apparently guys like my mate timi enjoy that kind of thing.

***stupid quotes is a documentation of all the stupid things we apparently intelligent chemical engineers say. check it out last year's here www.oocities.org/stupidquotes2000