The Ballad of Cowboy Bob
By The Toasty-Fried Co-Op
(NOTE: the character of Costes is loosely based on Jean-Louis Costes, a French musician who was banned from the United States in 1989 for sodomizing himself onstage. He also wrote such works as "les oxyures/the tapeworms", an oratorio about..well, you get the idea...

   Cowboy Bob ate several orange-colored gemstones, which grew darker after the moon said, "Hello, I am the moon! And I say that you are not Arabic or Oriental! You must serve me!"
     Cowboy Bob was extremely amused and befuddled. The moon never expected him to laugh at lunar theology. However, many moons ago, lunar theology was humorous. Laughter filled the galaxy, and echoed across the cosmos like peanut brittle in aspic.
     Cowboy Bob, a philanthropist butcher, gave several small bequests, which never sounded very pleasant to lunar theologists, except for the Carl Sagan variety.
     Meanwhile, back in Chicago Chinatown, Ethel the Stripper gave a demonstration of sodomy to Costes. Cowboy Bob wasn't titillated, because Ethel wasn't fruitful.
      Costes uttered, "Avec moi! Ze woman is derobee! Sacre fromage poisson, Batman! Where are ze poodles?"
     Ethel replied, "They're catatonic!"
     Cowboy Bob barfed continuously on Ethel's poodles, which Costes saw and applied to his lunch, which was servd ala carte. Ethel was wiggling many fishhooks between acts with Cowboy Bob's horse manure.
     Cowboy Bob angrilly asked Costes which dip he preferred. the horse died ala carte. Costes defecated vicariously upon Cowboy Bob's hat. Ethel shot herself. Cowboy Bob shot opium into Costes' shoe, then proceeded, singing Lunar Bells falsetto. Queasilly, Ethel dressed up as Jesus Christ on Sunday with Frank Zappa and Mickey Mouse positioned strategically upside-down above her loo. She died again. Also, Costes stripped Cowboy Bob of his bovine companions. Cowboy Bob cried. He venomously vomited peanut-brittle profusely, creating massive pyramids of puke.
     Dedicated streetworkers, striking police, and others with assorted weapons; linguine fetishists, chocolate mouses, Gregorian plants, Elephant Gerald, and Costes came dangerously deaf. Many moons ago, when violence was recreational, Cowboy Bob bashed Elephant Gerald on Times Square.Music teachers applauded. It seemed the thing to do. Besides, Cowboy Bob sang inconspicuously. "Aieeeee!" when pigs defecated on each other.
     "Aieeee! Aieeee! Aieeee! Aieeee!
      Shit makes fun food for me!
      Cowboy Bob likes it fried!
      I enjoyed boiled rawhide!"
Costes sang loudly,
      "Aieeee! Applause! Du merde si bon!
       Aieeee! Applause! Oxyures! Dead phone!
       Monsieur Operator, the phone shakes!
       Cowboy Bob, the idiot fakes!
       Zut alors! Cakes of puke!"

      Luke's mother, deceased dog, gave concerts nude. Critics applauded feverishly while screaming "Die!!!"
      Cowboy Bob bowed nervously, exposing film wrap to the moon. Luke's mother ate monkey brains, peanut-brittle, Barf-O Cubes, while dancing upon the slippery sludge left behind during the last Mohican defection.
      "Aieeee, caramba! Ejaculated the elephants!", Costes spat explicitly biblically, all gone with life.
      Cowboy Bob rolled off the couch and died.

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