The Infamous Fellow
By Tom Harris and Michael Griffin

    In the years since my birth, when things began to occur, there were many harmless events that gave witness to me. They wept bitterly at the funeral when i died. My life has many meanings.
     Firstly, my parents are dead. Secondly, my home life is now finished, but my life will forever live in infamy. The reason why I will be immortalized by history is threefold:
     My living room was dismantled and became an iceberg in Tahiti. Also, my kitchen was sanctified by a Syracusian celibate farmer. In addition, my bed was soggy because Prime Minister Thatcher ate much melon, and she then relieved herself upon my mattress. Fame surrounds my entire house.
     If you're ever nearby my house, worship me thusly; First, place a persimmon patty into a large Tupperware container and shake it well, until your hand becomes numb. Afterward, when you recover, pull it from the container and throw the persimmon patty toward the house. Then you will have completed your first duty.
     Your second duty is to recover the persimmon patty from the house and eat it all. Then you will have completed your second duty.
     Thirdly, you need to find a large whore (male), then do many kinky things in his boudoir while singing praises to me. Then, you will have completed your final duty.
     If you properly appease me, you'll succeed in assuring others of your insanity and your instability. You will be happy, and your life will be full of joy, and bliss will follow you wherever you may travel.

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