Santa's Obsessions
By Michael Griffin and Tom Harris

    Santa Claus erupted from an obvious hole in the surface of the Moon. Carlos the elf was standing on toys, which blew apart because they were bombed twice by German imposter plumbers. Santa was obsessed with cheap synthetic items from Taiwan, which made children squeal like teenage hens.
     Santa's reindeer were drunk. They staggered into The Slug's Tooth, and demanded turnip wine with the red stuff added.
     Germans make schnitzel, strudel, braunschweiger, fertilizer from animal organs, and terrible beer. Santa doesn't like terrible beer. Carlos thinks tall German beer steins filled by Germans taste terrible. The Slug's Tooth specializes in snowcones made from snow-filled sausage. The reindeer pranced drunkenly over Rudolf, who was glowing dimly, because batteries were made in Japan.
     Elves merrily danced and created pyrotechnics whiole compressing compatible Slinkies.
     "Ho ho ho, where is the outhouse located?" asked Juan ostentatiously.
     December lunar eclipses occur periodically, which confuses most werewolves. Santa likes Crisco cookies with whipped lard. Enraged reindeer pelted the landscape with cookies. Carlos insinuated that Santa was isometrically attracted to Germans, despite repulsive beer! The toys revolted, fractious, reassembling themselves amidst darkness and dampness.

                                                The End   

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