My Favorite Animal, A Sloth
By Tom Harris and Michael Griffin

    Still waiting at the station, I happened to notice a very peculiar set of circumstances approaching. They appeared suddenly, then vanished. After I realized my predicament, I walked gingerly toward the door leading to the auditorium. Carefully opening it, I peered into a large black space. It made me quiver with delight as I noticed my favorite animal -- a sloth -- slowly maneuvering itself from the rafters. It spoke to me,
     "Hello, Marcus, I am a sloth, and you should give me everything I desire. Leaves, berries, flowers and grubs are tasty, but I'd rather have pizza, especially if it's covered with anchovies, moss, eggs, and old leather straps."
     "Yuck-o! I wouldn't feed a pizza like that to my dead uncle Christopher!"
     The sloth became agitated. He shreiked like a wild gerbil! His teeth showed red. I fled toward safety in record time. I proceeded to call the police, who thought me sick. They laughed like chortling demons, and offered to lock me up forever with no parole. I didn't accept their offer, and I fled again, this time fleeing faster and more frantically than before.
     Eventually, I came upon a quiet little alleyway where I saw a young nubile person of indeterminate gender. I wanted to ask for a favor.
     "Do you happen to have any spare change? I need to make a call to my analyst. He would know what to do."
     The androgyne replied, "Here you are. I have been waiting for you all night."
     I took the 75 cents and then thanked the person profusely. When I did, it grabbed the laces on my sneakers and put them in it's pocket.
     I snarled, "Why did you do that?? I was going to use them for a temporary job!"
     My favorite animal, a sloth, had followed me, and had gotten some pizza stuck in its mouth. It smelled awful. I barely recognized it. The androgyne smiled indulgently at it and transmogrified into a shimmering, golden heap of glue shaped like a statue of Barry Manilow. The sloth panicked when Barry attacked him. I watched gleefully as my favorite animal, a sloth, got devoured by glue.
     "Hooray! I am now free!"
     I noticed my favorite animal struggling. My statue was drying up, trapping my favorite animal, a sloth, inside. I was happy and walked home without making any money.

                                               -- The End --

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