Damn Swedes!
By Michael Griffin and Tom Harris

    Who said "I love the way you push my finger down into the pit of all evil!"? -- It wasn't me, I never said that. It must have been someone like the guy who sat across the street from me last weekend. He looked like a Swedish physicist with his bolo and his psychedelic glasses. He kept a diary about jewels, animals, jelly beans, and shrimp. His hobby consisted of breaking glass with a fork and and sticking-up for people named Ichabod.
     When he got scared, he hid his stash in his mouth. That is gross! I think people who do that should be ashamed of their hideous nature.
     Klaus Schmidt saw this television programme about guys with bolos and psychedelic glasses. It intrigued him and titillated his mother!
     The best Swedish films star only the best Swedish stars! I am one of the best fans of the genre. That makes me a mega-genius! My family loves me as much as I love to watch Swedish cooking programmes. That is my passion!
     My boyfriend, Todd, looks just like a weasel with hair falling from his legs. He starred on TV ina  sitcom called "My Life With Swedish Royalty". It was cancelled immediately after the first episode. Todd was crushed by a huge, lesbian rhino named Griselda. She accidentally mistook Todd for a waterbed of extraordinary and dynamic young dimensions of nightly orgiastic potency! Todd is now deceased. He will be immortalized because of this story. I wish he had been more unattractive to lesbian rhinos named Griselda.
     I am going to travel to faraway places now. Goodbye.

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