WHiMS

WHiMS

By Coral

Dedicated to WHiMS, especially Pam, for never leaving us without a civil war for long and never failing to make me laugh!

Disclaimer: Michael Sullivan and Tuvok and Kathryn and the holodeck and the brig and Voyager and the corridors and the carpets… you get the idea… belong to Paramount. "WHiMS" (We Hate Michael Sullivan) is a JetCJr8 creation, and not available for use in Star Trek episodes. Or else.

Like professional spies, the attack force moved with practised stealth down the uniform grey corridors to their destination. Each member was fully equipped for the tasks they were about to undertake, and they had planned for nearly every eventuality.

"Psst! This way!" Private Pampers, leader of the gang, whispered.

"How much further, Private?" Coral asked in a hushed voice.

"According to my map, it's just down the corridor," the Private whispered back. "Now shut up!"

Obediently, the attack force fell silent, until they reached their destination: a large, looming portal that seemed to rise for miles from their vantage point on all fours on the floor.

"Great," Lt Hayes muttered. "Now what do we do?"

"Don't worry," Pte. Pampers said, pulling a PADD out of her pocket. "Jay the Spy gave me the circuit diagram in her last delivery."

"Where is the door circuit?" Kim asked quietly.

Private Pampers consulted the PADD. "It doesn't say," she whispered in a frustrated voice.

"I think I know where it is," Jenn said softly, pointing to a removable panel.

"Right! Get it off, Coral!" Pam ordered in a hushed but excited voice.

Taking out her panel remover - a WHSmiths ClubCard - Corporal Coral carefully ran it along the edges of the panel, all her senses focused on the task. With delicacy, she prised off the panel, exposing the bare circuitry inside.

"Yes!" Katie exclaimed.

"SSh!" Pte Pampers hushed her. She handed Kim the diagram. "Think you can get us in?"

"You bet!" Kim replied with a wide grin.

Kim started probing the circuitry and cautiously rerouting circuits so as not to trip any alarms. Finally her patience was rewarded, and the massive doors slid open to admit them.

"Great work, Kim!" Lt Hayes said, giving Jenn a hi-five.

"Let's move in, troops," Corporal Coral said, and the group rushed into the large room.

Pte Pampers pointed to a panel. "Do your work, men - er, girls!" she ordered.

"Yes, sir!" they saluted, and set to work with excitement as the Private set up the dartboard. Systematically searching the database, they studied and rejected subroutine after subroutine, trying to find their goal. They were so dedicated to their task that they didn't hear the large doors open once again.

"We've found it!" Kim and Coral exclaimed at the same time.

"Brill!" Pampers exclaimed with an evil cackle, rubbing her hands together like a mad scientist. "Now, delete Michael!"

"I've been waiting for this for months!" Hayes added.

"STOP!!" a voice commanded.

They all spun to face the door, except Kim who had the presence of mind to press the delete key before she, too, turned.

"Captain… oh… ah… well…" the group floundered between them.

"What on Earth is going on here?!" Janeway demanded.

Corporal Coral stepped forwards. "We did it for you, Captain."

"Did what?" Tuvok asked.

Pte Pampers and the other looked at the floor. "We deleted… Michael Sullivan's… uh… his program…." Lt Hayes admitted, embarrassed.

"You - what?! Tuvok, take them to the brig!" Janeway ordered.

Lieutenant Commander Tuvok obeyed, and ushered the girls out of the holodeck with a grim face. Escorting them down the corridor, he steadfastly ignored the group's repeated urgings to release them. Eventually, they reached the brig, and he ordered them inside and then snapped on the forcefield with a calm demeanour. Corporal Coral waited until he'd left.

"Don't worry; I've got the teaspoon," she reassured them. Pulling it out of her sock, she handed it to Lt Hayes, who jammed it in the field emitters. The forcefield frizzled and died.

"Let's get out of here!" Jenn said.

"No," Pte Pampers said.

"What?!" Kim exclaimed. "Are you crazy?"

"Yes," Coral grinned.

"Biscuits first," Pte Pampers explained, pulling some out of her pockets and handing them out.

"What about him?" Coral asked, pointing to the guard and munching on her biscuit.

Pte Pampers yanked out some sellotape and stuck it over the guard's eyes. "That should keep as out of a sticky situation," she said with a grin, and the group groaned. "Now let's bust this joint!"

The team raced down the corridor at top speed, spurred on by their dedication to their goal and determined to find Captain Janeway before anyone else. They found her on the holodeck in tears.

"Aw, Captain, don't cry," Kim pleaded.

"It was for the best, " Pte. Pampers said gently.

"Why did you do it?" Kathryn asked.

"I know it's hard to lose someone you love-" Pampers began.

"-But he's only a hologram," Lt Hayes finished.

"And," Kim continued, "There's a flesh and blood man sitting on the bridge and pining for you.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn asked in a whisper.

"You got it," Coral said.

"I suppose you're right," Kathryn sighed.

"The only real obstacle between you and Chakotay was Michael," Katie added. "We removed him. Now it's up to you."

"How can I ever thank you," Kathryn asked with a watery smile.

"Easy," Pampers replied. "Go kiss Chakotay and make us JetCers proud!"

Kathryn hurried out of the holodeck without a backward glance, leaving WHiMS to look at each other with big grins.

"Mission accomplished," Pam sighed with satisfaction as they beamed back to the Tomahawk for Coffee and biscuits.

THE END!