10/6/03: NEW HEX FILES EPISODE! Two updates in one year. All very exciting, I'm sure you'll agree. The third episode of The Hex Files: Season 7 has just appeared on site and is ready to download. Witness Mully and her new partner Agent Doggy investigate a crime so devious that it takes, literally, pages to unravel. The final two episodes of The Hex Files are currently gestating and will be with you sometime towards the end of the year...
1/2/03: YEAR 2002 UPDATE FINALLY ARRIVES! ALL NEW HEX
FILES! Yes, no year can be said to be truly complete until the coming of the
annual Comedy Warehouse update. So to make sure the last was no exception I've been
tapping away on the keyboard between moments of my next novel to bring you four
new scripts (count 'em!) The first two are re-writes of the first two episodes of The Hex Files: Season 2 which I'm in the process of
completely revising. The second are the first two episodes of the all new Season 7 We're just three episodes away from the end of the
entire thing. Sure you can't wait for it... Unfortunately, it could be anything up to a year
before I get it all done between the millions of other things I'm writing at the moment.
But you can wait, right?
Other updates include revised character bios to
incorporate all the new information from the episodes, as well as some redesigned
graphics. Because, y'know, there's nothing worse than un-re-designed graphics. I've
also done some tinkering elsewhere on the site, revising the Who is Behind the Comedy Warehouse? page to include all
the recent goings on in the little adventure I like to call life. Enjoy it all, and more
sometime in the next decade!
10/12/01: MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY NEW YEAR! AND THE HEX FILES SEASON 6 CONCLUDES! No big surprises, just what you'd expect in the way of a Christmas present from your favourite non-updated/regularly updated site. The fact that last year it was three scripts and this year it's just the one should be purely circumstantial. But this one's a goodie. The conclusion of The Hex Files: Season 6 and the start of a trilogy which will be concluded in, ooh, literally years from now. So just sit down and enjoy this one. You know you want to...
3/10/01: READ THE ALL NEW OLD SEASON ONE OF THE HEX FILES!
As promised last month, I have rewritten the entire first
season of The Hex Files and it is now all available
for your downloading pleasure. I could at this point give you some mind numbingly
dull statistics involving the precise number of words added, or lines amended or
whatnot. But, frankly, I can't really be bothered.
As well as the relevant changes to
the first season page, I've also made a number of changes
to the FAQ, to the Unopened
Files page and some aesthetic changes to the character
bios (that means I've gone and changed some of the pretty pictures, to all you
grammatically challenged types out there) As this has been a pretty big update, don't
expect another for, oh, ages really. But you must have been expecting that by now,
right?
3/9/01: Had you all fooled, didn't I? Just when you think I'm going back to regular
updates, along comes another month's absence... Well, actually it wasn't intentional.
Having finished a new Hex File I went off on various
holidays for three weeks and have just gotten back. And where is this new script, I hear
you cry? Well, it's coming, but along with something else...
Having decided to commit myself to bringing the series to a complete end in six
episodes time, I also decided I wanted to truly finish it by going back to the earliest
scripts (many written six years ago) and completely re-writing them to bring them in
line with the length and quality of later efforts. Obviously this process takes time, since
I'm basically rewriting these episodes from scratch. However, at this moment in time
the first season is almost complete. And finally those
early episodes are looking a little more cohesive, and maybe even funnier, than they
used to. It'll be a few more weeks before I'm at a stage to upload the new material. But
as I do, this will be the first place to find out about it.
4/8/01: Two updates in two days, when was the last time you saw that, eh?... Well,
folks, it's been a long time coming back I'm proud to announce that the Comedy
Warehouse is once again being updated and re-jigged. Abliet, only for a short
time.
As promised many, many months ago I am in the process of finishing the epic odyssey
which is The Hex Files with a whole new season of
episodes parodying as much of The X-Files' seventh and eighth seasons as my sanity
will allow. Rest assured that, whilst the X-Files continues its slow and steady decline
into unadulterated pap, The Hex Files will continue to expose
its frailties with razor sharp parodies of some of its finest (ahem) moments. First up to
the bat is the Hex Files Season 6 finale, which is in the
process of being written and will be with you in a couple of weeks. View the exciting
promo poster on the Hex Files: Coming Soon page and
get all giddy with excitement.
As well as writing new scripts I'm also going back over all the site, generally
correcting the correctable and expunging the uncorrectable in some vein hope that
nobody will notice. Most of the scripts have been deleted from their various archives
over the past couple of months, so bear with me as I upload them all. Ho hum.
3/8/01: IT'S COMING BACK... It's been nine months since the last update. Some thought it was all over. They were wrong. Prepare for the return of the Comedy Warehouse. Very, very soon...
3/11/00: COMEDY WAREHOUSE TO TAKE A REST.. As you may all
know, things have changed quite dramatically in recent months. I'm not at university
and so have less and less time to work on the site. Therefore I thought it only fair to
basically make it official that I won't be doing any work on the site for quite some time.
There *will* be one final season of The Hex Files and
I've decided that the best way to tackle it will be to spoof the 'new' X-Files of season 8,
which premieres in the USA next week. Obviously, that means I won't see it for some
considerable time and so there won't be any Hex Files until at least March/April next
year.
So, basically, what will happen is that the site will remain here as is, but you can
consider this to be the last update until early next year. This site is officially not
dead, it is only sleeping. :)
11/10/00: PHIL COLVIN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING... AND ENTERED ANOTHER ONE Yes, I know it's been an unbelievably long wait but unfortunately it has taken a fair old while to get things organised. As avid readers of my Who Designed the Comedy Warehouse? page will know (and I know both of you are watching) I've now left home in Dorset to settle into university here in Norwich (big blobby bit poking out of the south east of England) And, of course, I now have whole new piles of horrible work and things to do... Joy... However, I will still be updating this place as and when I can, at least until I've finally completed The Hex Files which is about to end its penultimate season.
6/9/00: ALL NEW HEX FILES TWO PARTER! FULL DISCLOSURE! AND RE-DESIGNED HEX FILES SITE! Yes, folks, it's hard to believe but after six months we finally have the continuation of The Hex Files: Season 6 The reasons for the delays are numerous, not least because of major exams, but also because these two episodes have been absolute *buggers* to write. X-Files fans will realise quickly that these episodes, When Aliens Attack and Tomorrow's End are spoofs of the episodes Two Fathers and One Son, the two-parter proported to answer every question and tie up every loose thread ever which very cleverly managed to answer no questions and tie up no loose ends at all, and so were probably just Chris Carter's way of ensuring he never needed to write another Syndicate scene again... Expect the same from these Hex Files... Also, as promised, The Hex Files site has undergone a makeover as well. We have a new logo, new pics and completely re-written character bios which are a lot less confusing than they used to be, with also some new additions... Okay, that's it. You can pick yourselves up after the shock with the completely non-surprising news that there will be no updates for a couple of weeks. This isn't because of laziness, but because I'm moving into university and it'll take me a while to set up a new computer etc. So, assuming all goes well, I'll see you all on the other side... Wait, that probably sounded freakier than it was meant to be.
31/8/00: Oh dear, another couple of weeks, another lack of update... Luckily things are now getting back on track and new Hex Files *will* appear next week. And in other news, your host is a happy bunny having past all his exams and will be going off to uni. in a month's time. I'm sure, despite the lack of updates, you'll all have found great comfort in that.
11/8/00: As usual, just when things seem to be going well, a great big snaggy thing seems to have appeared out of nowhere to generally annoy me. New Hex Files are still in the pipeline, but seeing as it's going to take me another week or so to finish them I've also decided to give the whole Hex Files site a bit of a renovation. So when the new scripts come we'll have new pictures, some new characters added to the Bios page and even a redesigned logo which I've been toying around with for a while. Oh, and in case next week you find this site has been ripped to shreds or is covered with hateful messages, I get my exam results this week so I could either be a very happy bunny, or a really angry bunny... Tune in next week to find out which!
16/7/00: MIDI WAREHOUSE HITS 1000! As promised, a whole pile of new MIDIs await your downloading pleasure, and also help push the total number of tracks over the 1000 level. Lots of things in the pipeline, none quite reaching the surface just yet, but hang on in there for a couple of weeks and see what else emerges...
8/7/00: HE'S BIG(ISH), HE'S BAD(ISH), HE'S BACK(ISH)! Yes, children, rejoice! Your host's evil exams have finally come to an end and he has left school forever! Well, hey, it had to happen sometime :) So... now we have loads of things in the pipeline. Next week, a pile of MIDIs which will push the site over the whopping 1000 mark. Then, soon after, we'll have an all new Hex Files two parter and more besides! For the moment, I've once again gone through and updated my Links page to reflect the latest round of pages. It's a sad goodbye to an old favourite, some broken links... and a welcome to a new excellent site which I've started frequenting. See you all next week!
8/6/00: Yes, folks, still in the middle of exams. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm *totally* incapable of updating this site... just think of it as trying to perform brain surgery when both your arms have been chopped off. Geocities have once again jigged their awards system, meaning instead of being a Gold Award winner I am now a Star Award winner (try to control your applause) Also, I am getting ready to do a tonne of new scripts when school finishes at the end of this month. The first of which will be the next parts of The Hex Files and in preparation of that you can now view the teaser poster to get some idea what to expect. See ya'll in a month or so...
10/5/00: Ugh... Too many exams approaching and too little time. Only the latest
glutch of wonderful MIDIs I've inserted snugly into
the warehouse can help (Yeah, I know it's a terrible plug...) Actually, there are a few
little other updates this month. *Finally* I've sorted out some of the scripting
problems to make sure the MIDI Warehouse
backgrounds actually work, changed various references in light of LucasArts' totally
non-surprising announcement that a further shameless cash-in sequel to the
Monkey Island games is in the works and I've also updated the Links page to remove the latest bunch of sites which have
gone up the tubes over the past few months. (sigh) Some webmasters, eh? They just
can't be bothered...
20/4/00: Okay, so make that monthly updates rather than fortnightly... Unfortunately exams are way too close for me to be spending much time with the site, although of course there are a new glutch of MIDIs to keep the warehouse up to date with most of the new releases. Interestingly, in my spare moments I am in the middle of a sit-com project but it's not specifically for this site (it is part one in my plan to Take Over the World Through my First TV Sit-Com (TM)) If it gets anywhere, I'll let you know. Another update sometime in May, but those waiting for new scripts I'm afraid the earliest is going to be July (although this summer holiday will be longer so I'll have time to do lots of them!)
19/3/00: NEW EPISODE OF THE HEX FILES! As promised, a new episode of The Hex Files is available to download. Entitled Spaced Out it's a spoof of the classic X-Files episode 'Triangle' set in the Star Wars universe... And if that isn't literally dripping with comic potential then you obviously take either The X-Files or Star Wars far too seriously to be hanging around this site :) And, as usual, character bios have been updated with new information from the episode.
12/3/00: MASSIVE MIDI UPDATE! OVER 100 NEW FILES! Okay, okay... So updates have been a little less than sporadic, blame it on the schoolwork. Anyhow, to make up for it I've spent the month stockpiling MIDIs and now I've uploaded them all for your listening pleasure. Among the gems on offer are back catalogues of Madonna and Oasis hits and some of the latest offerings from teen scream sensations N-Sync and the band who we'd thought had disappeared altogether, All Saints. Tune in next week (yes, next week, not next month) for the latest episode of the Hex Files!
13/2/00: Many apologies for yet more lack of updates, although with this being the big exam year there just isn't much time. There are more Hex Files on the way in the next couple of months, and of course there are always constant updates to the MIDI Warehouse.
18/1/00: Well, here it is. The year 2000. Whoop-ee-do... Okay, back to business. Lots of new lovely MIDIs to download and listen to, and hopefully some new scripts coming in the next couple of months before exams loom in the Spring.
30/12/99: COMEDY WAREHOUSE MILLENNIUM UPDATE! ALL NEW PLUGS TRILOGY! Well, hey, I had to make the effort. Life being as busy as it is I haven't had time to do much writing recently, so it's always a little bit special to premiere new scripts. In this case, it's the premiere of the millennium special of Plugs, three scripts which are also coincidentally the final three episodes ever, bringing both season 3 and the series to a close in the usual overly-dramatic way. And as one era ends, another one begins... except this era doesn't involve a new series or anything. It just sounded like a good thing to say at the time.
15/12/99: THE HEX FILES SEASON 6 BEGINS! If there was a newspaper headline reporting this event then it'd probably say something along the lines of 'Comedy Warehouse in shock update!" Apologies for yet more delays, but I have some very special things for you lucky people. First and foremost, the long awaited Hex Files: Season 6 has kicked off with a rather nice opening episode to wrap up a few loose ends and pose some new ones. More to follow in the year 2000. But before that, we'll have a special Comedy Warehouse Millennium Update! (TM) which will see the premiere of the final episodes of PLUGs ever (yes, it's a Millennium Special... and no, I don't care about all this 'But the Millennium is next year...' rubbish. You can scream it all you want, but we all know you'll be out partying with everyone else come New Year's Eve...)
15/11/99: MASSIVE MIDI UPDATE! Gee... you guys are starting to make me feel guilty about neglecting you for so long. So much so that I've gone out and found a massive pile of new MIDIs for your listening pleasure. And before anyone asks, yes I am a slight David Bowie fan. Next update will probably be The Hex Files: Season 6 although that may be a couple of weeks away yet.
3/11/99: Another month, and Christmas is suddenly rolling towards us faster than a snowball down a mountain. No scripts this week, but instead some updates to the Red Dwarf Episode Guide to get rid of most of those little mistakes which needed to be corrected. Also, some more MIDIs for you. The big news this week, however, is in the world of fan fiction. Regular viewers may be aware that as well as being Britain’s foremost comedy talent (well, according to my mum) I also dabble in the art of Gabriel Knight fan fiction. Well, my latest novel length thriller, The Birth, The Life and The Death has met with success at this year's Annual GK Fanfic Contest. A tale of family struggles, supernatural thrills and the legends of King Arthur, it has scooped awards for Best Characters, Research and the award for 1999 (as well as a couple more.) Big thanks to everyone who voted and who has supported me, and if anyone wants to read it and give me feedback I'd love to know.
18/10/99: Hello again :) Lots of interesting stuff happening recently, unfortunately most of it prevents me doing any scripts. However, The Hex Files will resume in November and I am working on the final PLUGs trilogy. Right now I have a special treat for all you music fans, the legendary Tom Jones with the fabulous Swedish sensations, The Cardigans. Download it in the MIDI Warehouse.
Available Track: St. George's Books (Gabriel Knight)
Start music
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