The Hex Files: Frequently Asked Questions

I'm always getting asked strange questions about The Hex Files (no, really) so just in case your mind should want to ponder the mysteries of life and the scripts, here's a bit of info about them.

Q) How did you come up with the name 'The Hex Files'?
A) It rhymed and it sounded nice. Next question.....

Q) Where did you get the inspiration for The Hex Files?
A) It was from a wonderful litle show called 'The X-Files' which I'm sure you've all heard of... I'm also a great fan of situation comedies and surreal comedy and so I decided to mash them together for the benefit of friends at school. And, with the advent of the Internet, for your good selves.
Although originally another sad and pretty dumb series about two FBI agents who can't find light switches, the show has slowly evolved into becoming a merciless parody of The X-Files' finest moments and its biggest shortcomings. In particular, its ongoing (and pretty tiresome) mythology involving alien conspiricies and whatnot

Q) Why do you hate the X-Files so much as you obviously do?
A) I get asked this an awful lot and, to be honest, it never ceases to amaze me. I mean, I would have to be one heck of a masochist to spend six years writing a spoof of a show I *hated* wouldn't I? The answer is that, although a fan of the series, I am not a blindly devoted zealot of the show (read: Internet fan. You know who you are) and, as well as respecting its triumphs, am fully aware of its short comings and decline from greatness since around season five.
The X-Files has not actually been a very good show for several years, but let me comfort you in the knowledge that your universe will not end when you admit it to yourself. (NOTE: I take no responcibility for anyone whose universe has just ended)

Q) Aren't your Hex Files a rip off of my X-Files spoof enitled (insert spoof name here)?
A) No, because I've never heard of or seen your scripts. The Hex Files are a spoof of The X-Files and not anybody's 'K-Files' or 'Sex Files' or whatever.

Q) Did you nick the charcters 'Sculder and Mully' from my spoof entitled (insert spoof name here)?
A) See above answer and bear in mind that it hardly takes a genius to come up with names like that.

Q) What phrases have replaced 'The Truth is Out There (Yeah, like hell)' in the theme titles?
A) The pharses have changed thus:
HX105 Restoration: TRUST EVERYTHING
HX205 Exodus Res Dana: DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES
HX401 Black Death: BEAUTIFUL LIES
HX404 Tungaga: DO YOU NEED A HAND?
HX405 Golgotha: BELIEVE THE DOCTOR
HX501 Redox: ALL DOCTORS LEAD TO THE TRUTH
HX505 The End of the Beginning: BITE THE FUTURE
HX602 Spaced Out: THE FORCE IS OUT THERE
HX604 Tomorrow's End: NO EXPLANATIONS
HX705 Nothing Like the Truth: THE TRUTH IS NOT OUT THERE (WELL, DUH)

Q) Are you going to send of 'The Hex Files' to Fox TV/Chris Carter and try and get them made into a series?
A) No, I'm not. For two main reasons. (1) Believe it or not, The Hex Files aren't actually that *good* Aside from exposing the frailtys and hilarious plotting problems of The X-Files, the quality is only slightly above that of an American sit-com. Which is to say, pretty much rock bottom. And (2) Ten Thirteen Productions and FOX hate everyone, whether an X-Files fan or not, and so would never even consider allowing a spoof. (And for all those X-Files fans under the delusion that the makers of their favourite programme truly even notice your existance, I pat your collective heads and saw 'Awww...' in a condesending manner)

Q) Do you know where I can send my X-Files scripts so I can get them on the show?
A) Who do I look like? Chris Carter? My suggestion would be to put them in a blankly labelled envelope, post it and see how far they get.

Q) How come the season one scripts are now at least twice as long and twice as funny as they were a couple of years ago?
A) The Hex Files weren't always an Internet series. Originally, they were short three or four page sketches I used to write for my friends at school. With the coming of the Internet and the ability to inflict them on the entire world poulous, I posted many of these original sketches unedited to form the first season.
As seasons progressed and I got more ambitious with my parodies (spoofing whole episodes rather than a few ideas) those early scripts began to look more and more aged, and more and more out of place. So, in mid-2001 I went back and, in light of where the characters and mythology of the show have gone in later seasons, completley rewrote them all from scratch. (Note to Chris Carter: Don't you wish you could do this to *your* first season?...)
Of course, having done this, the second season now looks more long in the tooth and far more inferior than it once did. So stay tuned for a similar rewrite at some point in the future (I'll probably stop at season three. Believe me, that's as good as they get)

Q) Are you going to do a parody of (insert X-Files episode here)?
A) Most Hex Files have bits from many diffrent episodes as well as my own original concepts. Most of the scripts from season 4 onwards are more direct parodies of Hex Files episodes. For completists and trainspotters, here's the complete guide of Hex Files episodes with particular parodies of X-Files episodes:
HX104: THE XMAS FILE (Ascension)
HX105: RESTORATION (One Breath, The Erlenmyer Flask)
HX201: SYMBOLS (Little Green Men)
HX205: EXODUS RES DANA (Anasazi)
HX301: PS234 (The Blessing Way)
HX302: SINS OF THE FATHERS (Paperclip)
HX305: CABRIT SANS CORD (Apocrypha, Talitha Cumi)
HX401: BLACK DEATH (Memento Mori, Herrenvolk, 731)
HX402: MUSINGS OF A PIPE SMOKING MAN (Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man)
HX403: FROM RUSSIA WITH HATE (Tunguska, Patient X)
HX404: TUNGAGA (Terma)
HX405: GOLGOTHA (Gethsemane)
HX501: REDOX (Redux)
HX502: REDOX TOO (Redux II)
HX503: PUSHY MOTHER (Pusher, Kitsunegari, Gethsemane, Christmas Carol)
HX504: PROPHECY WOMAN (Patient X)
HX505: THE END OF THE BEGINNING (The Red and the Black, The End)
HX601: THE BEGINNING OF THE END (The Beginning)
HX602: SPACED OUT (Triangle)
HX603: WHEN ALIENS ATTACK (Two Fathers)
HX604: TOMORROW'S END (One Son)
HX605: LIFE (Requiem, Alone)
HX701: THE UNIVERSE (Within, The Sixth Extinction)
HX702: EVERYTHING (Without, The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati)
HX703: WORST EPISODE EVER (Patience, Scary Monsters)
HX704: INVASION EARTH (Requiem, This is Not Happening)
HX705: NOTHING LIKE THE TRUTH (Closure, The Truth)
THE HEX FILES MOVIE (The X-Files Movie)

Q) Where do the names of the Tone Deaf Swordsmen (Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde) come from?
A) Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde are the names of the ghosts from 'Pacman', arguably the best arcade game ever devised and one which I salute.

Q) Is the Pipe Smoking Man really Sculder's father?
A) Only if I need to fill up some space in an episode.

Q) Why are there only five Hex Files in a season when there are twenty four in a season of the X-Files?
A) Because one person doesn't write all those twenty four episodes. Unlike the one person who writes those five. Anyone who wrote that much would have to be an alien (*waves* to David E. Kelley)

Q) Are you a comedien in real life or is this just a hobby?
A) If I was really a comedian I wouldn't be answering this question. I would probably still be writing the Hex Files, but I'd make you pay for the pleasure of reading it. So, no, this is not my actual job.

Q) Will Sculder and Mully have a relationship?
A) Maybe...after all, they're both as stupid as each other so I guess they're suited to each other.

Q) What is the Hex Files movie?
A) The Hex Files Movie is a full length spoof of The X-Files Movie which premiered following the fifth season of the show. It is avaliable to download on The Hex Files Movie page.

ANY MORE QUESTIONS? MAIL THEM TO THE ADDRESS BELOW....

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