"Reasons John Cleese Could Not Be On Our Program"
as read by John Cleese via videotape
As presented on the 04/19/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
10. "Mother won't let me"
9. "I have to wash my hair tonight"
8. "It's my turn to be a witness at the O.J. Simpson trial"
7. "My recent marriage to Larry King"
6. "I'm busy rehearsing my one-man show, `Congressman! A Tribute to Sonny Bono'"
5. "Tonight's the night I bowl with the royals"
4. "I've heard your dressing rooms have rats the size of beagles"
3. "I have a nasty case of don't-want-to-be-on-your-worthless-program-itis"
2. "I'm getting ready to host next year's Oscars"
1. "Frankly, I haven't the slightest clue who David Lettersby is"
DISCLAIMER! The words contained herein are indeed copyrighted materials (except for my bits), and are the creative work of the Late Show writers at CBS. Use these words peacefully, do not use them as deadly weapons, and smile a wide grin whilst not doing so. That's a good boy.