| WoG Columnist Note: As I begin transcription of this piece, it is 6:40 p.m. on December 31, 2003. Wow. It's been six years since this column first came out. And it's still (arguably) worth reading, and still rather applicable to today. It's also been updated in some areas where appropriate. (These updated portions are in red italic parenthetical text.) |
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| ANGRY MOTHER SYNDROME By David Insley |
| THIS EDITORIAL DOES NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OF THE OWNERS, MANAGEMENT OR PATRONS OF WIZARDS OF THE COAST, THE RPGA, PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals), THE DIRTY ROTTEN SCUMBAGS OF AMERICA, OR ANY OTHER ORGANIZATION, INCLUDING THE NOW-DEFUNCT WoGFC. BUT IT DARNED WELL OUGHT TO. FEEL LIKE COMMENTING? GO RIGHT AHEAD - DROP ME A LINE. |
| I'd like to discuss a topic which I feel has been one of those little "sideshow peeves," one of the things that nags at us sometimes when we play or discuss our hobby with non-gamer friends. And that topic is, yes, the dreaded "Angry Mother Syndrome," as a better gamer than I once called it (David "Zeb" Cook? Roger Moore? Kim Mohan?) (It turns out to have been James M. Ward, who told me as much, in an email, a few days after this came out back in 1998...). This is the catch-all epithet many gamers use to describe the whole myth which whirls around us fantasy role-players. You know the little quips - "Isn't that the game where you have to worship the Devil to play it?" "Isn't that the game for nerds?" "Isn't that the game where the people go crazy and kill themselves?" My replies, in order, usually are something like this- 1] "No, I think that's called 'Congress.'" 2] "Nerd? No, we're just not into the physical stuff. You know, walking, standing up, all that crap. After all, 'he who fights and runs away lives to reproduce.'" 3] "Am I dead?" In this era of modifying language in the vain hope of changing the meaning of the original word, and with the notoriously bad - and undeserved - reputation AD&D (and now D&D - 3.5, even) has had for a good two decades, I find it ironic that we gamers, a minority in our own right, are still the subject of such a storm of falsehood, inflammation of unsubstantiated rumour - and outright dislike - by those who do not choose to join us in our fantastic escapades - and, quite frankly, those who, for the most part, don't have the brains to do it either!!! Having played the game since 1982 (I played TSR's stuff exclusively until 1987), I was one of the "lucky" few who got to watch the TV Movie Mazes and Monsters when it came on CBS (was it CBS?). For those of you who've never heard of this, the movie concerns a small group of kids who play a game called "Mazes and Monsters." I recently saw a copy of the film in a local video store, re-entitled Dungeons and Dragons (Talk about libel!!!) One member of the group - though played by Tom Hanks, the character's name eludes me right now (I've only seen it twice now, most recently a few years ago, not long after the original writing of this piece) - has an "encounter" while they are playing in a tunnel system near their homes. He is supposedly playing a priest of a non-violent god, and his character "slays" something which exists only in his mind. I think it was a lizard man, but it might have been a mime. Even pacifists have limits... (I later recalled that one prominent D&D myth centered on a kid who supposedly got lost and died in some catacombs back in the late 1970s. The whole sad episode was blamed on D&D.) Anyway, at this point, the young fellow loses the cheese from his psychological cracker, and spends the rest of his waking hours in his game role - his normal persona, the person the others knew in the real world, completely sublimated beneath the mindset of a sad, repentant acolyte. The lad is committed to an institution shortly thereafter. His friends visit him at the end of the movie, and he regales them with tales of places that did not exist and things he did not, in reality, do; the theme of the movie is blatantly clear - people who live near tunnels should be committed. At least, I think that was it. Now, here is where I make some concessions: 1] Many role-players are not all there in the first place. But then, is anyone? Look around you - here's a guy making a U-turn in REVERSE. Here's a woman trying to pay for drive-thru tacos with a CHECK. Here's a kid whose parents tell him not to play with scissors - and then enroll him in a karate class after he gets into a fight at school - a fight he himself started. 2] People go crazy every day. (I defy anyone to compare murder and suicide rates between gamers and, say, POSTAL WORKERS. Any takers? Let's talk about the 1980s, then, Skippy...) 3] There have been cases, allegedly, of murder, suicide and the like, wherein the defendants (or victims, where the suicides are considered) were role-players. When I was in high school, there was a book store 15 miles from my home, which was a community watering hole for board gamers, role-players, Tolkien buffs - you name it. "Dandelion Books" was the name of the establishment, and in the back room, every Sunday (ironic, eh?) we would play AD&D, Battletech - just about anything we could get our little mitts on. But not Aftermath. Absolutely not Aftermath. Now, let me make a quick mental accounting of what has happened to the more prominent members of that group: 1] Myself - married now for five years as of 9 January, 2004, to a woman who's got a college degree in her chosen career field (medical technology). We have two sons, Spencer 4 1/2, and Logan, 1 1/2. I am employed as a sportswriter - having had the job before, from 1989-90, I worked at a printing firm for nearly a decade after leaving the journalism field, then went into management for Domino's Pizza for a while, and finally came back to where I should have been all along. God, they say, watches over fools and children, and, as I love to append, I ain't no kid... 2] My best friend, Richard - Well, Rich just went through a split with his wife of about a decade, and it's been kinda tough on him, but he's done fairly well for the most part. His two daughters, Brittany and Sierra, are smart as whips - like their old man - and are destined for greatness. However, there is a drawback: Rich is a car salesman. Talk about a dark pact for personal gain... "Poor ninja..." 3] Ralph, the comic of the bunch - Ralph had gone MIA for over 10 years after the bookstore closed its doors forever in the fall of 1988, but we found him, or rather, Rich found him. But, alas, another car salesman - which is how Rich found him - by winding up as his co-worker! But, good ol' Ralph did make a little coin in the website-domain-name-reselling business a few years back, and seems to be financially comfortable, but not yet married. Of course, some say that money and wife are rarely both available to the same man... 4] Steve, the unofficial "leader" of our little coterie - Living in Illinois with his wife and their adorable 3-year-old, Zach. Steve has made his way in the IT world and trades in his old gaming stuff for new gaming stuff as his choices in hobbies change from time to time. Right now, his latest kick is... Weird War II...? 5] Chris - The "Nerd" of the group (what hypocrisy in that term!) is presently moving well up the corporate ladder via management positions for Wal-Mart. He's probably grossing six figures a year now. And probably still has his old comic book collection, which by now could probably cover a nice downpayment on a house. 6] Carl - Another MIA. Living in Florida and married to a teacher, which is probably doing him some good. He's currently employed - HOLY COW - By WotC. He used to be a DJ - what a tough position to hold, huh? 7] Glenn - The hardcore DM of the group. You'll read about Glenn in a future column. Glenn is married with two teenage sons, who were just joining us when the bookstore folded. He's employed as a surveyor, a job nearly as painless and gravy-like as my own. Of course, my job is arguably the easiest on Earth in that I sit on my ass for three hours, watch people play, and tell as many people as I can about it. I'm still amazed that I get a paycheck, mileage compensation, AND paid hours off - one for every 12 worked, in fact. Deadlines suck, though, but they're the cross I must bear to have the best career I could ever want. 8] JoAnna - another disc jockey, still doing it after a decade or so at a local radio station. Nicest lady you'll ever know, too. Always laughing. 9] Steven - One of the younger members, Steven was also whip-smart. He's currently employed by Johns Hopkins doing some kind of study of infectious disease rates among urban adolescents or somesuch 50-cent-word-named study. Of course, he never returns emails, but I'll whoop his ass for that the next time I see him... There are others, but to my knowledge, the lot of us have kept our noses clean, figuratively and literally, and made a contribution to society as a whole. Looking back at the old WoGFC membership list, I see the names of contributors to the economy, the gaming industry, college students, teachers - and I happen to know of a couple of lawyers and law students in the ranks. Not bad. Not bad at all. Yet, this bad aura... our escapist entertainment of so many hours, weeks and years, will most likely never escape the stigma. As has been said, "people fear and loathe that which they do not understand." And to be a bit arrogant, I can't say I know a DUMB role-player. Why is that, I wonder? Is that because the bulk of people, those under the left cusp of the bell curve, cannot figure out the enjoyment, the system, the premise? Can't act? Haven't the ability to sit and eat chips and roll dice? (Of course not! There will be no die-rolling when THEY sit. It interferes with their hearing John Madden talk about the "Sweat Down The Leg Contest.") I think I'm close to the mark here. And if you will notice, many of the same people who denounce this entire genre, and I do mean en toto, are the same type of people who will say things like (and, yes, Priscilla, I have actually HEARD these things): 1] "I've been to the Atlantic, but the Mississippi is a lot wider." 2] "Did you know that Forrest Gump is based on a true story?" Same person five minutes later (this was in a video store) - "Oh, my God. No wonder Apollo 13 had problems - Forrest Gump was in the spaceship!" - I had forgotten about that till a gamer friend jogged my memory. 3] "Bobby Ewing from 'Dallas' isn't dead. I saw him on another show." So, taking that as our BIG grain of salt, I think we realize just who's lacking a clue. Furthermore, I have yet to see a felony committed during a gaming session, or as a direct result of a gaming session. (Except the time Barry had cream of broccoli soup and became the world third-largest producer of natural gas. THAT was prosecutable under unwritten gaming group law - "Spike! Doorknob!") But let's look back on gaming's "terrifying" past. To the 1979 case of a boy's suicide and its 'linking' to AD&D (which was never proven to have affected his mental state). Then, one over here where I live, which affected me PERSONALLY, where a teenager who was a gamer on occasion killed his parents and brother. Dad and Little Brother played too; in fact, Dad and I played together, and he taught at the school where my eldest son goes now. Two cases - and I can think of another, involving a murder of one gamer by another, but I honestly don't recall the time or place specifically. Ok, so that's three cases of game-related crime, and five deaths. Since 1979. Now, how many non-gamers commit such acts? I know of five people offhand from my small high school graduating class of 115 who're doing time right now for various offenses. And not one of them could tell you the Melee Base Attack Bonus of even the lowliest kobold. It brings to mind one statistic from a flyer Danise, the owner of Dandelion Books, used to hand out whenever a preacher or angry parent came in to try to cause trouble - one man of the cloth actually said "to make you see you are going to Hell, and that you should repent." (This preacher was later caught in bed with a member of his congregation - NOT his wife, either.) I feel a little better about not being a hypocrite myself when I recall that particular nugget of info. Anyway, the statistic on the flyer, which I believe was provided by a company which produced role-playing material, or perhaps some independent group, was as follows: "The rate of violent crime for those who are active in the role-playing industry and hobby is 55 TIMES LOWER than the rate of the rest of the United States as a whole." Hmmm. So, what that means is that, if the world was all gamers, then there would be a burglary every 6.4 minutes rather than every seven seconds. (And then, only the Cthulhu version of Deities and Demigods would be removed from the home in question...) And there would be... what, 40,000, rather than 2.2 million, prison inmates? And we'd need how many fewer cops, judges, and (sigh of relief) lawyers? How much would that save us on our taxes? I bet a lot. Of course, Frito-Lay would run the world... David Insley |