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31 - I went to visit Jason Saturday, went to see a movie with Jesse Saturday night (still at only a "friends" level), and went to the naked place yesterday. My days of going there and not getting hit on are apparently over. I understand, yet I don't. The first time I went there after my surgery a few people introduced themselves to me that I had met before, yet this time was different; they treated me different. Yesterday when I went there, a guy hit on me before I even took my clothes off. I was talking to this chick and I think she even hit on me. I was talking to Jim, my friend there, and I asked him if I really look THAT different. He looked at me in the eyes and said "You look fantastic". He told me that earlier some guy was talking to him and I came around the corner and he said "Helllllooo". I told him I feel strange because people are treating me so different and its hard not to be bitter that they wouldn't talk to me a few weeks ago, but now they are. He said "you need to get over that and be happy with the new you." I went to the dr the other day to get a perscription for Wellbutrin (he gave me samples before and they worked great). I went to the pharmacy and they wanted over $100 for a one month supply. I can't afford that, so I am hoping this phsychological change I am dealing with will not be overbearing with no medication. I saw Mitch this morning. I asked him why he looked so scared when he saw me right after the surgery and his eyes got real big and he said "thats A LOT of stiches!" I said "I couldn't have prepared you more for it; I showed you where I was going to be cut and you even seen the procedure done on TV." He said "ya, but thats TV." I smiled and said "awwe.. you care about me, don't ya?".. He said "well, yeah!" We talked for a while outside but then I finally drug him up to my room to fix my ceileing fan ;-). See private entry. |
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8 - I-Mitch came over Saturday to watch a couple movies. I finally got to appologize to Mr. Hat for the stupid thing I said to him on my surgery day. I was a band judge for the Battle of the Bands Saturday night and ran into Juni. See www.zerofingers.com . I saw G-Mitch for just a minute on Monday. I gave him a brochure for the naked place. He seemed very facinated with it and said he may surprise me and show up Saturday afterwork. I have gained back all 10 pounds I lost the week after the surgery so I am back up to 168 at the moment. I am still in size 10s though but they are snug. I am going to try to fast for a couple days. I talked to Dan, Rob's cousin, outside his house last night for 2 hours. He has a very friendly personality.
10 - Today was horrible at work. I cried so many times over nothing. I called the pharmacy to check on the Dr.s request to have my Wellbutrin covered and it was so I picked it up right away. I can get it for $45/mo rather then $110/mo so thats cool. Josh called just before I got off. Man, was I happy to hear from him today. We talked about how we are both feeling, yet we shouldn't and how hard it is. I spilled my feelings and told him how I feel "at home" when I am with him. Later, Josh said he wanted to tell me that he feels the same way, but wanted to put it into his own words. He said when he is with me he feels like "the sky is the limit" on every level. He said he feels "perfect" when he is with me and he is on "cloud 9". He told me to put my pointing finger and thumb about a 1/2 inch apart and he said "when I am with you, I am THAT close to walking away from my current life to be with you". He knows I don't want kids and he says that is the main thing that keeps him from thinking there is no future for us. I explained its not the kids I have an issue with, its the potential baggage that comes with them. I went over to his place and met his son. At one point we had our arms on the back of the couch touching and his son was between us playing. Josh looked at his son and looked at me and said "can you see this? can you see this in the future?" I looked at him and said "no". After a moment, I said "no I don't see it in the future, I see it NOW". The thing about Josh that I love so much is he tells me how he feels. He says whats on his mind knowing its a risk that he might get hurt. He is so honest and proud. I got confirmed for my boob lift for July 1.
16 - I really think I am in love with Josh. I am so happy and yet so scared. He is GIVING Lynn 5 almost new tires with rims that he was given rather then sell them to someone else. Lynn is going to upgrade his computer for him though. Josh will be at the house when I get home. I can't believe how excited I am to "come home" to him. I saw him Monday night but then I had trouble sleeping and was so tired Tuesday. I was actually glad that he didn't want to see me Tuesday night so I could come home and sleep. But today (wed) I CAN'T WAIT to see him. I have been so happy since I got up this morning knowing I would see him today. I am wearing this kick ass suit that is so form fitting. Lynn took pictures of me and if they turned out good, I will post them on the home page.
UPDATE: Josh cancelled. Big surprise! |
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