10 - I realize that I may or may not still be in love with Josh. I think I have been thinking about him so much lately just so I don't think about Scott that much. I don't want to become obsessed with Scott. Because he doesn't live here it is hard to think about being in love with him without being in terrible pain because I miss him so much.
19 - Scott was here this weekend and just left. I don't think I love him anymore then a friend. I am still having a hard time with the age and I am just not interested in him like I should be for the type of relationship we are having. I feel bad. I am letting Scott believe that I feel the same way for him that he does for me. I think he knows there is a difference, but I don't think he realizes how much. The age isn't the only issue though sadly. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't think this is going to work. This weekend, I took him to Zumanity and also bought him a cross and gave him a chain that I have had for a long time. Quite a heavy load of gifts for someone I don't see myself with much longer. He made a wonderful dinner tonight. I don't know what to do about our future plans. I am sure he expects me to purchase the plane tickets soon for Michigan. I keep waiting for me to get over my hang ups and fall for him, but so far, its not happening. Tonight I actually had the thought for a moment that I am ready to be alone again; completely alone as in get my VERY OWN place.
27 - Wow, what a different entry this will be from the last one. Last Thursday, Scott and I both had really bad days so I sent him a joking text msg saying "wanna meet in Baker for a drink?" He wrote back "sure, what time?" I ended up driving all the way to see him since he got off late. It was only 2 hours and 15 min to get there. Thinking back, I think the turning point was over dinner at Outback Steakhouse. I think I just looked at him differently. I spent the night where he lives and left the next morning when he left for work. I tried to get my business license in Henderson Friday but they don't know what catagory to put me in. David Lee has to review it. I saw Greg Friday afternoon; we talked for a while - it was nice. I tried to fix Mikey and Judy up since I have Scott now, but Mikey says he is still more interested in me and invited me over to his house to swim in his pool. I brought Jacob and Autumn and we had a great time. He is super cute and very nice, his boys are nice, his house/pool are cool. Why couldn't I have met him before Scott? Sunday I went to Common Ground and talked my head off to just about everyone. About 5 people took turns sitting by me chatting. Sunday night I was just thinking how I haven't thought about Josh in 2 whole days, then Martin texts me out of the blue. I called him and we talked for a bit. THEN Monday night Lexi calls me. She wanted more answers. I talked to her for 50 min. She called me later crying and asked me to come down there to talk to her. I did. There isn't much she doesn't know anymore. We found Josh at a bar and he said the most HORRIBLE things to me. I drove Lexi back to her place and I left at almost 5am. Man, do I love and appreciate Scott! I told him everything. I'm thankful for him.
