| 18 Months on Testosterone HEALTH UPDATE March 7th 2003 Well alot of shit has gone down in the last month. I was dying but i am in the process of getting help. Since i have left San Francisco i am not going to do a Testosterone Update because i don't even have accessability to my camera equiptment. In order to better help you all understand my current health situation I am going to copy and pasted enteries from my live journal in regard to all this: Sunday, February 16th, 2003 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2:22 pm - dreams fall. I'm crying because i'm upset. I'm upset because i have destroyed my body and don't know what is going to happen now. I started to notice some health problems last week and they have only gotten worse. Things are getting severe. I am getting some lab work done next week and going to see a intersex friendly doctor before i bleed myself to fucking death. I honestly don't know what's wrong but i have ripped apart something inside my body and now i'm at the point where i'm forcing myself to see a doctor . . . Times like this make you wonder how you will end up and what you have accomplished in life or want to accomplish before you physically leave this earth. It could happen at anytime, ANYTIME. I hate my eating disorders. This has destroyed me mentally and now i'm paying for it physically. I'm sick of being addicted to laxatives, i'm sick of restricting my diet and eating 200 or less calories a day, i'm sick of having to depend on my diet pills, i'm sick of binging and then purging myself into tears and a sore throat and i'm sick of doing all of these things over and over again in one day and every fucking day that follows. I'm sick and i won't fucking stop!!! It's been 9 years, 9 fucking years. I know that whatever i have done to my body at this point can not be fixed. Surgery is probably my only option and i will find that out after i see the doctor. I could stop now but i'm not willing. Damage has already been done and i'v lost hope. The sickiest thing is that i would rather ''look good'' while i'm here - then be here longer and suffer over my appearance. I'm sorry. I may not be writing in this journal for awhile . . . I really don't know what to say anymore. I have blocked comments from this post. I know people are going to get pissed off, disappointed and very angry at me but shit man i already feel that enough. Maybe people will even take me off their friends list because i have problems. We all fucking have problems, okay. Anyhow i have so many people that read my journal and it's wrong to inflict negativity on everyone and so when i have something positive to say ~ then i will post again. Until then please take care everyone ~ Love, Johnny Giovanni Righini Friday, February 28th, 2003 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4:29 pm - this is not goodbye . . . <3 Please do NOT email, instant message, call, snail-mail, visit or provide any form of contact to me in regard of this post. Please just don’t speak – Please just listen. I am begging you from the bottom of my heart to respect this wish. Hi everyone. It’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve posted in my journal. Last week I left San Francisco after having 2 severe death threat attacks in my San Francisco apartment. I have come to stay with my Mother where I am safe, happiest and more comfortable. My body is shutting down and I know for valid reasons that I am dying. I do NOT know how many days I have left on this earth. The only thing that has kept me alive throughout all 4 of my last death threat attacks has been my soul: it has not let go yet… Please just listen. Page Two (continued) |