Wicked ?

The walls are cold and damp,
the desolation is as far as the eye can see.
The hunger is upon me , I must feed.
The emptiness grows darker.
LONELINESS ...

The force is crushing,
The chill bites like a ravenous wolf.
The world spins , feeling numbs.
It swallows me whole.
DEPRESSION.

It is definitely warmth.
Colder than ice.
I reach for it , It reaches for me .
The embrace is comforting.
Knowing yet unknowing.
DEATH

I can see it , it still does not see me .
It is LONELINESS that fills the space.
I come around the dark side.
I stay in the shadows
It is from where I hunt, DEPRESSION.
Emotions mix with insanity ,
It is a volatile combination,
DEATH rides on the wing.
Coming in fast & heavy
Pouncing playfully.
WICKEDNESS...


From my friend Chux
02/08/01 08:19 AM
Pure Evil
The eye doesn't just see everything,
One person can hold so much power,
Against you and your friends,
Something that tricks the mind,
And plays games with the heart,
Be careful and don't judge those you don't know,
For they are much greater than you alone,
And so dangerous,
Nothing you can handle,
It seems so unreal,
Yet it isn't,

Come face to face with your enemy,
Meet the other half of yourself,
The twin you've never known,
The half who hides the darkest secrets,
Deep inside the soul,
If you've thought about it,
You know it's there,
And feeding off of you,
And you only try to stop it when it's too late,
Pure evil can't be stopped, and never will be.

There u are Chuxta far-eye 4 everyone to see.
Now make a post damnit ! u got talent !





Quiver of the mirror

I saw him in the standing;
just looking at me '
the twisted smile,
he knew I was alone.

I could feel his cold stare,
within my soul ,
The heart was dead,
yet it was beating.
The dark fluid not pumping .

He is always growing,
flourishing within the hate.
yet why is it that it is,
I only noticed him of late.

Dangerous yet harmless,
fire yet ice,
lurking in the shadows,
waiting for the weary.

He consumes that,
which is not of sinew or bone,
The shadow grows longer.
My apiphany dims.
He has me within his grasp.
It's all imperfection -
He IS my reflection.

Die slagveld van tyd.
02/08/01 02:19 PM

Ek l'e in die stilte
Donker
Ek dink aan die kurwes
van jou lyf.
Ek wonder oor die kurwes
van jou siel.

Die maanlig spoel oor jou gesig,
Onskuldig
Die wit pertjies galop oor jou hare.
Die strand van jou hals
is sonder spore.

Die kraak van die huis
is die musiek van Jan Jaars
Die skadu's beweeg
Donker ruiters op hul
woerts warts spoor.
Sonder patroon.

Hoe s\\'ea jy vaarwel ?
Die ses duim dolk in my
siel se lem het afgebreek.
Die horlosie teen die muur
gluur my aan.
My hare rys.

More moet ek buig
andersinds knak
Ek soek die alternatiewe pad
My hart raas soos 'n ou ford.
Ek knak.
Die golwe vloei oor my gemoed.
Ek is een met die oseaan.

More werp ek alles wat dryf uit.
So is die see, ongenadelik ,
gevaarlik .
Die muurhorlosie staar nog steeds.
Die skadu's dwarrel om my heen.
WAT WAS DIT ?
Toemaar , dis die siel wat binne ween...


the battlefield of time
02/08/01 03:40 PM

My translation skill s*ck !
Its either the one or the other.
here goes a poor version...

I lie in silence
Darkness
I think about the curves
of your body
I wonder about the curves
of your soul.

The moonlight washes across your face
Innocence.
The white horses gallop across our hair.
The beach of your (neck ? )
is without footprints.

The creaking in the house
is the music of the boogie man
The shadows move...
Dark riders on their
(crazy ?) trail.
Without any pattern.

How do you say goodbye ?
The six in dagger in my
soul 's blade has broke.
The clock on the wall
glares at me.
My hair stands on end ..

Tomorrow I must bend
or otherwise ( break ?) ( not quite snap)
I'm looking for an alternative.
My heart races like an old ford.
I (snap? )
Waves flow over my ( mind ?)
I am one with the ocean ...

Tomorrow I cast out the flotsam/jetsam.
For that is the way of the sea,
Without mercy, dangerous.
The clock on the wall is still staring at me.
The shadows are all over / around me
WHAT WAS THAT ?
Don't worry , its only my soul weeping.



Memories of a seductress
02/09/01 08:37 AM

The curve of her smile , like a hook for
a fish
Her brown eyes playful yet dangerous
Her locks like medusa mesmorising the innocent
so strong and proud
Its my kilimanjaro that I must climb
For each of us has our mountain to climb , our ocean to
cross.

This mountaineer has no rope , crampon.
He will face the rock with his bare hands.
Fingers curl around ungiving stone.
The eye searches for cracks in the surface to penetrate.
Moving from handhold to handhold he climbs higher.
The mountain remains unmoving.
Blood drips from the cuts in his hands
The rock is stained.

With a flick of her hair , the slope becomes more gentle.
The lure is out
I am the fish
Willingly taking the bait.

The summit is in sight
my heart pounds away.
The air up here is thinner

Bodies touching - communicating so little , yet saying so
much.
Heat rises. So close , yet so far .
The bloodied hands now make for more slips.
For every step forward the mountain seems to take two
back.
Desperation in the face of mockery.

You want to climb the mountain with your bare hands.
Once you start with equipment , you cannot go without,
for the mountain remembers.
Somewhere up a sheer cliff face you notice the mistake on
your behalf.
It is not kilimanjaro .
Yet the challenge is what is left.
Soft curves , long stretches.
The mountain is so inviting.
The inner side where I must climb is full of jagged edges.

Within & without
Without hope
Without fear
Its a never ending dance of the fisherman.


Behave ?

02/22/01 04:11 PM
The crowsfeet tell me you enjoy me
Flicking your fringe makes me step lighter
Motoring
Manuvering
Missioning

Desire ?
Do I project my own interest apon you ?
Why do you keep touching me ?
Goose pimples
Grey hairs
Giggles

Frustration...
Why so do I miss you...
Why does my heart stop when I see you ...
Butterflies
Bonfires
Belladonna

You and I were joined at the edge of our souls
We still are
I can still feel you...
Why does it have to strike midnight
at the most critical times?


*I haven't lost my mind , I have it backed up on disk
somewhere.*


You there !
Can you help me remember
where I put my smile ?
I need to use it on something worth while.

The grey skies of my life
have become thunderclouds.
Where is the soothing rain?

The forest is overgrown,
Ivy and thornbushes populate.
I miss the pan pipes.

Running from the foul air
Hiding from the hunter
No more breath , only heartbeats
faster and faster
spinning out of control
wizzing past
faster
on the edge

the cruel hand of fate
has an icy grip
i can only grimace

you don't even ask me my name ......




Armed with Prosac.

02/27/01 05:49 PM
Nothing makes sense
anymore,
I don't know if u know
how it feels to feel
so NOT f\\'fbck\\'ead up anymore ?

I am alone
by my own doing,
When I told you
to get out of my life
I was hoping you
would not go.

Yet my heart could not
be fixed with band-aid
Where our souls touched
the essence of my being lies
but where you broke
my heart, a gaping hole
like a black cancer sits.

Nothing makes sense
anymore.
I don't know if u know
how it feels to kill yourself
every evening.
Then get up in the morning
armed with prozac for the day ahead.



My Phobia is....

02/27/01 06:29 PM
I am afraid
to be afraid
of being afraid.
My phobia is such,

I am afraid
to be afraid
of being afraid - of you.
I gave my heart to you
without being afraid.

You were afraid
to be afraid of
being afraid of
those who were afraid
to be afraid
of being afraid
of people who were
spontanious,
without being afraid
to be afraid.

My phobia is such,
that I am spontanious,
Loving, caring, giving.
So how could you make me
afraid ?

I don't understand myself.
I wanted it to work,
Yet I was afraid
that it might work.
Now,
I'm just afraid.

credit for this poem goes to the person that said:
ek is bang
dat ek bang is
om bang te wees !





When I did
03/05/01 01:51 PM
I touch her skin,
Softly,
sub-conciously,
the goosepimples bring
me back to reality.

Blue eyes look at me
A stare to stare down
a thousand devils.
I almost flinch.

Bad boy,sinner,corruptor.
when did I become these ?
Attraction of opposites,
heaven and hell.

Warm hands on cold hands.
Soft skin on sandpaper.
Good girl, angelic,serious.
Where is the line drawn ?

Soft sand between my toes.
Cold early morning ocean
water licks my toes.
The kiss of the warm morning sun
on my face as it rises
from its lazy hiding place
behind the waves.
I almost flinch.

How can a soul, so black,
so tainted ever hope to
overcome its self ?
The only good part is
I don't have to hide
behind my face.
This time I do.....





again 'n again
03/06/01 07:18 AM
Now I gone an' done it
again
What else is new ?
I keep doing it.

It's not like I don't try
its not only the doing
its also the saying
Why the hell ?

I put my fist right through
the fire door
and you calmly want to
know how I am ?

I cant even begin to explain
why
I always say and do
the wrong thing...





Heroes or Not ?
03/06/01 02:59 PM

the sound is numbing although i have to listen to hear it
seems so unreal yet it sends shockwaves through reality
the motion is perpetual even if it stops here it
will continue somewhere else

i oft wonder about this as i drink my tea
as i lay on my bed waiting for stars to collide
as i battle the waves on my paddleski in the sea
yet it is the pondering that wastes

like the mundane tasks we do everyday
doing - yet unnoticing
for we are all its slaves
if you but knew the importance you'd be
frozen in fear and mad with emotional turmoil

it slides by in the shadows
like a thief in the dead of night
as quiet as rushour traffic -
and just as easily forgotten

is it the tick or the tock that has me afraid ?
the silent trickle of the sand through the hourglass?
the knowledge of these ?
like a snowball rolling downhill
a fire in the dry grass
yet I wrestle like hercules



The Human Race

My fingers feel heartbeats,
My feet a pounding.
Bright colours, smiling faces
seratonin flowing freely.

The red Ferrari speeds off the starting grid.
Gears changing upward.
Rubber left behind on the track.
Adrenalin flowing freely.

The reality is every drop of sweat
I feel racing down my arms with breakneck speed.
Beats & melodies form interwoven paterns
with flashing strobes & dancing colours.

The red flash wizzes through the chicane,
Smoke, like gosts from fresh graves, wisp up
Road signs flash past in blurring glimpses.
The road weaves with every rise and fall.

Now there is nothing but the music.
I scream a scream of rage and pleasure.
The motions become almost mechanical.
The tension melts like the night into sunrise.

The road has the focus.
Turbo charged engines spew forth flames.
A few times around, and the track is known
You hug the seat.

Feel the love, see the smiles,
Illusions, I know , just don't stop.
Where is my chequered flag ?
*poof*


Speelpark
03/27/01 07:26 AM

Hier sit ek alleen soos die stukkende perdjie
by die mallemeule.
My saaltjie wag, kom spring tog op!
Die sagte leer is gemaak vir 'n prinses,
maar al wat opdaag is kinders met taai hande.

Toffieappelstroop wat miere lok.
Stof wat teen die blinkwit klou.
My saaltjie wag, kom spring tog op!
Tussen snot en trane, vloermoere en mannewales
Voel dinge nie meer dieselfde nie.

Ek wil van die mallemeule af
Ek wil vry rondhardloop in die sonskyn
my saaltjie wag, kom spring tog op!
maar heelaas ek moet om en om
op dieselfde deuntjie dag in en dag uit

My prinsessie kom nie meer nie
My blinkwit verblyk in die son
My saaltjie kraak, wie sal tog opspring?
En dit help ook nie dat ek na
Sarel Selfmoord musiek luister nie.




Past n Present Picnics
03/27/01 07:28 AM
There are bees in my cooldrink,
There are ants in my sarmies
The thorn under my calf is making me mad,
but this is the best picnic I ever had

You lie on my tummy telling jokes
about some unfortunate okes
I laugh aloud once more
You have me grinning to my core.

I softly tell you that I care
I put another wild flower in your hair.
I know you wont object it's true
that is why I have to embrace you.

Later I sing you to sleep on my tummy
and if you do, it makes it so much more yummy
when I tickle you awake and kiss you some more
we can laugh again until my cheeks are sore.

Watching the displays of the peacocks
I remember the rainbows in your ebony locks
You still make me smile my love
Are you still smiling at me from heaven above?

My back is full of grass
I have a terrible crick in my ...back
There is a spider navigating the
forest of hair on my leg not clad,
but this is the best picnic I ever had.

*I haven't lost my mind , I have it backed up on disk
somewhere.*