Twinkle, Twinkle
04/06/01
I am not the mother of all
I'm only one
I am not put on this earth
to carry the world for you
I'm not even the sun
or the moon
Can't be
everything
for everyone
But maybe
a little star
twinkle twinkle
near but far
- Smile, 2001-
Your anger
04/06/01
Your anger
isn't mine
never was
and will not ever be.
Your choices
Your pain
Your prison
- Smile, 2001-
Focus
04/06/01
I'm in the same movie
over and over
de ja vu screaming abuse
But this time
it's different
I have different glasses
its focus much sharper
than eyes nude
Popcorns and drinks on the house
The critic is fired
(Keep quiet mouse!)
No more horror movieshows
This is reality
Wake up!
Time to be real.
Colour
04/06/01
The colour is seeping back
into my life
some pink
some blue
some green
splashes of life
warming my soul
no more just
black & white
or even greys
Time for fun & play...
Alive and Kicking
04/06/01
Inspired by U-2
Hey you...
Yes
you!
Look again
I'm alive
and kicking
I survived
my pain
and come rain or shine
I will fight
for my right
to be happy!
Pilgrim
04/06/01
I am a pilgrim
in an imperfect world
traveling from one wound
to the other
a never ending journey
for even if old wounds have healed
new ones is still to come
in the future
unknown
unexplored
always surprise
because maybe now
I'm learning to fly like a bird
when tomorrow
I need to swim like a fish
But at least
I don't hide in the mud
anymore.
- Smile, 2001 -
coldfingers
04/10/01
I'm on medication that sometimes makes me
anxious and restless...This poem climbed out of
my body out of frustration.
Please close the window
there's an icewind
blowing on my eyes
and I feel like
I've been holding on
to some chewing gum
for too long
and I can't breathe
in deep enough
I need air
give me a bike with no wheels
so I can cycle to nowhere
or a treadmill
so I can run at full speed
till I have no more breath
then maybe I'll be too tired to feel
or to care anymore
that there are cold fingers
crawling up my spine
to choke the life out of me
Something is wrong
I want to scream
but I'm making all the right noises
I want to cry
but there are no tears
and all I can think about
is the pain
trapped inside my cheeks
like a dying man
holding on to his last breath
not willing to let go
yet
Dawn
04/10/01
Although I still feel like Winter,
Summer is soon to come
because I know that
the angels are having a teaparty
up above
and blossoms are growing
on brain trees
while the sun is smiling patiently
and God is still carrying me
on His back...
A new dawn is greeting
this antarctic night
never to return again
and I am proud to say
that I've made it
without losing
reality,
a sense of wonder
and faith
Take a moment
04/17/01
Every time a mouth opens
somebody rolls a dice...
so many responses to choose from
so many heartaches to spare
so many worlds to carry...or not...
So little thought is given
so many opportunities lost
so little change in attitude
can prevent so many moments of pain.
So take a moment to think
next time
a mouth opens
...it's free !
'Cause if your don't
it can be one of the most expensive errors
you'll ever make...
...of peels and trees
04/18/01
Forgiveness
grows
like moss
on trees
in dark
wet
places...
You cannot see it grow,
its development too slow
for the human eye.
Scratch the mudpeels from your eyes,
wash your face
and feel the softness
covering bark.
But know this:
This tree
will remember its bark.
Growing trees
04/19/01
Mysteries unfold
and decisions are made
as braintrees grows
and before I know it
a rainbow is painted in my head
some colours still a bit vague
but dancing underneath
around the pot of gold
are flickers of hope
and smiles are born
as giggles elope
to do some mischief
and plant new belief
in life
worth living
Your love
04/23/01
Your love
is my daily bread
and I need
to feel your body
next to mine at night
to see your face
on the otherside of the table
and to know
that you'll be with me
evermore.
- Smile, 2001-
Another telephone conversation
04/23/01
Mother
We spoke for an hour
Yesterday
I missed you so
...don't know why
I must have forgiven you
no more anger
no more sadness
just talking with you
You even surprised me
when you said
that I must open my heart
and not keep "evil" inside
and I promised
that we'll have that talk
Soon...
- Smile, 2001 -
Timebombstatus
05/02/01
You visited again.
and all at once
I felt like an alien
and a sister
quietly observing
while feeding and serving you
and sometimes the devil announced
that a moment was awkward...
and when you've gone home
I stopped
to think
about the blood in my veins
and the timebomb
that is sometimes in my head...
and for one quiet moment
I knew
that i would be okay.
Awkward things
05/03/01
Guys...this is really a rough
piece of thought...a silly way of saying
something big...
You don't have to like me
if you don't want to
This moment may be awkward
if you wish
There won't be an earthquake if I say no
(I promise!)
It won't be the end of the world
if things aren't perfect
okay
I don't always have to be in control
you know
Shiny
05/11/01
Shiny hair
on a shiny new brain
complementing
happy shiny eyes
This time for real
and sometimes it may be dull
for a while
for the whole world to see
this is me
take me or leave me
no matter how I feel
it's real
my no means no
'cause this time
I'd like to stay sane
happy and sane
new mothersday poem
05/11/01
New mothersday poem:
I was born from your womb,
raised by your hand,
loved by your heart...
and if it wasn't done
the way that I expected,
it's okay.
The past is past.
What count is now.
Thank you for loving me now.
animals name
05/21/01
Each night
in my dreams
I'm packing a suitcase
but there's always more clothes
and never enough time...
Each day
in my thoughts
I'm driving away
but the road has too many forks
and the destiny's unknown...
Each time
I look into your eyes
confusion is the animals name
but he doesn't like it
and bites my hand when I pray...
For each one of us
the future is unknown...
What will we choose
when the day comes?
- Smile, 2001 -
sweet or sour
05/28/01
Life is like...
a box of assorted chocolates!
and my mind
is a greedy child
not satisfied with the knowledge of
what this sweet tastes like
I want to change the channels
one by one
to see what's hiding
behind each shiny wrapper
tasting by remote control
and not by blood and tears
not content with what's in my mouth
now
and dreaming of caramel fudge surprise
but scared that maybe the next one
will be a lemon...
Should I savour this one
for another while
or spit it out and try the next...
Slightly mad
05/25/01
One foot is running out the backdoor
while one hand is clutching to a piece of human
one mind is leaving all behind
while one heart is staying
thank you very much
please somebody help me
I think I'm going slightly mad
but just slightly if you know what I mean
for I'm still sane enough
to understand the meaning
of heaven and hell
all rolled into one choice
hot fresh sticky whitebread bun
too delicious
yet insane
- Smile, 2001 -
fool of hearts
05/30/01
I asked you a SIMPLE question
you gave me a complicated NO
and instead of confirming my HOPE
you placed me on the witness stand
to be the ACCUSED
and your truimph card
was the FOOL of hearts:
ME
Am I creating my own HELL on earth?
Or are YOU cleverly pulling the wool over my
eyes?
- Smile, 2001 -
Counting minutes
05/31/01
Let me tell you
how I feel
today
yesterday
and the day before
I feel like:
a fish without a skin
a cold night without a blanket
a carcass being plundered alive
a jaw tired of old chewing gum
a chameleon on a rubic cube
a pin in a barn
an elephant in a chinashop...
Please let me sleep in your warmth for a while.
breathless
06/06/01
if there was only today
come on
leave me breathless
if i could have my way
come on
leave me breathless
when i imagine the kiss
come on
leave me breathless
if it could come true; this wish
come on
leave me breathless
i probably should say no
come on
leave me breathless
you're the devil; please go
come on
leave me breathless
if i could i may
come on
leave me beathless
if there was onle this day
come on
leave me breathless
- Smile, 2001 -
burning
06/06/01
imagined lips are burning
imagined beds are burning
imagined skin is burning
my heart is burning
my face is burning
my hands are burning
and my mind is screaming
take a nap
or
no don't take a nap
take a shower
and cool it
now
!
- Smile, 2001 -
timing
06/06/01
Why are you the angel
now
?
when I need to be angry with you
Why are you the angel
now
?
when I lust after the devil
Why are you the angel
now
?
when I don't want to play with you
Why do I want to divorce my wings
?
when you are putting yours back on
?
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