No, I'm not a father, at least not that I know of, but the feelings have to be similar to what I'm going through right now.
A little background is in order here (closes eyes to all the groaning in the back).
You see, when my little sister was born our mother was going through (and these are her words) her second childhood. Then randomly defined term to her meant staying out all night, coming home just in time to go to work, and basically forgetting about us kids. There were four of us. I was 13 when this all started and I got a job at 16. She was 3 at this time. Can you imagine what that does to a family? Well I like to think she is as much mine as my mother's now.
I changed her diapers. I would buy food for the house (mind you my check was about 60bucks a week and I had to give half of that to mom) and mostly it was potted meat and stuff like that. I remember walking to the store when she was five and her holding my finger instead of my hand. I remember explaining things like why I walk on the "street" side of the sidewalk instead of her. I remember explaining "that" time of the month to her LOL. Yes, big brother did much. I remember when little mermaid came out she insisted on watching it a total of eight times that weekend on video. No one else stayed around for that but she and I sang all the songs together. She would even put a pillow on the ground and arch her back during the final song. When I was kicked out at 18 (making her 5) my mother told me that she slept in my bed for almost a month afterward crying because she missed me. Sigh, I remember it all. Sadly she doesn't remember as much. For a while it seemed as if every memory I'd mention she'd purposely say she didn't remember just so I would stop recounting "when you were little" stories. She's pretty much stopped that now but sometimes I think we've lost much of that closeness.
She's graduating soon. In a few months she'll be graduated and probably moving into an apartment with our cousin. Strangely the same cousin's big brother and I moved out in OUR first apartment years ago so it's a strange coincidence LOL. She'll be off into the big world and I'm sure we won't hear from her for at least six months. She is growing up and I have to deal with it. Letting go is so hard I find myself hugging her for stupid reasons as if I have a quota to get in before she's gone. I am so afraid she'll forget about me and all the stupid things we've done, like a bread war in the store where we beat each other with loaves of bread till they both busted. Or the time our sister bumped her into a pile of glasses at a Walmart and I had to catch six or seven of them before they broke. She's told me that she is probably going to ask our brother and I to walk her down the isle when she gets married. I almost cried at that.
But maybe all of the memories aren't gone. She told me today that she finds herself holding her boyfriend's finger instead of his hand when they walk at times. LOL But I think I know how a father feels.
I already miss her and she's in the other room. We'll never be as close as those days but I hope to God that she doesn't forget them.
But of course, I'm an idiot.
Chris