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| Dear Dr Duke Lately Iıve had these voices in my head. Like when Iım in a bank queue behind some good-looking girl these voices are saying stuff like, touch her. Go on just give her a little touch. I want to, should I listen to the voices? Dave Kribble, Happy Valley. The only voice you should listen to is mine! call me now so we can discuss your bank details Dear Dr Duke My dog Mandy bit my neighbour Bob. Should I have Mandy checked out by a vet? Concerned Dog Owner, Marsh Lake. If Mandy bit Bob for the reason I think she did, Yes get her to the vet as soon as possible! Dear Dr Duke My husband has a drinking problem. He drinks before he goes to work. Being an eye surgeon, do you think I need to worry about him losing his job? Maureen, East Crimstead. There is a time and place for drinking and that is most definatley not before work its AT work! Dear Dr Duke My husband Frank hasnıt gone to the toilet for three weeks. Is that normal? Blocked up Hubby, Hillsmount North. No it is not normal for a man not to masturbate for three weeks Dear Dr Duke My wife Helen is having an affair with our mechanic. Should I ask him for a discount? Need The Money, Clarkesville. Find out how much he is charging your wife for a lube job. Dear Dr Duke Iıve been married to my husband Jonathan for two years. Recently I caught him inserting my sanitary products. What should I do? Happily Married, Knots Hill. I get so many letters like this one so I will cover them all here. It is perfectly natural for a man to insert sanitary products, dress in your underwear, and have phone sex with your ex lovers using a high pitched voice. Dear Dr Duke I havenıt slept for three weeks. Help? Eyes Wide Open, Peasants Nest. Read Leons Love advice column..sweet dreams. Dear Dr Duke Is it just me or is the whole world fucked? Paranoid, Glasshouse Mountain. Its just you. Dear Dr Duke I have this sore that just wonıt heal. Itıs in a private place and Iım just too ashamed to see my doctor. Don, Hooterville. If its on your penis chop it off, pack it in ice and send it to your local doctor in a return address envelope that way you will save yourself some embarassment If its on or in your anal area the most common remedy is to get four razor blades, stick them together, attach them to a stick, insert in effected area and rotate. Dear Dr Duke My wife says I sweat to much. Is there some way I can stop her smelling? Merv, Teatree Hills. What Ive found in the past to be the most effective is dog urine, Douche your wife from head to toe with it to stop her smelling. As for your other problem its a medical fact that ball lice make you sweat. Dear Dr Duke My wife wrote in three weeks ago asking for help. You suggested she kill me. I know where you live asshole. Happy Husband, Brooksville. If you really knew where i lived you would know that it is a long long way from your trailer park and that your welfare check wouldn't even cover the gas bill for your car. Dear Dr Duke My son Harold likes to dress like a woman. He keeps falling off his high heels. Is there anything I can do to help him walk? Concerned Mother, Death Valley. Hold out your house keys in front of him and jingle them, then in a sweet voice say, "c'mon do it for mama" |
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