Disclaimer: This newsletter contains explicit language and adult situations, and is sent to fifty-ish subscribers with great hair, fresh breath, and winning personalities. The views expressed in this newsletter belong solely to the editor and the writers, who are all completely insane. If you would like to stop receiving this newsletter, email Mark at steel_wool@hotmail.com because people here call him Floyd, and I think that's just hilarious.
In this issue:
Cat's Official Week
Topic 1) My First Frat Party
Topic 2) Why College Kicks Ass
Topic 3) Song Lyric of the Week
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week
Topic 5) Quote of the Week
Cat's Official Week:
Heh heh heh, it's Fall Break! Take that, high-school kids!
Topic 1) My First Frat Party:
By Me
Ok, I figured that since I attend an institution renowned as a "party school," I might as well help the cause. It was Homecoming weekend here, and we had already had a parade (people on the floats throw out candy to the bystanders!), an Outkast concert, and a football victory over Vanderbilt (is the Commodore a bird?).
After all this madness, there were frats and sororities aplenty hosting parties, no invitation required. And so I went. Watching my back, I picked one within walking distance of my dorm and took along a girl from down the hall and her already-drunk-as-a-fish high-school-aged brother. Around midnight Saturday, we set out for the TEP house. (That's Tau Epsilon Phi, as in "Gimme a TEP one time!" "TEP!" "Gimme a TEP two times!" "TEP TEP!" "Gimme a TEP-any-or-all-the-degrading-mother-freaking-curse-words-I-can-roll-out-of-my-mouth-in-one-breath TEP!!")
Side note: the TEP fraternity is 95% Jewish. Ok, now that this has been declared, I can actually say that it was a pretty decent party. Being a straight-edger (and cofounder of the underground Sobriety Society), I had my doubts about frat parties. But I didn't even have "Just Say No" to alcohol like Mrs. Reagan wants me to because I was never offered any. Nobody cared, and they were only giving drinks to girls who waited in a long line anyway.
Since it was what we call a "band party" (no, this does not mean trumpet and piccolo players gettin' their groove on), it was kinda like going to a concert. More of a concert with less of a focal point. I think the band was called the Luggnuts, but I won't swear to it. Basically, they played 80's covers and everyone was happy with that (including me). I danced, I caroused, I socialized, and I went home sober when the party hit some sort of curfew at 2am. And all was good with the world.
Except for that damn ringing in my ears and that oh-so-lovely smell of beer and tobacco penetrating my hair, making it so I just felt a strong urge to take a shower. But other than that, frat parties aren't anything too special.
Topic 2) Why College Kicks Ass:
By Jacquie Hauth
Ok, everyone needs to hear about my college experience so far, simply to add to Cat's already increasing plethora of college stories sure to litter future Litterbox issues. I issue this as a warning: College is not that hard. I'm taking three classes this semester, (plus one PE, which doesn't count), and nowhere do I have to take an English 101 class, or Intro to Boring Math. This is all partly due to the fact that Agnes Scott has a bushel of interesting classes, but also that I'm officially a freshman and a half from all the AP credit I managed to rack up. Moral of this paragraph: take AP tests! They will save you time, money, and interesting classes. So, on to the truly engaging stuff: Professors. Eclectic Professors, to be exact. Let me give you an example: My Philosophy Prof., Dr. Behan, is such a crazy old hoot, he wears two watches simultaneously. Why, you might ask? Well, even if you didn't, we did. His explanation? Because 7am and 7pm are two entirely different times of day, and should not be suffered to be represented by the same watch. I know, a crazy old hoot, and there are dozens of other professors at this school with just as much neglected medication on the shelf.
Another plus about college life: the crazy roommate. Granted, I ended up with a roomie who is so much like me it scares me, but there are always moments that make you glad that you decided to move out of the house. For instance, since Kati, my roommate, worked at a movie theater before coming to school, she brought along with her priceless movie posters, the largest of which, Tom Cruise in Minority Report, ended up taped to our floor as a rug. See, college really is worth the tuition! And so in conclusion, everyone reading this should in fact go to college one day, if you're not already there. And even more, you don't have to go to the biggest University in the State to get a good education, good food, and countless "college experiences." Just be sure to go, have fun, meet lots of new people, make lots of new friends, and not be afraid to keep in touch with the old ones.
Topic 3) Cat's Song Lyric of the Week:
It's never popular to be pure.
"Barlow Girls" by Superchic[k]
Topic 4) Webpage of the Week:
A very addicting one this week: www.quizilla.com
Topic 5) Quote of the Week:
"homophobia: n. insecurities about being heterosexual"
- The personal connotative dictionary of Matthew Walega
Closing:
And here's to another issue. So many distractions in college, so many I tell you. Have a happy undetermined-length-of-time. 'Til we meet again.
P.S. If all you see is html gobbeldy-gook, try the rich-text attachment.
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