"What part of the buffalo is the nugget anyway?"
- Anonymous

"When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet; when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York and Chicago."
- Anonymous

"Would you like butter on that Coke?"
- Sean, one of the guys at the Carmike

"Beware--the celery stalks at midnight."
-Seen on a dorm room door

"Beer commercials are so patriotic: 'Made the American Way.' What does that have to do with America? Is that what America stands for?  Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?"
- Evelyn Waugh

"Man, I really do look like a tourist!"
- Me (Cat)

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."  
- Charles Dickens

"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance."  
- Japanese Proverb

"Who needs drugs when you're spinning in circles."
- Cat

"Hang on, I just confused myself"
- Rocky Ardisson

"You developed a type of 'mental flabbiness'."
- Ms. Young (Cat's English teacher)

"As they say, the odds are good, but the goods are odd."
- Kim's mom's theory on picking up guys at Tech

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die."
- Mel Brooks

"In times like these, rumors will spread like mildew in a wet basement."
- Dan Rather

"If you disrespect me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."
- Daniel DaPonte

"One man's feces is another man's theses."
- Mr. Young, upon hearing about me calling one footnote of Mrs. Widincamp's dissertation "crap."

"Why is there a gaggle of nuns at our front door?"
- from the cartoon "Pepper Ann"

"And I'm sure you can envision what this would sound like..."
- Mr./Dr./some-other-title Yackley, my director (er, clinician) at Honor Chorus

"Never eat more than you can lift"
- Miss Piggy

"Mom:  Ball State?
Cousin Heather:  Ugh, I don't even wanna know what their fight song is...
Aunt George:  You mean like, 'We've got balls'??"

You gotta look under the trailers--that's where all the high-quality trash is."  
- --Peter Maguire, as we did NHS Campus Cleanup
Along the same line:  "You're throwing away all the good trash!"
- Jacquie, during the aforementioned cleanup

"I'm gonna die and I'm wearing my mother's underwear."
- from "Grease 2"

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a candy necklace at the dime store, and that's pretty close."
- Submitted by Matthew

"To be nobody but myself in a world which is doing its best, night and day to make me the same as everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting."
- e.e. cummings

"If your parents never had kids you probably won't either."
- Submitted by DaPonte

"Peaceout9X: what's a promise ring?
GTDuck23: I don't know, I guess it is a cheap version of an engagement ring w/o as many commitments
Peaceout9X: ah
GTDuck23: all the girls were talking about it, so I pretended to know what it was so I wouldn't look stupid "
- Peaceout9X@aol.com and GTDuck23@aol.com

 "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
- Mark Twain

 ""Next week there can't be any crisis.  My schedule is already full."
- Henry Kissinger (1923-)

"If nobody likes you, then you can't be President."
- Div

"Thank God I'm Atheist!"
- member of the Long Beach [Mississippi] High School Marching Band, whom Cat's Girl Scout troop met in line at MGM last week

"Why don't you write books people can read?"
- Nora Joyce-- to her husband James Joyce

"Let us be thankful for the fools.  But for them the rest of us could not succeed."
- Mark Twain

"If God really trusted man, he would have given him the womb."
- Nobel Laureate Betty Williams

"IIf we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap, and easy"
- Cat

"Sometimes something can look beautiful just because its different in some way from the other things around it."
- Andy Warhol

"Just put me in an X-Ray with some sort of insect, and I'm sure something good will come of it."
- Ms. Hughes, my [sadomasochistic] Multicultural Lit teacher

"All my life I wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
- Lily Tomlin

"homophobia: n. insecurities about being heterosexual"
- The personal connotative dictionary of Matthew Walega

"No matter what you're going through, there's a "Saved by the Bell" for
- Jessica, a girl in my Drama class

"This is fascinating stuff, isn't it?  I can tell from all the yawning going on."
- Dr. Parker, my Physical Geography professor last semester, on glacial erosion

"A couple of hanging glands have nothing to do with making someone a man."
- from the TV show Sex and the City

"Of course, your roof might cave in, leaving a gaping hole through which many squirrels jump so they can gnaw through your carpeting, woodworking, and wiring.  That'll be the year your maintenance costs go up through the roof."
- from Cat's Family Economics text

"It is not a difficult decision to choose between a tuba and wall literature."
- Cat, in a weird dream she had

"If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it."
- politician Linda J. Furney

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