Missing Moments -- All of Us: Brin and Alec

Disclaimer:  The TV show Dark Angel, all of the characters that appeared on it (Max, Alec, Brin, etc.), and everything else that has to do with the show belong to their respective owners, not to me.  No money is being made off of this fic.  I only own the original characters (Maggie/X6-691, etc.).

Notes:  This is written in first person from Brin’s P.O.V.  Takes place immediately after the previous Missing Moments vignette.  Spoilers/spoiler-ish stuff for “Cold Comfort,” “Designate This,” and “The Berrisford Agenda.”

It’s so quiet in here.  Alec and Anthony are both sleeping, but I can’t quite get there myself.  Part of me thinks that I should actually enjoy the quiet while it lasts.  How often is it this silent in Terminal City?  Something is always happening.  I’ve got to admit, I kind of like that aspect of this place.  A sigh escaped my lips as I sat up, threw off my covers, and got out of my bed.  I jammed my feet into my slippers, but I didn’t get up.  I just sat down and looked across the bedroom at Alec.

What a complex man he is.  Alec can be one of the most fun-loving people that I’ve ever met, and he’s also one of the most serious when the situation calls for it.  He can be riling up Max, Becky, or Mole one minute and be planning or executing a heist with incredible precision the next.  Alec can defeat an opponent with unbelievable skill and almost ruthless efficiency, but he’s also amazingly gentle and tender with Anthony.  He’s a swirling kaleidoscope of emotions and personality…and I love him for it.  I wasn’t kidding when I admitted to Max recently that I liked Alec as more than a friend.  I am flat-out in love with him.

My gaze drifted back down towards Alec and I felt my breath catch in my throat.  He always had that effect on me, ever since I first saw him.  At the time, I put it down to the fact that he and Ben were identical and this is what Ben had looked like when he’d died only months before.  I guess I was partly right, but I knew it wasn’t just the identical genes that caused my reaction.

I could feel myself smiling as I recalled our first meeting.  Holy shit, I was so nervous!  I had no clue up until then when I would be placed into the breeding program and who my partner would be.  Then out of the blue, I was pulled from my class that night and told by Renfro that Alec had been selected as my partner and that while we were originally scheduled to begin our ‘partnership,’ as Renfro had put it, the following night, he’d completed the mission that he’d been on a day ahead of schedule and would be arriving back at the facility within hours, at which time we would begin.  Maybe the relatively short notice was a good thing.  If I’d had the entire day to think about it, I might have really started to panic about having to copulate with Ben’s twin.  But from minute one, I knew instinctively that he was his own distinct person, not just the twin of a man that I had considered to be a brother.

To say that my life at the time that I met Alec was a mess is the understatement of the year.  Checklist, please?  Let’s see…you can’t forget the fact that I’d gotten so sick and went back to Manticore to be cured and while my mind was so vulnerable, they set a new speed record with reindoctrinating me, I was originally ordered by Lydecker to bring in Tinga and Case, then Renfro ordered me to bring Tinga in to that covert place just outside of Seattle, which led to Tinga’s death, and then I’d refused to go along with Max when she offered to let me loose so I could get back out with her.  I got out of the fairly sloppy handcuff job (especially for Max, but she was kind of in a rush at the time) and taken myself to the infirmary to get patched up (I’d yanked a few ligaments when fighting Max), saw Zack about to shoot himself, panicked, and shot him before he could, saw that it was Max dead on that gurney after Zack had been sedated, and to this day, I still don’t know how I managed to keep my face blank as Renfro thanked me for saving both Max and Zack for Manticore while the two of them were sent to surgery.

My life was definitely in a tailspin then.  What I had I done to them?  To Tinga?  To myself?  Who was I?  Was I 734 or was I Brin?  I didn’t exactly feel like X5-734, but would I really have done what I had?  I’d thought what I had done to Tinga was the right thing to do, but it had led to her death and…would Max and Zack hate me for what I did when they were finally released from Psy Ops and reindoc?  I was alone.  My new unit, while some of them were friendly enough, didn’t care about me to the point where they would ask me what was wrong.  I had nobody to talk to, not that I was really ready to pour out my heart to anybody.

Alec, a guy that I’d only really known existed for two hours, much less met only minutes before, was the first person to ask me what was wrong.  I couldn’t give him the dirty details, but I told him enough.  He didn’t criticize me, he didn’t give me any lines about ‘the best of us have bad experiences out on assignments’ or anything like that, he’d just asked me when it had happened.  Even more, he knew how I felt.  I didn’t know about Rachel Berrisford then, or heard very many rumors about that mission, but I could see the empathy in his eyes.  It was the first time that I’d thought that maybe things would turn out okay in the end.

I finally managed to tear my eyes away from Alec, got up, and walked into our living room.  Once I had sat down on the couch, I looked out the window at the surprisingly clear night sky.  The smile was back on my face.  We had definitely started to connect then.  But it was more than shared experiences that had made me at least start to fall for him then.  We had other things in common.  Plus, Alec made me laugh.  He comes into my cell and gives me that corny-as-hell line about getting into a woman’s mind before her pants.  I should have at least rolled my eyes, but I laughed.  I’d thought that it was funny, and it still gave me a giggle.  Not to mention that Alec could surprise me.  I let myself think back to that first night.

“So,” 494 said.  “We’ve still got an hour or so before ol’ smiley face will come back to spring me loose from here.  What do you want to do?”

I grinned.  “Talking seems fine.  I’m having fun just doing that.  I’d offer Scrabble, but they seem to frown upon keeping board games in your cell and my hiding spot isn’t large enough.”

“Then I guess we’ll talk,” 494 declared.

I nodded.  “Okay.  Speaking of talking, that really was a good excuse that you gave the guard.”

“Thanks,” 494 said.  “It did happen to me once for real when I was fifteen.”

“Your first?” I guessed.

“She was the first X5 I’d slept with,” 494 admitted.

I was curious.  Hey, I am a woman.  I’d always loved talking and gossiping with my sisters when I was young or with friends while I was on the Outside.  So sue me.  “Who was it, 494?”

“I refuse to kiss and tell,” 494 said smugly.

“Oh, come on,” I insisted.  I playfully punched him on the shoulder.  “I thought that we were sharing here.”

“We are, but I’m still not saying anything.”  494 stuck his tongue out at me.

“That’s mature,” I commented.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, stretching my arms.

“Do you like any sports other than baseball, softball, or Mexican professional wrestling?” 494 asked.

“Sure,” I said.  “Watching boxing is fun, though sometimes I find it hard not to critique the match in my mind as it’s going on.  I can’t help it, especially if they’re both horrible!”  494 and I both laughed.  “Basketball is okay, I guess, and so is ice hockey.  I don’t think soccer’s bad, either.  You want to see something brutal and somewhat disgusting?  If you have the opportunity the next time that you are out on a mission, go watch people play hockey on roller blades on one of those park rinks.  They can’t afford safety equipment half of the time, so when they slam each other into the boards…”  I trailed off and made a face.  The last time I’d happened to see one of those games, it wasn’t exactly pretty.  “…let’s just say that they won’t be winning any kind of beauty contest in the near future.”

“That sounds like how I left 013 the last time that we had to go up against each other in hand-to-hand,” 494 remarked.  He smirked.  “That sure taught him about counting too much on the leverage advantage he has on me.”

“You sound like you’re full of surprises,” I commented.

“734, you have no idea,” 494 said, grinning.  I laughed again.

We talked more the rest of that night, the following two nights, after we’d had sex the next couple of nights, and after we’d conceived Anthony when I was in heat, we continued to talk every night in my cell until my pregnancy had been confirmed.  Once that had happened, however, we’d barely seen each other.  Alec was kept busy with his usual schedule and I was on a new schedule of restricted and different activities, plus weekly doctor’s visits.  Then, of course, came the night that Manticore burned to the ground.  I’ll admit that I’d wanted to stick around to look for Alec, Max, and Zack, but there was no time.  Heck, one of the other two X5s in my unit that I was escaping with was shot and killed by an X7 as we were racing towards the fence.  679 and I made it over unscathed, though, and he went his own way a few days later.  I had gotten as far away from Seattle as I could and stayed away until meeting up with Zack and Becky when Zack had stopped that soldier from trying to rape me.

I glanced over to the open bedroom door and grinned when I saw the smile on Alec’s sleeping face.  He’d been smiling ever since he’d gotten back to our apartment earlier tonight because his best friend, Biggs, had finally gotten into town.  Biggs was—well, is—as much of a brother to Alec as Ben was to me and Alec had missed him a lot.  I remember how when I’d finally seen Alec again in his apartment after I’d gotten back into Seattle, he’d thought that the ‘surprise’ that Max and Becky had told him was waiting was really Biggs.  He had a big smile on his face when he’d let himself into the apartment, like that ‘ha, ha, gotcha’ look that kids have when they find somebody when they’re playing hide-and-seek.  Once again, it had taken my breath away.  That was when it first hit me that I might at least have a crush on Alec.  God, he was so handsome.  It had taken so much willpower to assure him that I wasn’t going to force a romantic relationship on him because of the baby.  I really did mean it.  Trying to force something like that onto Alec would have been a disaster for everybody involved.  We rekindled our friendship and I tried to stick to my guns as much as I could and focus on that.  It worked—mostly.  There were a few moments where we almost kissed, but we brushed it off, or at least I tried to.

Finding out about Rachel Berrisford took me by surprise.  I couldn’t believe what Alec had gone through.  I didn’t feel jealous.  Well, maybe a little bit.  Jealousy or no, I knew that what Alec needed then was a friend and that’s what I was, especially when Rachel died days after Alec had told me, Max, Becky, and Jeff about her.  I kept any kind of romantic feelings that I had for Alec to the side, or at least I tried to until one day when I was eight months pregnant.

“You invite me over here, you promise to make dinner for the two of us, and you’re going to make nachos?”  I raised an eyebrow.  “I like nachos as much as the next person, but as dinner?”

“It’s the only thing that I know how to make without it turning out looking like a cat spit it up,” Alec pointed out.  “Trust me, Brin.  These nachos are going to fill you up like a meal.”

“Even with the little one?” I said skeptically.  I pointed to my round stomach.  “This child of ours is going to have your appetite because I have been unbelievably hungry since I hit the six month mark.”

Alec grinned.  “Maybe so.  I also happen to believe in introducing our son or daughter to the finer things in life as early as possible.”

“Such as these nachos,” I teased.  “And why do you think that they should be included in the ‘finer things in life’ category?”

“I’ll show you,” Alec told me.  He reached for a can that he’d taken out of a cabinet and a chunk of cheese that he’d taken out of his refrigerator.  “These two things are why.  The best cheese that you can find these days and the meatiest chili ever made.  Drop these on top of the chips, add some sour cream and lettuce, and you’ve got a party.  You will love them.”

“I hope I will,” I said.  I felt the baby kick and laughed.  “I think the kid’s agreeing with me.”

Alec’s smile was wide and genuine.  “That’s a smart kid.”  He put his hand on my stomach, smiling even wider when he felt the baby kick again.  “That’s also a very active kid.”

“You’re telling me,” I said.  “Moving around and kicking the daylights out of me seems to be his favorite activity.  I don’t know who I feel more sorry for: the surrogates who carried us in general or yours and Ben’s or Rena’s for lugging twin X5s around for nine months.”

“Did you just say ‘he?’” Alec asked.  “Do you know something that I don’t, Brin?”

I shook my head.  “No.  I don’t know anything more than you do, Alec, but I’ve got this feeling that the baby’s a boy.  Maybe it’s one of those mother’s instinct things.  I guess we’ll see.”

“Yeah,” Alec agreed.  He turned around to walk back into the kitchen.

“That reminds me, when do you want me to help you with the finishing touches on the nursery here?” I asked.  “Tomorrow or some other time?”  Alec paused, turned around to answer me, and my breath left me.  I felt an intense fluttering in my stomach that had nothing to do with my unborn child.  Suddenly, I knew that I didn’t have just a crush on Alec, it was more than that.  It was more than a crush, it was greater than friendship—I think it was real love.

A soft noise interrupted my thoughts and I was on my feet and into the other bedroom in a heartbeat.  I smiled when I reached Anthony’s crib and looked down on him.  He must have been dreaming or simply moving around in his sleep.  He was so precious and wonderful.  Before the breeding program, I’d never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be a mother.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have kids one day, I just never thought about it.  Then Alec had knocked me up, Manticore went down for good, and the reality hit me like a ton of bricks.  Not only that, I started to really look forward to it.  The closer I got to my due date, though, the more nervous I got.  By Valentine’s Day, the day before Anthony was born, I was practically on pins and needles.  I softly stroked the side of my son’s cheek.  What a time that was.

“Brin, you should relax.  Seriously,” Maggie said as she walked into our kitchen.  I was trying to make up my mind whether or not to make myself a sandwich.  Not because I was particularly hungry, but because I needed to be doing something.  I think that it was the repeated opening and closing of the refrigerator door as my mind flip-flopped between yes and no that got Maggie’s attention.  “Either have something to eat or don’t, but either way, calm down.  Being nervous isn’t going to help you any.”

“I’m sorry, I really am,” I apologized.  I shut the door of the ‘fridge one more time and sat down at the kitchen table, wringing my hands.  “I can’t help it, Maggie.  I’m due tomorrow.  I’m supposed to give birth to a baby tomorrow.”

Maggie walked over and gave my left shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  “I know.  You’ll do great.  But don’t think that giving birth tomorrow will be set in stone, you know what I mean?  It might happen then, it might not.  That was only an estimate that the docs back at Manticore gave you.”

“I know, I know, I know,” I said.  I sighed.  “You’re right, I shouldn’t stress about it like this.”

“Look, why don’t you just park yourself in front of the television and just relax?” Maggie suggested.  “There’s supposed to be a good movie on Channel Six right now.  Enjoy it.  If you want, I’ll even make some popcorn.”

I smiled.  “Thanks for the offer, Maggie.  Definitely on the TV, maybe on the popcorn.  I’ll let you know if I want that later.”

“Cool,” Maggie said.  “Is Alec coming over tonight or is he going to that party at Crash in Seattle?”

“No, he’s coming over tonight,” I said.  I looked at the clock on one of the kitchen walls.  “Actually, he should be over pretty soon.  Are you going to be going out later?”

“No.  I had some tentative plans, but they fell through,” Maggie admitted.

“That’s too bad,” I said.  “Well, I’m going to waddle over to the living room and turn on that TV.”

“I’ll be in my room reading,” Maggie said, giggling.  “Yell if you need anything.”

“Will do,” I promised.  I walked over into the living room and sat down on the couch.  I wasn’t completely joking when I said that I would waddle.  I’m pretty big.  Honestly, I feel like if I’m not waddling yet, I will at any given moment.  I looked around for the remote, found it, and turned on the television.  Good, the movie hasn’t been pre-empted for anything.  I hate it when that happens.  I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and tried to enjoy the flick, only turning my head when I heard somebody in the hallway walk to the apartment.  A moment later, there was a knock at the door.

“Are you ladies indecent?” Alec asked hopefully.

“Only in your wildest dreams,” I returned.  “Come on in, the door’s unlocked.”

“Thanks,” Alec said.  He opened the door and walked inside, shutting it behind him.  “Hey, Brin.  Where’s Maggie?”

“She’s in her room,” I answered.  “How was work?”

Alec shrugged.  “Work was work.  We were all talking about the party at Crash later tonight, Sketchy was disappointed that I’m not going to go, Max was her usual self, Jeff was making puppy-dog eyes at Becky…the usual.”

“Wayne still doing good there?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Alec said.  “Normal likes him almost as much as he likes me.”  He dropped his messenger bag on the floor, walked over to the couch, and sat down next to me.  “So, Brin, whatcha watching?”  I opened my mouth to answer him, but my reply never came.  Something else did.  Oh my God.  I knew what that sensation and the wetness between my legs meant.  My water had just broken.  Oh my God.

“Alec…my water broke,” I said shakily.

“Your water broke?” he repeated, his eyes wide.

“Yes,” I confirmed.  Panicking, I stood up and began to pace.  I wasn’t nervous anymore, I was scared out of my mind.  The baby was going to come soon.  My water had broken and I was going to be giving birth.  What was I going to do?  What if something went wrong?  What if something already was wrong?  “Alec, I’m scared.  What if something’s not right?  What if this is too early?  I mean, I know it’s not really early, I’m nine months along, but what if…oh God, Alec, I don’t know what to do!  I’m so scared, I’m so scared.”

“Don’t be scared.”  Alec got up, walked over to me, and pulled me into a hug.  “It’s going to be okay, Brin.  Nothing’s wrong and nothing will go wrong.  I promise.”  He gently rubbed my back.  I rested my head on his shoulder and we stayed that way for a minute or two before I raised my head and looked at Alec again.  When I did, his hazel eyes were sparkling and he was grinning like a little kid who’d been given a lollypop at Disney World.  “We’re going to have our baby.”

“We are,” I agreed.  I started to smile, but it turned into a pained one as I felt the first contraction hit me.  “We definitely are.  There’s contraction number one.”

“We’re on our way, aren’t we?” Alec remarked.  I laughed.  I couldn’t help it.  He grinned at me, threw an arm around my shoulders, and started to lead me to my bedroom.  “Come on.  Let’s tell Maggie so she can set up.  I can’t wait.”

“I hope we don’t have to wait for long,” I agreed.  I was starting to feel as excited as Alec was.  Our baby was on its way!

Sixteen hours later, Anthony had entered the world.  He’d weighed seven pounds when he was born, but it sure didn’t feel like it was only that much when I was giving birth!  He was screaming his head off when he was born, and neither Alec nor I could have been any happier.  Ten fingers, ten toes, and best of all…no barcode.  Sasha had said that neither of her twins had been born with a barcode, and I’d seen and held both of them, but I still didn’t know if it was something that would apply to all second-generation X5 children or if it was a special case.  After Alec and I had held Anthony, Maggie had checked him over and said that he seemed to be perfectly healthy.

He seemed to be…  I tried to shake off the sense of dread that came over me.  My biggest worry, aside from White finding, kidnapping, and killing my son, was that Anthony would get sick like I had.  It didn’t occur to me until after I was settled in the area that I could possibly pass on the defective gene.  I had been treated successfully after I’d developed progeria, but that didn’t necessarily apply to any children that I might have.  Three days before Jondy, Jace, and Little Max had finally arrived in Terminal City, we got the right DNA testing equipment.  Alec and I had them draw some of Anthony’s blood and sure enough, he had inherited a copy of that gene.  Whether or not he would get sick was up in the air.  You didn’t know what would happen with an illness that came from genetically engineered parents.  It was unbelievably frustrating.  Or, as Wayne had put it when he’d given Alec and me the test results, it was another punch in the face to give to the doctors from Manticore should we ever see any of them again.

I had never been more terrified.  I could not, and would not, lose my son.  My precious baby boy.  Alec had been as steady and as calm as a rock with me, though I knew that the thought had to have scared the shit out of him as well.  He had given me a hug and told me that Anthony would be all right.  I had been sick, but had been treated and came through just fine, and so would Anthony if God forbid it came to that, Alec had said to me.  Plus, there was a chance that Anthony would not develop progeria at all.  He wouldn’t suffer from it like I had or die from it like Reese had.  Whatever would happen with our son, whether it would be progeria or seizures or anything if anything, we would deal with it when the time came.  In the mean time, we had a wonderful child and we would watch him grow up and live the kind of life that we were denied.  Alec was right.  I could feel the terror slowly fading.  All of it didn’t leave, and it might not ever go away completely, but I felt better.

“Sweet dreams, baby boy,” I whispered.  I leaned down, gave Anthony a gentle kiss on his forehead, and tiptoed out of the room.  I made my way back to my own bedroom, smiling at what I saw.  In his sleep, Alec had kicked his blankets over to the other end of his bed.  In fact, three-quarters or so of them were completely off of the bed.  He looked every bit as innocent in his sleep as Anthony.  Like father, like son.  Alec looked almost heartbreakingly beautiful.  Trying my best not to make any noise, I made my way to his bedside.  I leaned over and gently brushed a few stray strands of hair off of his forehead.  Alec stirred and I briefly tensed as his eyes fluttered opened.  He focused on me and smiled a little.

“Is that one of those Mom things?” he wondered sleepily.

“Yeah, it’s hardwired,” I replied.  “I’m sorry that I woke you up.”

“That’s okay.”  Alec sat up and blinked in confusion when he saw where his covers were.  I couldn’t help laughing.  He looked like a little kid with that expression on his face.  “How did that happen?”

“I guess you were dreaming or something,” I said.  I reached for the covers, pulled them back up, and tucked Alec in.  “There you go.”

“Thanks, Mommy.  Will you read me a bedtime story?” Alec asked innocently.  I bit my lip to keep from laughing.  If I woke Anthony up, I would kick my own ass.

“Maybe another time,” I said.

Alec leaned up and gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek before lying back down.  “Thank you, Brin.  Is Anthony sleeping okay?”

“Better than either of us,” I said.  I walked back to my bed and crawled underneath my blankets.  “If he wakes up during what’s left of the night, will you take care of him?  I haven’t been able to sleep at all so far.”

“No problem,” Alec assured me.  “Consider it done.”  He snuggled into his pillow and closed his eyes.  “Good night, Brin.”

“Good night, Alec.”  I closed my own eyes.  I love you.

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