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Gee... In less than 24 hours the exhalted year 2000 will be at an end. Somehow I feel less than futuristic.I could drone on about "Where's the flying cars?" or perhaps "Why don't all my meals come in pill form?". The only thing I gotta say to that is, well... DON'T BE AN IDIOT!!How great can a fuckin' turkey pill be? If cars were flyin', they'd be piloted by the same beligerent cock-breathed lunatics that I've gotta share the road with every day as it is! What I wanna know is, If a pack of drunken scotsmen can clone a sheep with no problems, why can't ANY of us dispose of Yoko ono for good?

Goodbye 2K, Hello Hell on earth!

Well whaddya know, we're still here! DAMMIT!!! Now big Louie's gonna break my thumbs. "Dude, how was I to know we'd still be alive!" probably wouldn't fly too well I suppose. Oh well, whatever. Have I any resolutions for the new year you might ask, No. That's for weenies! If I had to have one I suppose it would be to whack something on the head as soon as possible. Creative? Hardly. Fun? Absolutely!! Ahh... Now that thats over with I do fel much better. My cat would disagree. WHAT? She was the closest thing handy that possessed a melon!! Screw you guys... I'm going home!

Y'know what I like? Saturday morning cartoons. The problem is the only cable outlet in my apt. was viciously ripped out of the wall by a previous tenant so I'm running on peasant-vision. I get a couple of channels but the only ones with saturday funnies are CBC ('nuff said), CTV which runs disney cartoons and finally A-channel which is alot like city-TV in Toronto only better. The only thing is... their cartoons usually blow! Sure they play good stuff like earthworm jim, freakazoid, cow & chicken et. all but only one or 2 good ones on every given saturday!! Out of a 6 hour period they only have 1 hour that doesn't bite. They mostly play crap like the raccoons, knighthood, white fang and a whole slew of utter shit! Sucks to be me on Saturday!

Evening boyz 'n' girlz. The good reverend Wombat here with today's sermon, The lord, being cool, and YOU!
You see bretheren, I was in the local Taco Hell last night and mine eyes fell upon something of great sadness. It was to my dismay to find some brainless POOFY haired redneck kid standing there playing with the beverage dispensers in an unhygenic display of brattery, sporting a T-shirt which had emblazoned proudly on the back "His pain, your gain!". This was of course, one of those annoying "Lord's gym" shirts.
There is also a series of commercials also geared toward the younger folk. One of which shows people with piercings or getting pierced explaining why they do it. "Because it's sexy, because it's cool, 'Cause it hurts!" are all answers given. It then shows closeups of the stigmata on a large statue of the crucified christ stating "He was pierced for your sins!"
My congregation, I ask you, who the hell is spreading this crap? Has the pope bought a boogie board and a bong and used vatican cash for booze 'n broads for a week in thailand?!? All the laughing aside (I know, I ask the impossible) are we supposed to beleive in a religion which constantly keeps changing it's story to suit popular opinions? What? God has roasted us in the fires of hell for aborting a child since our creation but as of last week he's changed his mind and whatever you decide is cool? Until I see God show up at Union station with flamin' red eyes and a universal case of the munchies I'll stick to the good ol' facts I've figured out on my own.
1)With the orderly yet unstoppable power of the natural universe, It's insane to think that life couldn't have occured anywhere of it's own accord, yet the ordered chaos of the natural universe suggests a life and inteligence all it's own.
2)Every molecule of matter in the universe is electrical energy slowed down to a very slow frequency and thus we are a part of everything in the universe. The sun throws out material which becomes a planet which spawns life in varied forms. We are starstuff, One with god and god is us And we are everything we sense around us together as one being.
3) Never tell a woman that she does indeed look fat in that dress.

Thank you my lambs, Enlightenment is just a bong hit away. Go in peace.

Well faith and beggorah me boyos! It's St. Paddy's day! Time ta draw a dram o' the unaturally green booze and celebrate himself with totally irrational activities that have nothing to do with our mick of the hour. I myself have not been drinkin' yet because I've just woken up at 1:00 AM. Having suffered another (and totally new) pinched nerve in my upper back and neck I find myself not doin' much.The real bitch of it is, Since I've hurt my back, It's finally been snowing!!! Hear that? That's the sound of alberta kickin' me in the head! Oh well, The one upside is that I get to take some serious drugs and get my back rubbed whenever I feel like it! Life is good! Green cuisine anyone?