Cubs Fans:
10 Ways in Which Seemingly Normal People
Can Express their Lame-ness.
You Got Served!
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| Chapter 8 Cubs Fans: 10 Ways in Which Seemingly Normal People Can Express their Lame-ness. |
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| 1) Cubs fans have an inability to realize that there are actually TWO baseball teams in Chicago. And even more shocking, did you know that there's a SOUTH SIDE to Chicago?!? Talk about a mind blower! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2) Cubs fans can't quite decide if Wrigley Field is a baseball venue with crappy seating or a gigantic sports bar with a live game and a shitty beer selection. Therefore, they retreat to the urine troughs in the bathroom to think about it. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3) Wrigley Field serves Old Style. 'Nuff said. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4) Bright red alongside bright blue can only be pulled off by the American flag. If the team owners intended to outfit their players and fans with the most unflattering colors they could possibly think off, they succeeded. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5) After two hundred years of convincing the country that Chicago is a sophisticated, world-class city, Cubs fans claim that a goat has cursed their team. The world once again imagines that Chicagoans spend their evenings whittling wooden duck callers on the front porch while Maw finishes 'cookin' them vittles'. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6) Other than the powerful billy goat, Cubs fans claim the only thing standing between their team and the World Series is a Walkman-wearing knucklehead. That's intimidating. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7) As Sox fans, we were somewhat embarassed when, in April 2003, a drunken redneck charged the field and beat up the first-base umpire. However, a week later, under similar circumstances at Wrigley, a disgruntled Cubs fan threw a cell phone at the opposing team's third baseman. Yes...a cell phone. At that moment we realized that we feel proud of our eccentric, trailer-trash Sox fans because, hey, they're much better than Nokia-throwing Yuppies. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8) The Players: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Mmm...Paulie... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Well, with the goatee, he kinda looks like Paulie...if Paulie was part gerbil and didn't bathe. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 9) $10 cover at the Cubby Bear? Surely you're joking... You're not? Wow. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10) Do we even need to mention the 2005 World Series? And yet, Cubs fans still carry an air of superiority. Or maybe that's just drunkenness. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Back to Main Page | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chapter 9: Restaurants: You Got Served! |
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