**Right there with you, Lynne, feeling your pain & anxieties. Sad that your Mom quit calling you Lynna Girl....wonder why ? Maybe she thought you had grown up. Bet your Dad never stopped calling you Lynna Girl.

**Oh I was right there looking out the window with you and your Mom.

**It's a shame people in NJ weren't very friendly compared to what you had in Winsboro. No wonder you missed them.

**I was surprised that you live in New York where it's cold.

**I grew up in a small town where everybody visited too, it was a good experience and I loved more people then than I do now.

**I lived in New York once but I love the South.

**My father was not a minister but my Mom was a teacher and very pious. And I can't equate with the many children as I was the youngest, but I do understand growing up poor.

**Oh, mercy!!!! Your mother had it so hard.

**How many babies were there?

**Being a PK I know about the churches feelings about pastors with big families.

**Women used to want a lot of children but they don't anymore. Your Mom was just doing her part as a Christian lady.

**I was the youngest of 11 and I'm glad my Mama went ahead and had all of us. My sister was pregnant at the same time Mama was pregnant with me so I grew up playing with my neice.

**I can see your point being as how you were the oldest. You had the most work to do and all those stinky diapers. I'm glad I only had one sister.

**Seems like this Charles has a right crush on you,do I hear wedding bells around the corner LOL, I know, don't tell me, I will have to wait and see,shucks.

**I think anyone over 50 can really relate to your stories as most of us have been there.

**I quit school in the ninth grade and lied about my age and joined the Air Force. I sure got homesick, as it was the first time I had spent a night away from home. Not even a night with relatives. But I grew up real fast and started my adulthood a couple of years early. I only spent 6 months in there, after they found out I wasn't but 16 years old. They gave me an honorable discharge, under minority reasons. Quite an experience.

**When I left home it was to get married, so it wasn't as bad.

**Back then children were expected to leave home after high school, get a job and fend for themselves.

**I stayed at home until I was in my twenties, then I left to go to nursing school, but I was very homesick. As soon as I got done at school I went back home and got a job in a hospital in the next town. I still live close by my parents.

**Leaving home is part of growing up, but it's still a hard part. I could just see that school and how big and lonesome it looked to you.

**I'm glad your family was happy with Charles. I loved how you wrote about the trip back, I was sitting in the car with you when the trucks went by.

**Things are looking up.

**Well I cried a little when you first got to that big old college and it had to have looked so cold and lonely after being in a family like yours so loving and close, But I was smilling when you first met Charles and by Christmas I was happy for you, things were looking a little serious between you and Charles...

**I found myself happy that you finally got something good for Christmas, after that mans watch you got.

**I'm glad those babies behaved themselves, so you weren't embarrased with Charles being there, LOL.

**I felt like I was right there at home with you, Lynne, I could taste the turkey.

. . .

** I couldn't help laughing out loud. Good writing!

**Loved the cow page for sure and you're right, those critters are always good when a man is close by, especially if they have a hot stick..

**Had you thoroughly cowed, eh? A mooving story, bovinely inspired (or udderly rediculous, I'm not sure which).;-)

**You are right about one thing - cows can be vicious! I had some extra money and decided I would buy a pregnant cow that had a calf already on the ground. From the moment we got her in the trailer we knew she meant business. If looks could kill we would be dead quick. She had staeam coming out of her nostrils. After getting home she went nuts. She ran to the back end of the property and stayed there for days. If you came near her she would charge you. I knew if we kept her she would surely kill someone. I also knew if she got out of our pasture I would have to shoot her. One morning I saw her go into a corral and it being early in the morning I was still in my nightgown and robe. I couldn't take time to get dressed so I ran outside and crawled on the ground so she didn't see me. I had to get that gate closed to catch her. Bingo I had her. I am surprised she didn't jump the fence. When my husband got home we somehow got her into the trailer. The sale wasn't until the next day but we arranged to take her down to the sale barn that night. Had we left her in the trailer all night she would have ripped it to shreds. By the time we arrived at the sale barn the next day everyone was talking about the mad cow! I lost a lot of money on her and her calf but it was worth it to get rid of her.

**I used to feel the same way about my grandparent's pigs.

**I was raised on a farm, and we had a Charolais bull we were gonna breed with our Hereford cows. That sucker was the spawn of Satan! He was sooo mean, vicious mean! He got out of his corral one day and he chased me over a half mile before I finally grabbed a low hanging limb and swung myself up into a tree. I was 13 at the time and a heck of a lot faster that I am now, thank goodness. I kept dodging him and running around trees and shrubs and stuff, but couldn't get to a tree fast enough ahead of him to climb it. I hated that bull. I was never so glad of anything in my life as the day I saw him going off to the sale barn.

**When we lived in CA, I had a friend that ran a cow/horse ranch and I loved being there with the animals. One day I was out in thr field and someone was yelling at me to head for the fence as the bull was out. I turned around face to face with the bull, he wasn't more than 5 feet away from me at the time. Heart in throat I turned away and started walking slowly to the fence. Each step I took, the bull took too, and his gait was longer than mine which meant he was gaining on me. I was at least a hundred feet from the fence, and the bull was no so close I could feel his breath on my legs. I kept walking, and everyone else was waiting at the fence, on the other side naturally. Anyway I kept walking and the bull kept pace with me. I didn't make it to the fence. The bull caught me. I was being licked to death. For you see Benny the Bull was the family pet!

**I had a bit of a run in with a bull once. I was pregnant with my sixth child, was butted by a bull which flipped my son around so he was born a few days later in the breech position.

**We were visiting my mother's parents. They owned a small place with an enclosed orchard, where they kept their cow overnight. There were a lot of relatives visiting. I must have been about 8-9. We were playing blind man's bluff in the orchard, and I was it. Suddenly, everything was very quiet, so I took off the blindfold. Standing right in front of me was the cow, and she did not like me there. I have never climbed a tree so fast, and had to stay there til my grandfather came to rescue me.

**I had to walk a mile and one half on a winding dirt road to school each day and altho' I was not scared of the cows as I grew up with working with my Dad with our cows, but there was an ugly bull at one place and the fence was right beside the road and he always hung over the fence when I went by. One afternoon coming home from school, after I got by, I heard the sound of the clinking of the fence and knew he had jumped the fence and I made it to the neighbors porch but still go over it again and again in nightmares.

**I agree 100%. I am terrified of cows (was raised around those mean things lol) and they only behave when men are around.

**I can relate to you being scared of them,on a few occasions I have had scary moments with cows, when I use to deliver newspapers to a farm when I was thirteen.

**I have laughed until my sides hurt, I am scared to death of cows and horses, I could just feel your terror, Boy was I glad when I got to the part where Charles walked with you, and you are right them darn cows knew a man wasn't afraid of them :-)*grin*

**I can just see you walking sideways on that path, keeping an eye on those cows, LOL. What a memory!

**I too, am afraid of cows, my family has always made fun of me for that. Your Death Dream gave me the chills. I have enjoyed your stories very much.

**Being a country girl, I had the biggest giggle at the thought of you, who had been through so much, being afraid of cows! I myself love cows - the sweet smell of them, their soft eyes, the smell of warm hay and a warm scented barn in the winter.

**It's beautiful as usual, again I see a lot of me in it, with baby Tina on my hip and Rebecca in the high chair, both in diapers, and me 13 years old and taking care of them. No friends and no school either because I had to take care of the house cook, clean, and take care of my Cousins babies.

**Back then it was expected that the older ones would take care of he younger ones, can you even imagine that happening today?

**I can just picture you sitting at that sewing machine with them humongous Bra's in front of you *grin* in this story you had a right to have pity party. What happened to your friend that gave you the parts of her sandwich??

**I was the youngest of four so I never had the work that you did. I always worked outside in the barn and in the hayfield. My sister was 18 months older than me and she would not stick her nose out of the house and that was ok with me as I loved working outside.

** Just read "Second Son"..and can't wait for the next story to see who "won out", you or Charles!!!

**I am waiting for the next one. Will it be a wedding????

**It is certainly understandable that you would have reservations about having a house full of kids :-)

**This was an upbeat and happy time for you, wasn't it? I enjoyed it.

**Charles pulled over onto the shoulder of the road and took you in his arms, "AND"...COME ON LYNNE, COME ON. LOL....you've got to open up here if you want it to be a best seller,trust me I know.!

**I never know what is going to happen next with you!

**The scene seems to be set for a nice wedding.... both sets of parents like both of you kids. Ah!....but do both kids want to take that next step? What an innocent time that must've been! Boys were SO respectful

**Oh Lynne, what happened?? I am waitng to see if you get married!! did you marry Charles? I am guessing you did..Oh what happened next???

**Where was Charles during this?

**I am afraid I would be very hurt. Poor and dysfunctional as my family was we stuck together. You needed them, they should have been there for you

**I am with you all the way, I may be crying with you but I am absolutely with you I have walked every mile with you through your life and so much of it reminds me of mine :-)

**What a cad Charles turned out to be,deserting you in your hour of need,at least you found that out,before you know what LOL RIGHT, ONTO THE NEXT BOYFRIEND,CHAPTER ?

**I think of you in a strange room with nobody you know around and it makes my heart sick. Oh I wished your dad would have taken you home!!!

**This breaks my heart. What a horrible thing to have happen. I cannot even begin to imagine how scared you were. I hope the next chapters are better...but like you said, this is the journal of a "real woman" and "real" is not always happy, good, and fun.

**Can't remember if I told you, but I call my father 'daddy', too. In 1963, my mother divorced my biological father, a rare thing in those days. I always felt it was somehow my fault. She remarried when I was five years old. Everyone says the happiest day of their life is their marriage, or the birth of a baby, but mine was different. **My mom and her husband came home from their honeymoon, and we were in our new home. I was taking a bath in the huge claw-foot tub that this grand old house had, feeling very odd, and very small, when he walked in. He said "I would be so happy if you would call me Daddy." I am teary-eyed just remembering this. And even though I am 38, I will ever call him Daddy.

**Lynne your dad is right by your side and knows how you feel. Did he know what a great writer you are? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Have they read your stories and what do they think?

**Your parents must have worried for you, all the time. Confident in your strength as well. Amazing to think your father came all along to apologize and ask if you were happy. In a sense he came to be re-assured and to say what he had to say. And you re-assured him. Sure you did. Imagine that you had spoken the truth? Could he have lived with that?

**You were alone at the house with three children and your father, so I guess Charles was working? Or was he not there??????

**Now, where he is, he understands it all, don’t worry… There will always be things that can not be said

**I think most of us do exactly what you did with your dad...I know I did with mine and my mom too. I guess I didn`t want them to feel uncomfortable (me too more than likely) and changed the story...something around to the brighter side.

**I know you must miss your dad, I miss mine. I can think of so many things I would love to tell him.Thank God I know I will see him in Heaven and will get to talk to him again.

**Oh Lynne, you were right when you said get ready for some more sad times,I was right there with you in that kitchen, and I cried for you..and I would have done the very sane thing you did..I would have said the same things you said to your Dad, I know I would have. But you know something my dearest sister..He knows all about how you loved him and how you forgave him, for now he knows as he is known..everything..so don't worry Ok

**I'm so sorry about the communication between you and your father...but... I would have probably done the same thing. We want our parents to always think that things are ok and within our control...... **But..Lynne: did I miss the chapter of who you married? I know it must have been Charles; but, I didn't see where you had married. Or am I having a senior moment????

**Can I relate to this one!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gee it amazes me when I read so much of myself in these pages.

**What insights we have as we look back. I'll bet you have relived that day many times and wondered what your daddy really had to say to you. Do you feel a little bit better to know they were thinking of you, and that your mama was really concerned about her Lynna Girl?? Sometimes we just don't understand until it's too late. Maybe a good lesson to us - and hopefully we'll do better with our kids and grandkids

**You know we are all like this. We tend to hide our feelings instead of letting ourselves go. In 1991 my husband came into the house and said "I have an awful headache", I casually told him to sit down and went into the kitchen for water and an aspirin, and when I turned around he sat there with his eyes rolled back and I knew he was gone. I always regretted that I had not the chance to say goodbye and let him know how much better my life was because of him. I think your father knew in his heart how you felt really.

**What a shame things were the way they were. It took a long time for him to come to you though , hard to be receptive after all that water has washed over the dam.

**My mother used to say to 'worry about the things you can change, and forget about the things you cannot'. Actually, although you were hurt previously, you could not change that, and I think you handled the situation really well. You did not hurt him, therefore not bringing up past to hurt yourself. If you had told him you were miserable he would have left feeling so horrible, and had to tell you mother the same. That would hurt two people you loved so much, and this way no one was truly hurt more than they had to be. Yours was left to God, and I truly think He was with you during that conversation.. A wonderful writing.. and real life is never as we see it on the TV series like Ozzie and Harriet etc. Life has many blows, but with His help, we make it.. God be with you.. and I will wait for the next chapter..

**Ah, Lynne! You're breaking my heart. I could just weep and weep for that "little lost girl" you were then. Life is just mean sometimes, isn't it? But, you know, behind each face you meet there is a story, a history that makes a person what they are. Those tough times of life when you wonder if you'll make it at all, but which make you STRONG

**You were lucky to lose the loser.

**You must have been feeling pretty much at the end of your rope by this time .. totally alone and deserted. He was a heel for letting you find out that way.

**Beautiful page, but a sad story.... Then again, life is full of sadness too. The ups and downs are always there..

**Oh Lynne,what a sad time in your life,struggling to make ends meet,and Charles, the cad him, deserting you in that way.I'm glad he showed his true colours, before the relationship went further than it did.

**We now need to get onto the next boyfriend pretty quick,so we can forget about Charles,right? LOL

**MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

**He didn't did He?

**I am angry at Charles!!!! He should have stayed with you.... **But..now that I know what happened to Charles... who did you marry??? LOL

**The CAD, why did he even ask a married woman if he, a married man, could come see her.

**He didn't love u and if he did he must be unhappy wherever he is.

**Oh Lynne, I am crying again, and I am mad as a hornet at Charles, he should have been helping you not leaving you, Oh! I am fuming mad :-) I told you I get into these stories Sis, you are so good at writing, waiting for the next one, but I am realy crying and realy mad!

**You know I think there must have been a "Charles" in every woman's life! I know there was for me also only his name was not Charles...

**Glad you got some satisfaction finally poignant as it may have been.

**I'm glad that you didn't let Charles see your true feelings. Shame on him!

**Will have to ask a question if there was a regret in not marrying Charles????? LOL

**Are you still stuck on Charles? Sounds like there is still a hot ember there. LOL...

**OH!! GOOD for you!!!!!!!!!!!!! **By the way: Is Charles still living??? I'm just dying to know the REST OF THE STORY!!!

**Charles lost out not only deserting you, but also with not being able to have children with his wife.Whose Sorry Now great choice for heading.

**I'm proud that you stood up to him and did not give in when he asked to visit!! I think Charles deserved what he got.

**Oh lynne; this one was so beautiful; i really had a tear. you know our pride has always got in our way hasn't it? i've always held my head high and never let on that i was hurt or crushed or even cared. and so many times i got in the car and cried as i drove or went to my room or office and shut the door and stomped and muttered and fussed. but i still had my pride and i can't overcome this.

**Lynne...I had goosbumps reading your story...Absolutly wonderful...Sounds to me that Charles was the loser!...

** I hope he was REALLY sorry, too!!! Good for you for having that kind of backbone. I still can't believe he did that to you....but we do foolish things when we are young, don't we? I wonder if he thinks of you still and realizes that could have been!

**ALRIGHT LYNNE!

**If he was cruel, you answered right. If he was not, I hope you never regretted it.

**He left you standing, so didn't deserve your attention at that time either..

**GOOD GIRL!!!!!!!I am so proud of you!!!He sure had his nerve!!!!!THE SCOUNDREL!!! His day will come

**Bet this Charles has regretted his mistake many times -- I have been at this place only as a man from a mans feelings as I walked away from the one I should have been with all my years but walked off and have regretted it many times.

**This reminds me so much of my first job. Boy, did we all want to fit in in those days!

**Ah the conflicting emotions we experience growing up, wanting to fit in ... peer pressure etc. Alone is something many people fear

**This was something that at one time or another has happened to all of us. It is a need for survival I think. I am sure those ladies were good Christians in their own way and I say it because they cared for you and that makes them good Christian women.

**Now let me think,SWEARING ,FIBBING, LISTENING TO SEX JOKES and now SMOKING.Will you let me know if I have missed anything.LOL

**Hee hee did the ladies lessons stick with you or did you stay a proper young lady?

**Oh Lynne, this page had me laughing one minute and crying the next,it reminded me of myself at school, I would just try to blend in with the others, they went to church to, Oh! Sis, how merciful our Lord was to us *smile* did you buy you a lovely dress?

**LOL - guess this just shows you there are lots of wonderful and good and caring people in the world, even if they don't have the same standard as you grew up with. I've met a lot of them in my life. We come in all kinds of packages, don't we! I'm so glad they took you under their wing.

**I can't believe how shy I was back then. My dream job was to work in the local ice cream parlor but I didn't think I could learn how to make all those sundaes, etc. I had never actually gone in because I had no money, but I peeked through the window. No confidence at all. I used to think back on that and chuckle when I was working as an RN. Guess I probably could have learned the ice cream business after all.

**I'm smiling at your purchase of the pearls. Did you ever get to wear them somewhere?? I can only imagine your delight in the department store.

**Back in those days, that was the first thing that people would think of, that you had to be in some kind of trouble or you wouldn't be by yourself away from home and a preacher's daughter, too. Shame on that pastor for jumping the gun like that...he should have known better..and you were just an innocent young thing.

**That must have been a terrifying time. **Ah the many cross roads we come to in life , so many choices, so many outcomes

**Guess you were not meant to go home at this point.

**That poor girl, and no one cared....

**This seems like a very true story and , I think this has happened to a lot of young Ladies , thank God this one was safe , as far as her returning to that church I sure don't blame her there is a lot of preachers that have done a lot of this but they will surley face God some day

**Ooooh, this makes me just shudder. It sure could have been you. You are a strong woman, Lynne to have survived that sad, hard time. I just can't believe how you were shut off from your family. They must have been having an awful time, not to recognize how very much you needed them. My heart just aches for that little lost girl that you were. {{{HUGS}}}

**I can relate to this! My brother Tom was murdered February 17, 1975. He was 23 years old. His case was never solved. I highly doubt the cops cared. His house was found to have one marijuana plant so thus the case was branded "drug related" February 17 is my sisters birthday. She never enjoys her birthday anymore.

**Isn't it amazing to look back on the stupid things we do in life, or the stupid responses, and realize that you might have changed the entire course of your life if you had acted or spoken differently!!!

**Hi Lynna-Girl, I lived in Detroit one time and I had to walk passed a White Tower at midnight on my way home.I knew some of the people that worked there,so I stopped in for coffee everynight.A girl that worked there got off at 1:am.we walked home together. We wonder how we get ourselves into the messes we do,and all the time the old devil is laughing at us.God is begging us to come back to Him.I was glad you went to church,but I think the pastor was a little forward with his questions. we don't want to be snippy, but sometimes we have to.

**You are right, the pastor was not tactful; but, they didn't have a lot of training in those days... I'm so sorry!!!! **Lynne: are you married now?

**..but I am also mad at the pastor...he should have known how to speak to a young lady..And you ao alone in this big world, did they ever catch the man that murdered the young woman? Ok you are now out of church...what happens next do you ever get home?

**You sure have lived through some traumatic times. I think someone up there held you in His hands.

**Wow that must have been very frightening for you, your next door neighbour murdered,and down an alley which you used as well. Felt really sorry for you that your Father would not allow you to go back home

**This is getting to be so scary. I feel like I just want to hug you after that story. God is surely strong in you to have kept you going. And don't feel bad about being snippy to that pastor. It's hard to control how you feel when someone you should be able to trust assumes the worst of you.