The news was bad.
I was 4 months pregnant.
I couldn't even get up off the exam table
I was so shocked and weak and scared and mad.
In the car on the way back to work
I told Eleanor that the doctor must have made a mistake
and she laughed
and said to me
"Honey, I don't think so.
I think the mistake was made years ago
by Larry's doctor
when he said that Larry couldn't have children."
When I got back to my desk
I saw Bernie and Eleanor whispering
and Bernie was crying
and she came over and said to me
"If you're four months along
we only have you for one more month
because you have to leave work at five months."
I cried right along with her
because I sure didn't want to leave everybody
that I knew and loved.
I was nervous about telling Larry
when he came off the road
but he took it okay.
He made a face
and walked away
and didn't mention it again.
But a couple of days later
he came home with a box of blocks for the baby
and a yellow tea-rose
my favorite
for me.
I called Mom, too
and she was happy for me
(I didn't tell her how I truly felt
that I didn't want a baby)
but it wasn't a big deal for her
because she still had a bunch of little ones at home
herself.
They had a party for me at work
a combined going-away and baby-shower party
and even Larry came over
and smiled at the goings-on.
Then one Monday I didn't have to get up
and go to work with Larry.
He went by himself.
I couldn't think of what to do
so I folded all the baby's little clothes
from the shower at work
knitted hats and lacy bonnets
a couple packs of diapers
(which I already didn't like the looks of)
receiving blankets
belly bands
dresses and footed sleepers
and put them into the top drawer
in the dresser.
Winter had settled in
and nobody was out and about in the trailer park
so I called Bernie every day
and we talked about work and the people at work
but after a while
I came to see that if you're not there
not part of the daily bumps and grinds
then you aren't that important anymore
to them.
I got a book at the drugstore
about what a baby looks like in the womb
and I tried to interest Larry in it
but he barely glanced at it.
I spent a lot of time with it though
thinking to myself
"Now it has fingernails
hair
pretty soon it should turn upside-down
and be ready to be born."
But it didn't seem real to me
no matter how many times I looked at the pictures.
I spent a lot of time watching TV
the Jetsons
Archie Bunker
the Flintstones
General Hospital
and sometimes Larry would give me a few dollars
for spending money
and I would walk to the store and get some pretties
to decorate the trailer.
Christmas was coming
and the baby was due on Christmas Day
so I got Larry some socks and a rock hammer
because he was interested in rocks
and I found some thistles in a field
painted them gold and silver
and put a shiny red bow next to them
in a bowl.
I knew I wouldn't have time for pretties
and shopping
once the baby was here.
Three weeks before Christmas
I was at my mother-in-law's
for dinner
and I had to go to the bathroom
again and again
until it was embarrassing
but I couldn't stop
and she said to me
"I think maybe we should take you to the hospital"
and I said
"What for?"
and she said
"Because I think the baby's ready to be born."
Music Playing: Rainy Days and Mondays
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This story is a continuation of Diary of a Preacher's Daughter.
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