I couldn't eat with my third pregnancy.
Oh, I could have ice cream
or soup
and sometimes an onion sandwich
but I knew I was losing weight.
I could tell by looking at my legs and arms.
So one day, near the end
eight months and counting
Larry took us all out for hot fudge sundaes
to try and fatten me up.
We went out in the country
to a place where you could sit at picnic tables
under trees
and he brought me a super duper monster of a sundae
with hot fudge dripping
nuts
whipped cream
and a cherry.
It was so good
and I was so hungry
that I couldn't stop eating it
even when my stomach started paining me
and I had a cramp
and my legs started to ache
and darts of red-hot pain
were sticking in my spine.
I ate the last dripping sweet delicious spoonful
wiped my mouth
threw away the container
and said to Larry
"I'm in labor."
He turned pale
and hurried Adam and Amy into the car
ice cream and all
and we took off down the road in a cloud of dust
and my pains were suddenly three minutes apart.
We heard the whistle
and saw the train
with its cars
as far as the eye could see
down the track
and we had to stop.
Larry didn't like emotional displays
so I didn't cry
but oh my goodness I was in trouble!
I could feel the baby ready to be born.
He tried to distract me
with small talk
"What is a Santa Fe railroad car doing way up here?"
but my brain was screaming
"WHERE IS THE CABOOSE ON THIS DARN THING?"
Adam smeared Amy with his ice cream
and she started to cry
because she didn't like being sticky and wet
and my insides yelled
"SHUT UP EVERYBODY I AM ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY
IN THIS CAR!"
but I turned around and told Adam to sit down
and Amy to be quiet
and the train kept rolling by
rattling our teeth
with its clackety-clack.
Larry was hunched over the steering wheel
looking pale
and he said
"Fifty-four cars so far."
I couln't control myself anymore
and I said
"OH HURRY HURRY HURRY I'M IN BIG TROUBLE"
and
"I'M GONNA KILL THAT ENGINEER FOR BEING SO SLOW!"
I was sweating up a storm
sick from the ice-cream
and hot fudge
gritting my teeth to keep from screaming
at Amy
Adam
Larry
the stupid train
the idiot engineer
when off in the distance
I saw red
the caboose
finally
oh thank you God.
Larry stepped on the accelerator
the minute the train passed by
and we crossed the track
when it was still vibrating
and arrived at the hospital
where Larry tried to sop up the sticky chocolate mess
on Amy
who was still crying
and holding out her arms to me
but I couldn't take her
because I was bent over double
trying to keep the baby
from being born.
They put me in a bed
in the ER
and pulled the curtain around me
and I tried to relax
because it had been a hard day so far.
Annabelle was born five minutes later
with only me in the room
and she wasn't breathing
so I started to cry
and a doctor came in
and dunked her in a basin of ice-water
which made her hiccup
and sob
so I knew she was okay.
I went to sleep
with the clackety-clack of the train
still ringing in my ears.