| Tiger Lilly's Poetry: Allot of my poetry is dark and can be very triggering. I've put them in the order I made them. Life for a Life 1991 The dreadful sound of mistrust rings out. Why do you torment me with your clout? I’ll take my punishment no matter what you do, But I really don’t deserve it, unlike you. No actually you deserve worse than I, You failed as a mother, you really should die. I think it would only be fair, For you made my life seem as though not there. You think this justifies your pride But in fact it makes you more ugly inside. Your righteous light has burned entirely out, And your spirit is dark like an evil rain cloud. My sisters life you really did ruin. Why do you persist for mine? Are you really that blood thirsty? Well, if you are, I may go further Than my dear sister did. She didn’t murder herself or you, But I may make her dreams come true. I hope your satisfied with the damage you’ve done, Cause my whole life is coming undone. And now I say something cruelly true, I now know – I HATE YOU. A Roses Sorrow 1991 The thorns of a rose are but small, But the red on the rose seems to call The message sounding loud and clear “we’re the ones not wanted here”. As the petals wilt and blood pours out I can hear the thorns voices cry out “Love, love why thou tear!” and the petals answer “we’re not wanted here.” Now the roses have died away And the gardeners I hear now say “Why have all the roses disappeared?” and the ground cries out “They weren’t wanted here.” Now as people die in streets The young generation roam and weep. The spill of blood the youth now tear Yells and cries out loud and clear “We’re the ones not wanted here.” Dying Words 1991 Alone again I cry out loud for help, But is an answer there? No – not for me. Oh the agony of pain so bitter-sweet. I long for what is after this life I live. This dreadful life which has given so little, I now want to give. But what if this is all there is And life is better than death. Oh, but if it could put my wrenching heart asleep And calm my weary soul. What would I do for peace? Now that glimmering shine from that metal, It seems to entrance my mind. My eyes and reason are focused upon The very thing that may do me wrong But the beauty of it seems so right. Nothing can I fear on this lonesome night. For no one cares for me – not now, For I am a nobody, nobody at all. No one understands the pain I’m going through. And now these last few words before I say adieu: The sun has set and will never rise For I will already have died. 10-23-91 Waiting As it rains in the cold wet night So does my tears fall with fright. The pain down deep inside Comes out through aching cries Love hurts as much as it helps But hurt seems to leave scarring welts. Confusion surrounds my mind Making a cloud drift over my eyes. Alone again and tears are falling Scared to call or say anything Isolation surrounds my room And I can’t seem to break through this tomb Thoughs of the way a red rose bleeds Until death comes to it setting it’s soul free Finally passes as I calm again And I lay on my bed with a heart to mend. Nothing seems to be real now here, Numbness enclosing my thoughts and fears. Now I’m staring out my window and down the road. Hoping that somehow he would be woed And see me tonight. Too many times this happens and every time it’s failed. I’m going to have to leave him, I can’t live in hell. 4-4-1992 Drops of Sadness I lay here awake with tears in my eyes How could this happen, not in my right mind. My memory now travels back in time, To earlier this evening as I drank drops of wine. They slid down my throat, burning a path For chocking and tears, coming up soon in wrath. My friend is there, his eyes almost shut. He’s quiet as he watches my lips touch the cup. Soon the worlds spinning, confusion is bound, I surely can’t stand, I’m stuck to the ground. Now he seems to be more awake Now he crawls up and finds him a mate. With a blurred mind, my hands only fall, Faintly I know I have no control. The zipper sounds loudly, I firmly say “NO!” But he says yes, invading me so. My body can’t feel what I’m feeling inside, My brain cells aren’t working, I just want to hide. He pulls back up his faded old sweats Then leaves soon after, and ofcourse he forgets But the real drops of sadness aren’t of wine, Nor of the tears I cried deep inside. The real drops of sadness are actually Because I blame this sadness of drops on me. 4-27-93 Harley A beautiful baby who almost was born But from the womb it’s body was torn. Anguish was shared between man and wife At the precious terrible loss of this life. Although so young Dear Harley was loved Fetus in death, taken up from above This sweet dead child, we’ll never replace But will cherish the memories and love it’s laced We all love you Harley, Where ever you are…. 9/24/93 The laughing Mask Her face is smiling Her mouth is laughing But inside, she is crying. The tears stream down To cleanse her soul from The wounds which sorrow left. Sometimes it hurts and Cuts her shield to Let the tears pour out. But then it’s closed She’s unexposed As inside it builds back up. When will all The torture end? She asks herself once more. The day will come, If she lives that long, When peace will come to pass. Lost in Life 12/21/1993 She was given life by her mother dear Split apart by divorce and tears Raised by her sisters care For her mother was rarely there. Poverty years went slowly by And often you could hear her cry Out the lonely window stared Red eyes hoping someone cared. Wedding bells rang in screeching tones As so-called love turned into stone. Deeply mourned life was lost inside And on the bus he left his side. Anger and passion drove her on Living alone and no longer a pon She’ll succeed in days to come God, he’ll bless her when she’s done. A mothers Wish 1-8-96 Rock a bye my little one Close your eyes-your days is done Sleep beside me as I rest So in the morning you’ll be your best. Then I’ll fall in-love again With the warming smile you send. Rock a bye my husbands child, Lay here in my arms a while. Your precious little hands I hold And stroke your silky hair of gold. Tiny lashes move and rise, Show eyes of blue and then subside. Rock a bye my baby dear Not a worry or a fear For I’ll protect and care for you Nothing but the best will do. And as you grow, I’ll set you free So all your hopes and dreams can be. 2-14-2000 Untitled A small child falls to the floor With bruises and fear as she has before. Her mothers anger, her mothers neglect It’s something she will never forget. Too much pain for one so young Too much pain for her it’s brung. And never knowing what kindness brings Her life, it fails so at so many things. But never will she give in to sadness And all that keeps her going is madness. Now years later she’s a mother too. Her daughters beauty is enchantingly new. Who could of thought such love exists. Who could have thought there was such bliss. Close and strong her family has grown. But nightmares plague and she’s still so alone. Locking away the treacherous past The memories drain like leaches held fast. As the blood of her emotions are stained The sorrow drifts off as the leaches de-vain. And she sees her daughter play with love so sweet. Her kind gentle hands make her heart take a leap. This magical heaven that invaded her hell The life she’d grown to know all to well, Is flooding her soul with the love of an angel The one I am blessed with today. 6-2000 Love lost in lifes labyrinth Life loses me as a I drift along Listening to our favorite songs Wishing all was like it was Before life lost me like it does. The picture of happiness, the art of love It was so perfect, as light as a dove Then the darkness soaked my soul And my trust and peace you stole. A kind gentleman with hands of Evil. Only on this night did they reveal The angry madness of jealousy and power To force my acceptance of his desire. Shock waves shook me when I knew The person raping me, was you. Now I’m lost in my own tears Wishing for our life before the beers. Lost in lifes labyrinth of love Wishing I was again light as a dove. 7-2000 alone again Left alone, all alone No one’s here, no one’s home. I sit and cry in my fear Wishing my mommy was near. She doesn’t like me, doesn’t want me Doesn’t care a thing about me. Except to give her power she craves So her children she inslaves. The door swings open, I run to her for care. But she yells and screams, which makes me scared. Throwing dishes on my bed. Breaking brushes on my head. “you worthless little shit” she said. Then leaves to be with others instead. Left alone, again alone Sobbing I sit and wait by the phone “Why do I always make her mad?” “Why can’t I ever make her glad?” I wait for her to feed me food, But my hunger makes me move. I cook my toast and spread the butter I miss my mommy as I drink my water. I go to bed all alone I go to bed crying in moans I do this every day it seems But now I’m lost in my day dreams 2-2001 Guardian Angel As he sees her lying in her bed Tears soaking her pillow, he thinks instead She should be smiling, the bright angel she is And heavenly arms hold her soul in his. As he lulls her to sleep late tonight He prays his love will fight a good fight. Before she dies and she can see His spiritual body close and be… As one again as they were before But until she knocks on heavens door He watches over and comforts her so That she may live and learn and grow. 2-2001 (untitled) Take me away from this barren land Take my daughter and me in hand Take us somewhere, where no hearts break Take us somewhere, where no one aches Take us to where angels live Take us so our hearts can give Take us far away from hell Take us, please, to heaven to dwell. 2-2001 (untitled) I needed you to hold me I needed you to want me I needed you to love me And you were there I needed you to marry me I needed you to care for me I needed you to support me And you were there. I needed you to console me I needed you to reassure me I needed you to keep me And you left. 2-2001 Wishing She lays with screams inside her mind Scolding her with words unkind She feels her thoughts slipping away And for a moment she will stay.. In the peace of insanity As she laughs hysterically Then no feelings she recalls, As numb guards throw up her walls. And there she lay alone again Quiet being not her friend. And wishing she could float away. Where pain is lost and love will stay. 11-23-02 Letting Go Loss of life before it began Loss of love again and again Loss of loved ones is such a tragedy Loss of a home, of a plan, of a family So tired of trying, so tired of it So tired of life, I just want to quit So tired of getting up day after day So tired of business and bills left to pay I’m left with the ashes of another end’ I’m left with baggage and a heart to mend I’m left with the chore of clean-up duty I’m left once again with my fading beauty The thought of another is far far away The thought of restarting makes me feel gray The thought of leaving makes my head ache The thought of being alone makes me shake I guess it is time I faced the facts I guess I should accept and relax I guess I need to just go on I guess, I guess, I guess I was wrong Time has come for me to cry Time has come to say goodbye Time has come and so I’ll go Time has come for us I know Losing the way of life that I lead Needing to quit but forced to succeed. Sifting through ashes, accepting my loss And so here’s on more hurdle I’ve crossed. 8-30-03 (untitled) The singles game has won me over What I need is a four leaf clover. My lucky days I had it made A husband, my child and all bills paid Now I swallow my pride and pain To receive from others, to feel their distain Work is scarce, charity too. Government help: I get what’s due I wish my body was healthy and young I wish my mind was not so stung. I wish that I was unafraid To face my life, the way it’s played I have to work, I have to play I have to relax, I have to pay I have to depend and be dependable I have to be good and be desirable Everyone thinks they know what’s right They won’t be wrong without a fight. Your feelings matter little to most “I know how you feel” they seem to boast. I look in the mirror and see the bags My darkened eyes are heavy with sags. Too little sleep, too much to bear This weight is heavy and causes wear But then….. I hear what makes me blossom inside I see the on who feels me with pride I feel the tender squeeze of a hug And it’s all much better than anyone’s drug. My daughters eye dance, as she giggles and plays She’s going through yet another fun faze. That’s when I realize how lucky I am To have what I’d wished for again and again. Her love is the gas that I need to go She drives me in life though my tank is so low. And when she is down, I’m needed as well I’ll be there forever, through heaven and hell. |
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