They want you to think they have missed you, but what they're saying is that when they see you they miss your absence. Not very sociable of them at all. Or maybe it's you. Maybe you get on their nerves.
Another thing is telling someone how much better they look. The blank expression you get in return is their reaction to you saying they used to look pretty bad. Better to simply say they look good -- or if you're into flattery -- Wonderful, Fantastic, Marvelous, Stunning, Ravishing -- anything but better.
I'm no linguist and I'm not particularly grammatical myself (as this sentence proves) but some things just can't be ignored. I came within a "hare's breath" of flunking an English exam because one of the sentences we were to correct was, "Looking down in horror, the snake crawled away." I laughed so hard and long I almost ran out of time, and I was nearly banished from the room for disturbing everyone else. I just couldn't help wondering what was under the snake that horrified him so much. More later . . .
But what is anger? Anger is what we indulge in when our expectations aren't met. I have unfortunate news for the world. The world does not revolve around us. How could it? There are many billions of us. If it revolved around one it would exclude everyone else. Of course, there is the possibility that each of us is a world unto ourselves but that is a topic for another page.
Our mate, our boss, our sister, our friend, does something -- doesn't matter what -- and we measure the deed against our prefabricated picture of the person. If it fits we are satisfied. If it doesn't fit it frightens us. We might be wrong about the person. We might be flawed if we are wrong. If we are flawed we might not be as smart as we think we are -- so, we indulge in anger.
OK, we don't go through those steps consciously but think about it. If you don't see some truth in it feel free to email me. Since I don't know you I couldn't possibly have any preconceived ideas about you could I? That being the case, how could I possibly be angry if you attack my thoughts?
Trust me -- I haven't met you but I absolutely have ideas about you. In my world view, strangers do not attack me verbally or physically. People who use the internet are intelligent, thoughtful people who would make an effort to see my point before lashing out. Anyone who reads my pages has made a point to seek out different views. So, I do have expectations.
Everything from the cold shoulder we give our mates for small slights to vicious attacks of road rage have the same source -- unmet expectations.
The trick is, don't have expectations. Allow each person to be fully who he/she is and learn to enjoy the chaos that each personality is. Keep alert in traffic so you don't have to swerve and slam on the brakes when someone stops ahead of you. Don't expect cats to not scratch and dogs to not bark and children to not drop things.
I'm working on it. I'm not good at it yet but the little I have accomplished gives me great pleasure. Because of it I have the delightful experience of being surprised with good things and staying calm (most of the time) in small disasters. At twenty the world was wrong because it didn't fit my picture of what it could be. Now at (don't even try to guess) the world is exactly as it should be -- which is a topic for another page.
