 |
 |
| 1.29.04 The world is blowin' up, the world is cavin' in, but you are here with me, makes it okay.... In BCIS....I'm tired and I'm about to go to my voice lesson and I don't want to. Last night sure was interesting what with all the lifelong friendships falling apart for everyone to see on Ashley's livejournal. It's dumb, and I really hope it's over now. I just want everyone to get along, is that so much to ask? But I also don't want to talk to Travis ever again, because he is so freakin' two-faced. But it's whatever....Thank you for making me feel better last night, Frankie... 2.2.04 I hope I die before I get old...talkin' 'bout my g-g-generation..... I got to stay home today because I'm siiiiick and it was good for me. It wasn't a half bad day. I watched Annie Hall and talked to Frankie a little bit and just rested. And besides, it was a really good weekend *sigh* and I wasn't ready to face a Monday. Four months and one day...oh yeah.... 2.18.04 Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.... I'm really sorry, Frankie. I didn't think this kind of thing could happen with us and it kind of caught me off guard and I acted a little weird. It just didn't feel like you and me, you know? Anyway...I wrote you a little letter about all of it today. It was easier for me to say what I felt that way. Hopefully I can see you tonight?? I'm really really sorry, and you don't need to be, ok? This is my fault, you were just trying to ask me some honest questions...I'm sorry. If you get on the computer at 3:30, go to the flooble thing. 2.18.04 Everything in its right place.... *Sigh* I'm happy now. Its fixed. 2.23.04 Got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time Chemistry sucks. The weekend was gone too fast. Frankie is awesome. And so are Rachael and Patrick. 2.25.04 A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself.... Two hours of sitting around and now I'm home. I love suprise days off school. There's really nothing better...and it couldn't have come at a better time. I have so much undone homework and quiz after quiz. Thank god for power outages. 3.1.04 I could stay with you forever and never realize the time.... 5 months. 3.15.04 A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself..... Spring break is over and school still sucks. Why oh why does DISD have a different spring break than RISD? Spring break was kind of a waste. I didn't do anything. I promised myself I'd find a job, but I didn't. Oh well. 3.22.04How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd... I hate school. I got grounded this weekend because I didn't go to church. I don't know quite what to think about that. My parents don't listen to or understand me, but whose parents do? Sometimes I feel like I'm living with strangers...but I don't really care. A year and a half and I'll be gone. 3.30.04 You never have enough time to show your love.... I think some of us are still in shock. I was amazed today when I saw how easily people were able to pretend like nothing ever happened. Like he never existed. I can understand wanting to move on and wanting to be okay. But don't forget him. As long as you keep him in your mind and your heart, he will never ever be gone. And tell your friends you love them everyday. 4.19.04 But close is not enough.... I had a pretty great weekend. I love my new job at Genghis Grill except for the fact that it keeps me from my Frankie. But at least I'm making some money and I've got my parents off my back. And I get to wear a really groovy Chinese dress. I'm looking forward to summer and senior year. I bet it's all just gonna fly right by and then we'll all have to grow up, which is really scary, but also really exciting. I'm just ready to get out of Lake Highlands. I've been going to LH for 12 years now, and I stil don't feel like a "wildcat". I'll be so glad to leave this school, but there are gonna be some things about Dallas that I'm really gonna miss. (You know who you are....) Anway....come visit me at work! I work Mon, Wed, and Fri from 6-9, Saturday from 12-4, and Sunday from 12-4. The food is tasty and the hostess is HOT. 5.7.04 So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.... I am so super excited about the choir concert tonight....ha. But I'm more excited about the Edie Brickell concertl... Its Friday and the weekend better be good. Next weekend will be so good....Pickin' in the Pines..... 5.9.04 This eye looks with love, this eye looks with judgement, free me, take the sight out of this eye.... I met Edie Brickell. I can hardly believe it. I've loved her and her music since I can remember. She's the reason I learned to play guitar, the reason I love music, my pre-Jewel inspiration. And she didn't let me down. She's the nicest person I've ever met in my life. Wow. I cannot believe that I met her. Sometimes life is just good. 5.18.04 Everything everybody does is so--I don't know--not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid necessarily. But just so tiny and meaningless and--sad making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you're conforming just as much as everybody else, only in a different way.... I've been reading Franny and Zooey again and the quote above is one of my favorites... Last weekend was probably one of the best of my life. It was just perfect in every way. Everything keeps getting better and it's awesome. I hope that everyone gets the chance to be as happy as I am someday because everyone deserves a little piece of perfection. 5.31.04 You made me realize my pain by taking it away..... Never again. I love you, I'm sorry. I can't believe the things I said. I don't ever want a break from you. 6.13.04 No, and I ain't lookin' to fight with you, Frighten you or uptighten you, Drag you down or drain you down, Chain you down or bring you down. All I really want to do Is, baby, be friends with you I hate the way I treat people sometimes, especially the people who I love and who love me. I take for granted that they always love me and I treat them like crap. I'm not used to people caring about me. I've had a long line of crappy friends starting in junior high and I think there's a total of about two people who really love me. (Not counting family of course, but let's not get into that). And it's weird because I was really freakin' nice to my crappy asshole friends, but I'm flat out hurtful to the people who matter. I'm so afraid that I can't accept love, because that's all I really want, you know? Man oh man, I am not feeling too good about myself right now. I don't deserve the love I have. |