Tihomir Levajac:
Here We Go on Trial Again

1. Story
2. Story
3. Story
4. Story
5. Story
6. Story
7. Story
8. Story
9. Story
10. Story
11. Story
12. Story
13. Story
14. Story
15. Story
16. Story
17. Story
18. Story
19. Story

Verdict

A while ago, based on Article 19, Paragraph 2 of the Statemute of the Tribeurinal, a secret warrant was issued for the arrest of all the Stories spreading all sorts of stories among Bosnian Serbs; they were to be detained, held in custody, and then extradited to the International Tribeurinal at The Vague so that mankind should judge them.

It is not at all easy to catch so many Stories, because the Stories are incorporeal.

Still, after quite a while the secret police managed to catch nineteen out of the one million three hundred thousand Stories circulating among Bosnian Serbs; they were then transported to The Vague in a special plane and imprisoned inside nineteen cells, out of the twenty-four available, in a prison for war criminals in a suburb of The Vague called Shabbyningen.

In the course of inquiry, the Stories were treated in accordance with the law, that is, in the manner prescribed by the Statemute of the Tribeurinal.

For the sake of the improvement of legal systems the world over, it is laid down that the inquiry and the bringing up of the indictment should be conducted by a single person, one and one only, the Potato Pact’s Uncle. It is also laid down that the interrogation should be conducted in one of the five thousand languages registered at the United Nations, and that the trial should be taped on audio and video tapes for the purpose of enabling the public the world over to follow the course of the trial.

As the Stories did not want to be defended by anyone before the International Tribeurinal, but wanted to defend themselves by means of telling their stories, the Tribeurinal was officially bound to appoint a Counsel for the Defence.

Although the Stories did not need any Defence Counsel, this solicitousness on the part of the Tribeurinal resulted in increasing the standing of the Tribeurinal in the eyes of the Stories.

After long deliberation, it was decided that someone from the proud state of Bosnia, an experienced field worker, familiar with the local circumstances, well-versed in the intricate contradictory facts of the case and privy to the legacy of many centuries of madness, should be found and brought before the Tribeurinal.

Someone, if at all possible, who is neither Serb, Croat nor Bosniak¹ by nationality, who is, to put it quite simply, neutral, that is, unbiased.

To find such an individual in the divided Bosnia is almost impossible.

But since the Vague Tribeurinal is all-powerful, this problem was eventually resolved.
The Tribeurinal’s choice was a bear, a Bosnian bear, being best acquainted with the cultural and religious background of his habitat.

With utmost speed, somewhere in the region of Bugojno, in the hills of Mt. Koprivica, in the enchanting wilderness, in the woods where world-famous poachers used to kill bears with the host poacher, a bear who had survived the poaching, a rare bear, a capital specimen, was caught and brought to The Vague to provide legal assistance to the defendants.

Then, following the inquiry, in accordance with the Statemute, the date for the actual trial was set. Contrary to usual practice, in view of the fact that so many Stories were indicted at the same time, the Tribeurinal was to be presided over by a Board made up of all the eleven judges of the Tribeurinal.

It was precisely the way a Bosnian poet from the region of Krajina put it in one of his poems in a moment of inspiration, inspiration reminiscent of ecstasy:

And as for them, they were ten to one².

Before the trial got under way, before the main proceeding got under way, the Prosecutor got it into his head to let it be known to the assembled members of the Press, on account of the stories so very maliciously spread through the corridors, that he and his colleagues were, that the Vague Tribeurinal was, entirely independent.

This trial was not one in which a whole people was being tried! No! This trial was not a political trial! No! This trial was not a process against the Serbian people although the Vague Tribeurinal had at its disposal about one million three hundred fifty thousand video cassettes, ten thousand documents containing approximately one million two hundred and seventy-three thousand two hundred and forty-nine pages of text, pertaining to one million three hundred thousand Serbs who had been in about five million different places, that is, had been involved in something like fifteen million different events! Let those present not be misled by these figures, this was not a process against a people! No, although it was clear to the whole world that every Serb was guilty until proved innocent!

While speaking to the assembled journalists, which lasted eleven hours, fifty-eight minutes and fifty-nine seconds, the Prosecutor maintained that this trial involved specific individuals, each one with a name and surname, ones who had planned, incited, ordered, abetted or committed various crimes in a war the like of which mankind had never seen.

That same day, the Prosecutor asked the assembled journalists, particularly the SkiNN and SkiveNews correspondents, since the whole world knew that these two channels were the most objective ones when it came to reporting, to report to the world what his message to the world was. In order to preclude all sorts of innuendos, he asked them to tell the world that there existed no such thing as collective guilt, be it as a legal or moral category, although all the Stories indicted were of Serbian origin.
To cut a long story, lasting eleven hours, fifty-eight minutes and fifty-nine seconds, short, this was by no means a political trial!

The Stories were charged with having taken the war as their subject without prior permission of the international community.

Also, with having presented the war the way they saw it and not the way the International Tribeurinal saw it.

And with having gone around afterwards telling those stories to people, thus serving the doctrine of establishing Greater Serbia.

That, gentlemen, was a crime against the international community, a premeditated crime which could not remain unpunished!

That is why the defendants must be brought before the International Court of Justice.
To serve as an example to the rest of the world.

[1] Bosniak – Bosnian Muslim, translator’s note.