DREAMS OF KIRA

floating ... sinking ... hot and shivering ... there was nothing but the feather-light caress that touched the very core of my being ... in darkness, I felt it ... a feather, or tongue ... I did not know ... drawing a line of fire along my skin as I shivered with desire ... pausing to encircle a breast ... then the other ... continuing the journey downward ... tantalizing ... teasing ... exploring my navel ... then moving on once again ... I moaned ... I writhed ... as the feather touched my inner thigh ... I begged for more, as another mirrored the action ... legs quivering ... straining for that special touch ... I opened my eyes to see her face ... a glint of starlight on her earing ... a flicking tongue, soft and sure as a butterflies wings, teased my aching pearl ... I cried out, as the fire engulfed me ...

"Lights," I call out ... shivering ... quivering ... panting for breath ... searching for her ... longing for one more touch. As I fully awaken, I sob in despair. My body aches from it's recent exertion, but I am very much alone here.

This is the third night in a row that my dreams have been so 'real' ... so arousing ... yet so utterly un-fulfilling. I know from past experience that it is futile to masterbate when I awaken like this ... it only seems to make my frustration greater. A cold shower is the only solution ... then lots of coffee, for I know that sleep is also out of the question.

I pause to compose my thoughts ...

"Where to begin? What is it that is bothering me so? I really don't know. We have been in the Delta Quadrant for a month now. I can understand dreams of home ... wanting to be with our loved ones ... or even nightmares about our stay here. After all, dreaming is a natural way of dealing with the fears and anxieties of a stressful life.

"But what of my dreams of Kira? I hardly knew her ... we were not lovers, yet we shared a brief moment ... a connection on the most basic level ... with the hope and promise of more when I returned. Why is it then, that I have such erotic dreams ... more real ... more intoxicating ... than anything I have ever felt before?"

I pause once more in my recording, thinking.

"Is it the dreams that trouble me so ... or the object of those dreams? I suddenly realized, as I was sitting here thinking, that I have never once had such a dream about Mark. We are friends ... lovers ... hell, we are engage to be married ... yet I have *never* had an erotic dream about him.

"Could this be the cause of my anxiety? Is this why I find my fantasies so un-fulfilling? Does my subconscious see my erotic dreams as 'cheating' on Mark? And even more important ...what does this tell me about our relationship? I never once thought of him, as I kissed Kira ... or as we made our way, however briefly, toward her quarters. Should I 'break it off' with Mark, in order to fulfill a promise made to Kira in the heat of passion? Should I have done so long before now?"

I sit, silently, as these thoughts course through my mind.

"There are no easy answers ... yet I must decide what it is that *I* want ... for although there is no way to communicate with either of them, I must be clear in my own mind and heart on how I would proceed ... only then will I find contentment."

With a sigh of resignation, I say, "close log," then take my last sip of coffee. Crawling back into bed, I lay back on the cool sheets, thinking about these two people in my life ... about how they each make me feel ... what our lives could be like in a perfect world ... and most of all, how to tell them of my dilemma. As I drift off to sleep, I resolve to write letters to them both ... perhaps the act will prove just as therapeutic as recording my thoughts, and will lead to a beneficial decision.

THE END