Chapter 13
May 7, 2000 – Malaysia
I finally went out with Jenny last night. It was okay. I had fun. Pretty embarrassing though coz I ran myself into a tree. Way to go Mark! There was also when I was about to kiss her when we were standing on her doorway when Bryan came out of his room, and he was heading for Shane’s room. He mumbled an apology then headed off. He didn’t need to apologize really, I am quite thankful he broke that so-called “magic moment”. Believe me, I didn’t want to kiss Jenny at all. Sure, she’s gorgeous, nice, fun to be with, sweet… in short, everything a man could ever want. But I’m not in love with yet. Take note, I said yet!
I don’t want to rush things. I want to take time. I want to get to know her before I start sticking my tongue down her throat you know what I mean? Everyone these days are just so in a rush to get into a relationship and after a few weeks they’re in a rush to get out of it. It’s just so unfair. I want to get to know Jenny first. I want to take things slowly. I need time, and time is what I exactly don’t have. Everything in this life we’re living is so fast paced. You can be in four different countries in a day! I want to make her mine at the end of this tour, but at the moment I really am not so sure. I really don’t feel like she’s the girl for me.
I don’t want to get into a relationship unless I really know that I love her. It would be so unfair for Jen if I did that. I don’t want her to get hurt because I’ll end up hurting myself as well. Wait… why did I say that? Didn’t it mean that I don’t want to hurt Jen coz it would hurt me? Could it be? Could it be that I’m starting to fall for her?
Nah… I don’t think so. It’s too early to say. I’ve just met her 2 days ago for crying out loud!
Bryan’s journal
Sunday, May 7, 2000
I’m so caught up in a mixture of emotion here! There are times I’m so happy I’m practically walking on air and there are times when I’m so depressed I feel like my heart can’t take much more of the pain I’m feeling. I swear, that girl drives me crazy!
Last night, I saw Jen sitting by the pool. I came up to her, surprising her by covering her eyes. I felt like the world came crashing down on me as she said Mark’s name. I quickly smiled at her to hide the pain. I sat beside her, and before I had the chance to stop myself, I reached for her hand. I was about to confess how I felt about her when Mark (who else?) came up to us. Well, they left me of course to go on that little date of theirs. God, it was tearing me apart when I was in my hotel room, thinking of what they could be doing. Nicky kept reassuring me, saying that everything will be fine. He’s the only one who knows that I’ve fallen hard for Jenny. I do quite pity him coz I’ve been going on and on about the same thing for a few days already.
We were at the airplane earlier, heading for Malaysia (well, we’re here now) when Jen asked if anything was bothering me. I mumbled “I love you and you don’t know it, that’s what’s wrong.” And thank goodness she didn’t hear it! She suddenly took out this notebook from her bag, and started writing. I guess it was her diary so I just looked away. I didn’t want her to think that I was going to read her most personal thoughts or something.
Last night was really terrible. I was supposed to go over to Shane’s room and when I opened my door, surprise surprise! Mark and Jen were standing on the very same doorway she and I was standing in front of the other night when I almost kissed her on the lips. Well, Mark was about to kiss her as well but he stopped when I came out of the room. There’s got to be something about that doorway… Anyway, I just mumbled an apology and walked away. I was really glad Shane was in a very great mood and he made me laugh a lot, even if my heart was slowly breaking in two.
I really have to do something about this. It’s driving me insane. As much as I can, I’m gonna start spending loads of time with Jenny. Then I’m just gonna wait for the right time and the right place to tell her how I feel.
Jenny’s diary
May 8, 2000
Dear Diary,
Malaysia is such a cool place! The weather is nice, just the same as the Philippines. Sometimes it’s a bit cooler or warmer. The people here are so nice. They really assist you and make sure you’re totally comfortable.
We did our first ever photo shoot as a trio together. Well, it’s my first time and I had no idea what to do. I didn’t know if I could talk to the photographer just to ease things up a bit but I was kindly told to shut up and just pose for the camera! Haha! Anyway, it was for a local magazine. We talked about the first single we’ll be releasing later on after the Asian tour. We’ll be recording it in Londond, which I can’t wait to get back to! It’s been four years since I’ve been really home.
Anyway, we decided on releasing “You” as our first single. It would be pretty upbeat so it’s cool. Tonight, Linda, Tammy and I are gonna work on “If I”. I happened to show them some poems that I have written, and they liked one stanza that they really liked and we’re gonna add that to “If I” so I can have my own lines to sing at that song.
Well, gotta run! We have to do some TV appearances tomorrow and some interviews so… I need to rest!