Chapter 26
Toni tossed and turned. She still couldn’t sleep. It was already one o’clock and she had to go to the hotel at around 7 a.m. “Looks like this is gonna be another sleepless night!” Toni said to herself. She turned on the lights and got out of bed. She looked around, searching for something to do. She tidied up her room a bit then sat down on the couch to watch tv. Her writing table caught her eye, and it seemed to be beckoning her. Turning the tv off, she walked over to her cd player, turning it on and pressing the play button. She had no idea what was on it, until she heard the sounds of piano keys. “Just my luck!” she thought wryly as she heard Shane singing the first parts to “Swear It Again”. She didn’t bother to change the cd. She went over to the desk and sat down. Getting a sheet of blue writing paper, she grabbed her pen and started writing. She was writing a letter. A letter for Mark. Toni stopped when she nearly half filled the paper with her emotions. “What’s the point of writing this?” Toni thought. “I’m not going to give it to him anyway.” Toni was about to crumple the paper and throw it away but somehow, she couldn’t stop writing. She continued, pouring her heart and soul in the letter. She had written him so many letters in the past year. So many letters that she had no intention to give to him at all. Each time she got hold of a piece of paper and a pen, she would be writing down a letter to him. Each and every letter filled with pain, sorrow and tears. She was on the verge of crying when the doorbell rang, surprising her and scaring her at the same time. She looked at the clock. “Who the hell would come over here at 3 in the morning?” she thought. The ringing became persistent, coming in short rings but it wouldn’t stop. “Alright! Stop it already! I’m coming!” she yelled, making her way to the door. She looked at the peephole to see who it was. “Oh shit!” she said, covering her mouth with her hand. She leaned against the door, her heart racing wildly. “What should I do? What should I do?” she asked herself over and over. The ringing of the doorbell stopped after quite some time. “Thank goodness he’s gone!” she said to herself as she slid down the door. She was already sitting on the floor when he started banging loudly on her door, causing her to scream loudly. “Toni! Open the bloody door! I know you’re in there, I saw you through the window! Open the door!” he shouted as he continued to pound his fists on the door. Toni was on the verge of tears. She was so frightened. “Stop it! You’re scaring me!” she screamed. He stopped immediately. “Baby, I’m so sorry. Open the door. I just want to talk to you.” he said a lot more softly. Toni shivered. It was as if he just whispered it in her ear. “Come on, open up. You know I won’t hurt you.” Please, open up.” he pleaded. Toni could hear him crying. She opened the door to find a very miserable looking and a very drunk Mark. “Come in, hurry. It’s freezing out there.” she said softly, helping him so that he wouldn’t stumble. She knew instantly that he was drunk when he called her “baby”. She led him to the sofa and lay him down there. “Just stay here. I’ll get you something warm to drink.” After a few minutes, Toni came back with a mug of warm milk. “Here, drink this.” she said, handing the cup to Mark. He couldn’t drink it. Mark just placed it on the coffee table. Toni sat beside him. “It’s going to be okay. Stop crying.” she said, hesitantly placing her hand on his shoulder. Much to Toni’s surprise, Mark took her hand and held it against his cheek as he cried bitterly. Toni felt his tears roll down from his eyes to her hand. She was even more surprised when he started kissing her hand, trailing soft kisses from her wrist up to the tips of her fingers. Not letting go of her hand, Mark faced her, suddenly wanting to be in her arms. He had wanted to be in them for a very long time. “Toni, please hold me. I really need you.” he said softly. She was about to refuse when she saw the pain, suffering and loneliness in his sad blue eyes. She just couldn’t help it but to take him in her arms. She hated seeing him like that. “Shh… don’t cry.” she whispered as she stroked his hair, holding him as close as she could. Tears suddenly started rolling down her cheeks as well. There was so much pain between them. They wanted so much to be together, but they both knew it was impossible. Toni started sobbing, and Mark held her tighter until she could hardly breathe. They were crying in each other’s arms. Toni was in a state of chaos of emotion. Toni felt so happy, holding Mark in her arms and having him close again. She was also sad and angry, knowing that they can’t be together the way she wanted them to. Lots of things were rushing into her head. “Why is he here? What’s wrong with him? Why did he come here? Why did he come to me? Why?” She suddenly disregarded everything, pushing all the thoughts to the back of her mind. What’s important was that they were together, even if she knew it wouldn’t really last long.
Mark woke up, feeling the soft sunlight touching his face. He was leaning against someone, and he knew very well who it was. Even if he was really drunk the night before, he could never forget what just happened. He sat up. There was a hot searing pain in his neck and back but he couldn’t care less. He moved his face closer to hers, trying to resist the urge of kissing her. Toni’s arms were still wrapped around him, and he didn’t dare take them away. He moved carefully so as not to wake her up. He wished he could capture the moment and place it somewhere so he could just go back to it every time he wanted her near. Deep inside, he knew he could always bring back the moment in his heart and in his mind. Mark watched her closely, studying every single detail of her face. He looked at her lovingly as he lightly traced his index finger from her forehead to her lips. He smiled, remembering their “special” kiss. His lips longer for her kisses. Mark checked if she was really asleep. He wanted to kiss her so badly. He tried to resist, knowing once he got a taste of what he wanted, it would be like a drug to him that he’d continue to thirst for. “Well, she’s asleep. What she won’t know won’t hurt her.” Mark said to himself, grinning cheekily at the thought.
Toni opened her eyes. She looked around for her watch. 6:15 a.m. was just right. It suddenly occurred to her that Mark was still there on the couch with her, lying on her lap. He was fast asleep like a baby, with a small smile on his lips. Toni couldn’t find it in her heart to wake him up. She just sat there for a few minutes, watching him sleep. She smiled, remembering the dream that she just had. Toni had dreamt that Mark was kissing her lips lightly as they lay there together. She looked at the clock again, and she had no choice but to wake him up. “Please, just a few more minutes hun.” he murmured, taking her hand and placing it on top of his chest. She smiled. It had been a while since he last called her “hun”. Toni’s smile suddenly faded. “What if he thought I was Alessia?” she thought. “After all, he was drunk last night.” she pondered, biting her lower lip. “Come on Mark, get up.” she said despondently, lifting his head from her lap so she could get up. She made her way to the bathroom. “Good morning Toni.” he called out, but she just closed the door behind her and she didn’t say a word.
After 20 minutes, Toni got out of the bathroom. She was wearing a bathrobe and drying her hair and what she saw made her drop the towel she was holding. The dining table was set for two, and there was a small bundle of pink roses with baby’s breath on a crystal vase in the center. Mark walked in, carrying a platter filled with bacon, eggs and toast bread. “Good morning!” he said cheerfully at her. “I hope you don’t mind, I raided your fridge and cooked your favorite breakfast. Oh, and I took some pills from your medicine cabinet to get rid of my hangover. And if you’re wondering about the flowers and where I got them at such an early hour, well, that’s my little secret.” he said, placing the platter down at the table. “Umm… why are you still here? I mean, not to be rude or anything. I just wanted to know.” Toni said, picking up her towel from the floor. “Don’t you want me to be here?” Mark asked, pretending that he was hurt. “No, it’s not that. I mean, it’s almost 7 and you’re still in the clothes that you were wearing last night.” “Toni, this is my way of apologizing to you for barging in on you last night. You know I’m no good when it comes to words.” he said, looking at the floor. There was silence. “Umm… I’ll just go and dress up. I’ll be with you in a minute.” Toni said, breaking the ice. She went into her room and quickly dressed. Mark sure knew how to surprise her. She really thought he would be gone by the time she went out of the bathroom. She went out again after a few minutes. “Wow…” Mark said as Toni took her seat in front of him. “Toni, you look great.” “Thanks.” she said absentmindedly. She drank her orange juice carefully. “Aren’t you going to eat?” Mark asked. Toni didn’t say anything. “You have to eat something. You might get fatigue if you don’t.” Mark said as he placed some food on her plate. Toni just picked on the bread. “What? Do you want me to feed you too?” he joked. Toni sighed. “Mark, why are you doing this to me?” “Doing what?” “Everything! Everything since yesterday at the radio station! What are you doing? You’re driving me insane!” Toni said frustrated. Mark remained silent. Toni fought back the tears but she couldn’t prevent them from falling anymore. “Why are you doing this? What do you want from me? I don’t understand you. Are we friends? Are we…I don’t even fucking know what we are!” Toni said, sobbing in between. “I know you Mark. There’s something you want to tell me. Don’t make this hard for both of us. Don’t make this any harder for me coz I can’t take anymore of this. I’m sick and tired of it Mark.” “Toni…I…” Mark tried but he failed. He got up from his chair and went down on his knees beside Toni, taking her hands in his. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done Toni. I know I’ve been messing with your head. Could we just please forget everything that happened between us? I’m really so sorry for everything. I’ve been such a jerk. I should’ve believed you when you were apologizing. I couldn’t believe I was such an idiot, thinking that you were accusing me of going out with different women behind your back when you were just joking. And I can’t believe I was really such a big, stupid idiot when I didn’t take your calls and when I didn’t hear your explanation out, and I accused you of sleeping with Nicky. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m such an idiot.” “Well then Idiot, I mean, Mark, I don’t have a choice but to forgive you do I?” Toni said, smiling through her tears. Mark hugged her. He was so relieved that Toni forgave him. He knew it seemed too easy but all that mattered was that she forgave him.