Chapter 29
He scanned the dining area, looking for a nice place to sit at. A place as far away as possible so that no one would go and bother him. At the far end of the room he saw Toni, sitting all by herself. She was writing on a piece of paper, stopping occasionally to look out of the window that was overlooking the busy streets of Dublin. Mark smiled, making his way toward her. Just four days ago they were in Sligo, and he remembered sleeping in her arms. Too bad it couldn’t last long. It felt like paradise to him. “Hi!” he said, taking a seat across her. She practically jumped out of her seat, quickly folding the paper up and hiding it in a notepad. “Geez! You startled me!” Toni said, placing her hand just below her neck. Her heart was beating furiously. “I wonder if he saw.” she thought as she made sure the letter was safely tucked away in the notepad. Once again, she had written another letter to Mark without realizing it halfway through. “I’m really sorry.” he said, looking around for a busboy. He ordered a cup of tea and a glass of iced coffee with whipped cream and chocolate syrup for Toni. She looked surprised. “You still know what my favorite drink is?” she asked, playing with the edges of the white linen tablecloth. “How could I forget? You practically drank that stuff every single day when we were still together.” Mark said, suddenly regretting that he did. There was an awkward silence between them. The waiter arrived, bringing their drinks. “I’ll just pay you back later. I left my wallet upstairs.” she said as the waiter left. “Don’t bother. It’s on me.” he said, sipping his tea carefully. “Thanks.” she said softly, tucking the loose strands of hair at the back of her ear. “You’re welcome.” he said.
They talked for about half an hour more. Most of it was spent in unbearably awkward silences, fidgeting and giving off nervous smiles. “Do you want to go for a walk?” Mark asked. “Sure. Uh… where?” Toni asked as they got up. “Well, I really don’t want to go walking outside coz I really don’t want to go and face any fans tonight. Have you seen the poolside? It’s great! There’s a little bridge there and there’s actually a small artificial stream that they built under it. You have to cross the bridge to go to the pool.” he said. “Cool.” Toni said as they went out the glass doors of the hotel and into the little walkway. The cold air suddenly hit her, making her shiver. After staying in Ireland for more than a year, she still wasn’t used to the cold weather. She suddenly felt homesick, longing for the warm and sunny weather of the Philippines. Mark instinctively placed his arm around her. She looked up to him, surprised. Mark looked into her eyes, slowly withdrawing his arm away from her. He smiled sheepishly as they continued walking slowly. Mark shoved his hands deep into his trousers. “Oh wow…” Toni said as they neared the bridge. It was made out of concrete but its railings were made out of wood with a varnished finish. Christmas lights were wrapped around the wood, brightening up the place and reminding them of the Christmas season. The manmade stream looked almost real, with tiny fishes swimming in it. It looked so beautiful, as if they weren’t at the back of the hotel. Toni went to the other side, leaving Mark at the middle of the bridge. He just stared at her, a smile on his face. The way her eyes lit up kind of mesmerized him. She looked like a child who was brought into a toy store and told that she could get anything that she wanted.
Toni went back to the bridge. “It’s prettier here than at the poolside.” she said, leaning on the wooden railing as she looked up at the star filled sky. Mark went beside her, folding his arms across his chest. “Hey, do you remember when we used to watch the sunrise?” he asked. “What?” Toni asked, snapping out of her thoughts. “Nothing.” he said, looking up at the sky. “What am I doing? Why am I digging up and bringing back the past?” he thought. It was like he was taking Toni on a walk down memory lane. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Toni gazing wistfully at the stars. The moon illuminated her face, making her dark hair shine as if there were silver streaks in it. He turned to face her, his heart beating wildly against his chest. Toni looked at him, a questioning look on her face. “Is something wrong?” she asked. Mark placed a finger on her lips. Blushing, Toni looked down. “What the hell is he doing?” she thought. Mark stepped closer until there was hardly any space between them. With the back of his hand, he caressed Toni’s cheek. Toni wanted to get away, knowing that it was wrong, but her feet felt like they were cemented to the floor. Mark whispered her name, causing her to look up and lose herself in his blue eyes. They were like a bottomless ocean, filled with love and passion. He placed his arms around her, looking into her eyes as he smoothed her hair. He pulled her closer, kissing her softly. Toni kissed him back, putting her arms around him. They kissed passionately, losing themselves in the intensity of their emotions. Mark’s hands went up and down her back, his fingers going through her hair. He felt deliriously happy. Nothing could ever compare to what he was feeling. They pulled apart, breathless. Mark gazed into her luscious dark brown eyes once more before leaning in for another kiss. Toni pulled away. “Mark…” she began, softly pushing him away from her. She looked at him, not knowing how and where to begin. She closed her eyes and tried to think of what to tell him and before she knew it, she felt Mark’s lips on hers once more. She pushed him away again, a little roughly this time. “Mark! Please! I’m trying to think here.” Toni said a bit angrily. “I’m sorry.” he said, looking down on the floor. “Look, this isn’t right, Mark. None of this is right.” she said, walking back and forth. Mark remained silent. “I have to go. It’s better if we just stop acting as if we’re friends. It’s better if we just go on with our lives. Forget the past Mark. Forget what we had. Forget about me.” Toni said as she turned around to leave. Mark ran after her, holding her in his arms. She tried to break free. “No, I can’t forget you, I won’t forget you! I won’t! I’ve never forgotten you since the day I left you and now I have a chance to get you back in my life I’ll never let you go.” Mark said as he struggled to keep Toni in his arms. “Stop it Mark you’re hurting me! Let go!” she said. Mark instantly but reluctantly let her go, and Toni turned around to face him. “I know it’s unfair Mark but this is for the best. What we’re doing isn’t right. You have someone else who loves you and I…” she trailed off. She wanted to scream at the top her lungs that she still loved him but she couldn’t. It just wasn’t fair to Alessia. Toni ruined her life before and she didn’t want to do it again. “You have no one and that’s what you think. You’re wrong. You have me.” he said, pulling Toni close. He took her necklace out which was tucked away in her shirt. It was the necklace that Mark gave her way back then. “You have my heart remember? You’ve always had it and you always will.” he said, tears running down his cheeks. They were both crying. Toni yanked the necklace off, breaking the chain in the process. “Then there. Take it. I don’t want it. I don’t want to have anything to do with it. I don’t love you anymore.” she lied. She knew it was the only way and the only right thing to do. She took Mark’s arms away from her as he sank to the floor on his knees. Toni waked away, not daring to look back. She knew she would just come running to his side, holding him and telling him what she said was a lie if she turned around.