Chapter 10
floor by the door where I’d asked the man that I love to
go… to go out of my life… And I began doing what I’d
spent almost the entire night doing. I actually got very
surprised when I found myself crying again, I didn’t think I
had anymore tears left. This whole situation was too
much for me I guess, cos thinking about the night before
made me all hysterical and I started throwing things
around me, the first item to hit the floor was a beautiful
blue vase with white lilies (my favourite flower) that Bryan
had bought me a few days ago. As I did this I screamed
at the top of my lungs. I didn’t scream anything in
particular, I just felt that I had to let my tension and anger
out somehow and this was the only way I could think of.
Soon I ran out of energy and sobbing I leaned against
the door with just one question in my head; “Did I do the
right thing?” I’d asked myself that question over and over
again and I tried really hard to convince myself that this
was for the best, but was I sure?
Everywhere I looked I could see Bryan; I looked out in
the kitchen and there he was, I looked into the living-
room and there he was, I looked into the bedroom and
there he was again. I had to get out. Outside it was a
beautiful day, the sun was shining and the birds were
singing, but I didn’t notice any of it, I just ran, trying to get
away from everything. But where was I going? When I
was sad I usually went to Bryan, but obviously I couldn’t
do that this time and besides I really didn’t wanna talk to
anyone at the moment.After ten minutes of running I
found myself back where I started and I totally exhausted
I opened the door and went back inside.
‘It never would’ve worked out between us in the long run
anyway’, I thought to myself as I sat on the couch, ‘we are
from two different worlds’. I convinced myself that I was
right but a part of me still wouldn’t listen, it was the part
that always started beating faster everytime I saw him,
the part that was now broken in two…
“Please God, help me! Give me a sign about what to do,
how to get through this.” I got up and put the radio on cos
the silence was not exactly making things better. A very
familiar voice and song came out of the speakers;
“…and once again I’m thinking about,
taking the easy way out. But if I let you go…”
I turned it off. Was that what I was doing? Taking the
easy way out? I felt so helpless and now I was more
confused than ever, the feeling about having done the
right thing was slowly fading…
I wished Sara was there to give me an advice about
what to do, I really missed her and now more than ever.
But I had feeling I knew what she would tell me, the same
thing she always tells me;
“Follow your heart, Helle. Especially when it comes to
love. Your heart never lies.”
All of a sudden I realized that I’ve just done the biggest
mistake ever. I didn’t listen to my heart, I had chosen to
ignore it. I had to talk to Bryan, I had to fix this before it
was too late. I grabbed my bag and ran to the door, just
as I was about to open it someone knocked. Praying it
would be Bry I opened, but it wasn’t Bry, it was Kian.
“What happened Heléna? Bryan came home around 4am this
morning and his eyes were red as if he had been crying for hours.”
I was very glad to see him and leaned my head on his
cheast and between my sobs I tried to explain.
“I’ve made a huge mistake, Ki and now I don’t know if I
can fix it. I really hurt him…”
“It’s ok Heléna, everything will be ok, I promise.” he held
me close and stroke my back. ‘Those two really belong
together’, he thought to himself, ‘I shouldn’t interfear, all I
want for her is to be happy and she is happy when she’s
with Bry, but I have to know if I still have those feelings for
her…’. We stood like that for a few minutes and I felt
safe and I thought that maybe everything would work out
after all. I slowly pulled away,
“I have to go talk to him, somehow I have to explain…” I
couldn’t finish my sentence, cos before I knew it Kian
had pressed his lips against mine.
“What the hell are you doing?”, I really didn’t need this
too and I got very angry. “Well are you gonna tell me…?”
“Now I know that we are just meant to be friends”, he
said with a smile. He didn’t feel anything as he kissed
me and he was ready to go on with his life. I looked very
confused, but I didn’t have time to ask more questions, I
just had to talk to Bryan. So I left Kian standing there and
headed towards the house the guys were renting.