just a note.
» to live is to suffer, to survive is to understand the meaning of suffering.
welcome to undefined: through the eyes of yet another teenage girl // version 1.0 >> a summer's day. to view my page correctly, you would obviously need internet explorer, the fonts arial and geneva at an evolution of preferably 1028 x 764. this is my personal friends only blog. and by friends, i mean almost everyone except my offline friends and family. most of these are just my daily/personal blebs in which i cant share with my offline friends and family but would still like to input on. as well, any of your weak criticism is not wanted here. dont like what you see? just leave. to the rest of my visitors, enjoy your stay.
beneath the depths.
» ones greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
tuesday, june 8th, 2004:
mood:
emotionally distortedhavent blog for awhile now.. and i apologize for ditching my little blogging space. >o< lifes has been an enormous hassle for me these days with endless amount of school work and a tall stack of upcoming tests and exams yet to study for. with only seven days of regular class before exams offically start, teachers are really pushing the homework and tests to finish off the course. and, my english provincial is on thursday of this week in exactly two more days! bleh. aside that, i have two tests to study for tommorrow and a whole lot of projects due. eek.
i hate to see my dad depress due to money troubles. it just make me cry everytime i see him cough and sick from smoking and breathing in the dusty air from his workplace. worst yet, more money problems are popping up and both my parents are getting worried. still my dad refused to let my mom look for a job and work for some extra cash to pay the bills. he even said he forbid my mom to work (..saying hes still alive and kicking) and he will no matter what not let his family starve and down even if it meant to work two jobs. dont get it wrong that my dad smokes, hes still a good guy inside that never want to see his family down and always tries to get best of things essential to our lives. ahh, i love my dad like a fat kid loves cake. (..even more than that)
hiatus for these few bits as exams are coming and heaps of homework are to be completed. im getting tired of this layout, dont you think so too? ^o^; after i return, i promise to have a gigantic update. keke. but for now, it will have to stay.
scibbled @ 10:34pm
satarday, may 29th, 2004:
mood:
broken
scibbled @ 3:07pm
tuesday, may 25th, 2004:
mood:
emotionally distortedah man.. fuck it! having awoken a few moments ago from yet another bizarre dream, i realized though it all, i have not forgotten a bit about him. in this wondrous reverie, i dreamt that tammy, in this room without any sort of over-covering, had told me that three whole times, "he" mentioned that he still has feelings for me and wants me back. still, thats only just part of the not so reality-like happening. >o< i hate the feeling of being rejected, the sense of knowing nothing in this world fits in this marvel place of mine.
got to get ready for school now, booooo.. socials chapter four test today! ^o^; blog again later on after school!
[continued] thats what the fortune cookie i just ate says. keke, i sure hope thats true! today, just to satisfy my curiosity, i went and asked tommy if the rumor said and teasing going on about him liking me was true. well, not in person (thank god for msn messenger) lol. "i do like you.. i am just too shy to talk to you in person.." dats what he said. awww, how touchingly touching. ^o^
list of things to be completed:
scibbled @ 11:27pm
monday, may 24th, 2004:
mood:
distressam i too shy? what did i do to make him leave me so cold and alone? what did i do to deserve all these crap on earth? its almost been a whole year since the incident and yet the images stood in front of me as if it just happened yesterday. all those wasted memories, all the lies he told, all the feelings left unsaid, all the happiness left untouch. how can one not realized how much he hurt another when that one person gave them their all, heart and soul? if only, the words would reveal itself.. 3 more days til his 18th birthday. i miss him.
"reaching you is like reaching up to a star. i know i can never get you but i cant help but try." -- unknown
its lawrence's party today. happy sweet sixteen birthday lawrence, it was fun! ..you bowl funny keke. half the time, the ball hitted nothing but air. just dont hurt someone with your vicious throws.. and yes, bowling balls go forward, not back. hahaha. go get your driver license so you can take me "bowling" again! wooooooooO! thanks for everything too, youre so sweeeeeeeeeet!
scibbled @ 1:25am
friday, may 21st, 2004:
mood:
feeling unluckyT_T mices are unlucky i tell ya. yesterday, my brother's little friends found a newly born mouse at their school and decided to leave it in my house since none of them would "happen" to be allowed a mouse found in the middle of nowhere, which i shall add, might contain some sort of diseases, in their homes. man, did that fired my dad up! thats not all, later on that evening, my brother fell from skateboarding, sprained his arm and neck. and! ..the mice my brother's friends named "rascal" escaped the shoe box in which we stick it in and ran around freely all over the place, my mom and sister spent an entire hour just trying to catch that animal and throw back out where it original belonged in. this morning, my mother fell from the stairs and got a bruise and i, got fell on top of by this "larger sized" girl (..no offence ^o^;) in physical education, scraped the entire skin of both knees and received a bleeding spot on the side of my face due to crashing, face down onto the ground. >o< bleh, it hurts like crazy too! im never ever going to let a mouse run wild in my house again! mices are truly unlucky, eh?
ouch! my poor little knees all scraped up and ugly. well, not exactly knees.. but they are close to knees though! ^o^;
scibbled @ 3:36pm
thursday, may 20th, 2004:
mood:
tiredso many homework to finish and tests coming up to study for. >o< bleh. blog again later tonight.
continuing.. things have been so horribly hectic for me. so stressed out mainly from school matters and the amount of homework assigned in just four classes. i barely even caught onto the things supposedly must learned and now more than half the semester is gone and few weeks before final and provincial exams approach. "will i pass all my exams?," "will i make it on the honours this semester?," "would i have to go to summer due to lack of effort?," eek! its overwhelming just to think about it. x_x;
scibbled @ 4:02pm
wednesday, may 19th, 2004:
mood:
dazedwhat should i do? bleh, feeling so locked in my own sad thoughts. shall i pick between two? ..or should i wait for that significant other to come back? still yearning for his only affection, his love back to me as i wonder each day if he still has a place for me. yet, trapped deep in, i knew all from the start we are not ever meant to be. attaction between total opposites, my one big mistake. still, underneath it all, the truth held in, the feelings never told. o boy, im so lost. >o<
added a "contact me" button down below. seems to me its still alittle messed up. test by emailing me to see if it really works! i love a good email. ^o^
scibbled @ 11:13pm
monday, may 17th, 2004:
mood:
indignantim not white-washed! some people speak without using their brains, words just fly out of their mouths without processing in the brain. just because im not your average asian chick; the girl you expected, doesnt make me different or white-washed in any case. true, i dont wear highly branded crap, gucci, tna etc, dont talk on the phone for hours and hours, dont carry a makeup pouch where ever i go, dont attend raves and do a ton of drugs like some hardcore wannabes but that doesnt change whats in my blood. it makes me sick to think such retarded, narrow-thinking people even exist on this planet. all the judging and misconception, gosh, no wonder theres no such thing as peace! you people are just too rapped up in the whole asian trend to even be aware of whats really going on in the "real" world. to all you narrow-minded stereotypes, procastinaters out there, fuck you all!
added and deleted some webcam pictures.
scibbled @ 10:57pm
sunday, may 17th, 2004:
mood:
appreciativerecaps of this past week: been so incredibly busy with school work and after school meetings as usual. with previous upcoming of the school assembly which took place yesterday, ive missed three entire block of classes in total on thursday and friday in preparation for the school performance and modelling show. social studies three-dimentional model building project due on wednesday and was to be presented on thursday but was postponed to friday due to not being able to attend class because of organization of multi-culture southeast asian day. asian day organizing came in astonishing successful with over a hundred dollar made from just the selling of bubble tea. ^o^ ..though some people obviously did not like it. one even asked for a refund! like wtf?! this is for a school fundraising! you cant ask for a freaking refund! just because you havent tried bbt but yet still decided to buy three anyways doesnt mean you have the rights to critize the whole making of our bbt fundraising! geez. some people are just so.. ignorant and boorish. not only that, she gave me this cocky, bitchy look when i told her i cant exactly give her a refund back. shes a grade eighter too! how ill-mannered. 9.9; as well, two projects (spanish and english) was assigned and expected to be completed by monday.
eeks! oh how much i hate embarrassing moments! ..especially being humiliated in front of the entire school population on multi-culture performing assembly! >o< well, maybe it wasnt so bad, everyone makes mistakes once in awhile.. am i right? guess im just making everything sound so big and insane. keke. ^o^;
not even a day and already i miss wacking around with karen, irish, jasmine, kilsie everyday after school. seems like we have known each other forever yet only for approximately only half a year. >o< still, they feel like my sisters to me (..im the youngest out of all)and im just glad to have met such nice, unique yet fun-loving friends. v^o^
joined two page listings and added a number of quiz results.
scibbled @ 12:23pm
satarday, may 8th, 2004:
mood:
busydyed hair to bleach blonde again! ^o^ it feels so much like a sunday today with all the worrying feeling of not completing homework etc. umms, weird eh?
grr. i hate my cold sore! it hurts and looks all eeeie and ugly with little blisters and stuff surfacing on da top. >o< now my moms gone out to get anti-cold sore cream for me.
day 3 and still ive only learn 15 seconds of the choreographed dance from boa's music video - number 1. not only that, i have two major tests on monday, a big project due on wednesday, a presentation, multi-culture helping on thursday. and i have to perform on friday! *faints*
click to view new web/desktop pictures added.
scibbled @ 3:03pm
friday, may 7th, 2004:
mood:
tiredbleh. yet another day of busy-ness. yesterday, karen, jasmine, kilsie and irish came over to practice our dance for the performance next friday. >.< today, lili, her little sister and brittany came over to work on our 3d map model project. what maddness!
scibbled @ 8:47pm
wednesday, may 5th, 2004:
mood:
paranoiddont you just hate it when things happens for no particular reason for even being?! man.. lifes just a shitload of drama, so complicated and yet tolerating must stand in order to survive.
ah yah, not only do i have to model for multi-culture day school assembly, now i have to learn and perform a dance in front of the entire school by next friday too! o_O; thats just plain retarded i tell you. so what im a dancer? ..why do i have to be the one to perform?! i hate performing.. especially in front of an audience of over a thousand people! x_x;
scibbled @ 7:16pm
tuesday, may 4th, 2004:
mood:
occupiedthese few weeks have been so buzy with schoolwork, organizing for multi-culture week and assembly for school that i barely have time to do anything. bleh. yet, teachers just keep adding and adding more projects and tests on my fully loaded schedule, i think im going to go ding-ding soon. ~o~ thank god tomorrows socials chapter 3 unit test was postponed and moved to thursday. whew.
scibbled @ 5:31pm
monday, may 3rd, 2004:
mood:
ludicrousyet another day of school. ah man.. i wish the teachers would just withdrawn now instead of having making everyone thinks theres no school today then later having second doubts about it. time just seem so slow when im in school for some bizarre reason. :s ..maybe i should be the one to withdrawn. keke.
woot woot! i went to the wrong room for the multi-culture meeting. ~o~ how silly. the meeting was surposed to be held at ms. priest's classroom but instead, i went to ms. brine's room. keke. oh me. and so ms. brine begun talking me into joining student council next year and perhaps run for a particular position since she thinks im capable of these things. ^o^; im not sure what exactly "that" meant since im pretty messy and unorganized.. well, at least i think i am. hehe. :p
scibbled @ 10:26pm
sunday, may 2nd, 2004:
mood:
stressed outthis weeks been so damn buzy with a ton of tests and catching up to do. not only that, a huge socials project was assigned too and expected to be completed and ready for presentation by the end of this coming week. gosh, how on earth is it going to be finished by then?! some teachers expect so much from the students these days. bleh.
cant stand it nomore. go away. dont want to be remind of those days again. dont want to know of the things he did nor hear about those wasted times spent together.
scibbled @ 12:39am
, chinese, unattached, 
, reserved, incomplete. 
