CHAPTER 12

This is just unbelievable. First thing's first. I don't live at home anymore. Right now, I'm under the docks with Lucky. He came to see me after school yesterday, and I told him I still wanted to go with him. Gram busted us on our way out of the window, and then she told me she would call the police, but I said "and I will only leave again". That's when she decided she wanted to talk to Lucky, alone. When I came in the room, Lucky told me I couldn't go with him anymore, that it was too dangerous. I asked him if suddenly he thought I just wasn't worth the trouble, and said something about me being caught in a war that simply wasn't mine, and I could end up getting hurt. I told him I would go on my own anyway and he couldn't stop me. I told him it was amazing what people would do to help a stranded kid, so he gave in, and told me the exact same thing I told him about my million dollar meal "Just don's say I didn't warn you.

So here we were, sitting on a bench on the docks, when suddenly he asked me what I was doing the next night. He said "Tomorrow's the Cassadine ball, if you don't have any plans, maybe we could sneak into the island and have some fun". I said yes, of course, I was dying to go! I told him thank you for letting me come with him, and he said I didn't leave him any choice. I know, that was the plan!

Gram knows that me and Lucky are out to catch my rapist. That's what started the argument in the first place, and Lucky knew I needed something to take my mind off of everything and it worked. The Bacchanalia was just what I needed. It was just so beautiful, the dresses, the masks, the tuxes, the hats, the gloves, and everything else. Lucky was just amazing at how he got us pass the guards, the metal detectors, the guns, the dogs, and everything else I never even heard of. He told me the only danger of getting arrested, it's if we were caught. That didn't happen, obviously, because I am not writing this from a jail cell at the Police Station.

At first, we got near a window and watched all these beautiful people dancing these weird dances, the Waltz I think, and it was like they were sliding on the dance floor, and every single one of the dancers knew the steps, like if it was a choreography or something. I said I was wondering where everyone learned how to waltz, and the Lucky said, "You call that waltzing? Robin's lucky Nikolas hasn't stumped her to death", and I asked if he could do better, and he wanted to show me. He took me in his arms, one hand behind my back, and the other in my hand, but I freaked. Lucky backed away and said "it's ok, watching can be fun too". I don't know why, because Lucky took me in his arms several times before, so why was I freaked now? I decided it was ridiculous, so I asked "Lucky, may I have this dance?" We were having so much fun, dancing out of the terrace, it was only Lucky in me and I don't only mean out on the terrace, but in the whole wide world. It was, I don't know, magical. We were dancing like penguins in potato pouches, but we were still having fun.

After that we raided the buffet and we sat outside, in a dark place. I told him I thought about being late getting home, and that I forgot everything about "NOW". Living in the moment. It was still magical, and I still damn myself to be afraid of being touch, because when we were sitting there, alone, with our diner plates on our laps, I wanted to kiss him. The way he was looking at me, my lips just wanted to meet his. But I'm too chicken. So, I'm just imagining what they would taste like. I bet chocolate. I don't know why, but I think his kisses would taste like chocolate. Maybe, one day, I can actually know, but not now, and maybe never.

I took Elizabeth with me after all. She wouldn't hear of me leaving without her anyway, even after her grandmother pleaded to both me and her, and she said she would take off on her own. She told me she had a great smile -- as if I didn't already know -- and that she could tear up at the drop of a hat. I had no choice but to take her with me. I didn't want to spend my time worrying about her, getting in any kind of troubles because I didn't pay attention! I asked her if she didn't have anything better to do, we could go and see the ball she wanted so much, and her eyes lid up like a child in a candy store.

We had a good time, watching my mother's other son make a fool of himself by trying to dance a grown-ups and buried dance. Elizabeth thought it was so amazing how they all moved together and I told her Nikolas wasn't dancing, he was stumping, like a herd of Elephants or something and she asked me if I could do better and I showed her! After she got scared and backed out. But she got her courage back and asked me to dance, and we did for a while, alone on the terrace. It was fun. After that, we stole some food from the never-ending buffet, and we sat quietly, just talking about anything. She told me how much she was having fun, not having a curfew, anyone to listen to, anyone asking her to heal the way they wanted to, she was having fun just being with me I guess. But I have to find a way to make her eyes light up again, and I think I know how, but that's a job for tomorrow.

It is so funny. Lucky and I look like an old married couple. We made diner together (somehow), we ate sitting in front of each other, we made the dishes together, and now we are writing our diaries together. Well his is a journal. He wouldn't be caught dead admitting he is keeping a diary. I wonder what he is writing in it. Sometimes, when I was alone in my room, I would take his journal in my hands, just looking at it, turning it around, dying to see what was inside, but I never opened it. I used to read Sarah's diary and don't care, but I wouldn't do that to Lucky. Besides, I don't think I want to know what he really thinks of me. Or how he still feels about Sarah. I don't think I could take it you know?

I still can't believe him. This morning he said he had some errands to run, and that I should go get breakfast at the near-by gas station. When I came back he was there, and Boris was on my "bed". I forgot him when we left and I was so upset, not that I would've admitted it, but Lucky knew. He just knew! He got my radio, Boris, and my school book. I didn't want to go back to school, but he said "just because the present is a mess that's no reason to mess up your future" and of course he is right, as always. I was holding Boris, and smiling like a nutcase! I told Lucky all about Boris, and he told me he missed Foster. Then I saw something furry, and I am sure it was a rat, even though Lucky said it could've been a kitten. I told him I would sleep with both my eyes open, and he said "no way, you done enough of that after you were rape". How does he always know what to say? He looked at a flyer and he said he knew where we would be sleeping tonight.

He took me to this store, and we made me believe there were beams around me. He had his sunglasses on, and he was walking towards me, jumping over things I couldn't see, kept saying I had infrared beams there, and there, and another there. I was freaking out, I swear. He just told me we could spend a week in juvenile hall for trespassing into this place (we didn't break and enter). I asked him if there was any beams around my waist, and when he said no, I asked him to give me his glasses, so I would know where to put my feet. There was nothing around me, nothing whatsoever! I threw his glasses at him, and I tried to break his finger. Well, I wouldn't have broke it, you know, I just wanted to make him understand not to play with my mind, but he turned around and grabbed me from behind, and I got scared. As soon as I said "Lucky don't", he let me go and he was feeling all guilty about it.

He started making dinner, we were having pasta, and he talked about how it was with his family always on the run, and I told him I understood why his father was his best friend, and he didn't want to talk about it anymore, so he tried to make brownies, and the switch was not on, so I flipped it on, and he got brownie mix all over him. I told him I didn't know it was on, but he didn't believe me, and he started throwing some at me!

He talked about his family some more, when we decided it was time for bed. It has been one of the best days of my life. Now, sometimes, I catch him looking at me over his journal, and when I smile at him, he smiles back, and look at the page in front of him. What would I do without him?