CHAPTER 11

Dear Diary,

The evening didn't exactly go as I planned. First I forgot to lock the door, so Ned Ashton got in, and, while I was arguing with him, something burned. Then, Keesha came in, and I went to tell her Kelly's was closed, and she said she was just waiting for someone, as Ned was, and again, I overcooked something else. Then Lucky came in and I simply told him to go away, to go to the hamburger he liked so much, because it was a complete disaster. Then, I came back out and Lucky was at the door. I was happy because I thought he changed his mind and I wouldn't have to be embarrassed about my meal. But he said he was just locking the door after Ned got out. He said I was harder on myself than anyone he had ever met, and I said "just don't say I didn't warn you" before going in the kitchen.

This wasn't a date, really, I just wanted to make him diner to thank him for putting up with me and all my moods, so why was I nervous? Before going out to the dining room again I fixed myself up a little, I wasn't presentable. He was just so handsome, sitting at the table, waiting to taste my "fabulous" meal. I sat in front of him, and he smiled at me, the smile I like so much, the one that comes from the heart, the one with the dimples. I saw him eat some potatoes, and he swallowed them probably because it isn't polite to spit in your plate. I saw him reach for his glass of water, and he asked me the amount of salt I put in, and I told him the truth, I spilled some in. He wanted to try something else and I told him I didn't want to lose my best friend from food poisoning, and I asked him to be honest, it was the worst meal he had ever tasted. He told me it wasn't that bad, that he ate in strange places, but finally he admitted it was the worst, for him. He took something and told me to eat it, that maybe I would like it, and I kept saying to get that away from me, and I was pushing his hands. We were both laughing. Ever since we got into the "fight" in my room, things were tense between us, but they weren't tonight. I was having so much fun.

At least the deserts were eatable. I made brownies, Lucky's favorite, and all he didn't eat for diner, he took it in with the brownies. God he practically inhale the whole rack! Next time I ask him to diner, I will have someone actually cooking it, this was a too close call. What if he had ate something non-eatable and died on me? I'm only kidding. The meal was totally disgusting but it wasn't dangerous. Was it?

She had asked me to meet her at Kelly's, she would make diner for me. I thought it was cute, so I accepted her invitation. Although it felt a little weird. I know it wasn't a date or anything, but the table was set with a nice table-cloth, candles, glasses, but not the one Ruby usually uses but the good glasses, the good plates, I was treated like I king, I still wonder why. It was almost like she did something wrong and it was her way to make amends. But she didn't do anything wrong. If someone had to beg her for forgiveness, it would be me. And the food would probably have been better too.

When we walked home, I don't know why, and I hope to God she respects my privacy and doesn't read this journal, because I don't want her to know what I'm about to say, but I wanted to kiss her goodnight. I know I would've went up to her room as soon as her grandmother went to bed, but when I walked her to the porch, I found myself leaning forward, aiming for her mouth, but when I realized what I was doing, I whispered "I'll see you later" in her ear, and went sitting on the docks. I'm sure I wanted to kiss her because it felt like we had a date and it's in the guy's genes to kiss after a date, but I am still feeling guilty about it. I mean, Elizabeth is my friend, nothing more. I don't like her "that" way, she is more like a sister to me, and I wouldn't kiss my sister on the lips. That was just temporary insanity. I know it was.

So why can't I stop thinking about it?

My life is a mess, and I have Gram to thank for that. She kicked Lucky out tonight. She found out he has been sleeping on my floor and she threw him out of the house.

Lucky and I were simply talking on my bed, when she barged in. I told Lucky Gram got invited to this thing on Spoon Island, "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" and Lucky said "It s French for bad date". I know he will never agree on something Cassadine, but I told him I wouldn't mind going, that I never been to a masked ball before. Like always, the conversation led to Mr. Murty, and how much we wanted to catch him, when Gram barged in, nearly accusing Lucky of setting me up for disappointment. She said he wasn't helping, that, in fact, he was part of the problem. I told her that being around Lucky was exactly what was helping me, but she wouldn't hear of it. We got into this huge argument, and she said she was in my room, looking for Gatsby, and she said she would have to look under my bed, and I grew nervous, saying the stupid cat wasn't in my room. She asked me if there was some reason I didn't want her to look under the bed, and that's when she saw the mattress and the blankets. I told her it was for emergencies, and I'm sure I would've been home free if Lucky didn't have to go and ruin everything by telling her the truth.

She freaked out on us, saying it was totally inappropriate, as if Lucky was living in my room so we could have a sex marathon or something. Lucky tried to explain to her, without telling her, why he needed a place to stay, and she said he we had come to her, she would've offered Lucky the guest room, and she would have called Lucky's dad too. She told us she couldn't let us continue this nonsense. She said Lucky could stay one last night in the guest room, but he declined it. He said he would be ok, not to worry about him, and he left. I was so mad! I wanted to tear her eyes out. Why'd she have to drive him away! I specifically told her he was going to leave Port Charles if I hadn't let him stay here, and Lucky confirmed it to her but she still threw him out!

I took some clothes and threw them in a bag, saying if Lucky couldn't stay here, I didn't want to be there either. She put her arms around me, begging me to wait at least for morning before making any harsh decision and I agreed. Lucky showed at my window, to see if I was alright, and I asked him where he was going to stay that night, and he told me there was million places in this town if you knew where to look. He said not to worry about him, but I do, probably as much as he does about me. I told him this wasn't my home anymore, and that I was leaving tomorrow, he asked me for where, and I said "well, with you, wherever you're going" and he asked if I was crazy, he didn't even know where he was going, but he didn't want my grandmother to hear us, so he said we would talk about this tomorrow. You can count on it Lucky Spencer, you are not going anywhere without me.

Elizabeth's grandmother busted us, and she basically threw me out, but not before offering to me to spend one last night there. I couldn't accept, I don't know why. I begged her not to make Elizabeth feel bad, because we didn't do anything wrong, we didn't hurt anybody. I'm sure, if I told her about my dad, that she would've let me stay there, but how could I? I already felt bad enough to have taken advantage of her for weeks now, I could not, in good faith, spend one last night there.

Elizabeth said she was leaving with me tomorrow, and I don't like that. I mean, me living in the streets is one thing, living in the streets with her is another. She is just so afraid I'll leave town, but I can't. Not anymore. I can't leave far from her now, not seeing her would be real torture. So I'll stay in town, and I'll keep in touch with her. There is no way I'm letting her come with me. First of all, it's too dangerous, second of all, she already has a home, I am not going to let her lose it because of me. And besides, some time apart will be a good thing, those lips of hers are calling me a little too often if you ask me. I know I am crazy, but hey, what can I say? She's pretty, funny, generous, and I am a normal guy. I see her almost every minute of every day, I think it's normal I notice her you know? Not that I would move on it, you know, it'll past, it's just a phase. I know it is. Just a phase. Well, good night.