| December 31st Happy New Year's Eve!! I'm at work right now, and in about half an hour, I will be free to PARTY!!! So far today has been a great day. I got to sleep in (ahh the joy of night shifts) and got all my e-com stuff done before I had to come to work. Glen wanted to see a matinee today but we didn't have time before I had to be at work, so maybe we'll see one another day. There's a bunch of movies out right now that I want to see - me and Jess are gonna go to The Royal Tenenbaums on Wednesday probably, and Greg said he might want to see The Shipping News. In any event, I'm looking forward to tonight. I don't even remember what I did last new years, and I have the feeling this new years is going to be fantastic. I have high hopes for 2002. I have no idea what is in store for me, but if my emotions in the past few days are any indication of the upcoming year, then I know I'll be happy. December 30th Did I get out of bed today? Barely. I slept in until 1:30pm (aside from a couple brief moments of being woken up by phone calls) then stayed in bed until 4:30 or so, watching a CSI rerun and then Open Your Eyes. It was really good, but I think I liked Vanilla Sky better. I guess it all depends on which movie you see first as to which you favour. Maybe I'll watch Total Recall and it will blow them both out of the water. Riiiiiight. I highly doubt that. After I finally got out of bed, I installed Sound Forge on my computer ( thanks Glen!! ), and messed around on PhotoShop for a bit. Aran and Jeremy came over around 8pm, and we sat down with my family and played the new Trivial Pursuit game. Aran, Jer and I were getting our asses severely whipped, and rejoiced when we finally broke the ice and got a question right. We ended up getting 4 out of 6 of the oies, but might have done better had we not talked each other out of correct answers. After we officially lost to my mom and uncle, we made some mac and cheese and watched Chicken Run on DVD. It's soooo funny. I hadn't watched it since Glen and I saw it in theatres, and I forgot how entertaining it was. We tried to find all the easter eggs on the DVD but gave up after finding 7 of 12. They took off around 2am and I went to bed again. December 29th I went to theatresports tonight for the first time since mid September. I've been so busy lately I haven't gone, and forgot how much I enjoyed it. I went to dinner with Lorne first at the Keg, and Nicla and her cousin Anna joined us for desert and then theatresports. Despite how tired I was, we watched the 10 and 11:45 show - it was a blast. I wish my schedule permitted me to go to classes still but you have to get workshops in blocks of 6 or something, and because I work nights sometimes there's no way I could go every week. Too bad though. I miss being silly on stage. Guess I'll have to resort to doing it in real-life. I'll just learn to deal with the strange stares. December 28th It was pizza night at Aran and Jer's tonight. A few of Aran's relatives were over, and we all hung out and ate pizza. I had fun playing with Aran's younger cousin. She's in gymnastics and somehow got me to do a back bend. I realized then how old I'm getting because it was a struggle not to automatically collapse. I still managed to stay up longer than her somehow. But my back hurt quite a bit. I was bagged so I took off around 10:30. Kristina had come with me so I dropped her off and was home in bed by 11:30. December 27th Well back to work today after 4 glorious days off. I was really sleepy cause I didn't get to bed until after 2 when Aran left. Took a short nap after work but then went back to Metrotown to see Ali with Aran, Jeremy, Ngaire, Becca and Chris. It was really well done. Michael Mann is a fantastic director, and I was pleasantly surprised by the actors' performances. I didn't even recognize Jon Voight until about halfway thru the film, Jamie Foxx made a great turn as a dramatic actor , and Will Smith proved once and for all that he's more than a funny black rapper. He got nominated for a Golden Globe, and if the Academy gets a brain, they'll nominate him for an Oscar as well. I strongly recommend going to see this film. December 26th Boxing day has always been one of my favourite days of the year because we always have an open house party, and it's a great chance to see people you haven't seen much that year, and hang out with friends. Kristina and her mom came over, as well as Aran, Jeremy, Chris and Becca. Greg and (his fiancee!!) Lauren were supposed to come over, but they were bagged and Lauren had a headache, so they ended up staying home. There was tons of food and alcohol (which I didn't consume), and it was a great time. After everyone left, Aran stayed and watched a movie with me and we talked a bit. Aran is not at all what I originally thought he'd be like. He's actually more mature then I gave him credit for originally and I feel really comfortable with him, just hanging out. I hope to get to know him better, but don't consider him an option for dating, mostly because I'm not ready to date at all, but also for other reasons that shall remain locked in my tiny little head. Went to bed at a late 2am and didn't get to sleep until 3 - it's gonna be a fun day at work tomorrow but I guess I brought it on myself. December 25th Christmas came, and with it came a shitload of presents. Every year my parents say they are going to buy less stuff, but every year there are dozens of gifts under the tree. I got tons of stuff for moving out, which is awesome as I fully intend on moving out in the next year (hopefully in the early part of the year). I also got a housecoat so I don't have to walk around the house naked anymore. (I don't really, but still... happy with my housecoat). I went out in the afternoon to see the extended family. All my cousins and aunt and uncles and grandma were there. It's a little much all at once, but I handled myself fine. I hung out for a couple hours, then went home to be with my family. We had a spectacular dinner, and then we all vegged on the couch to watch Godfather part 2. I was also good, but quite long as well so after it finished I was ready for bed. December 24th Today was a fairly lazy day. I finished wrapping presents, and took a nap in the afternoon. The family watched The Godfather together - it was good but kinda long. After that, I watched the end of the Grinch with my uncle and sister, then went to bed just after midnight. December 23rd I got up around 10 or so and went shopping with my sister. I finished up my Christmas shopping, then went home to meet my dad. We hadn't got our tree yet because the renovations at our house delayed us a bit, so we went out in the afternoon to get it. Much to our chagrin, we realized that the place we get our tree from had closed for the season. We sped back to Ladner hoping that the place on Ladner Trunk road was open, and got the best tree in the lot... out of the 3 they had left. We brought it home to decorate, and after dinner, Glen came and picked me up for a movie. At the theatre, we bumped into Kevin (who basically hates us both now) but he was quite civil, we had some basic conversation, then went to the movie. After the movie, Aran had invited us over for a drink, so we went and hung out with Aran, Jeremy, Chris, Becca and their friend Steven for a bit. Around midnight, we took off and Glen took me home. I went straight to bed. December 22nd I was beat today so after work I went home and pretty much collapsed. I hung out and had dinner with my family and then watched Primal Fear on DVD. I was selfish today in wanting my time alone - Greg wanted to go for sushi, Jarrod (whom I haven't even spoken with for about a year) called me out of the blue and wanted to see a movie, and Aran wanted to hang out and do something, but I turned down everyone's offers and hung with my parents. I went to bed fairly early and looked forward to sleeping in on Sunday. December 21st I got to see Aran today for the first time since he's been out of the hospital. Aran, Jeremy and I went Christmas power-shopping - we got all Aran's shopping pretty much done in our friendly neighborhood Costco. After shopping was done, we dropped everything off at Aran and Jer's place, then headed to Connections for a going away get together for Glenn Espie, who is moving back to Toronto. I made him a card at his request, but I had to take off after about an hour, because... It was Greg's birthday today and his girlfriend Lauren had arranged a surprise dinner for him at the Keg downtown which I was more than happy to attend. Greg and I have a lot in common, and I seemed to fit in quite well with his circle of friends. I was also able to meet his girlfriend for the first time, although I found out that we had met before in her place of work (about halfway thru the evening I had the revelation of where I had seen her before). Greg and Lauren want to set me up with their friend Joel, but I'm not sure I'm prepared to be dating. I'm pretty much an emotional wastebasket when it comes to my heart right now, so I'm not about to give it to someone else. I told them that we could all hang out and get to know each other, but I'm not making any promises. In any event, Joel seems to be a really nice person, and if he's anything like Greg, I know we'll get along great. I went home after the dinner (it was about 10:30 or 11) because I had to work at 7 in the morning. December 20th I was so tired today having not gone to bed until after midnight last night and being at work at 7. After work, I went home to work on some e-com stuff for Rogers, and was supposed to go to a movie with Jess downtown - Gosford Park. Well I didn't get finished my work in time, so we went to Silvershitty to see Vanilla Sky again. She hadn't seen it yet, but she loved it as much as I did. We were supposed to see Lord of the Rings that night at a screening at 11:30pm, but since I was already dozing off at 10 and had to work at 7 in the morning, I boycotted the second film. There were a lot of people going, so Jess would still get to go. I installed PhotoShop today. For whatever reason, I am feeling the need lately to be more creative, but not in the "write another song" sense - in the "I want to do cool things with my computer" sense. Could it be that despite all my denials to the people I work with, I actually am a computer geek? I have been overcome with this desire to learn everything there is to know about computers - inside and out. I want to buy my own computer and just play with it. Break it, and fix it, then break it again. Install crazy programs and learn how to use them. Be another artist putting fucked up shit all over the internet. I want to be that woman. The one that can out-talk most guys when it comes to computers. The one that people come to when they need help with their computers. The one that sends out emails with messed up stuff that is on the internet for her friends to enjoy, while wondering how the hell she found that site to begin with. I know it's going to take a long time until I get there, but knowing that I want to is a big step. For the first time in a very long time, I actually want to learn. And it excites me. December 19th I went out after work today with Jeremy, Ngaire and Chris to see a couple movies. I was hoping Aran would be able to come out, but he just got out of the hospital, so he was at home resting. After work, we went to see Vanilla Sky, and it was amazing. Cameron Crowe is one of my favourite directors, and despite my vast annoyance with Penelope Cruz, I really didn't mind her in this film. Parts of the movie made me put things in perspective though. As Cameron Diaz is driving her and Tom off a bridge, I couldn't help but think that if I don't let Glen go, I'm going to turn into a psycho like she is. Though the movie was not meant to be depressing, I couldn't help feeling sad at the end. The movie is about choices, and the consequences of the choices you make. I've started to rethink some of the choices I've made, and wonder where I would be in my life right now had I remained pissed off at something Glen had supposedly said. I wouldn't have dated him, I wouldn't have fallen in love, and I wouldn't have a broken heart. But on the other hand, I wouldn't have my job that I absolutely adore, and I wouldn't have met all these amazing new people. Life is strange that way. The feelings and situations that break you always make you stronger in the end. Right now, I am merely searching for that strength. After Vanilla Sky, we went to see Lord of the Rings. I haven't read the books yet (only the Hobbit, so I was able to follow about the first 3 minutes of the movie). After that, I was blank for previous knowledge, so can't speak of how closely the movie followed the book. Nevertheless, it truly was an epic, in every sense of the word. Elijah Wood, Viggo Mortensen and Ian McLellan (spelling?) were fantastic. Liv Tyler was bearable (for the short time she was in the film) - I have been walking around saying "If you want him, come and claim him" for days now. Cate Blanchett was also good as always, but her character freaked me out. Then there were the special effects. Er.... some of the effects were great! But surprisingly for such a high budget and epic film, some of the effects were shit. There were scenes were it was so obvious that it was blue screened that it was almost painful to watch. And not like "that must be blue-screen because there is nowhere in the world that looks like that" but "wow look at the outline around Ian McLellan's hand!". Can we say blend, people?? On top of that, there were other shots that literally looked like they were pulled from the cartoon or something. One shot in particular - an overhead shot of them walking thru the mines - looked completely as if it was drawn. It was, of course, but it shouldn't look like it. Don't get me wrong, I thought Lord of the Rings was an amazing movie - but I am not going to be any easier on it simply because it is Lord of the Rings. If any other film was done with the quality of some of these effects, people would be slandering it all over town. I am merely stating that some of it was less than perfect. December 18th Back to work today after 3 days off and I was finally starting to feel a bit better (after sleeping all of Monday of course!) Tried to do some Christmas shopping again today after work with Greg, but I wasn't entirely successful. I picked up some stocking stuffers for my family, but it's Glen that I'm having problems with. I know he doesn't want me to get him anything, and part of me wishes that I didn't want to get him anything, but I do, and that sucks. I've thought up a few ideas of things that I could make for him, but nothing seems right. How do you make something for someone you love, and have it just mean "I want to be friends"? And how do I make myself believe that it's true? On top of that, the entire time we were dating, I felt as though I was competing with his ex-girlfriend Catherine, in one way or another, and I feel it again now this Christmas, knowing that she made his Christmas special last year, and feeling that I can't make his Christmas special this year. Feeling that I can't make anything special for him, and that really hurts. Strange that I am still competing with a woman who is neither in my life or Glen's anymore. Wish I could call her and tell her she's won. December 17th ZZZZzZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZzzzzZZZ. Yes I slept ALL DAY. Got up around 1, had some lunch, went back to bed until about 5:30pm, got back up, watched a bad Gabriel Mann movie that Glen taped for me a while back but I hadn't watched yet, watched the Moulin Rouge special features, played my guitar and went back to bed. I am the laziest person in the entire world. December 16th We slept in until about 2 in the afternoon. The weather was acting up again, so I was not surprised when my mother called to say that the power was out again. We went and picked Glen's car up and then I went home, took a short nap, and accompanied my parents to dinner. I couldn't really eat though, but the food was very nice to look at. I lounged on the couch that night with Jessica (the power was back so we watched Moulin Rouge), then went to bed around midnight. December 15th There was finally power today, so I was able to take a nice long shower before I went out to get ready for the Christmas party. I got my hair and makeup done, got dressed at the hairdresser's and then headed over to Glen's place to meet him, Dave and Mark. The party was a blast, I had a little to drink, but not so much that I am not able to remember everything I said or did, so was not out of hand. We got back to Glen's place around 3 or so, and were disappointed to find out that Panago closes at 1am. Tried Pizza 222 but it just wasn't the same. We went to bed around 5:30 or so, and slept peacefully. December 14th There was no power when I woke up on Friday morning, but somehow I made it to work on time (thank goodness for mothers!). I spent the majority of the day telling customers that their area was down due to the weather, and I returned home around 4pm - there was still no power. I ended up going to dinner and a movie with my parents because there was nothing else to do, and going to bed at 9:30 - because when we returned home, there was still no power. December 13th It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and I am just not in the mood. I finally had a night off tonight where I had no plans, and instead of doing the Christmas shopping I should have completed probably weeks ago, I decided to sit at home and do nothing. It was a nice nothing - a nothing I deserved and had been waiting to have for a few weeks now, but nevertheless I shouldn't put off my Christmas shopping for much longer. I did find out today that I would be able to get Christmas day and Boxing day off so I'm pretty excited about that. It's the first time in a few years that my sister and I have both been off on Christmas, so my parents will be happy. I'm looking forward to our open house on Boxing Day - it's always nice to have one night when all your friends come together and mingle and just have a great time. I ensured that Jessica has the day off, and Kristina's work is closed that day so she should be able to come by with her mom. I'll probably invite a few people from work, and Glen. Not sure if he'll come, but I hope he does. Even though we aren't dating anymore, I still consider him to be one of my closest friends, and I'd like all my close friends there. I'll probably start on my Christmas shopping tomorrow. I basically know what I'm getting everyone and I've already bought my mom's present, so it shouldn't take too long. If it takes any longer than an hour in the mall, I may have to admit myself to a mental institution. Let us all hope it does not come to this. I've been thinking a bit more about my feelings for Glen, and trying to find some way that I can let them go. I know I won't be moving on to someone else any time soon - I just need to move away from him. Although we still hang out and everything, he is well aware of my feelings, and I'm sure they make him more than a little uncomfortable. I don't want to have to stop hanging out with him, and he hasn't indicated that it needs to get to that point, but perhaps I need to spend less time with him. I don't know. I have no idea what he wants. I guess I'll just play it by ear, and really try to surpress my feelings so he doesn't run away in fear. I would never make a move on him or anything, but I need to make it less apparent that I still want to be with him. We will see..... December 12th Rogers store party was tonight and I had a great time. There were a lot of people there that I hadn't seen in quite some time , so it was nice to catch up with them. I did some dancing, and my sister's staff did a LOT of drinking, so they were quite entertaining. I stayed until about 11, then went home because I had to get up early again and was fairly tired. I saw Brad at the party and he talked to me a bit about what had happened the previous Friday. Even though Kevin had said that everyone shared the same opinion, Brad assured me that he was neutral and did not hate me. It was nice to hear that as I have always liked Brad. I don't know if this means we are going to be friends now, but it's good to know there is one less person in the world who has me on their hit list. December 11th Went out to dinner at Jackson's place tonight. He had been wanting to cook me dinner for a while, and I finally had a week that I wasn't working nights, nor did I have plans, so we made dinner plans. He cooked us a salmon, and veggies and rice. It was really good, especially for someone who had never cooked salmon before. After dinner, he wanted to go out to a movie, so we went to the theatre. I had seen basically every movie (except the shitty ones) so I decided to see Spy Game again. It was good, and this time there was no alarm blaring during the intense ending, so that was nice. I dropped Jackson off after the movie, and we kinda had an awkward moment when saying good-bye. I'm not sure if this had been a date to him, but it wasn't to me, so I didn't want anything to happen. I basically just said that we should get together again sometime, and I told him to call me. I went to bed as soon as I got home tonight - the Rogers staff Xmas party is tomorrow night and I'll need my energy. I can't wait until Thursday - I get to take a nap after work and I don't have any plans that night. Can you say vegging on the couch?? Woo hooo!!!! December 10th Ahhhh.... another week begins, and I am TIRED! Still trying to get used to these morning shifts, and my body doesn't agree that it should fall asleep before about 1 am, and when my alarm goes off around 5:30 - it's just a bad combination. I got a short nap today, but it wasn't sufficient. And staying up until almost 1 watching Ocean's 11 probably wasn't my brighest decision, but I figure if I can't sleep anyway, I might as well be doing something usefull (like watching a movie.... right....) Ocean's 11 was good - I found it quite entertaining, and so did Jessica and Kristina. I was slightly biased though, being that Joshua Jackson had a cameo in it - after Josh appeared, the movie was golden - it could do no wrong. Oh, and the fact that there was a Star Wars trailer didn't help either. And if I recall correctly I think there may have been a couple good actors in it??? Blinded by the Josh.... Gearing up for a looooong week of late nights so gotta hit the sack. Hopefully, I'll actually be able to sleep. December 9th Had another semi-relaxing day today. Helped my mom around the house in the afternoon, then we all went out to a Christmas Party at family friends. After the party, we went by the video store and rented a video. Jessica was working, and she gave me a big hug, saying that she missed me. It was nice - I needed a hug and so did she. After we got home, I called Kevin. He had called earlier in the afternoon and said that we should talk. I didn't really want to, but I was curious to know exactly why everyone hated me all of a sudden, so I called. Apparently, it isn't all of a sudden - this has been going on for months and they just didn't tell me or mention it to me at all. Before talking to Kevin, I had written the situation off as beyond repair, and while now I may be able to salvage a couple friendships, I am not sure it's worth it. Kevin brought up things that I had done months and months ago, and I am not sure I wish to be friends with people who are going to hold their problems in for such long periods of time. I can't even recall specific things that happened so long ago, so there is no possible way for me to explain actions that I do not remember. I basically told Kevin that I was sorry if I made anyone angry or upset - it wasn't my intention, and that if they wanted to call me that was fine, and if not, that was fine too. And that wasn't a lie. If they decide to call me and are still this angry over something that happened months ago, then I won't try to redeem myself. I am not going to make excuses, and I'll just say I'm sorry, and part ways. I have some great people in my life right now that would never have treated me like this under any circumstances, and those are the people I wish to keep. December 8th I was feeling a bit calmer today. I slept in until about 1, and stayed in my PJs until 9:30pm or so, when Glen came and picked me up. We went and got a gellati, then headed to Spike and Mike's Sick and Twisted. My anus is bleeding!!! Oh what good fun. All in all it was a nice relaxing enjoyable day. Nothing too eventful happened. December 7th Today I came to appreciate my job much more. Up until today, the fact that I worked with over 100 guys to less than 20 girls in my position was something that I found amusing, but now, I am grateful. Tonight I realized how catty and immature and pathetic some women are, and I am ecstatic that I don't have to deal with that bullshit on a daily basis. As you can see, I am a little worked up over something, and I'll let you know what it is. Tonight was the Rogers Video Head Office Christmas party. I went to the party with Michael from e-commerce (we actually met there, but he was my "date") and I was looking forward to seeing my old coworkers and hanging out with them. I arrived, and got one of the iciest receptions I have ever experienced or seen. Laura and Kevin would barely acknowledge me, and the rest of the group seemed to be following their lead. Surprisingly, Angele wasn't even overly friendly, but that may just be bad perception on my part. Michael and I sat alone for quite some time, and had brief conversations with other people from the office that I hadn't worked directly with. These people, older people who I had never really had a social relationship with, were as kind as usual and genuinely interested in how my life was going. But the people that I had considered to be my friends were not. Lorne Greene came and sat at our table, and he was pleasant as usual, but again, Lorne is older and most likely has a higher level of maturity. After dinner, Laura's table was almost empty as they all searched for their door prizes, so I sat for a few minutes and talked with Deanna and Glenn Leeper (who works with me at Shaw). They were pleasant as always, and I started to feel a little better about the evening and more welcome. Then Laura returned to the table with the rest of the group, and in a loud voice said "What's going on with the chairs??" Apparently, my sitting in one of them messed up the seating arrangement. For the first time in my life, I wanted to leave before the music started. I said good night to Belinda and her boyfriend Eric, and Francois, and I walked out. I hadn't spoken with Catherine at all because she had been sitting at Laura's table, but I wanted to say hello and let her know that she looked really nice and then say good-bye. The moment I walked up to her, her face grew very cold and I realized that I had made another big mistake. I am not sure whether the entire time we were working together, she just pretended she had no problems with me, or if Laura has told her something untrue that has made her dislike me, or whether she is angry because I still have a friendship with Glen, but whatever the reason, it is apparent that she severly dislikes or even hates me. I spoke a few words to her, then walked away, in fear that if looks could kill, Michael would soon be driving me to the hospital. I was very upset when I left, even on the verge of tears, and though I probably shouldn't have, I called Glen. I told him I was leaving the party, and he immediately knew that something bad had happened. I vented for a few moments, but I know that the people I was talking about were probably the last people he wanted to hear about, so I changed the conversation to what he was doing that night, and after a few minutes I got off the phone with him. I got home, and vented to my parents for quite some time, in an attempt to understand what had just happened. Although my life will not be worse off to not associate with these people, I am still very hurt by the way I was treated. The way they acted was very childish and immature, and unnecessary. I am not even sure now if I want to attend the store staff party for Rogers Video next Wednesday, for fear that Catherine will be there. Which brings me back to appreciating my current work environment. Working in a male dominated environment is a huge relief for me. Men do not seem to carry the bitterness and jealousy that most women do, and are generally easier for me to get along with. In any given night at work, there are maybe a handful of women working with me, and the women that work there don't seem to be the type that I have previously worked with. I am looking forward to next Saturday, when I get to go to the Shaw Christmas party. My "date" is Glen's best friend Mark, and he is just one of the many guys that I will be socializing with that evening. It will not surprise me if I have less than 5 brief conversations with females (other than people's girlfriends) and that suits me just fine. At Shaw, I feel appreciated on two levels. One, for my work ethic and knowledge, and two, for my femininity. In the short month and a half that I have worked there, I have gained confidence in both my technical abilities as well as in my desirability to the opposite sex. I feel like a stronger person working there, and look forward to spending many years there, not being weakened by childish women who have nothing better to do than wreck someone else's day. December 6th I saw Angele today for the first time in quite a while. She just came back from Mexico last week, and she looks awesome. She's still really tanned, and from her pictures it looks like she had a great time. We were both pretty tired, so we just hung out at her place, ordered Chinese food and watched TV. We caught up on what's being going on in the past while in our lives, and it was really relaxing. I miss being able to hang out with Angele as much as I used to, but she has two jobs now, so we're both pretty busy all the time. But when we do get a chance to hang out, we have a great time. She'll be at the Rogers Christmas party tomorrow so we'll get to party then. It should be a blast. December 5th So today I gave in to my desire and drank coffee. I had a vanilla latte. It was like liquid orgasm. I took one sip of the latte and remembered how much I loved coffee, and how I had missed it so much since I have not been able to drink it. I burnt my tongue but I didn't care. It was perfection in a cup, and I was loving it. That is, until 2 hours later, when my body and I started arguing about how we should process the coffee. Eventually, I won, but I sufferred some minor discomfort for about an hour. Enough discomfort that I will not try to drink coffee tomorrow. Greg found the most fucked up comic online today. Kirk, Greg and I all "read" the comic this morning (I quote read because it is only pictures), and it was odd, but strangely compelling. I read the whole thing, and it was messed! Don't want to give anything away, so go here to read it. The day was okay. My favourite part was when I went home and took a well deserved nap. It was short, but sweet. I went out afterwards with my sister and Jessica to see Behind Enemy Lines. My sister hated it, but Jess and I thought it was quite entertaining. We went home right after the movie, and I went straight to bed. It's getting easier to fall asleep now. December 4th Today wasn't much better for waking up. I'm still used to going to bed late so even though I went to bed around 10, I still couldn't sleep. I was dead tired, but ended up not dozing off until around 2 again. I woke up feeling groggy, and I thought it was going to be a horrible day. It wasn't though. Work was good, I took 45 calls (!) and my customers were generally pleasant. I played a couple good games of 20 questions over email with Greg, and the day went by quite quick. After work, I made plans to meet Glen at 6:30, then I walked around the mall for a bit. I was still completely bagged, so I came back to work and just messed around on the internet until he was ready to go. We had originally planned to go out to a movie, but we weren't really in the mood, so we went back to his place. We watched some techtv, ordered pizza, then watched Made on DVD. It was pretty good. Just after 11, I was really dropping off, so I left his place. I was too tired to watch all the special features.... yes that's how tired I was. Glen walked me to my car, we chatted for a couple minutes, then I drove home and went straight to bed. I feel asleep almost instantly. Every day I realize more and more how important my friends are to me. My day can be brightened by a 2 minute phone conversation with Jessica, or lounging on Glen's couch watching a movie. I love that there is no pressure with my close friends. I can call up Kristina and ask her if she wants to come do nothing with me and she will. When I get involved again, I want to have the relaxed sort of relationship like I had with Glen. Although there were times that Glen and I made actual plans and went out somewhere, but there were also many times when we would just hang out, and those times make up some of my best memories. Last week, I hung out with Glen at his place and we messed around on his computer... until 4 in the morning. I don't think there is anyone else that I could do that with, but I really had a blast. I hope that I have more nights like that with Glen, and that I continue to experience the happiness I do with all my friends. December 3rd, 2001 Today I got switched back to day shifts and had to set my alarm for the first time in months. I got little to no sleep, and struggled to get through the day. Somehow, I managed to take 38 calls. Not sure if I remember one of them. After work, I had some errands to run, but I had promised Chris I would do something with him. So Chris came along on my errands with me. I stopped by the Rogers Video head office to pick up some stuff and drop off some paperwork for Belinda (my Rogers boss). It was great to be back there visiting with everyone. If there is one aspect of my years at Rogers Video that I have the fondest memories of, it is my coworkers, and I can truly say that I miss interacting with these people on a daily basis. My new coworkers are fantastic as well though, so it makes it easier to let Rogers go. We left head office and went to the mall to get my dressed pinned so I could get it hemmed for the Christmas party. After that, we were hungry, so we went to Ironwood to go to Boston Pizza. We stopped by Rogers Video first to bug Jessica, but she was quite busy so we didn't stay long. After dinner, I was quite tired, so I took him to the skytrain station and headed home. On the drive it had begun to snow. I like the snow, and always get giddy at the first real snow of the season. Although I get really cold really fast, I find snow to be beautiful and it always lifts my spirits. When I saw the snow, the first thing I thought of was to call Glen. Glen is a very warm blooded individual, and doesn't get cold easily. He also loves to snowboard, so this year when I saw snow, I thought of him. As soon as I dropped Chris off, I called Glen to rave about the snow. Regrettably, it wasn't snowing where he was, so he couldn't relish it quite as much as I did. I found out from Glen that he was rear-ended that day while at a stop light downtown. His beautiful new car has experienced it's first scratch, and the cabbie who hit him is gonna pay. At least for the damages. We didn't talk for too long because I was driving, but he said he'd be online later so we could chat. I got home and had some work to do for e-com. Glen came online a couple minutes after I did, and we chatted a bit. I love being online and chatting with him - we can chat for hours about abolutely nothing, and I'll still be left with a feeling of completeness. It's strange, that through all the pain that Glen has caused me, he is still the person that I can tell everything to. I still tell him all about my feelings, and did tonight, even though some of my feelings involved still wanting to be with him. I think we both know that being apart is going to become easier, and I can hardly wait for that moment to happen. For now though, I will continue to have him in my life as a friend, because I would rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all. |