“What are these movies ‘Garden State’ and ‘Shaun of the Dead’ of which you speak?”
(Updated on 3/14/05; winners are in bold. Eh, you know how it works by now.)
I’m typing the first draft of this feature on the very morning the nominations were announced. (We just had a huge blizzard, what else am I going to do?) This was an interesting year for movies. It was a good year for really good movies, it was an incredible year for really bad movies (I hate to sound uncharacteristically cruel, but I move that the person who asked for a second “Baby Geniuses” be thrown to the sharks for the greater good.) The best thing about this year for movies is that many smaller and more unusual movies that would have probably been ignored at other times became considerable cult hits.
That said, it’s hard to generate any real excitement over an Academy Awards show where I’ve seen (as of right this minute) zero of the nominees for Best Picture. And two of my favorite favorite movies of the past year (see above) were utterly ignored. And this is the year that your Auntie Nessie has decided that she officially does not understand the category, Best Animated Feature (more on that in a bit).
I’ll keep the format as simple as possible this year. The nominees (handily categorized) are…
CATEGORIES ART-TYPE-PEOPLE CARE ABOUT
Best Makeup
Nominees: "Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events”, “The Passion Of The Christ”, “The Sea Inside"
Will Win: "A Series of Unfortunate Events"
Best Costume Design
Nominees: "the Aviator", "Finding Neverland", "A Series of Unfortunate Events", "Ray", "Troy"
Will Win: "the Aviator" with a possible “Troy” upset (But, um, [evil grin] was anyone paying attention to the costumes in that movie?)
Best Art Direction
Nominees: "the Aviator", "Finding Neverland", "A Series of Unfortunate Events", "the Phantom of the Opera", "A Very Long Engagement"
Should Win: "A Very Long Engagement"
Will Win: Flashy Musical Alert!!! "The Phantom of the Opera"
Best Visual Effects
Nominees: "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", "I, Robot", "Spider-Man 2"
Will Win: "Harry Potter", I guess…
Comment: Let us reflect on something depressing here: The Oscar-Nominated "I, Robot".
CATEGORIES FILM-TYPE-PEOPLE CARE ABOUT
Adapted Screenplay
Nominees: "Before Sunset", "Finding Neverland", "Million-Dollar Baby", "the Motorcycle Diaries", "Sideways"
Should Win: "Before Sunset"
Will Win: "Sideways", no question.
Original Screenplay
Nominees: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", "the Incredibles", "the Aviator", "Hotel Rwanda", "Vera Drake"
Should Win: Oh, no. Don’t make me choose! <:(
Look, there’s no chance that either "Eternal Sunshine" OR "Incredibles" are either going to win, and I love them both.
Will Win: "the Aviator"
Best Film Editing
Nominees: "The Aviator", "Collateral", "Finding Neverland", "Million-Dollar Baby", "Ray"
Will Win: "Collateral"
Best Cinematography
Nominees: "the Aviator", "House of Flying Daggers", "the Passion of the Christ", "the Phantom of the Opera", "A Very Long Engagement"
Should Win: "House of Flying Daggers"
Will Win: "the Aviator"
CATEGORIES MUSIC-TYPE-PEOPLE CARE ABOUT
Best Original Song
Nominees: "Accidentally In Love" - “Shrek 2”, "Al Otro Lado Del Río" - “the Motorcycle Diaries”, "Believe" - “the Polar Express”, "Learn To Be Lonely" - “the Phantom of the Opera”, "Vois Sur Ton Chemin" - “the Chorus”
Should Win: Do I get a cookie if I can hum any of these songs?
Will Win: “Learn To Be Lonely"
Comment: The Oscar-Nominated “the Polar Express”. (Weeps quietly.)
Best Original Score
Nominees: "Finding Neverland", "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", "A Series of Unfortunate Events", "The Passion of the Christ", "The Village"
Will Win: "Finding Neverland"
And Now For a Helpful Interlude:
Q: “Gee whiz, Auntie Nessie, what the heck is the difference between ‘Best Sound Effects Mixing’ and ‘Best Sound Editing’?”
A: “I’m glad you asked, little Q, cause it drives me insane when folks don’t know the difference.” Q: “Most non-Geeks don’t really care that there’s a difference.”
A: “Yeah, I know.
“Well, anyway, next time you watch a movie, close your eyes and listen closely to the soundtrack. You’ll hear the music, the dialogue, and sound effects. The Sound Effects Mixer is the person who is in charge of making sure that the audience can understand all of those sound-related elements. The Sound Editor is in charge of creating sound effects other than music and dialogue.”
Q: “Wow, that’s amazing! No, it’s the other thing. Boring.”
A: “True. True. Now go get your Auntie another girlie wine cooler out of the basement!”
KEN: “I don’t know, you might be confused here...”
Best Sound Effects Mixing
Nominees: "The Aviator", "The Incredibles", "The Polar Express", "Ray", "Spider-Man 2"
Should Win: "The Incredibles", the latest in a long line of Movies Nessie Loved That Got Nominated for Sound and That’s About It (see also “GATTACA” [I’m pretty sure], “Contact”, and “Fight Club”)
Will Win: "Ray" Bet on the musical.
Comment: Repeat: The Oscar-Nominated “the Polar Express”.
Best Sound Editing
Nominees: "The Incredibles", "The Polar Express", "Spider-Man 2"
Should Win: "The Incredibles"
Will Win: "The Polar Express"
Comment: The Oscar-WINNING “the Polar Express”. (Remember, “Pearl Harbor” walked away with this a few years back. I’m still reeling.)
CATEGORIES NOT-FILM-GEEK-PEOPLE USE THE BATHROOM DURING
Best Live-Action Short
Nominees: "Everything in This Country Must…", "Little Terrorist", "7:35 In the Morning", "Two Cars, One Night", "Wasp"
Will Win: I’ll level with you here. Usually, I just pick whichever movie has the best or most evocative title. All of these titles are interesting, so I must trust intuition instead, and it says "7:35 In the Morning".
Best Animated Short
Nominations: "Birthday Boy", "Gopher Broke", "Guard Dog", "Lorenzo", "Ryan"
Will Win: “Ryan”
Best Documentary Short Film
Nominees: "Autism is a World", "The Children of Leningradsky", "Hardwood", "Mighty Times: the Children’s March", "Sister Rose’s Passion"
Will Win: "Autism is a World"
Best Documentary Feature
Nominees: "Born Into Brothels", "The Story of the Weeping Camel", "Super-Size Me!", "Tupac: Ressurection", "Twist of Faith"
Should Win: “Super-Size Me!”
Will Win: "Born Into Brothels"
Best Foreign Film
Nominees: "…As It Is In Heaven", "The Chorus", "Downfall", "The Sea Inside", "Yesterday"
Will Win: "The Sea Inside"
Best Animated Film
Nominees: "The Incredibles", "Shrek 2", "Shark Tale"
Will Win: "The Incredibles" If it doesn't win, I will have to hurt something cute.
Comments: OK. I officially do not understand this category. Let’s take a look at the track record so far:
YEAR ONE
Nominees: “Shrek” (winner), “Monsters Inc.”, “Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius” (Why?)
Where’s: “Richard Linkletter’s Waking Life”, “Rintaro’s Metropolis”, heck even “Osmosis Jones”?
YEAR TWO (the most with-it year so far… if you look at the winner and ignore some of the nominees)
Nominees: "Spirited Away" (Hooray!) (winner), "Lilo and Stitch", "Ice Age" (Hooray!), "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron" (Why?), "Treasure Planet" (Why?)
YEAR THREE
Nominees: "Finding Nemo" (Hooray!)(winner), "The Triplets of Belleville" (Hooray!), "Brother Bear" (Why?)
Where’s: “Kaena: the Prophesy”?
YEAR FOUR (current)
Nominees: "The Incredibles" (Hooray!), "Shrek 2" (uhh…), "Shark Tale" (Why?)
Where’s: “Ghost in the Shell: Innocence”, “Steamboy”, “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”, “Teacher’s Pet” (bugger off, I liked it)?
I guess what I’m saying can be summed up thusly: (sing it with me) The Oscar-Nominated “Shark Tale”. (“They’re FISH and they’re singin’ the theme song from ‘Car Wash’!!! WTF??? It is teh FUNNY!!!! :D :P :O”)
CATEGORIES NOT-FILM-GEEK-PEOPLE CARE ABOUT
Best Supporting Actress
Nominees: Cate Blanchett in "The Aviator”, Laura Linney in "Kinsey", Virginia Madsen in "Sideways", Sophie Okonedo in "Hotel Rwanda", Natalie Portman in "Closer"
Should Win: Natalie Portman… for “Garden State”
Will Win: Virginia Madsen
Best Supporting Actor
Nominees: Alan Alda in "The Aviator", Thomas Haden Church in "Sideways", Jamie Foxx in "Collateral", Morgan Freeman in "Million-Dollar Baby”, Clive Owen in "Closer"
Will Win: Thomas Haden Church
Best Actress
Nominees: Annette Bening in "Being Julia", Catalina Sandino Moreno in "Maria, Full of Grace", Imelda Staunton in "Vera Drake", Hillary Swank in "Million-Dollar Baby", Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"
Should Win: Winslet, Winslet, Winslet!!! What? This is the only one of the Big Six that “Eternal Sunshine” got nominated for.
Will Win: Hillary Swank
Best Actor
Nominees: Johnny Depp in "Finding Neverland", Don Cheadle in "Hotel Rwanda", Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Aviator", Clint Eastwood in "Million-Dollar Baby", Jamie Foxx in "Ray"
Should Win: Johnny Depp is up for Best Actor AGAIN!!!!!
...in a year when it’s practically a given that either Jamie or Leo is going to be awarded.
Oh well...
Will Win: Jamie Foxx with maybe a possible surprise win by Leonardo
Best Director
Nominees: Aw, the list I’m using this year doesn’t list the directors! That’s weird. But anyway the movies are: “The Aviator”, “Million-Dollar Baby”, “Ray”, “Sideways”, “Vera Drake”
Will Win: “The Aviator”
Best Picture!!!
Nominees: “The Aviator”, “Million-Dollar Baby”, “Ray”, “Sideways”, “Finding Neverland”
Will Win: "Sideways" or “Million-Dollar Baby” (I know, but it’s very close in my mind.)
the Golden Nessie Award! - For the Most W.T.F. Moment during the Award Show
(For the first time, it shall be awarded in it’s brandy-new .gif image form! Ooooohh!)
Winner: Beyonce Knowles
Reasons: (1) Singing in French; (2) Being on stage with one of those scary windup cymbal monkeys; (3) Having Puff Daddy introduce her and that histrionic “Alley McBeal” wanker to sing that “Polar Express” song.
Related Links:
Animation World Network - This is where us unwashed masses may watch bits from the animated shorts. Sweet.
Teen Girl Squad Episode 8: Soopa Group! - “OW! My most of me!!!”
Disclaimer: Images and other original content is © 2004 to Mad-Ness Monster (aka Mad-Ness, Nessie, Trish, ect.) It may be reprinted as long as this notice is attached. Share and enjoy. ^_^
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