Also, what I did on my summer hiatus.
First of all, the fellow in the photograph above has moved me to apologize for sort of making fun of Florida a while back. I’m sorry. Your dead, drunken alligator is very nice. And is probably less likely to send small children into trauma therapy.
I’m gonna start out a little differently this time. As I was on quite a long summer hiatus, I figured that it’d be fun to share a few pictures and stories:
I read Harry Potter and the Gooey Kablooey!
Big screaming deal. Everybody and their mom and their dog did.
However, I also happened to be in Harvard Square on the night of the book’s release. I’d preordered my copy but I found myself unable to justify heading home without poking into any of the launch parties. So naturally, I went to ALL of the launch parties in Harvard Square.
Let me tell you, there’s only one of these parties left (as there’s only one H.P. left... we think) and if you’re any kind of self-respecting geek, you can’t miss it. I’ve kicked myself repeatedly for not having my camera on me that night. Utter insanity, the likes of which I’ve never seen, and it’s all over a *book*! A *fantasy book*! A *childrens’ fantasy book*!!! Really, how cool is that?
But, man, who’d have thought that Hagrid was Ron’s real father? (Ness grins wickedly and f-ing flies.)
I read the Silmarillon!
The little passed-out dragon represents me, afterwards. Parts of it are quite good. I liked the opening creation myth and the part about Berin and Luthian. But, and this can’t be emphasized enough, it is *exactly* like reading your high school history textbook for fun.
I finally went to Vermont!
I’ve never been. It was nice. No sign of Champ, but along the way, I collected enough crazy things to maybe promise a possible sequel to "Amusing Maine Print Ads" (my first real article on this website, if you can believe it, *sigh*) and also a likely spin-off and a sequel to "the Land of Bargain Toys".
I was also a hard-core tree-hugging hippie chick for about six days, thanks to this awesome summer course I took about teaching children about nature through the arts. I saw more Hummingbirds and Orioles than ever before this year (Ant-Guards and Bee-Guards = best thing since Squirrel Baffles). And I saw more of Boston on foot in one week than I have my whole life, thanks to my sister and her friends, who also hosted the single greatest Fourth of July party ever. Whew.
So, longest introduction ever. What, then, do I have to say about today’s cartoons and childrens’ shows?
Lots of things. But they aren’t appropriate for a family-friendly article.
This is it, I’m not doing this again next year. Remember how I said last year, that I’d have a rather intriguing point of view to review childrens' TV from now that I’m well on my way to getting my Masters Degree in Elementary Education thing accomplished? Yeah. Well, we did discuss television this year, and we did talk a bit about what kinds of messages children are being given nowadays. You may rest easy, as I am not going to get into whether I think a show is potentially harmful or offensive unless it very obviously is. I refuse to become one of Those People. (But I will say this: With this in mind, I let "WINX Club" off way too easy last year. "Yes," says "WINX Club" right in it’s *theme song* for goodness sakes, "a girl can be a powerful Fairy and rescue magical kingdoms and defeat an evil queen or two. But none of this is as important as looking good for all the boys."
ADDENDUM - Friends have since pointed out to me that I at least need to give some mad props to "WINX Club" for letting the Token Smart Character, the one Fairy who's into computers and science, be pretty too. Okay, fine. Whatever.)
But we also learned about something far more sinister with regards to childrens’ TV. And you all learned it too, thanks to the spectacular "Loonatics" debacle: The creators of television for children are not that much concerned with giving their young audience something interesting and entertaining and imaginative to watch. They are more concerned with selling toys and commercial ad space. To this end, they will go to downright embarrassing ends to try and connect with young people. More often than not the result (look and listen for hip-hop slang, superhero powers, pop-culture cross-references, Manga-style art, other shameless co-ops of whatever’s popular *right now* and notice the emphasis on *right now*) is about as "with it" and as much fun to watch as that surreal commercial where Snoop Doggy Dogg and Le Iacocca play golf together. And it displays about the same complete and utter detachment from reality.
The truth, and the truth scares the crap out of network and studio execs, is that we, as the audience, don’t know what we like until -and unless- we get a chance to see it. *Nobody* could have predicted the popularity of, say, "Spongebob Squarepants". But by the same token, nobody had any idea how huge "Power Rangers" was going to be in it’s very first American season (Boston’s FOX affiliate had it on early in the morning and only shifted it to afternoons thanks to a deluge of letters from kids). This truth carries over to every form of entertainment you can think of. Furthermore, kids ain't stupid. They can tell right away when they’re being pandered to.
So buy the DVDs of classic cartoons - some of the more obscure ones may be available for a dollar a disk. Just because they’re public domain doesn’t mean they’re any less good. (And you never know when you’ll stumble on a rarity. For one dollar, I now own Fleisher’s animated film "Gulliver’s Travels", and I think this was only the third or fourth feature-length animated film ever released!) I definately want to still do some kind of feature, maybe on an annual basis, about animation. Until then, enjoy these badly researched and totally based on first impressions reviews of new shows.
NOTE: As usual, all times and stations here are based off Boston-area networks so check your local listings to see these for yourself.
Disney, channel 24; Friday evenings - "the Buzz on Maggie"
Very cute. This could do for fruit flies what "Spongebob" did for marine invertibrates.
Disney; Weekday mornings - "DoodleBops"
That’s it. We need to put more research money into getting to the bottom of these childrens' shows, particularly the ones from Europe. Seriously, what’s the deal?
Disney; Friday evenings - "American Dragon: Jake Long"
Quincy, Massachusetts, my home town, has a fairly big Asian-American population. Now, for the most part, Saturday morning cartoons have been pretty boneheaded towards minorities anyway. But a lot of my friends simply were not seeing themselves in any of these cartoons.
If this is the alternative, then forget it. I’m not even kidding when I say that this show is borderline racist. And when I wasn’t getting offended I was getting bored. When the hell is that long-rumored "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" animated series finally going to get off the ground?
Cartoon Network, channel 60; Friday evenings - "the Life And Times of Juniper Lee"
No, really, when is the long-rumored, dangled in our face periodically like a carrot "Buffy" series finally going to happen? That said, this is actually pretty good. Anything with aging-hippy Fairies and Eurotrash flying monkeys in it is a show after my own heart.
Cartoon Network; Friday evenings - "Camp Lazlo"
They had me at the "Have you met my friend... who’s sucking on my head" song in the episode where Lazlo falls prey to a Lamprey.
Cartoon Network; Weekday mornings - "Tickle U."
It has Gnomes in it! GNOMES!!! How can it suck?
Cartoon Network; Weekday mornings - "Krypto the Superdog"
This cartoon is pointless without Beppo the Supermonkey.
Cartoon Network; Friday evenings - "Hi! Hi! Puffy Ami-Yumi!!!"
Huh?
the FOX Box (WFXT, channel 25); Saturday morning - "Mew Mew Power!"
Hey, first a golf-clap for "Hi! Hi!". Ladies and gents, our shortest review of anything here at the Realm.
So basically, this thing right here is "Sailor Moon". But this time, instead of being a Magical Alien Girl, our heroine is a Furry Cat Girl. She is accompanied by a Wolf Girl, a Whale Girl, a Parrot Girl, and a Monkey Girl. And they all have special powers and battle demons and flirt with guys that look twice their age and blah blah blah.
There is one interesting thing about this cartoon. There are lots of Animes with Cat Girls in them. This one has a Whale Girl. Let us ponder the possibility that somewhere, out there, a Whale Girl might just do it for somebody.
Yeek.
Nickelodeon, channel 25; Weekend evenings - "Avatar: the Last Airbender"
I like this a lot. It reminds me a lot of the strange international animated series Nick used to air in its heyday in the 80’s. "Sparticus", "the Seven Cities of Gold", ect.
So because this is on Nick and because it’s good, catch it before it gets cancelled in favor of another "Rugrats" or "Dora the Explorer" spinoff.
Kids’ WB, channel 12; Saturday morning- "Loonatics UNLEASHED!"
F*** you very much, Kid’s WB.
I refuse to scorch my eyes with this abomination. And the most upsetting thing for me and other classic cartoon fans is that most people won’t truly understand why... or even care. So let me give you a hypothetical situation that might help you understand.
Let’s pretend that no albums by the Beatles have ever been released on CD. It’s not too bad a situation because we still have our old analogue tapes and records. And, of course, we can listen to the radio.
Well let’s imagine that one day, pretty much out of nowhere, all radio stations stop playing Beatles songs. Now there is only one station that will play blocks of the Beatles, but you must subscribe to satelite radio in order to listen. Do you follow me so far?
A few years after this, the record company decides to release a CD of Beatles songs and fans are jumping for joy. But that one CD turns out to be the "1" CD. While the fans are happy to at least have some Beatles songs to listen to and share with their children, they aren’t really satisfied. (Honestly, where the hell is "Day in the Life"? That should have been a no-brainer.)
A second CD is released that includes songs that fans and critics have for decades agreed to be the Beatles' very best... but we have to wait another year for it. Meanwhile the record company is putting far more advertising money into promoting a remake of "Hard Day’s Night" starring Lindsay Lohan and a CGI Ringo Starr. Not surprisingly, it tanks. The record company ponders whether or not the 60’s-era Beatles can connect with today's young people. They decide that clearly, something must be done about this.
And so, a while after the stench of "A Hard Day’s Back in Action" finally dissipates, the "reimagined" band, "Beatletics" is announced. The band is made up of genetically mutated color-coded alien superhero clones of John, Paul, George and Ringo and they fly around in a space ship and battle evil and blah blah blah.
Corr, do you get it NOW?
Addendums Galore!
Yeah, mere weeks after I posted this feature, a great deal of discussion about cartoons sprung up online - cartoons that for some reason or other I'd forgotten to review here. For the most part, they were series that I either disliked or were completely indifferent about. At least two or three of them I like. If your favorite cartoon was slighted, I apologize. If you read the following and your favorite is still slighted, check previous years' version of this feature (most Adult Swim series can be found in the 2004 edition). Maybe I'll update this a third time as new series arrive (such as the much-hyped "Boondocks" series), maybe I won't. We'll see. Anyhow...
Cartoon Network; Sunday night - "Robot Chicken"
This alone justifies this update as I was mad at myself for forgetting it. It's excellent. Granted, some sketches are funnier than others (my favorite episode is the epic adventure "Enter the Fat One").
Cartoon Network; Sunday night - "Stroker and Hoop"
M'eh. Maybe it was the one episode I remembered to catch (the one where they become porn stars). But you know me by now and you can probably infer that I'm not the audience for this.
Cartoon Network; Sunday night - "Tom Goes to the Mayor"
The general reaction to this series is either violent hatred or outright confusion. I've been known to volunteer as a camera person at the local cable access channel, so I at least get a laugh out of the opening titles. As far as the show itself, uhhh... That bear trap song was funny.
Cartoon Network; Sunday night - "12 oz. Mouse"
This show gives me a strange sense of hope. Maybe, some day, I'll finally get my own cartoon. Heck, if THIS can make it on the air...
Cartoon Network; Weekend nights - "Naruto"
I haven't caught many episodes, but what I've seen I like. Hey, it's got Ninjas in it; how can it suck?
Cartoon Network; Weekend nights - "Bobobo Bo Bo Bobo"
O.o
Am I high right now? Cause if not...
Cartoon Network; Saturday nights - "Fullmetal Alchemist"
I REALLY want to get into this series, but I didn't catch the first run of episodes and it obviously isn't the kind of show you can just jump into.
Cartoon Network; Saturday nights - "Inuyasha"
Same goes for this.
Cartoon Network; Saturday nights - "Samurai Champloo"
Pleasently confusing Anime. I could get into it I suppose.
Kids’ WB, channel 12; Saturday morning- "Johnny Test"
Oh, so this is what the love-child of "Dexter's Lab" and "Dial H. for Hero" looks like.
G4; Weeknights - "Happy Tree Friends!!!"
Can we all agree that there's GOOD twisted humor and BAD twisted humor? Okay.
This series is made up of a bunch of Internet cartoons I've never heard of (I can see why, for the most part). They are bookended by episodes of the "Happy Tree Friends", a series of some notoriety. Counting the episodes included in this show I watched, I have seen exactly five "Happy Tree Friends" cartoons. And I can say the following with quite a lot of confidence:
I fear the people who find this kind of thing funny.
FOX; Sunday evenings - "Family Guy" and "American Dad"
And that brings us to the Seth McFarlain series.
I've actually been rather afraid to comment on "Family Guy" for a while. You see, while it is much, much better than the tasteless "American Dad"... I... don't like it all that much. Seriously, I think I laughed out loud once. Here it is. CHRIS: "They have a game there (at the arcade) where you put in a dollar and you can win four quarters! I WIN EVERY TIME!!!"
Then again, it might only be because I've seen that one episode where Brian becomes a Police dog at least eight times. (It's the curse I had with "Justice League" again!)
Related Links:
The Homestar Runner Wiki: I wasn't kidding last year when I said that Homestar Runner is, so to speak, the best Saturday Morning cartoon out there right now. Find out why at this encyclopedic fansite.
The Big Cartoon Database: A nifty encyclopedia of theatrical animation.
Disclaimer: Images and other original content is © 2005 to Mad-Ness Monster (aka Mad-Ness, Nessie, Trish, ect.) It may be reprinted as long as this notice is attached. Share and enjoy. ^_^
All entities mentioned herein are © to their respective owners and no endorsement is intended. Please don't sue me, I am poor.
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