| Continued... |
| Back in the Real World The doctor, in for another check-up on Hawkeye's condition, smiled up at Sidney. "His vitals are back to normal. I think he's out of the woods, from a medical standpoint." "If only from a psychological standpoint too," Sidney muttered under his breath. He had not lost many patients, mentally speaking, but this was worse than any of the others. Hawkeye was his friend. He had to get him back to normal, if it was the last thing he did. But how? Sidney feared for him. He knew, deep down, that there was not much he could do. He knew he probably could not break through the mental barrier Hawkeye had built around himself. It was up to Hawkeye to topple the wall. ************************************************************************ Into Hawkeye's Delusions "Carlye, what are you doing here?" Hawkeye asked. He looked over at Margaret, who was still smiling. 'She must not realize about our past,' he thought. 'Well, I'm going to put an end to it before she finds out. I'm happy, and my past has to come back to haunt me. And save me. Well, Margaret saved my heart, and I love her. I loved Carlye at one time, but that's over and done with. How do I let her down gently? I'm not used to saying no to girls.' "I just got divorced and I had to talk to someone who cared about me," she answered. She looked at him hopefully, hoping that the former head nurse of the 4077, who Hawkeye had seemed to despise when she was there, was just a concerned friend. Or better yet, just a concerned colleague. She needed Hawkeye more than that blonde floozy did. "I'm sorry to hear that. I have a free, if bruised, shoulder to cry on if you need it," he replied. "Thanks. I may take you up on your offer." How to ask him discreetly if he had someone special in his life? "Well, I'm not going anywhere," he said and grinned. How to tell her he was married to Margaret without making it too obvious? "Have you met my wife, Margaret?" he asked, hoping that was the way to do it. "Yes... What?!" she asked, as the word 'wife' sunk in. "Your wife?" "Yeah. You remember her from Korea, don't you?" he asked, trying to take the emphasis off the subject of 'wife'. "She was the head nurse. I remember. Your wife, though?" she said, still shocked. "Yes, Carlye. We have two beautiful children, Ben, Jr. and Maggie. They're at a neighbor's right now," Margaret answered, not understanding the reason for Carlye's shock. "Well, I better tell a doctor that he's awake," Carlye hurriedly said, and practically ran out of the room. "What's the matter with her?" Margaret asked. "I guess maybe she's a little emotional," Hawk said evasively. "Oh. I'm just happy you're awake! I love you so much," she gushed as she kissed his forehead. She heard the hiss of the breath he drew between his clenched teeth in pain, but before she could apologize, he kissed her back. "I love you too, Margaret," he replied. Carlye, spying from the doorway, ran down the hall in tears and out the door. *** Outside *** Carlye gasped for breath as she ran and ran. She had no idea where she was going and, frankly, she didn't care. She had moved to a town so small that she had had to ask someone in Augusta how to find it, all for Hawkeye. She was used to big-city life, but she was willing to adjust for him. And now, this. She should have guessed he had moved on with his life; she had, at least for a time. Michael had been kind, gentle, a surgeon, with black hair and a good sense of humor. He was tall, a little taller than Hawkeye, and lanky. She had honestly thought that she loved him, but she realized that she was still in love with Hawkeye. Michael had just been a cheap imitation; the same characteristics, but not to the degree they were in Hawk. After she recognized this, she had divorced Mike and packed up to move to Crabapple Cove. All for nothing. 'The love of my life and that slut! What was her nickname at the 4077th? Hot Lips? She's not good enough for him, not nearly good enough.' Her anger pounded in her ears. 'He wanted to marry me. I turn him down, so he goes for the next warm body that'll stay. I can't believe him!' Her footsteps pounded in rhythm. 'He's mine. He's mine. He's mine...' *** Back in the Hospital *** "Dad, I've never known you to sleep through much of anything. How could you sleep through all this racket we were making?" he asked as he heard Daniel stretching and moaning. "Hawkeye! I'm so glad you're okay! And the reason I slept so soundly is because I've been under emotional strain. Plus, I'm not as young as I used to be," he answered and winked. He had strongly resisted the urge to get up and hug his son tightly when he had first awakened. Daniel had woken up when Carlye and Margaret had started talking, and wisely decided not to interrupt. Then when his son woke up he knew the possible confrontation between them. He knew all about Carlye and Hawkeye's past with her. It was only now that he felt safe in speaking up. His son just knew him too well; he was the lightest sleeper. "Well, old man, could you get me something to eat? I'm starving!" Hawk heartily piped up. "That certainly is a good sign," Daniel said and laughed. *** Back on the Street *** "He's mine. He's mine. He's mine," Carlye kept repeating out loud. Her anger was pounding so loudly in her ears that she couldn't hear a thing. She was so lost in her thoughts that she paid no attention to where she was going. "HONK!" a car horn blared to no avail. Screeching tires, a thud, then nothing. *** Hours Later *** "Hawkeye," an orderly said. "Yes?" Hawkeye answered. "Carlye Breslin, who I think was here earlier to visit you, was run over a few hours ago. We've done everything we could, but..." she let her sentence trail off. "How much time does she have?" he asked anxiously and sadly. He may not have loved her the same way he used to, but he still cared deeply about her. "Not much, sir. You can visit her, but I'm afraid you better hurry." The orderly shook her head. "We can get you a wheelchair, but it may be painful for you to ride in one so soon." "I don't care. I want to say goodbye," he answered forcefully. His eyes showed so much sadness that it broke everyone's heart. Death had now reared its ugly head once again into his perfect life. "Let's go." *** Visiting Carlye *** "Carlye," he managed to whisper between sobs. "I care for you, but I'm sorry I didn't feel the same way about you anymore. Just know that I love you, as a friend. I love you." He kissed her forehead, and collapsed into a weeping heap. He heard one really loud, raspy breath that seemed to rattle her mangled body, then silence. She was gone. Death had come into his life once again. *** Back in Hawkeye's Hospital Room, 3 Days Later *** Hawkeye was inconsolable. He hadn't eaten, talked or even really moved since Carlye's death. Then suddenly, he sat up ramrod straight in his bed and yelled, "I can't!" "You can't what, Hawkeye?" Margaret asked desperately as fear ran down her spine. It couldn't be, he had been cured. The voices could not be returning. 'Please don't let it be the voices,' Margaret prayed with all her will. "But it's too hard!" he yelled. After a pause, as if he was listening to the other end of an argument, he added, "Death is everywhere! It doesn't matter where I am! The Dark Spectre of Death will follow me anywhere!" "Hawkeye, stop! There's no one here but me and your father. Please stop?" she begged, then started crying. It seemed the voices never truly left. "I'm tired of running from it. I'll go. It doesn't matter where I am, as long as you LEAVE ME ALONE!" he told the air, and laid back down. ************************************************************************ Back in the Real World "Hawkeye, you've got to wake up. Please?" Sidney begged. "Hawkeye, please come back to us. We're all waiting for you," Margaret added. Sidney had called all of Hawkeye's "extended family," and his father, after he had gone into a coma. They were all there, and hoping for a breakthrough. Sidney had told them about the coma only being psychological, and his hopes that something that traumatic in his delusions may shatter the world he was living in. Hawkeye stirred, groaned, and then opened his eyes. "What's going on?" he asked. Seeing Margaret's crying, he added, "What's wrong, honey? It's all okay now." "I hope so, Hawkeye. That's why I'm crying; I'm so happy." Then, "Honey?" "I can't wait to get home. I love you," he said, still making the transition between worlds. He reached up and kissed her. "What?" Margaret asked in shock. "I love you, honey." Then, fully shaking off the delusional world, he thought, 'What have I done? She'll never forgive me for this. I'll never get that perfect life.' "I love you too," Margaret answered automatically. 'What have I done?' she thought. He laughed and thought, 'Maybe I will have the perfect life after all.' He kissed her again, as long and as hard as he had ever imagined doing it, but this time it was for real. * I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it! This may be the last one of this series, but then again, I may decide to make it a trilogy....Anyway, please, I would love comments on my story, so that the next fanfic I write, whatever it may be about, will be as good as possible. I would appreciate any feedback at CLWshorty01@yahoo.com. And, as in the last story, I'm sorry for any mistakes I may have. I hope you liked it nonetheless! :) |
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