My Journal to Emily
April 12th, 2003 - The night of you fateful accident changed the lives of those who cared for you. I miss you so much Emmy.  I never had the chance to say goodbye to you or how much your friendship ment to me. I hope that you are alright in Heaven.  It must have been scary at first leaving everybody behind but now you are with your baby sister and your two grandfathers.  Rest peacefully Emmy.
April 15th, 2003 - Today is your visitations. Tons of people who you touched showed up.  Your parents had pictures of you decorating the whole funeral parlor; baby pictures, family portraits, prom pictures, your horse saddle, poems you have wrote, a blanket you made, awards you have won, and a scrapbook they made for you so your friends could say their goodbyes to you.  Flowers smothered the room from those who loved you.  Your casket was a beautiful pearly dark blue, since blue was your favorite color.  It was almost the color of your Junior year prom dress.  I cried my eyes out upon coming up to your casket.  Your dad told me to be strong as he hugged me for the longest time.  Your mom did the same.  After hugging your mom, I had to get out of there since it was tearing me up so badly.  I am so sorry I didn't stay longer but I think already knew why I couldn't.  I hated seeing my "little sis" laying there, wishing she would wake up but knowing she never will killed apart of me.  That night, I had a dream of you standing beside the accident scence talking to me.  I asked if it hurt and you responded, "It did a little, but then I could feel no pain."  I asked if you liked Heaven and you said, "Yea but I wish I was alive back with everybody again.  This is not the way I wanted to die.  I was so scared and I begged to get out of the car but I couldn't". After those words, I woke up feeling a little better knowing you was alright.
April 16th, 2003 - Your funeral was so packed with people that we had to stand inside the church.  The church looked like it could hold atleast up to 300 people in the pews but they had to break out chairs and a good 50 people I would say had to stand.  The priest gave a good service.  One of your friends stood up and spoke in your behalf.  Upon leaving to the cemetary, cars were jammed up I know close to two miles long.  Two fire trucks stopped the incoming traffic so we could turn into the cemetary for you.  Cars had to park in two rows of the cemetary there was so many.  Everybody hardly spoke a word.  The priest announced that your cousin had been in a terrible accident down in Cincinnati on the work site after a semi hit him and a few of his co workers.  Your grandma left to be with him as the rest of us prayed for his recovery.  Before we all the left the grave site, we came to give your parents a hug again.  You mom still holding onto your blanket you made, holding it so close against her that you could tell she was deeply hurting that you was gone. Your sisters were all in blank stares, just coming to grasp, I would say, that you wasn't coming back.  Mary, out of all them, was the most hurt since you two had a fight that night of her death.  She is hating herself now that you two will never make up, but deep down inside she knows you have made your peace with her even though not into words by mouth.  Your dad looked so gone since you was the light in his world.  Your lil brother, still so young didnt understand what was happening.  He turned to a couple, pointed to your casket and said, "Emily is in there."  Your dad put his arms around him and hugged him tightly.  I never in my life felt so sorry for anybody that day as I did for your whole family.  Some went to your Grandma's Jansen's farm for lunch.  Mr. Darby was there and many of your family members. Before I end this entry, I seen Him, the one the took your life, at your visitations and funeral.  Not one single tear did he shed.  You would think he would have but I guess the world is full of mystery.
April 20th, 2003 - Happy 19th Birthday Emmy!  After Easter from my Grandparents house, I visited you.  Many of flowers layed over you while two balloons flew in the air that said "Happy Birthday".  I took a white carnation and a blue forget-me-not from the pile to keep.  Never got the chance to take some at the funeral.  I still miss you Emmy so much.  I keep looking at the prom picture of us together and remembering all the good times we had.  I listen to this song "My Immortal" by Evanescence, it helps me whenever I feel sad about you leaving us.
Late May of 2003 - They arrested Him, finally after him still driving like a manic.  Not even two weeks went by and they released him.  He still drove around after his release like it was nothing.  I seen him at Easter having a good time with his family like nothing had ever happened.  He simply didn't care.  If a judge can't give you justice Emmy, God sure will.
June 2003 - Your dad suffered a heart attack.  They put stints in his heart to keep his blood flowing.  He is doing better since you are watching over him. He still grives for you so much.  The Ford Ranger he bought for you for your birthday, he drives it around now, keeping it so shiny like brand new.
June 16th, 2003 - Your Grandma Knauff put a memorial in the paper for you today.  The picture was of her and you with a white cowgirl hat on.  You looked so happy in the picture. She wrote you a beautiful touching poem as well.
June 22nd, 2003 - Today I made a tribute site for you.  I hope you like it.
July 4th, 2003 - Happy 4th of July Emmy!  Today I found a little grey girl kitten with a "M" on her forehead that I named Emily.  She is the cutest little kitten.
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