The Unanswerable Answered

    We here at Mental Giants are, of course, geniuses with knowledge and capabilities far beyond those of lesser beings.  We formed this site in order to enlighten those who are less intelligent than ourselves, which is to say, the most of humanity.  In this spirit I have created this new segment to my own page, "The Unanswerable Answered."  It is here that I will give answers to questions that mankind has been asking since the dawn of history.  While it is true that many of these questions have been nagging at some of the greatest minds of humanity for centuries, they are but simple matters for Mental Giants such as us.  El Spico and the Professor have already helped to answer some of these great questions (Why are Nachos so good? and Why is Whiskey so good?), but here I will take it upon myself to answer even more.

Question 1:
Is there a god?

Answer:
If there is, he hates you.  Best not worry about it.

Question 2:
What is the meaning of life?

Answer:
This is an intensely personal question and the answer varies from person to person.  Really you have to find your own answer.  I suggest you look in a bottle of Jagermeister.

Question 3:
Why is Sober Mike so good?

Answer:
Now this is truly a question for the ages.  I believe that mankind has been asking himself why I am so good since before even the beginning of time.  Obviously such a complex and worthy question has more than a simple answer, so I have created an entire page devoted to answering this question.  You can find it here.

Question 4:
If you guys hate the Professor so much, why do you hang out with him/let him on your webpage?

Answer:
To tell the truth, the Professor is a being more deserving of hatred than almost any other.  I mean, I hate him so much that every time I think about him I have to supress the urge to vomit.  However, his bi-curious, heterosexually challenged ways aside, the Professor is, in fact, a Mental Giant.  He belongs among us, the intellectual elite of the universe.  Our massive monoliths of intelligence tower over your pitiful huts of stupidity, and as much as I encourage you to hate the Professor, know that he is, as I am, your superior.

Okay, well, I can't think of any other questions important enough to be answered here.  As usual, if you have any questions for us email them to mentalgiants@hotmail.com and we will answer them.  I seriously doubt they will be important enough to be answered here though, if they are coming from a simpleton such as yourself.