No, it doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. Some TVs are totally heterosexual, some are gay, some are bisexual. Some TVs are predominantly straight but are attracted sexually to other TVs, some are into taking the female sexual role with non-TV men - this is a complicated area, and one that I'll look at later - but you shouldn't automatically assume that because your partner's TV, he therefore can't be 100% heterosexual.
Does it mean he really wants to be a woman?
No, it certainly doesn't. A small number of people are born with a male body but are unable to accept and live with their biological gender and seek medical treatment, which may take the form of surgery and/or hormone therapy, to give them the physical attributes of a biological female (these individuals are known as male-to-female transsexuals, or M2F TSs), but this is relatively uncommon. Most M2F TSs know from a very early age that their psychological gender doesn't match their physical body and that they are psychologically females who are 'trapped in the wrong bodies'. The vast majority of transvestites are well aware that they are physically and psychologically male, are content with their biological gender and have neither the need nor the desire to go through the trauma of sex-change treatment.
So your partner's a transvestite.....
I'm assuming since you're reading this that you're the wife/partner/girlfriend of a transvestite yourself, maybe know little or nothing about transvestism, are shocked and confused to discover something like this about a man you thought you knew really well and are at a loss to know how to deal with it. If so, you're not alone! It is a huge shock and one which takes some time to absorb, so even if your initial reaction is to be revolted or horrified, please don't do anything in a hurry - give yourself as much time as you need to decide calmly how you feel and what you want to do.
Your initial reaction may well be 'I can't live with this - if he really loves me and wants our relationship to continue, he's going to have to stop!' This may sound reasonable, but it's actually not realistic. It's important to realise that his transvestism isn't an entirely voluntary thing - it's not a lifestyle choice, something he chooses to do because he wants to be different or kinky, or gets a big sexual buzz out of wearing women's clothes. Sex is a part of it, especially for younger TVs, as I mentioned earlier, but there's a lot more to it than that.
Your partner's female side is as much a part of who he is as his blood group or eye colour - it's a basic and fundamental part of his personality, and like any other personality trait (a quick temper, for instance, or a strong musical or artistic talent) it can't be suppressed for too long without causing problems. If you try to force him to stop, one of two things is almost certainly going to happen -
a/ He'll make the effort, for your sake and to try to preserve your relationship, and he may well succeed for a while, but sooner or later the need to cross-dress will return and will nag at him until eventually he gives in to it and starts doing it again, probably in secret and almost certainly accompanied by a great deal of guilt and distress, or
b/ if he's extraordinarily strong-willed, he may manage to give it up completely, but you'll have a very unhappy partner - he'll be depressed, frustrated, and resentful, none of which will do your relationship any good at all.
I really can't stress this enough - please don't kid yourself that giving him an ultimatum is going to make the whole thing go away, because it won't. Denial is not really an option here - you're going to have to face the issue sooner or later, and sooner is probably better for all concerned.
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