Whatever the cause, I am not what you'd call an average sort of male. And that's something I've had to live with all my life.
Childhood:
I had a fairly happy childhood with parents who loved me. Nice to be able to say, isnt it? Well, its true, and I love them very much as well although sadly my father is no longer around. But I suffered no abuse and my parents' relationship was in no way disfunctional. As far as I can ascertain, I was a fairly ordinary child although somewhat 'dreamy'. I spent a lot of time on my own, reading or making up things in my head - usually 'boy' stuff, fantasies about being a fighter pilot or a racing driver. My relatively solitary childhood has resulted in me being an introvert all my life - I tend to take my ideas and beliefs from within not through interraction with other people.
Otherwise, I'd say I was a pretty normal little boy. Except for one thing, I guess. I never ever went through the 'Oh yuk, GIRLS' phase that little boys seem to go through. I always liked girls, always had friends who were girls, and always enjoyed their company.
And yet, in the middle of all that normality, one day at the age of about 9 (I was definitely still at Primary School) I found myself looking at a pair of my mother's nylons and thinking 'I wonder.....'.
So of course, I put them on and they felt wonderful. It didnt feel sexual (I would have had no idea what 'sexual' was at that age), it just felt good and right. And it's only been in the last couple of years that wearing nylons or tights hasnt felt like a prerequisite to dressing.......
Adolescence:
By the time I was about 12, I definitely realised that there was something not quite 'normal' about my tastes. I also realised that the feelings I experienced wearing nylons were starting to feel clearly sexual. I remember being very confused about this and I remember a great deal of guilt and self-disgust. So I did what many young TVs do - I carried on doing it and carried on feeling guilty about it. I even carried on after I discovered girls and as I got older and into my late teens I was wearing undies, dresses and womens' shoes and even making the first tentative steps into wearing makeup. Looking back on that time, and comparing my experiences with those of many other TVs, I've come to the conclusion that transvestism (particularly for those TVs like me who started dressing before puberty) is not inherently sexual but becomes sexualised or fetishised during that enormous hormonal rush that puberty entails.
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